When is crossdressing healthy and when is it not healthy?

[maya1love]

Hello everyone:

OK, I'm going to start a difficult conversation, and I'm not doing it in order to be a s*** disturber, but simply because I want to better understand myself.

For me, crossdressing is emotional as well as erotic. Like many other crossdressers, I enjoy dressing up fully, and I also enjoy looking at others' pictures, stories and fantasies on the internet about crossdressing. My question is: When is it unhealthy for crossdressers to get an erotic thrill from crossdressing? If we enjoy sexually or get a "thrill" from crossdressing fantasies, are we cutting ourselves off from real life? Now, some people would say that this is all fine provided that it does not become consuming. But, even if it is not consuming, is it a little unhealthy?

Rest assured, I am not asking this question in order to get into a "moral" discussion but just a conversation around "mental health". Also, this question may not apply to those of us who dress who have never gotten any kind of erotic thrill from dressing up.

[BillieAnneJean]

It is probably not healthy when it hurts the ones you love or becomes an obsession resulting in bad decisions. But this is obvious, right?

[Laura912]

When the behavior impinges on the rights of others in a negative manner. One could also argue that if the behavior directly impinges on ones self in a negative manner, then it is harmful to continue that behavior.

[Sarah Doepner]

Maya, that is a very good question. I recently posted a thread that has what may be an example of when it's not healthy. I often stay dressed when I should be paying attention to other things in my life. When crossdressing, regardless of an erotic result, interferes with the conduct of your responsibilities it's probably not a good thing. I would suggest that depending on crossdressing to get to that erotic moment could be a problem if you have a partner who deserves that attention. If there is no partner and this is a consistent pattern, it does kind of change the focus of crossdressing from attaining an understanding of our gender fluid nature as it becomes more of an elaborate fetish. The tradeoff may be that the time spent dressed helps keep one closer to the congruence of personality and presentation that keeps us healthy. There is probably something to be said in favor of moderation and variety as ways to keep us stable and focused on the big picture. We're walking on the knife edge sometimes, so it's good we know how to walk in heels and keep our balance.

[LilSissyStevie]

Any activity has infinite opportunity costs. The only question to ask is "Is this the best use of my time right now?" If the answer is "no" but you do it anyway, there is a mental health issue. Otherwise not.

[franlee]

I can only answer from my own experiences, of course. Due to not having much interaction with other CDer's. The only personal interaction being on/or through here.

I can see where it has on occasion been less than healthy by occupying a lot of effort and even money that I may have used better in other areas. Plus to a certain degree I have let it become obsessive at times I needed to be focusing on more relevant issues.

But with that said I can attest to the positive health benefits too. Stress relief, interpersonal assessment, more healthy relationships with women and on an on with positives that I never take the time to consider unless I'm crossdressed and in the right mood to care. Being released from my real life is mentally healthy because it allows me to use my imagination and create new ideas that remain even after I return to my normal routine.

I never have wanted to change my gender(in reality) or been unhappy being me, tried and tired yes but not to the point I would give up my man-hood. I just except the truth I CD because I like it and without shame I always have used and enjoyed the erotic sensations. Should I ever lose any "thrill" then it just wouldn't be worth the trouble to CD any more. I can attest to this because for some durations in my life. I have lost it and didn't CD or even want to until it returned, no matter what life had going on. And it's return was right back to the level it was when it left, I can relate it to when I quite smoking(and I mean cold turkey for a few years) and restarted. I have since quite and not smoked in years.

The healthy part for me has and is worth all the inconveniences of the past. But I have never had a problem excepting I am a CDer nothing more and enjoy it as such.

[Isabella Ross]

Maya, I agree that balance is important for your health and state of mind...obsession can be anything but healthy. But, as someone who gets a combination of feminine bliss from feeling pretty AND a bit of an erotic thrill from dressing, I'm also a firm believer that fantasy is healthy. And suppression of your desires and fantasies is incredibly unhealthy. One thing is certain: your desire to dress, like mine, will never go away...arguably, it gets stronger as you age. So...perhaps the answer is simply that finding the balance--keeping one foot in your male world, and one heeled foot in your TG world--is the best possible solution. Now, if we could just do that...

BTW, I do follow you on flickr, and you are gorgeous, my fellow Canadian girl...

[Beverley Sims]

I think we all experience the same as you do most of the time.
I think it is stimulating and not unhealthy at all.

[Leslie Langford]

maya, I think this boils down to a simple question that we have to ask ourselves - If we decided to give up (or were forced to give up) our crossdressing or related activities for good, would we slip into a deep depression? If the answer is "yes", then that is all we need to know. There is no right or wrong answer here in terms of how we, as individuals, deal with our transgenderism. It all comes down to whatever particular coping strategy works best for each and every one of us. All we know for certain is that this is a life sentence that has been imposed on us with no possibility for parole or a reduction in time served for "good behaviour" . And as the saying goes "If life hands you a lemon, make lemonade"...

This is also why the psychiatric community no longer considers being transgender symptomatic of a mental illness, but more of a manifestation of who the individuals so impacted actually are. In addition, save for those "dinosaurs" (i.e. now generally discredited psychiatrists) who still believe in reparative therapy, the focus of most clinicians nowadays who specialize in treating gender dysphoria is to help the person accept their gender identity incongruence without guilt, as well as assist their wives or SO's in dealing with this as opposed to merely trying to "fix" them.

