10 things I'd wish I'd known sooner about crossdressing

[lilly_may]

Some great advice thanks.

I had to travel for a meeting across country 2 days ago with a stop overnight so decided to treat myself to a new negligee. I went into a large department store for it and a sales assistant asked if I needed help to which I replied I was looking for something for my wife. Naturally she asked about size and i came out with my usual about this tall and this wide. as I was so far away from home I just fessed up and said its to fit me actually. She raised an eyebrow then flashed me a huge smile and said right honey we are in the wrong section, follow me. I came out of the store with exactly what I wanted and feeling very good about myself.

[Marcelle]

Hi Jennifer,

What a great thread! I am sure the list resonates with many here. The other thing I would add to the list for those who go out "Accept the possibility you may get read by others but don't ruminate on it".

Hugs

Isha

[Sarina Curtis]

Thanks for the great list Jennifer! These are definitely words of wisdom that are helping me as I discover more about both sides of myself. Yesterday I went panty shopping and when I was at the register the clerk asked if they were a present and I said "Yes, for myself" The clerk gave me a lop-sided grin but I walked out of the shop with a pretty pink bag and a smile a mile wide!

[Sally24]

My additions....

12. Your hair is very important! Visit a retail wig store with good techs and get them to help you pick a color, style and length that suits you. Then let them style it properly for you. A bad wig is no girls friend! Don't settle for an on-line pick that won't look as good on you as in the picture. After my one mail order wig, I bought all the rest (6) in person and got them styled. It has made a huge difference. I would one day like to have a few human hair wigs so that they move a little better and wear better on windy days.

13. Look for a local Out-And-About Group. If there isn't one, make one! Here in New England, one person started a group, then another expanded it, then several others started other groups. It only takes a few people, willing to come out on a regular basis, to get a group started. Once it's going, more people tend to show up. http://becomingwomen.org/

14. It's alright to be excited and apprehensive. And it's good to be cautious and wary when in public. Just don't let fear rule your life. And don't do the newbie mistake of trying to go to dark empty places at night to get out. Those are the most dangerous places to be. Go to a movie theater, a shopping area or anywhere else where there are plenty of people. Crowds are actually your friends, not your enemies!

15. If this is important to you, think about permanent hair removal, at least on your face. I can't stress enough how much easier my makeup is now that my dark hairs are all gone. Shaving is so much easier and I don't have to wear any more makeup then any cis gal does. Being able to wear light makeup and having really smooth skin can make you so much more comfortable and at easy with yourself.

16. If you are not in a relationship yet, consider being forthright when you do get serious about someone. I can't talk about coming out to a spouse after years but I can relate my situation. I told my girlfriend about Sally before we were even engaged. We've been married for over 27 years and it never has been much of an issue. We communicate what each of us is comfortable with and what we want and don't want. Don't let this side of you become a burden to you and others. Whatever level you are at, this is a part of you and should not be denied and supressed. Most will find that you can't keep this buried forever so try to manage it on an active level so you can decide what and when to do things.

Above all else, try to be kind to yourself and enjoy whatever freedom you can find to be yourself!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Jennifer, thank you for making my day brighter. Peace, mel

[JenniferYager]

I should add a few more, but in engineering fashion it would be an annex.

Annex A: Clothes

A1. Shop for your size today. Some people give advice to buy smaller clothes to try and force you to lose weight. Not a good plan. You don't know how long it'll take to lose weight. You need clothes to wear today, so measure yourself, get your size and buy clothes that fit now.

A2. Don't buy it unless it's perfect Especially if you're bigger and shop at a thrift store, there is a tendency to get something simply because it fits. Don't. If you aren't in love with the clothes you're trying on, return them to the rack. Resist that urge to get it because it's there.

A3. Think outfits. I have a gray maxi skirt. It goes with darn near anything. I can wear it in all seasons, with all sorts of shoes, and with all sorts of tops. Any piece of clothing that you buy you want to have paired up with at least one-two other items. Don't buy a top unless you have jeans/skirt to match. I've given away too many clothes because the one item was great, then I realized later I had nothing to match it to.

A4. Patience is cheap. Thrift stores and Ross are your friend, but they rotate stock everyday. Be patient. Impulse buying is what gets you expensively over your head.

A5. Wear your forms/pads/etc. If you wear forms, wear them when you try on clothes. If you wear hip pads, same deal. Don't bother approximating, because women's clothing is tighter and you want it to be comfortable.

A6. Some stuff just doesn't work. Unless you're lucky enough to have a very feminine body or good at latex body wear, some things (like deep-V necklines and thongs) are probably not going to look good no matter what. Don't waste your time, all you'll do is be frustrated.

