Complements for each other

[Rachael Leigh]

Ive got a question, this morning my SO and I had a very interesting conversation about the complements we give one another here on our looks and outfits and the like. Do any of your SO think this a bit strange or is it just crazy for us to be complemented looking like a women when the complement is coming from another guy to someone whos a guy? Hope that makes since.
See many here are not gay or bi and yet we throw out these complements as normal.
For me I do it a lot and Im doing it Im sure because you have made the effort to look so nice and create a look that is very different than your everyday male look. It was a thought I had never really had but made me wonder why do I comment on so many here. I feel mostly like me I like to hear that my effort to look good has paid off but is it strange to say such things Im really not sure.
How do others feel?
Leigh

[Annaliese]

Not all all, we are just complementing each other on there effort, When some one put as much effort in to looking good, we just want confirmation.

[Katey888]

Leigh - I think you've put it really well...

I see everyone here as feeling something of the need and conflict that I myself feel - it surely is one of the things that holds us together as this virtual community. And because I feel that, I think I'm safe to assume that how I feel when I've put some effort into how I look, is how others feel - and quite honestly, regardless of how the end result is for anyone here (because there are some here who judge...) I think we're all deserving of a little encouragement...

And no, sexuality has nothing to do with that - some of my best friends here are gay or bi and TS but I do not share the discomfort that some folk do knowing that we share this passion or condition with them, albeit perhaps for differing motivations. But even so, it sometimes weirds me out a bit... but I get that even when I'm just looking through files here and an old photo pops up and I think - OMG...! Why?????

I am so unsuprised that GGs don't really know what to make of us...

Katey x

[AndreaSC]

Leigh, I think you look lovely, keep it up and you are MOST welcome for the Compliment!

[carhill2mn]

I think that paying compliments to others is our way of trying to act more like many women. Men rarely, if ever, pay compliments to each other. Since I have become more comfortable with my "femininity" I pay more compliments to women while in male mode.

[Crissy Kay]

I think we are not really "guys", while we on site in our own minds. That's kind of how I see it.

[Teresa]

Leigh,
I understand now the compliments we give each other, I can only speak for myself that sexuality doesn't come into it.
I think we do it not only because of the effort that goes into it, the transformation for some is incredible !
Secondly as men tend not to open up with our comments, we can use our persona to openly express our feelings, which can't be a bad thing !
I don't think it's weird or artificial but the it's chance to be honest with our opinions and thoughts we naturally have but can't express them as guys !

[docrobbysherry]

I like Annaliese's idea, "Validation". And, disagree with Teresa. Sometimes it IS sexual!

While quite a few times I find myself "biting my tongue" here so as not to say anything negative? I post responses for a number of reasons:

Empathy: Know how I have felt in their position and would have wanted to read what I post to them now.

Trying to be helpful: I may have passed where they r experience wise and have learned to "do better".

Encouragement: Trying to pay forward all the help and kind words I received from so many here over the years.

Wow!: When I see someone so fem and attractive here I'm blown away? I MUST tell them that I bow down in omage!

[Marcelle]

Hi Leigh,

I am not sure about others' motives when compliments are paid but for my part I am providing to the "supportive" nature of the forum. When someone goes to great lengths to throw an outfit together, put on make-up and a wig, pose for what probably amounts to 10 photos for every one photo posted, I understand that amount of commitment to look nice. My feedback is a way to support their labours and provide a sense of goodwill to the collective community.

Hugs

Isha

[Rachael Leigh]

Don't get me wrong here either, yes I do enjoy the compliments I get here I find it very nice to get them.
One thing my SO says though is I seem to give them out here to easily and don't do it much for her. I'm afraide she's right I hope others who have SO they are more attentive than me.

[Amanda L.]

Hi LeighR
Your post is something that has been on my mind for awhile so thanks for putting it up in such a well articulated way.
I would agree with those that have posted previously that as men it's not something we generally do. We may complement a woman on her look but not another guy "Hey Bob those pants really give you shape and definition" or "wow Frank I really love how you have done your hair, that toupė really suits you".
But when fem, I believe, it feels like the mind (dare I say soul) takes on a shift to a purer state. We don't see the other members as 'dudes in dresses' we see them as women as we see ourselves as women. To pass a complement with sincerity feels as natural as putting on lipstick.
On the flip side it is also nice to get an encouraging complement for the efforts that we put in.
As for judgement well as I have read if you can't say something positive then don't post. We all have different egos, some are fragile and some very bold. A genuine compliment can lift a persons spirit or add another notch to their Egometer. Either way it doesn't matter. What matters is that we treat each other with kindness and that's what the compliment is doing.
So LeighR yes to the uninitiated it may seem weird (gay?) that we do this but I think when your comfortable with your female side you let the girl in you drive the bus and she can handle that emotional behemoth of a vehicle much better than a man
Luv
Amanda

