I came out to my wife last October. She was also very accepting. Strangely I still feel very unable to speak to her about it. I feel very guilty. Yesterday I dressed fully for the first time ever, with wig and make up etc. Today I felt so guilty as I'd still done it when my wife had been away. I took photos which I posted here and then promptly deleted in case she came across them. I feel a weight of society's expectations and peer pressure that has been bearing down on me for 36 years. When I was four I dressed at my playgroup in a nurses outfit. I got shouted at by the play leader. Before that moment I had never thought of dressing up in something you feel good in as wrong. I still don't but since then I have gone to great lengths to appear macho. I've got tatoos, usually wear stubble and would probably appear as very masculine. I am getting more accepting of myself. I used to put on items of my mothers or girlfriends clothes and satisfy myself sexually. I then used to go through feelings of disgust. I used to look at other people in the street and wish I was normal (whatever that is). I just hated the feelings that I couldn't express myself in the way I wanted. I never wanted to be a woman and feel my desire to wear feminine clothing and makeup is just an expression of a gentle, caring and artistic side of me. Unfortunately, everywhere I go I am bombarded with images and identities of the man I should be - I probably feel this more than it actually exists because I feel I can never live up to this.Originally Posted by pattied
I'm very lucky now to have a loving caring wife who is supportive and whatever happens I feel she will always be there for me