A7. Dress your age, but remember that every age is cute. I'm in my thirties...mini skirts are not going to look normal unless I'm going to a club. So I don't buy a ton of miniskirts. I've got knee length and longer dresses/skirts and tops that show some cleavage (but not too much). Dressing such that you fit in with your age helps people not notice you. However, don't be afraid to be cute. Add a colorful scarf, a large flower to your hair, or a charm on your boots. Cute doesn't disappear with age unless you let it!

[angelfire]

A lot of these are things I am currently trying to tackle, and some are things I have already dealt with.

As for it not going away, that was something I accepted a long time ago. I purged once shortly after I started dressing, and that was the last time. Even though I was on a several year hiatus from dressing, I still kept everything. In boxes. I knew if I threw it out, it would just mean I need to spend more to rebuy it or something similar.

Likewise, I was very obese back in college. I went from 350 to 200lbs. Went from "I'm so huge I would need at least XXL" to "Wow, I can fit into some size 13 jeans now". Crossdressing helped. When I ended up taking a break, I ended up putting the pounds back on. I find myself more proud of my appearance in girl mode and I try to take care of it better.

I'm still working on saying I'm shopping for myself, but this week my therapist basically told me if I don't try it on, I shouldn't buy it because it is likely a waste of money. Sometimes I've just bought things and hoped they fit, but a lot of times it ends up being a waste.

As for makeup journal I keep pictures from every time I dress. See what worked and what didn't. Haven't had much beauty counter experience except getting them to match my skin tone.

I'm not out too often, but I generally don't like to chat with people, so that is probably something that will be hard for me.

I always budget more time than I need. I give myself 3 hours. I've been ready in 1, but I'd rather have the extra time incase I goof my makeup. Plus, shaving takes a loooong time.

I've always loved accessories. Mostly hair clips and head bands, but with winter coming, I am starting to like scarves. As for pants, I've only been out in pants. I have legs that look great in jeans or yoga pants so I'm lucky.

I haven't talked much lately but I'm trying to change that. Likewise, I want to go out and do the normal stuff. Get dressed, go to the mall, shop, grab a coffee & lunch.

I'm quickly discovering the last 2 parts with my therapist. She thinks I should join a support group, where I can maybe meet a big sister, and she is helping me find where my balance is, where I am comfortable.

Great list, and thanks for sharing!

[Samantha_Smile]

Admin - Can we get this stickied?

[Megan b]

I just read Jennifer's post, all I can say is loved it. Thanks for sharing.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

A8. Once the genie is out of the bottle there is no putting her back, ever.

A9. Be prepared to accept the possibility that said genie will always want more, and more.

A10. Take your measurements, know what brands of clothes fit and look good on you before blowing half your life savings away on the initial pink fog blow out.

A11. If your still in the trying to stop mindset, gaining weight is a perfect way to lose all motivation and desire to dress. Be warned it can have a very negative depressing affect once out of the closet so try not to let that happen.

[brandi.tgurl]

awesome advice and affirmations! thanks for sharing.

[Teresa]

Sorry Jennifer I've come late on this one but it's a great list and very useful, thanks for that !

The shopping point well still do that thing it's for wife or daughter ! Obviously bit the bullet on shoes and had a great experience !
Can you believe I told them in the charity shops that I was making picture frames from wide belts !
Just last week a designer was doing just that on a house makeover show on TV, I wonder who they got the idea from ??

[Dana Nichole]

Great stuff.

We need to have this included in the Crossdressers Handbook .

I really need to find this handbook.

[CindyR]

Big Thanks Jennifer!

This thread has given me the guts to come into the foreground, it really hits home. I already started loosing weight on the CD plan a while ago, beats Jenny Craig But most of all it's given me the willpower to talk to others, which is what I think i need most....great advice!

[stephanie71]

I know that dressing has helped me loose weight as well. Not as much of a change but 214 down to 190, on my way to 180, which is what I was in my prime in my twenties. I am already at a size 12 though, at least for most things.

[JimmiLynn]

Great list! I wish I'd had this several years ago, I will start working on it.....

[victoria76]

Great thread indeed!

[Closeted Kat]

wow some great suggestions going on here. Wish i'd have found this thread sooner. It could be very helpful indeed.
-kat

[CrackedFacade]

This is a wonderful thread! Thank you very much for posting.

[Cassie.]

3. When you shop, say it's for you. I struggled with this. I always used to lie and say "Oh, it's for my wife." Thinking back, I don't think one store associate ever believed me. I finally got the courage to go to a Lane Bryant and ask to try on clothes for myself...and the store associate darn near hugged me! I spent 100 dollars and walked off beaming! Most store don't care at all. Seriously. And most shoppers won't say anything, either out of fear or lack of care. Heck, after a while, you might get good enough they don't notice. Besides, if the store refuses to let you try on clothes, would you want to shop there anyway?

I have to say I've not got what it takes to do this yet. When I'm out shopping I'll buy something if I like but i can never say its for myself. I always think something bad will happen if i do or that it will start a scene.

