I need your help, please!

[Sephina]

Hey everyone!,

Sorry i have been offline here for a while now, ive been caught up in life. I need your help as some of you may know i identify as a pre transition, mtf transsexual, however i have been trying to get my finances in order to begin my transition BUT i have hit a snag. I recently moved to Las Vegas, to reconnect with my family that i had been estranged from after my Biological Mother passed away from Cancer 12/30/13. I was in Fargo, Nd going through therapy to get my letter for HRT, which i got. Due to moving i havent been able to find real steady work and thus have NO income coming in. I have decided until i can get back on track that i will be living as a male for a variety of reasons, but i need your advice as to what you think i should do/ identify as in the mean time. I am NOT asking for snide comments telling me who or what i am, i know who i am however, i think i have very different views on how i got about being me then most people i have talked to or read about in the Trans community. As mentioned before due to several complicated factors i am currently decided to live as male until which point i can pick up employment. In the how do i identify as a transwoman (who does plan on a full transition, hopefully at some point in life) currently?

( I know this probably sounds stupid to alot of you, but as i said before this is what i feel makes sense for me where i am at in life. That is not to say that it wont change. ) P.S. please once again do not badger, and belittle me i am looking for honest constructive feedback thanks!

[Frances]

In my opinion, it is way preferable to have a job and transition while doing it. I delayed transition to go back to university and change careers. Transitioning on the job is hard, but it will make you stronger. I know tons of trans people who transitioned in a vaccum, and they cannot reintegrate the workforce. Also, having a stable life and income makes the transition much easier.

Incidently, the gatekeeping-style gender program I went through only let transitioners through who had a job or went to school. They need to evaluate how the transitioner functions in the new gender role over a period of time before giving their approval.

[DebbieL]

I had to delay my transition because if I didn't, I wouldn't have been able to have ANY contact with my children, and most likely, grandchildren.

Here are some suggestions - based on mistakes I made - that I hope you can avoid.

Hopefully your breasts haven't grown too much. You may need a compression camisole to minimize your girlish looks. If they have grown more than that, you will have to wear thick cotton shirts, and you may still need to do the ace bandage over the breasts to flatten them enough.

Pull your hair into a low pony tail if it's long.

Try to find work that you can do as male or female, consider a temp agency - they often have clients who want to try before they buy. Depending on your skills, you can you can often find work in sales, customer service, or IT where you can transition easily without much disruption.

Watch your weight too. One temptation is that you begin to stop caring about your body and start gaining weight, which can make it much harder to get motivated to transition when you are able.

You are still a pre-transition transsexual, you're just "living in stealth" like you did for the first part of your life.

You will probably have a bit of trouble passing as a guy if you've been getting lots of Real Life Experience as Sephina. That can work for you when you are ready to transition.

Have you considered temp work as Sephina? You can do the legal name change at any time, and even though you will have to be honest on the applications, only the HR department and a few managers may need to know. You might consider putting CVs as both male and female, but on the female give "FKA <previous names>
For many jobs, you have to list aliases, so Sephina would come out during the background check anyway.

Aborting transition is really hard, it can trigger feelings that are hard to deal with. Sometimes we do stupid things to deal with those feelings, drinking, drugs, overeating, sex, high risk behaviors. It's important to set a date for when you will resume - not more than 2 years. Better yet, set 6 month targets.

Also, let the girl out even in boy mode. Clear nail polish, shaped eyebrows, pierced ears are always of starting the conversation so that by the time you actually switch to full time femme, people will be mentally prepared.

Meanwhile, you can still do home laser/iLight, waxing, plucking, and as the money starts coming in, pro laser and electrolysis as needed.
You might also want to think about starting the spiro now. It won't start breasts, but it will help you in other ways.

The other thing you want to keep in mind is that if they can't deal with you as an effeminate man, they will probably have an even harder time with you as a woman.

