anyone else?

[skylance]

So, right now I'm having a bit of a conundrum...as I'm sitting on the bus, catching a ride to work, my mind keeps telling me to say "&$@# it, who cares if everyone knows you like to dress?! Just &$@#ing do it, be yourself, and to hell with everyone else!"

The problem is, I'm still mostly closeted about my dressing, and on one hand, this voice has a point, but on the other, there's that other party of me that's worried about the social (and possibly professional) consequences. (I live in a relatively small area where everyone knows everyone, so it would get around quickly)

Am I the only one who has days (or weeks, or months) like this? Any advice on what I should do?

Thanks

[mykell]

hi sky,
you know how the consequences are/will effect you better than anyone else, im an old stay at home mom, wife knows DADT with little talk, kid in high school, i think he would be able to process it but girlfriend and peers at school not so much, work....own a seasonal business and wouldnt want to have that a reason why someone wouldnt use our services, partime the rest of the year, if you have close friends or family you really trust, maybe try one, but without knowing your full story its kind of hard to advise you what, or why....as far as a bad day...just had one, nothing went wright, not having true support with this from the mrs bugs me but its still kinda new to her, just keep laying low like that sneaky looking avatar you have, the closet served me well for years....

[Katey888]

I think it makes sense to worry about consequences of actions - particularly if they impact your professional life and possibly your ability to progress a career. While you may (or may not) have legal rights, it is difficult, if not impossible to overcome some folk's individual bigotry. If you're prepared for any of the consequences and you feel you want to stand tall and shout it out, then go right ahead...

I would counsel prudence, personally... If other folk don't need to know, why would you tell them?

You're still relatively young and at an early stage of any career - why risk a detrimental impact to that and any potential future, unless you feel so bad about keeping this bottled up because one day you may want to present as female 24/7... that would be a different perspective.

I'm sure those of us who haven't told continue to have these type of thoughts... but if there's no tangible benefit to you at the end of it, why risk a potential disadvantage...

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Only you can decide what to do as you have to live with that decision. Whatever you choose to do, always be true to yourself.

[Alice Torn]

It is best to hunker down, and let strong emotions settle down. How i wish i had done this at times in my life. Write down two lists. One for negative consequences of coming out. One for positives. I live in a very married with children, couples, redneck small town area, too. I live near downtown, with a 1976 car, very unusual, and i would be in possible danger, if i came out here, especially with harsh older brother, and sister, and father nearby.

[kimdl93]

Of course, it only matters what other people think if it matters to you. And realistically, it does matter regarding your work and perhaps some other social connections. I've found that impulsive thoughts lead to bad choices. If you do choose to come out, do so thoughtfully and selectively.

[JenniferR771]

Come out to a few people that don't know you well. Sales associates, hair dressers, the librarian, people that cannot damage your career. Perhaps persons who are a few miles away. You will be more comfortable--and get an idea if there are any negative vibes when you return.

[Beverley Sims]

It is probably not wise to dothe big reveal as you could upset your present life style and lose friends around you.
You could come out to some out of the way acquaintances that you know.
This is a way of testing the waters.
If you are happy, why upset a good situation.

[Tracii G]

Why do you have to tell anyone?

[MichelleDevon]

I think the concensus here has it...why tell anyone if you don't NEED to. Yes, it's is sometimes mentally painful to keep it bottled up but most of us have done that for years, some still are doing.

I think a lot depends on your ultimate destination - if you feel you have to go down the 24/7 female road then you have to plan your route. If not then caution must be the watchword. Personally, at 62, I don't have a career issue but the one place where Michelle will not turn up is work. There are colleagues who know about Michelle, one of whom comes out with M quite regularly, but there is a big gulf between them knowing about it as an incidental part of me and having me turn up in the office as Michelle. I want people to know and accept both sides of me but one has to tread carefully, no matter how urgent that desire feels on a bad day.

A lot depends on what support you have for your femme persona. IF you have a good support group, with friends and maybe some family, then you know you have people around you who you can turn to if things go awry; if you don't have that support network then I would say, unequivocally, don't do it until you have. And even then, don't do it without careful thought, planning and making sure your support group are on standby...

Michelle
xxx

[Marcelle]

Hi Sky,

Coming out writ large to everyone around is a big, big, big decision and one that should not be done on an impulse. I have done so both in my private life (wife, family, friends) and public life (work, going out). However this was done after much soul searching and weighing of pros and cons. I determined that Isha was a part of me the same way boy me is and I needed to express that side from time to time in order to function. Only you truly know what the consequences of your actions are. From what I read you have personal and professional concerns about the "big reveal" . . . I would listen to those and do some soul searching before making a decision. Once the "reveal" is done . . . there is no going back.

Hugs

Isha

[Gardener]

Sky I had many years of anxiety about the secrecy and guilt. It certainly does not help matters. How I resolved it was by telling my wife. At the time it was a bad reaction but the storm was weathered. Waters are calm now. I am not anxious at home, I can be myself as and when I choose. I compromise. I have wondered about telling a close friend and I sense she would be fine too but why would I want to spread the word far and wide and inevitably invite negative reactions form prejudiced and ignorant people. Don' t hurt yourself, be selective.

[Eringirl]

Hi Sky: As others have said, decisions made in haste or in the heat of the moment are usually regretted. This is a big decision, not to be taken lightly or when emotions are running high. Take a breath, give your brain a chance to catch up to your heart. Only you know what is right for you, but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons...

Erin

[rachael.davis]

If you're starting to obsess on wanting to dress full time it might be a good time to look into meeting with a therapist for a great big bucket of honesty.

[Robin414]

I wouldn't make any rash decisions on coming out to a community...I've seriously pondered the professional implications of being completely tg for example and the financial implications are impossible to reconcile post adolescence. ..I've SO wished I would have had the knowledge, foresight, resourses, and courage to be TG pre adolescence you don't know..sorry, just rambling now

[Rachael HK]

Even in a big city, it can get around more quickly than you might want. Basically the first time you step out the door as a woman, you have lost the ability to truly control the awareness of your situation. A long time ago I just couldn't stay being alone all the time, and today I am happier than ever, even though I live 'on the fence', so to speak. Individual mileage may vary...good luck!

[sometimes_miss]

Well, Skylance, consider this: Figure out what are the worst possible reactions to your outing yourself. Then, if you can accept those actually happening, you can joyfully go out crossdressed. Only you can decide if you're ready to deal with the problems inherent in being publicly transgendered.