No-man's land.

[allisonagain]

I have been living virtually full time since I started hormones because my looks aren't all bad and I blend well. My wife goes out with me often to dinner, movies, events, and is becoming my girlfriend as opposed to wife. My biggest issue is practicing behaviors to help me blend even better, my voice (which I have started therapy for), and the fact that I don't pass. At a glance I'm fine but if someone pays attention they make me. No one yet has been rude or even said anything amiss other than the occasional "sir" which I correct. Mentally it's hard to be kind of stared at by people for a bit while they take my presentation in completely. That is where the thick skin is needed and is an issue for any transitioning TS to consider carefully. You will get looked at critically if not impolitely, I am thinking probably for the rest of your life. So here I am not a woman and not a man on the outside but happily feeling like a woman inside more every day. FFS is on my mind but I just read about numbness in a thread and some of the procedures are scary. Even with that, I will always have to deal with the permanent effects of T and a lifetime filled with it. Any positive comments on dealing with this mental battle and thick skin would be appreciated.

[Promethea]

happily feeling like a woman

This is, for me, the most important. If you're happy and confident in your femininity, that is going to come through to people, and they won't question it.

Also, times are a changing. I've been in the brazilian northeast for the last few months. For most of the country's history it's been a poor, underdeveloped region, and other brazilians regard people from here as uneducated and bigot. It is kind of the brazilian bible belt, with a recently elected religious conservative majority in this state's camera of representatives. It's a bit ironic that being from Uruguay I came here to transition. Yet, other than being ocasionally, and non maliciously, misgendered, I haven't faced any problems. And today at the supermarket, despite not having shaved today, a customer I had never seen before corrected a cashier when she used the masculine word for crafty when she commented on me fixing my sandals that broke as I walked in. She didn't need me to pass. For her it was simple, I'm wearing a skirt and I'm not playing a bagpipe, thus, I'm a woman (yeah, let's not tell brazilians about genderqueer people yet :P).

[noeleena]

Hi,

A tough or thick skin , looked at , not blending in or ya ya i know passing,
Try not looking like a female yet being one,

yes it can be hard and at times very off putting.

For my self the most importaint detail is accepting who you are the way you are, that for my self was from age 10 . oh, and knowing who you are,

dont get hardened to the point of you loose sight of who you are the core you , and for some its dont care a dam you know the tough boy stuff thats not what we are about ,

I know with in my make up theres a trait that comes from my father and i,v had 57 out of 67 years keeping it in check hard work when your abused, so it would have been to easy to let go and distroy myself so from that , im a very senstive caring loving female yet i could have been a very hard woman with what happened in my life.

Really its about loving your self taking care in how you interact with others and get along with people , i express my self in a way that was not possible before and over the last 10 years i,v been able to in a way for myself is really just so neat and lovely,

what im trying to get over is ,

Tough and hard as it maybe , be loving and accepting of others who for what ever reason dont understand us or dont wont to , i know for my self i have a role to play and iv been doing it for many years and its one of compassion working with others who have struggles and heartache and are different. im involved with many 1000.s of people and from that i,v been able to move freely among the people ,

No mans land , oh yes lived there for much of my life yet it was good for the making of who i am now so dont discount that time , yes i know its hard , yet it was the making of who i am as a woman .

I dont pass as a normal female though i am one , yet that is put aside because people see who i am not how i look or dont.. look..... many of those who dress here and else where would leave me for dead you know i,d be by passed and its happened , so dont be put off dont let it tarnish you , just be you and who you are,

...noeleena...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

No negative comments, eh?? Nice try!!!

Kidding aside..
I'm glad you are feeling better and better about your true nature, that's a really big deal and is the most important thing.
You are right to be honest with yourself about your fears. Too many times people don't think ahead in this stuff.

If you go for FFS , it will change your life totally. if you go to a good surgeon, you will pass, its almost always that simple. My own top of my forehead feels tight(almost numb), and i have some strange nerve issue where i touch my left eyelid and i feel it on my scalp... AS COLD AND WET!!! LOL.... who cares?! Not me!!! And it hurts like hell, and its a major physical drain, and its hugely expensive (facts, not negative comments!!). In the end, its a trade off i made and i'm thrilled i did. Passing is a privilege...i am 6'2", i had a majorly masculine nose and chin. It worked well for me. For me it felt like it was more important than SRS. For what its worth, i made sure i started my RLT first. I wanted to go out and experience life without FFS..I didn't come close to passing..i did this for about 6 months...to be honest it was no issue at all. I was never attacked or accosted. I did get some strange looks. I considered if i needed FFS and i felt i did. I felt conforming my face to a female structure was vital to me personally.

If you don't get FFS, then you get the benefit of being open about your authenticity as a transsexual woman. That is something that i know lots of people are very good with and they can chime in. And most of your fears about getting hassled over your appearance are overblown. It will happen, but it won't really impact your quality of life unless you let it. That may be easier said than done for some people, but that's your call.
There is nothing wrong with being looked at as transsexual but it can be daunting and I know it tires out some of my friends that don't pass.

Noleena is right to say just be who you are. GG's come in all shapes and sizes and there is no doubt some of them are gawked at for whatever "not normal" looks they have...

Is up to you. How badly you need to transition is going to drive your actions. If your fears outweigh things for now, then step back and give it some time. If you are really ready to transition, you will find that nothing will stop you.