Many of us on this board have been or are still in it. The reveal trap. You meet someone, and it is going great. You don't want it to end, so you don't reveal. Time goes on, you get closer and closer, then perhaps married, kids....
It is kind of like seeing a pretty balloon and grabbing it. Only it has a lot of lifting power and begins to pull you up. If you let go immediately, you lose the balloon but you land on the ground, on your feet. Hang on a little longer, you land harder. Keep hanging on and now if you let go you are going to fall a good ways and it is going to hurt when you land, cause injury and will take time to recover. The longer you hang on, the harder it becomes to let go. But also, the harder it gets to hang on as well....
It happened to me as well, i did not reveal until several months after I got married. It was about 3 and a half years after my wife and I got together. What would have happened had I told her right in the beginning?? I am not certain, nor is she, but I can tell you what would not have happened, pain and injury. And likely for me because of the not revealing until after marriage, the possibility that my wife may never be comfortable enough with it to be with me when I am dressed.
For some, perhaps they have passed a point of no return, and can only hope they can hang on or never get discovered. I am responsible for the troubles that CDing has caused. Not that my wife and I haven't overcome most of it, but it took time away from a relationship that was healthy and growing. It stopped growing for a while and had to mend. But, there are scars.
If you see the marriages and other relationships which are in good shape overall and the CDing is not a major factor in any problems or issues, you will notice that generally they are the ones which had an immediate or early reveal. Ones where a reveal took place many years after, they may get there, but generally it took many years, perhaps as many as it took for the reveal to happen to get there, if it ever does, and it often doesn't.
I boxed myself in somewhat. Considering how my wife was raised and her life before me, for her to accept me as much as she has, I can only imagine how much easier if could have been for the both of us had I revealed early on. It likely would have altered the getting to know process, may have slowed it down, perhaps taken longer to get to where we were ready to marry, who knows. And yes, possibly she would have chosen different. I believe now though that I could have played my cards right, been truthful in the beginning and both of us would have avoided the tough times after the reveal, and she would be more comfortable, and there would be less in the way of compromise we both feel we have to make.
I am not going to tell anyone what they should do. It is your life to live. I know personally I feel that the earlier the reveal, the better things will be for you and for your partner.