[Stephanie Julianna]

Like you Leigh, I feel that when someone achieves a look that is convincingly feminine and had put together a look that works on many levels it deserves a compliment. After all, if one of the girls here has posted a picture she is looking for some feed back. I do work with the old rule that if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it. As to "guys" complimenting guys here. I think most of us enjoy the ability to actually be able to compliment someone when they look good. Since I work mostly with women I get to compliment them quite often. It's kind of expected. However, I don't tell the few guys I work with that they look great today or that "a color really works with your complexion." It just doesn't work for me nor do I particularly care how a guy looks unless we're out to dinner together and I'm the girl. Then he'd better look spiffy.

[charlenesomeone]

I'm with Amanda on this one. I feel like a woman here and see other women and
compliment them and encourage them. Are there "trolls" maybe, but this is not
the way I read most here.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Leigh, I wonder if your SO finds it a little weird because it's really not something GGs would do? We might make an occasional polite compliment to each other, but posting photos and requesting feedback is pretty uncommon. There's a hint of exhibitionism and even voyeurism in it, at least looking from the outside in. I'm sure it's really just a support tool as everyone has explained, but it's quite perplexing to everyone else, and I'll be honest - it feeds the 'fetish' assumptions more than I'm sure you'd all like.

[Mimi]

As an SO of a member on this forum who posts lots of pictures to the Gallery, I will weigh in. I see this forum as a support group, and a place for people to show off outfits they may not be able to wear in public. My spouse is lucky in that she can wear her outfits out and about, but I understand that many members here are not in that situation. I think many of the comments are validation--for both the poster and the recipient. When the poster tells a member she looks great, it gives her a chance to validate her own feelings that CDing is okay, and by complimenting the member, she she can feel like she's part of a community that values cross dressing. She is showing that she can appreciate the effort someone else went to--she may go to the same efforts herself, and it makes her feel better to know that she's not the only one. The recipient of the compliments is equally validated, because now someone has seen her outfit and seen the result of her efforts. Constructive criticism is always helpful, but if the member knows she will never be able to go out, what she wants to hear is that in the eyes of this community, she looks pretty.

The members who are able to go out and about and post pictures serve a valuable purpose, as well. They show that it's possible to dress and go out--even if they don't pass perfectly, they are still having a good time, and it shows that one can dress in many styles--from fun and party to casual, and still have a femme look.

I don't see any fetish in it at all--just a safe place where members can show off their outfits and have fun with it.

[Amy Lynn3]

Thank you Mimi. You said what I wanted to say in way I could never do.
Hugs to you for the support.
Amy

[TxCassie]

I agree with everyone. it is an interesting thought. As a gay man, I hadn't thought about the compliments we give each other as anything other than compliments. But if you think a bit more, I understand that this thought would be a genuine concern from a heterosexual man's perspective. Yet, we must remember we all come to this forum for understanding, knowledge, and support. What more support can one receive but from a sincere compliment from a person who understands and knows exactly of the journey you are also experiencing.

Now, when I converse or correspond with any on this forum, I know I am interacting with a male, but I also understand I am interacting with the feminine side of this male. While most of us can not escape the fact we are male, we also make strides to present, and be accepted as a woman. It is this reality that we speak of dresses, wigs, makeup, feeling pretty, as much as we speak of our spouses, our military service, our masculine life.

Yes, true, if we were speaking to each other from the frame of masculinity devoid of our feminine interests, I doubt, even I would compliment any other male very much. Though as I write this, it come to mind that I often compliment a long time co-worker at times on his dress and even his hair cut. But, we've known each other for twenty-five years and there is little pretense between us. While he is not as expressive to me, I know he knows me well, and I will recognize through his actions that he's done something because he knows my sensibilities and I appreciate it and him immensely. Yet, with any other man, I am as "How are those Cowboys?" as any dude.

But here, as Cassie, I am free to speak from my feminine perspective to others who are presenting themselves in their feminine persona.

So, relax dears, You all are so beautiful and I love all of your shoes... BTW, those Dockers you wore this morning really hug your butt so nicely.... Ahumm, clears throat... LOL

Cassie

[justmetoo]

I agree with Teresa and Isha. Mimi put it very well!

