Unsure if I am doing the right thing

[Trishpdxcd2]

Melanie,

We all have the same feelings at times. I am still very closeted and it is more difficult as time goes on. I think that this aspect of my life just doesn't make sense with everything else. Yet, I love this part and can't imagine stopping.

[Jennifer_Ph]

I have come to the conclusion that I am a waist down crossdresser. I really am not all that into wigs, makeup, fake boobs, passing. I just love the clothes. Skirts, hose, heels mostly. I've been wearing pantyhose openly with shorts everywhere for about 15 years. Slowly I've added a skirt into the equation. Even slower, sometimes heels. But it's tough. I am working to the attitude of it's just clothing, wear what you want, to hell with what people may think. My wife, friends, and family all could give a rats butt about the pantyhose. Sometimes they'll rib me about it, but in good fun. When I wear a skirt it's ok, but more in your face out of the ordinary. The heels put people over the top, it's too much. I'm happy to openly wear hosiery, my real favorite in the womens department. I take it in small steps, and keep taking those steps. It's weird to say that I am more comfortable when I wear what I WANT to wear even though it's 'unacceptable.' The stress of the acceptance is less than the pleasure of the clothing. I haven't really helped here, but maybe there is a word or two of wisdom wrapped up here somewhere.

[Beverley Sims]

Melanie,
A purge usually occurrs after you have found another interest, a new friend.
Just enjoy the new friend until the novelty wears off and put your stash in a plastic bag for when the urge returns.

[ReineD]

What's more, I am not feeling like I could ever be open with anyone else about it; it's just not something I want people to associate with me. Maybe that means I'm in denial about part of who I am, but at the moment I really don't care.

There are real consequences for most of us socially when people know. A few fortunate individuals in this forum don't experience this, they have friends and family who are supportive. I don't know why this is so for some people and not others. There are lots of variables: the area in which they live, the security they have in their jobs against gender discrimination, how liberal-minded their friends and family are, etc. I think that most people would be accepting on the surface and by this I mean they would continue to say hello. But how do they feel privately? Isha conducted an interesting experiment in a mall while shopping. She went in several stores and interacted with successive SAs, and a GG friend walked into the stores shortly after Isha left to observe their reactions. You should look up that thread.

Anyway, the idea that most CDers can be truly and widely accepted, I believe, is utopian. I don't think that our society is there yet. But, if you can bring yourself to the point where you don't care then it won't matter. If you have a supportive wife and a few friends who like to do things with you dressed, and if your work is not threatened and your kids are OK with it at home and OK with having their friends know, that's all that matters, really.

Whatever you do, don't throw away your stuff if you decide to take a break. Pack it up and put it in the attic. If in five years the box is still unopened, then go ahead and get rid of it. And if you do decide to step away for awhile, be sure to tell your wife that you are on a break but you don't know if it will last. It's OK to tell her that you struggle with society's and her ambivalent feelings about the CDing and you don't like feeling like an outlier. It would be a mistake to have your wife believe that you are resolved to stop forever, since you do not and cannot know this until you've not dressed for awhile.