A GG's mind wants to know.....

[devida]

I do use terms like sweetie, darling, sweetheart and love in conversation but I use them indiscriminately for men, children, pets, raccoons and anything else that is sentient that I am fond of. I don't use them here because I don't tend to use them while writing. I think they're used here affectionately, as a validation of femininity, as a confirmation of identity as a cross dressing male. I don't wear clothes usually marketed to women because I want to pass as a woman or because I have a feminine part of my personality that is distinct from a male personality. I recently heard a cross dresser on a podcast refer to cross dressers as bigendered. I don't feel that way so I would find it strange to be referred to as a lady or a girl and I don't refer to others that way. Of course I feel equally uncomfortable and inauthentic being referred to as a guy or a gentleman. But that's just me. I'm non binary.

[Annaliese]

I use it all the time, these are my girl friends, I love these ladies here, I am closer to some of the ladies here than, most people I know. You see, this is not a chose for us, it not a fad, it's not a game, this is real for us. This is who we are, we are not pretending.

[Kate Simmons]

Just something I do, especially at my last job working in a super market with GG's of various ages. They were all okay with it, especially when a harmless old geezer said it. Never have I been told by anyone not to address them that way, including TG folks. Sounds better than "Hey Gus, you may want to go a little heavier on the beard cover Dude" you have to admit. Works for me.

[ReineD]

I've never really understood that either, but I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for. I imagine that it feels like a very femme affectation to put on, since I think it implies a sense of closeness - that "magical bond women seem to have" that gets talked about fairly often here.

That's my take on it too, but then I'm from the North. It would be interesting to know if among the CDs who use the terms regularly, how many live in environments where the terms are used in every day speech?

Also, even if some women do use these terms in every day speech, what percentage actually employ them while writing?

[mykell]

hello sierra,
i never use them here but had someone reply to me as chica and did think it cute,
OMG and gurl, things of that nature annoy me most of the time and even "wink wink" and "tee hee" just for the effort to type them out.

in real life i use "hun" frequently when addressing females i dont know formally, and even those i do, just works for me then....
first time i ever had to use a female name was here. just used it as it was the protocol i saw....

[Helen_Highwater]

This thread set me to thinking (always dangerous) as to do I normally use any terms like those described in my day to day life outside of this forum. The only one I use albeit sparingly is "flower". "Hi flower,how are you", "thanks flower", that sort of thing.

This also reminds me of a thread posted so while ago discussing how folks sign of their posts with things such as "Love" or "hugs" (add name) and whether it was too familiar.

[Joni T]

I have been reading a lot in the forum and there is a pattern or habit I see (a few but only one I will ask about now).

It seems like quite often when posting or responding to posts, many CD's use and sometimes over use terms like hun, sweetheart, ladies, girls etc when referencing each other. I understand the thought of being dressed and in that feminine mode, but do not understand the need to do this. As a GG, I rarely ever use these terms with my girlfriends, and so would just like to see if there is a reason behind it?

I asked this same question a few weeks ago and got basically lambasted. I'm glad they were nicer to you.
Joni

[GenieGirl]

I use a lot of these terms as both along with a lot of other names. Southern girl.

[Paula_Femme]

...I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for.

My take is the same, a hyper-feminized affectation; I'm not upset if I'm addressed in that manner, but I certainly won't reciprocate. I will, however, use feminne pronouns such as "she," and "her," when talking about my fellow CD-ers, and others further along the Trans spectrum, whether openly on the boards, or in private communications, to do otherwise I would consider rude.

[Kate T]

As a curious aside we have a client couple, a TS and her wife, and whenever they come in I will pretty much always refer to them with the affectionate term "guys", as in "see you next time guys" etc. However there is NO WAY I would address them in that manner via email or text message in which situation I would generally use "ladies" or similar.

In Australia we will often use the term "mate" or "mates" as a genderless pronoun but I'm afraid the lexicon is often interpreted differently by our North American friends so I don't tend to use it here.

[Melissa Rose]

That's my take on it too, but then I'm from the North. It would be interesting to know if among the CDs who use the terms regularly, how many live in environments where the terms are used in every day speech?

Also, even if some women do use these terms in every day speech, what percentage actually employ them while writing?

This is also my take on it, but then I'm in California. I work in an office environment with a highly predominant population of women and hearing such a term is rare, and I have never seen it used in written correspondence in the two years I have worked there. This includes the counselors and therapists which tend to be the most caring and non-judgmental people in the building. When I am at an activity or event of the local transgender group, most whom are crorssdressers, hearing such terms is much more common.

[Kacey Black.]

I never understood the use of many of the terms... however, when I went out for my first ...and 2nd time... People here (bartenders and a few patrons) called me "doll" usually and "Girl." I liked it of course, but have yet to call anyone else any such thing... I think it's just a sign of respect coming from the speaking party in an attempt to recognize one as they present themselves.

[Beverley Sims]

I am inclined to use all, everyone, girls and ladies.
I have been addressed as dear, sweet, love and hun on many occasions.

I have found a lot of descriptive dialogue on the South, Louisiana Alabama, Georgia and Missouri are examples.
Being very social they are likely to call you anything, even late for dinner probably.

[Michelle789]

It's both cultural and has to do with your own personality. Each and everyone is unique and our own person, whether we are GG, CD, TS, or anyone else. I know gay men who use those words, and straight women who don't. I don't use those phrases, but I really do embrace my femininity in many other ways - I am a TS woman who loves many of the things that CDers like - skirts, dresses, stockings, makeup, pedicures, and my personality and thinking is very stereotypically feminine.

I see a wide variety of personalities and I would say there are woman, both cis and trans, who use the aforementioned phrases and women who don't. And using them doesn't make you more feminine than women who don't use them nor does that necessarily make you a girly girl. Not using those phrases doesn't make you a tomboy. Using the phrases or not is just part of who you are. Just as how you choose to dress, behave, show mannerisms, think - it is all a part of who you are.