I expect there are some variations in motives and what's behind the compliments we give. Like much in life there isn't one single answer, one size fits all. But for some of us, myself included, it's about mutual support, validation that someone has gone to some effort and presents themself well. As a male I have been socialized not to compliment other guys on their clothes or haircut or shoes or the like (with rare exceptions maybe). I have also been socialized to be careful about complimenting women on their hair or clothes or the like, for fear of it being misinterpreted as flirting or "making a pass" at them. Here I can drop that and give voice to compliments when I feel like it. For me it's not sexual, nor am I "playing" at being a woman - I'm just being myself. Actually I do see something somewhat akin to this in hobby forums - where people post pics of a project and others chime in with compliments. We aren't in the same physical space, so we share photos in this online space we're in. And we respond in that same space, in an atmosphere of people who understand and know what kind of effort is involved.

Women may not share photos and compliment the way we do here, but they do see each other in various outfits and such, and do compliment each other (and often without sex being involved :P ) in a way men are socialized not to do.

[Dorit]

Leigh, I wonder if your SO finds it a little weird because it's really not something GGs would do? We might make an occasional polite compliment to each other, but posting .

My work and social circle is almost entirely with women and I have a very different experience watching them interact. My women friends are always complimenting each other on clothes, jewelry, where they bought what, etc. Sometimes I feel really left out and would love to be able to join them in this type of relating, which is such positive reinforcement! They tell each other how pretty they are! I have my wife who shares my dressing and tells me how beautiful I am, but the forum does provide that larger circle of girl friends that all the GGs have without having to post a picture. Men just do not relate like this!!

[ReineD]

I suppose it depends on the type of clothes worn and the pose. I've noticed on various sites what appears to be different motives to post pics. One is to show outfits worn to this or that event, while it appears as if others are specifically meant to be seductive (lingerie or tight skirts, etc, poses on beds or on tables crawling like a kitten, etc). I would classify the comments here as being supportive because I've seen mostly pictures of members out and about doing day-to-day things.

My first exposure to comments from CDs to other CDs were on myspace (years AND years ago, lol). Most did have a sexual flavor and I had a hard time with it (I wondered what my own SO's motives were to post pics), but then there were more CDers there who dressed in fetish or hot-babe gear. And on some sites like flickr the comments are definitely sexual especially with pics of CDers in lingerie or clothes aimed to attract male attention and in suggestive poses. This makes sense, since flickr is not a support forum and I'm guessing a lot of the CDers who post there are looking for male admiration?

I suppose a lot of it also has to do with the age of the person posting the pics. A person in their 50s (CD or female) has a harder time pulling off the sexy kitten look than someone who is younger.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Leigh, it sucks men don't relate this way and I do hope this changes in the more enlightened future. Everyone deserves openness and positive reinforcement. And sure, while I can weed through the three hundred photos of legs, heels, cleavage and tiny skirts (have a look through the picture threads and you'll see that even on this forum, this is common) and I can remind myself that the fleeting time some here get to dress leaves them with no choice but to go all out and do the teenage girl thing, the newer spouses might miss the photos of the more conversative crossdressers off to dinner with their SO and end up freaking as to what it all means. Some of the wives I've spoken to (even some here) were pretty upset when they saw their H had posted photos online. Was he actively seeking a male admirer?? Sometimes it helps to be aware of how others might view things - even if it's just so you can ignore them!

And for the record, my H is actually one of the fetish types, so for me personally y'all look comparatively stylish! x

[Beverley Sims]

Nothing wrong with compliments, it all helps us to live a normal life.

[bridget thronton]

Compliments seem to be a way to start a conversation - and if they are sincere can brighten someone's day.

[Sarina Curtis]

One of the smartest things I've seen quoted and in memes on the internet recently is this: "Common courtesy has become so uncommon it is often mistaken for flirting." It wasn't that many years ago you could compliment ANYONE on their appearance, regardless of gender, and no-one would bat an eye at it or think of it as sexual. Nowadays everything has to have some kind of innuendo or ulterior motive to it. We compliment each other here because we know we'll get an honest comment, positive or constructive, and because we realize he effort and emotion that has gone in to what we see.

[ReineD]

Sarina, compliments are indeed different than comments that have sexual innuendo.

"I love your dress, you have a beautiful smile, you have great legs", etc, are all compliments.

"I wanna do you, DROOL, I'd love to have some of that, MMmmm …, Oh honey use your mouth to put some on me", etc, have a different flavor. I think that most people would read sexual innuendo in those words.

We don't see the latter comments very often here. The rules in this forum are adhered to rather consistently.