4. Keep a makeup journal. Especially if you're a part time crossdresser like me, keep a journal. Everytime you go to MAC or Macy's or wherever, take notes. Write down techniques, colors, whatever you need to remember how to do it. Heck, make it a scrap book and take photos. You'll be surprised what you forget.

I used the internet as my makeup journal the amount of saved pages I've got all with tips or videos on how to do great things with makeup. Once or twice I've taken a picture of a models makeup that's on display in that store.

6. Until you practice, plan out your time. I can now simply walk into my hotel room and in an hour become Jennifer, makeup and all. It was NOT that way for a while. Starting out, take your time. I tried to rush and I'd inevitably forget things, or look like crap and be self conscious, or not have a backup plan. It would make what should have been a fun evening very stressful. If you think you need an hour for makeup, give yourself more time so that you aren't rushed before dinner.

It still takes me about 2/3 hours to get fully ready but I don't think I'll ever speed up not anytime soon I am still get the shakes with my hands as i drink to much coffee due to unsociable work hours most days or nights at work.

7. Don't forget the accessories. Crossdressing was all about skirts and dresses for me. After a while, I realized that if I wanted to pass out in town, I needed all the accessories: purse, scarf, jewelry, nails, lip balm and a sparkly headband. With these, I don't feel like a dude in a dress. Instead, I feel a lot more put together, and a lot less nervous. Don't forget pants too! I've fallen in love with yoga pants and girl jeans.

I love girls jeans even more so the faded style ones and they always look so much better than men's jeans or maybe its because of how i am that i think that way.

8. Talk to other crossdressers. This forum rocks for meeting people. You don't have to go out en femme. Some of the best dinners I've had are with fellow crossdressers while in guy mode. Just meet up for coffee, or lunch, or something small. You don't have to talk about crossdressing either (for most of us, it doesn't define us). It gets you out of the closet and helps you talk with others in your situation.

I have to say this is the reason i came here and i haven't regretted it at all. Everybody here is so nice and you learn so much from a place like this.

Great list sweetie was a lovey read and had some great advice in it too. So thank you every much for sharing it with us all.

Cassie xx

[Sharon B.]

Just wish I would have accepted this side of me sooner, for the past ten years I have kept my body hair free and have a selection of lingerie that any natural woman would envy.
It took me a long time to get to the point of telling the SA that the items were for me, once you get that out things start to get a little easier. I do keep track of what makeup works and what doesn't. I hope to start losing some weight this year and I want to start going out as a woman not just under-dressed as one.
Yesterday was a first for me, usually I will leave my home dressed as a woman find somewhere to change into male clothes go shopping then change back into my female clothes and come back home. Left here as a woman, did change shoes, removed my silicone breast, removed my earrings and left my purse in my vehicle when I went shopping for shoes at Payless. Still had on woman's top, woman's slacks, woman's wool coat, woman's watch, wig and makeup. Decided after buying the shoes that the next time I go in Payless I will be all woman I won't remove anything. Baby steps at least in buying shoes.

[JenniferYager]

I know that dressing has helped me loose weight as well. Not as much of a change but 214 down to 190, on my way to 180, which is what I was in my prime in my twenties. I am already at a size 12 though, at least for most things.

YAY! I did something similar: 220 down to 177 in about 6 months. Took a lot of work, but I'm so much happier with my weight now.

[cdncdwife]

You guys have all shared some very practical tips that I'm going to pass along to my SO. So thank you! Also, I ran a lingerie store in West Edmonton Mall, Canada and we would have some of our regular TS and CD clients simply call ahead and book a time for me to open the store early for a private shopping session. It also gave me time to pull a selection of appropriately sized stuff or to order it in for them. They'd come, bring bubbly sometimes, and then we'd lock the door again and have a party an hour before regular opening times. Let me tell you, it was a blast watching these grown men turn into giggly school girls, lol. At the time I didn't know much about CD and just wanted them to be able to feel beautiful, but I think that exposure helped me when my SO told me he was a CD many years later. I think that if you can find a store and explain what you need, gather a couple of girlfriends and have a shopping party, you'll have a great time. We never minded it as store management (these were some of our best customers $$ wise) though a couple of our employees would rather not work. We never made it a big deal. But honestly, sometimes you need a pro to tell you if that garter belt needs to be a size bigger. Whatever you do, buy things that fit comfortably. You'll be happier and as an added bonus they last longer if they aren't over stretched all the time.

Hugs to you all.

[Ddannie]

Jennifer,
I found your list organized, practical and positive.
Thanks for taking the time.
Danielle

[StephiSpring]

My sisters, why did my eyes leak while reading all these great comments? You are all so encouraging and inspiring, so willing to pour out your wealth of knowledge. Thank you! HUG!