Of course, as others here have already pointed out, we transgender folk also have a responsibility to those with whom our lives intersect - and who may not (yet) be comfortable with the way we are coming to terms with our own particular gender identity expression - not to be selfish, self-centred a-holes about it, and to respect their feelings and comfort levels regarding it as well. A prime example of this is the famous "pink fog" that is often referenced here, and that many of us fall victim to at times, much to the chagrin of some of our loved ones when that happens.

As always, the key is communication, communication, communication.

[MelanieAnne]

It's probably not healthy when it becomes an obsession, and you don't get anything done.

[Kate Simmons]

All I can say is that sometimes it's about role playing and then CDing is the vehicle that helps us to accomplish that, sex notwithstanding.

[ReineD]

Morality has nothing to do with it. You enjoy what you enjoy and you're not hurting anyone.

To answer your question, I think it becomes unhealthy when it begins to narrow your world. By this I mean when you stop doing things you once enjoyed, or you slowly stop engaging with friends in favor of staying alone to do what you do. In other words, a lack of balance as if it dressing up and enjoying it erotically, as you say, begins to consume your time and energy.

I just posted this in another thread, but if you need to dress in order to express who you are, then shouldn't you try to incorporate it in your every day life (even if it means outings in the next town over) and dress while you do other things, rather than become increasingly isolated?

[AletaHawk]

As long as you're not hurting yourself or others, you're in pretty good shape.

CDing is still largely an erotic fantasy for me, but opening up about it - even if it's just on here - has been tremendously helpful. It's been hurtful too though, because now that I'm opening more online, I feel this urge to share Aleta with the world because I'm so sick of hiding. I won't do that, but I actually triggered a depressive episode recently as the recent of being more open about things.

What I've learned is that nothing's going to be perfect, and you have to accept that. I hope that helps!

[maya1love]

I so appreciate all of the wise words from all of you. I had to reflect on the question about whether I live a balanced life, and I can honestly say that I do. The only place of slight imbalance is probably about spending a little too much time in chat rooms and viewing cross dresser related sites. I think many of us are guilty of this because we are living vicariously through the internet because sometimes it is an inopportune time to actually dress up. But, it does not interfere with my life per se nor is it all consuming. I'd still like to do a little better in that department.

[Katey888]

Good answers already from everyone Maya - Laura's is the most universally applicable, I feel...

When the behavior impinges on the rights of others in a negative manner. One could also argue that if the behavior directly impinges on ones self in a negative manner, then it is harmful to continue that behavior.

I re-read your OP and I think it's correctly as critical of today's internet as the behaviour of crossdressers. I have a suspicion that many, many more sexual fantasists have developed as a result of the availability of sexual content on the internet, whether that has anything to do with us or not. It can be a catastrophic drain on time if not used well.

Is it unhealthy to have any sort of erotic or sexual fantasies...? Not at all - unless they become obsessive... My wife has repeatedly asked me over the years, how many times I think about or fantasise about sex daily (I was thinking she's obsessed - but she's just interested in male behaviour.. ) - and it seems like quite a lot... but I don't think that's unhealthy (others may disagree) and it's not all straightforward either, but we'll keep my little kinks out of this for now...

Fantasy is not bad unless it's obsessive: it frees us; it's creative; it gives us space to recover from normality and a way to experiment without involving others...

Katey x

[NicoleScott]

I'm with the "keep it in balance "folks, but I understand that it gets out of balance sometimes, and that's OK as long as it's brought back into balance before real harm is done. It's not just crossdressing, but everything else this can apply to, like other forms of recreation (golf is particularly addicting), shopping, collecting, Facebook, and even work. I've been in the pink fog and it eventually lifted, and I've been in the camo fog, obsessed with deer hunting at times.

[PaulaQ]

It's simply never unhealthy.

The only thing that's unhealthy, and this applies to only some of us, is trying live your life as a man, albeit "just a crossdresser", when you just aren't a man at all. That stuff can kill you.

What most on this forum do? No problem! Have at it and enjoy.

[DonnaT]

CDing itself is not unhealthy. If it interferes with you having relations with others, especially sexual relations, then it it is unhealthy, unless you have no interest in others that is.

[Teresa]

Maya,
If your CDing starts like that there's nothing you can do about it ! The important thing is don't be obsessive !
If it's erotic to you then it's erotic to other people as I found with an ex GF, neither of us thought it was unhealthy !
The problems arise when your partner doesn't want to be part of it ! I found it lead to feeling unloved and rejected and eventually depression !
I'm trying to put my family values first and keep Cding and all that goes with it in perspective ! The fact that I don't have a balance, it's gradually consuming me at the moment, I feel it's unhealthy because I'm becoming depressed about it again .

[kimdl93]

The issue is not whether or not CDing is healthy, but rather whether the individual is emotionally healthy, capable of enjoying life, engaging with family and friends, sustaining a meaningful relationship with another person...if desired...and able to make a living. If ones mental state prevents normal life then, something needs to change. But realize that CDing itself will not harm ones mental state.

[flatlander_48]

I'm not sure if eroticism has a lot to do with it. As has been mentioned, I also feel that obsession is an important factor. I think for everyone, there is a line that separates activity from obsession. When something becomes an obsession, but begins to consume an abnornal amount of resources relating to our time, our money, space in our homes, etc. at the expense of other things that we might do. That's when it becomes unhealthy.

As a goal, I subscribe to the Everything In Moderation theory. It doesn't always work out like that, but it's a good goal.