Happy,Confused and Depressed.....

[Vanessa5]

This past Monday I had off work and decided to go all out and go out. I did and it felt soooo great. Did some shopping and got a latte. I even took some pics. It felt so natural and sooo right. And that is where this kinda goes off kilter for me. I thought all I wanted was to dress occasionally and be girly when I could. Something changed and all of a sudden I feel that maybe transitioning may be for me...I am just very confused trying to work through all these emotions. Now I am getting depressed because I thought I had it worked out and such.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Vanessa, This sounds like you really need to talk to a professional to help you work through this.

[Suzanne F]

Vanessa
Relax and breathe. I agree that talking with a therapist is a great idea. I too felt depressed every time I had to go back to my male self. I am out now everywhere except work. For the moment I am ok. Give this some time and thought! It will be ok.
Suzanne

[lingerieLiz]

Take it slow and easy. When I was young I didn't know why I liked dressing. There was no information and I thought I was the only one although I had been told about someone else. After I moved out on my own I started dressing more and more. It was exhilarating and I began thinking that I should have been a woman, although I was attracted to girls. A male friend who happened to be gay encouraged me to go out with him as a date. While I enjoyed the "date" experience I realized that I was not sexually attracted to him or any other guy. Our dating gave each of us something. Since I easily passed it gave him cover and it gave me a chance to go places as a girl.

You need to research your path before jumping.

[AngelaYVR]

Really enjoying dressing and going out is not the same thing as wanting to be a woman all the time. If it's only been since Monday, the smart money is on letting yourself settle into your groove and seeing how you feel after a few months.

Angela xx

[CherylFlint]

Make it easy on yourself.
Just be happy playing "dress-up" when you can.
The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, something to remember to keep your feet on the ground and your head screwed on right.

[Maria 60]

Up and down, happy, sad. It's all in the game. We have to first learn how to play the game and then to win it. Good luck.

[MelanieAnne]

I've been dressing since I was about 14, and I have never been attracted to men, in any way. Regardless if you know it or not, "the boys" are influencing your feelings and thoughts on the subject. When they are gone, your whole hormone balance will change, and your feelings for dressing may change. No way of knowing in advance how you will feel, but they have a major influence on your feelings, whether you know it or not. It's not a decision to be taken lightly, and it's not reversable.

[Rachelakld]

Ahh, the joy of putting on makeup day after day after day after day
Actually I recommend trying it next time your on holiday for a week or 2, you may find it a drag because

The first time out is ALWAYS FUN and
leaves you on a high
and
the next day
Low

[Kate T]

I agree with the others who have said,yeah, one day is fun. Try it for a weekend or a week. Not so much fun. Pretty soon you get sick and tired of stripping off makeup every night, sore feet, oh thats why women whinge about stockings and pantyhose etc. etc. That's before you have been subjected to conventional gender discrimination let alone that reserved for non conventional gender expressive individuals.

It's likely Pink Fog. It'll blow over.

[docrobbysherry]

Life is all about change, Vanessa. Often change seem to slow down as we age. But, it doesn't. We do!

Life is also about making decisions. Some we nail. Some nail us. Hopefully, you'll figure yourself out before jumping to any conclusions?

[Beverley Sims]

Try drssing for a while and then see if you need to go further.

[Marcelle]

Hi Vanessa,

I have gone back over a few of your posts and I note that you are in a DADT relationship so I am guessing that you don't get the chance to dress that often. Dressing and being out can be intoxicating when you first begin and some of the emotions can be quite confusing . . . "Goodness I really like this. Does this mean I want to be a woman full time" Believe me, I have been right where you are as this can be very confusing. However, as others have said don't be too quick to jump to the conclusion that you want to transition. The advice given is sound. Try dressing a bit more (if you can) and you might find that things stabilize for you. In my own case, I know when Isha needs to see the light of day and am now at a point where she gets saturated and my "boy self" needs to return. So yes, I enjoy dressing and being Isha but I also know I will never transition because my male self is strong within me as well. I am not saying this is the case for you but you should explore the possibility that you might just like to dress and that is all. However, if confusion is still running rampant in your mind then a good gender identity therapist can help bring order to chaos (it helped me and still helping me immensely).

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

Good advice from many already. My two bits is that there are an infinite degrees of life experience available to you that do not entail transition, from dressing occasionally to living part time as a woman. But most of the more open options won't work easily in a DADT situation. That conversation needs to proceed any other decisions.

How you feel at the moment is not a reliable way of determining your future choices. You felt a rush of enjoyment from experiencing freedom of self expression...and an understandable bit of a let down when everything had to go back into the closet and you into hiding. You'll need to step back a bit and separate your immediate emotional response as you. Sort things out. And, as suggested by others, a professional may help you clarify your thinking.

[Eringirl]

Hi Vanessa:

Ditto to the advice. Take a breath...you may want to see a counsellor. My therapist has been a really big help. This is all part of the roller coaster ride we are on. Go slow, nothing rash. Take you time. You will probably find an equilibrium point that works for you, but it may take some time to find that balance. For me, the longest I have gone dressed is four days when I was away from home, and I was fine with that, could have easily gone longer, but that is just me. Keep in mind, "one size does not fit all..."

Erin

[Claire Cook]

Hi Vanessa,

Believe me, you are not alone in this. I've gone this route too -- but like Isha and Angela have said, it's possible to dress a lot (and I do!) and not want to transition. We all have to find our individual comfort levels here. All I know is that I no longer have guilt feelings and have no desire to transition. I think the advice about talking to a therapist is good, although I never have.

[ReineD]

I have gone back over a few of your posts and I note that you are in a DADT relationship so I am guessing that you don't get the chance to dress that often. Dressing and being out can be intoxicating when you first begin and some of the emotions can be quite confusing . . . "Goodness I really like this. Does this mean I want to be a woman full time" Believe me, I have been right where you are as this can be very confusing. However, as others have said don't be too quick to jump to the conclusion that you want to transition.

^ This.

You need to find ways to dress regularly, otherwise the pressure will build to the point of blowing the top off, and then you might consider ending your marriage in order to dress. Others here have gone down that path. They divorce and dress a lot (even full time if their livelihood permits it), only to end up NOT transitioning … because they discover rather late that they aren't TS after all. I do know that it is common for the CDing desires to abate once common barriers to CD are removed, and so I wonder if some of these members might regret breaking up their marriages since they end up living male lives anyway.

[JamieTG]

I know how your feeling. I've never liked uncertainty and want definite answers. For much of my life I knew exactly what I was; a masculine CD. Then in my mid forties things began to change and I had to present a more feminine appearance at all times. Now I'm somewhere in the middle and not sure if it will continue progressing. I worry a lot about it because it makes life more complicated. I think alot of us worry too much but I know what you are going through. Good luck.

[Vanessa5]

Now that I have had some time away the pressure has subsided. I still feel conflicted inside but at least it is controllable. I am thinking that it is not just about the clothes but something that is just me if that makes any sense. And after the first I am going to see about therapy.

[Tiffany Jane]

I would agree that professional advice would be the best course of action, if you are not able to discuss this with anyone in a relatively neutral opinion environment on the subject. The very key to growth is being able to look beyond the "thought I had this worked out", to where am I going to go from here, how do I want to feel, and who do I want to be when I get there. So take a deep breath, look inside yourself, and try to find who is looking back.