[Annaliese]

Vegas is hurting now it may be hard to find work, but putting off transition, my be your only thing you can do now as hard as it may be.

[Kathryn Martin]

I would really agree with Frances. Your potential exposure to difficulty triples when you have no job or income.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Sephina,

You mention several complicated factors which have made you decide not to transition yet. If one of them is reconnecting with your estranged family, fair enough- I guess you know what they might and might not be able to handle and having their love and support would be nice. But if you reestablish a bond with them as a male, only to lose it again by transitioning, where will that leave you?

It's hard for me, knowing so little about you, to suggest anything other than spending as much time as you can being as much of a woman as you can, both in private and in situations free (or as free as possible) from stress. It's possible to crossdress very cheaply, and in a town like Vegas there have to be people you could connect with who would welcome you. It would be a compromise, sure- but at least you'd be able to express your desires, and who knows what useful job contacts you might make?

I wish you happiness,

Nikki x

[stefan37]

Just be who you are. I live as male wearing eye makeup, colored nail polish, woman's shirts, pants flats etc in different combinations. Transition was not even on my radar. I found my self EXPRESSION very comfortable. When asked I would just I say it makes me feel good. It took my family, friends and business associates a month or 2 to acclimate.

You do what you need to do. Transition is extremely expensive and if funds are short the process becomes that much more difficult. Live as you need. Express yourself as you want. Life will be bearable until you have the financial means to pursue transition.

[Andy66]

Welcome to Vegas. My opinion, take care of the urgent stuff first, and worry about other stuff when things settle down a little. Seems like that would mean, apply for work EVERYWHERE possible, immediately. Even if its holiday help at Wally World for now.

There is a place called Nevada Job Connect on Maryland Parkway that can tell you about some job openings, let you use their copiers, fax machines etc. They may also be able to help fund your Health, TAM, and Sheriffs cards if you need them.

There is a decent library system with computers and newspapers, and there are plenty of temp job agencies.

There is also on Maryland Parkway and 13th an LGBT center. Not sure what services they offer, but they may be worth checking out.

If you need to, find out where your nearest welfare office is and apply for medical insurance until you can get your own.

Dont forget to get a Nevada drivers license and register your vehicle. The drivers license can be relatively hassle free, depends where you came from.

Best of luck. With some hard work, things are bound to get better.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Sephina, I don't have a lot of pratical advice for you as I don't know Las Vegas at all, but I know that this cannot have been an easy decision for you.

Whilst you are still portraying as a man, could you perhaps find a Trans support group? Who knows, they may even be able to suggest something on the work front.

[Andy66]

Yes, there is a trans support group in Vegas. And there are plenty of cute transmen in it for you to meet.

Rianna, about all I CAN offer is practical advice, so Im glad you and some other people are good at the emotional stuff.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Usually in support groups members come from many diverse backgrounds in work environments. A CDer could also be a business manager or some kind of skilled trades worker. The key here is to put out the word and network with these people. They may have the right connections for you. I've known this from a support group I was involved with. There were people all along the spctrum and I even offered advice about job interviews. If I could, I would have hired some people there as I was a manager for a company.

Cheryl

[Frances]

+1 on hair removal. I started a full 2 years before transitioning actively.

[Aprilrain]

I agree with some of the others, find a support group where you can be yourself even if it's only for an evening or two a month. The people you will meet there will be better suited for giving Vegas specific advice and you will likly make some friends which are always nice to have. Who knows, you may meet someone who knows of a job opportunity! And what a bonus if you ended up being able to transition on the job.
I think you're wise not to jump into transition with no means to support yourself. I've seen people do that and the outcome is NOT good!

[Brooklyn]

Continue taking your HRT; the effects can be concealed for a long time. Look at public-sector positions, federal contractors, and check the HRC website for trans-friendly companies. Good luck!

[Sephina]

Thanks, everyone for the advice and support i was expecting to get a lot of flak for my decision. I will go ahead and do what feels right for me then.