In general, use of words like hun, sweetie, sugar are not very common here in SoCal and using them will get you clocked as a tourist.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I think a lot of it is regional customs. I would normally use the term "guys" as in "you guys" or "yous guys", but I think people here would take offense.

You would think that "guys" is the plural of "guy" meaning a boy or man. But "guys" in my regional vernacular is used for masculine or feminine.

In the South, I've been addressed as "sweetie" by women I didn't even know *e.g., SAs) without even the slightest hint of femme. I think it's just the regional vernacular in the South.

[LilSissyStevie]

I grew up in the DC-Baltimore area and my family is all from the upper south. It was very common to be addressed by women as honey/hun/sweetie/sweetheart/sugar. Even men will use those terms with young people. My favorite aunt calls me sugar, I don't know if she even knows my name. Anything is better than here in SoCal where everybody is addressed as yo, esé, or dude regardless of gender. I don't tend to use any terms of endearment here or anywhere else.

[Sierra_juliette]

I am glad I asked! I do appreciate the thought provoking writing aspect.

Lookin at it from 'outsider' viewpoint, I tend to think of it in an overall sense. Like it has been mentioned, seems out of place in the writing format so maybe that is why it stands out to me?

I do know both GGs and CD people that are offended by the terms being so frequently used to address them, but would never say anything about it. Me, I usually speak my mind on the edge of too much. So I guess, like the vast range of CD types (some of which don't identify as female, just like/prefer to dress en femme), the terms are used in many ways by many people for many different reasons.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Sierra ,
I remember the very first time I had someone refer to me as "girl" here on the forum.
It caught me off guard, and my initial reaction was shock, and disbelief that someone would
refer to me in such a way.(Thanks Adriana) I quickly realized it was said in more of a flirtatious, having fun, manner.
The people here have only seen me present myself dressed en-femme, and they are presenting themselves as females, why not refer and speak to them as if they were, unless of course they make it known that they aren't comfortable with it.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[heatherdress]

These terms are overused in this forum. I do feel they detract from the messages being conveyed.

They are definitely used here well beyond any of regional areas I have been to and I have traveled a lot.

These feminine terms of endearment are not used at functions and activities I have been to or go to. Most simply use each other's names - not "hun" or "sweetie". They are appropriate terms for couples, not acquaintances. No one uses these terms at work or in the social environments I live in - no one. These terms are considered both sexist and very outdated.

[Adriana Moretti]

I always use the term "sweetie" if I'm out in public and I forget a CD's name....."HEEEeeeeyyy Sweetie"....I have trouble remembering gals names when they sound like stripper names, they all start to jumble together into a pink glittery dust. I also remember I was in drab, and in a gay club once..and the bartender said " What can I get for you hun"? ....I was a bit taken back at first because it was my first time in a gay club, but I just went with it. It's pretty common.

[noeleena]

Hi,

For us in New Zealand , when the English come over many of their words reflected the old language of, love and dear and some used here and a few of the older ones still do age 60,s on.

my self i dont and never did, many of us just use the persons name unless they did some thing silly and then watch out. or get sent to coventry the place of..... we dont talk to you......

i know one or two who call me dear or love, allmost every one just call me noeleena,

A bit like in our camps when im needed its wheres noeleena go find her and most times im in the cook house, or close by.

...noeleena...

[Anna H]

someone called me princess the other day!

that made my day! ♥ i'd buy her some shoes
and a big pink cake if i knew where to send it!

~*♥ ♥*~

lol!

[Marcelle]

Hi Sierra,

Well I would say I use the term in normal conversation with some of my GG friends but they are want to do the same (kind of picked it up from them). I use it for the same reason I use Bro, Brother or Dude when I am with my GM friends it is just something we do. Funny though I will refer to many of my GG friends as Dudes (again, something we just do).

Hugs

Isha

. . . Also, even if some women do use these terms in every day speech, what percentage actually employ them while writing?

Hi Reine,

I think what you are seeing is a oddity of a forum in that many here treat this (myself included) like a casual conversation of sorts and so are likely to slip in casual context and write as we speak (e.g., use of terms like sweetie, hon). As I noted above, I use terms when I speak to GM friends and am on several forums for various guy things I do . . . I write Bro, Brother, Dude all the time.

[PaulaQ]

@Sierra_juliette

I think extremely feminine behaviors, such as the ones you describe are an attempt by some of us to be more feminine. I've heard it described as a sexist parody of femininity. I personally think that's pretty harsh - as if you can only be a strong woman if you behave in sort of a dykey androgyny. (BTW - there is not one thing wrong with that if that's who you really are.) It's a stupid argument, and basically just as wrong in my opinion as a social imperative to force all women to present / behave in traditionally feminine ways.

I use these terms "hon", "sweetie", etc. because they fit my personality. I am the type of woman who's extremely concerned with other's feelings - I like to comfort people, and use terms of endearment that I hope show them that I really DO care. Because the fact is, I do care just an awful lot. I use these terms in everyday speech.

What often passes for feminine behavior in genetic women often seems really pared down to me in many ways. But since I didn't have the luxury of being socialized as a woman while growing up, so I tend to gravitate towards more traditionally feminine behaviors because nobody taught me I shouldn't do that stuff. I am sad that I missed a childhood as a girl - I hated trying to be a boy. But there are a number of lessons y'all are forced to learn that I never had to deal with. I am not sorry I missed those.

But politics and social issues aside - I use these terms just because I like them.

[Tamara Croft]

I'm a GG and I use those terms all the time. In my town, we use things like sweetie, me-duck, hun etc... oh and darling, that's the most common one