A GG's mind wants to know.....

[Claire Cook]

I'll add my little worth. Here in this part of Florida we have the usual mix of Fla natives and snowbirds / retirees / "immigrants". My observation is that local GGs use Hon, Sweetie etc a lot more than other women. Guess this supports the "It's where you are from" idea. When Claire is out and about, I do too (not a native, but been here for 20+ years). However, I find myself doing it more and more ... even sometimes in drab (). Maybe this supports Juliette's point?

And here is something I wonder if others who are out have noticed. When I'm in drab and with GG friends who know Claire, I get Hon's" and "Sweeties" too -- it seems to happen more often now that the they know me .

[Renee Elise]

Lots of great responses...I agree with a number of posts here that there is a comfort level for many of us and after years of repressing what are considered to be girly / feminine tendencies that using terms of endearment when we talk amongst ourselves is natural...like Isha I will call my close guy friends and coworkers I've known a long time "Dude" when we're out for beers or whatever.

[Sarasometimes]

I only use those type of terms of endearment for my wife! I agree with the OP and find the use of those here or elsewhere to be an overplay. Now when we venture south of the Mason Dixon we tolerate local affectations and customs (when in Rome mentality) such as Hun, ya'll and all ya'll..

I also strongly agree with the plea from Nadine of the men never... a women would only.... Comments about how women commonly behave is beneficial to those here who wish to emulate them (like me).

I think the OP may have started a new sticky? Welcome!

[StephanieCLT]

Sierra-juliette,

Great question, and welcome to the group. I think you've received a ton of awesome responses, and I don't think I have a lot to add (and really just wanted to say hello and welcome you). I agree with the posters that it's most likely a little overzealousness on the femininity side, and I'm sure also that that will vary based on the full spectrum of CDs/TSs on this board. For some it may be very natural, and for others, more forced. For me, those terms don't come natural, and so I don't use them much. Additionally, I don't use "Hugs" or sign-offs like that - just feels weird to me, though I don't judge others who use them. Anyway, I'm also way more on the CD side than the TS side, and so that I'm sure plays in some. Welcome to the board, and I hope to get to know you better soon!

Stephanie

[Eringirl]

Hi Sierra:

I think it is both geographical and culturally based to some extent. Given this is a text based form of communication, I wonder if those terms are also used to compensate for the lack of visual communication i.e. body language? So the terms are used as a surrogate for what people cannot convey via non verbal communication?? I tend not to use the terms that much. However, I do call my daughters "sweetie" all the time....probably drives them nuts as they are in their 20's, but I don't care, parents prerogative !!

Erin

[Sierra_juliette]

I spent a good bit of time thinking about this subject last night and this morning and here is what I finally concluded:

Yes, I understand that many identify as female and the use of these terms come naturally.
On the other hand, many identify as male and this does not come naturally.

So while I think about this, I think that some terms hun, sweetie, sugar to name a few are basically genderless and aren't as much an issue. However there are other terms used often ladies and girls mostly, that when used seem to stereotype the entire group. For example, if I were in a room full of nursing students, a largely female occupation, and a teacher walked in and addressed the class 'Hello ladies' this would be offensive to any male students. This is probably a horrible example, but my point is that this action can be harmful in ways that I think no one has really considered.

This forum can be a great place for CD and TS people to gain support and insight, however if a male identifying CD comes here and sees that everyone assumes because he is here he must be a girl or lady, it may deter his participation and hinder his ability to accept himself as a male crossdresser.

I am sure that there are plenty that may not agree with my opinion, but that's nothing new.

[Ressie]

I've spent so much time here and other internet sites that I started using 'hun' when talking to female friends in the real world. "Hun" seems to be the most common word of this type used on internet chat sites. Come to think of it, I recall girls calling each other "dude" some years ago. These expressions just ease any tension in my view.

Even those here that don't identify as female are in a place where crossdressing is the main topic. We are 'sisters' in that regard.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I imagine you've also noticed that most CDs posting here don't use trad terms to describe their genitals, instead referring to them coyly as 'the boys' or similar.

I think the cause is related to the symptom you describe- plain old denial. But both are harmless- this is a safe haven where we can be anything we want, girls can be girls, and boys can also be girls. It's understandable that some go over the top!

How's that fella of yours getting on? How are you, come to that?

...it may deter his participation and hinder his ability to accept himself as a male crossdresser. I am sure that there are plenty that may not agree with my opinion, but that's nothing new.

A quick glance at my avatar is likely to banish any doubts in all but the most short-sighted of newcomers, SJ.

As for disagreeing with you, I think you have more good credit here than you can imagine, and even if some disagree with a few of your observations, the majority think like me, that your SO is one lucky SOB.

[Sierra_juliette]

Thanks for your input Nikki, just a one of the many observations I have had since joining the forum.

As far as lucky goes, well I think I am the lucky one in this marriage. I have a wonderful man who treats me with the utmost respect and love and happens to be very easy to look at to boot!

For me, there are a few things that 'out' crossdressers immediately, the over use of the terms I mention is one of them. The over feminization as some have called it can be a dead giveaway. This is of course, just my opinion.

[Stephanie47]

I think it depends on local customs. I grew up in New York City and never heard any of those terms being used among the women or addressing a man. Fast forward to Washington State and I do hear some on occasion, even addressed to me in male mode. The person is usually from the south. With the military bases in Washington State the populace is somewhat of a melting pot. I know many GG's who object to any terms of endearment used towards them unless it is her husband. My wife who is a born and bred Washingtonian finds such terms as disrespectful. Among my friends, acquaintances and extended family everybody uses a person's unique identifier: their first name.

[Melissa_59]

A charming, mature lady who serves in a nearby tea shop has been known to refer to both me AND my wife in the course of one transaction at the cash register as:

Darling
Love
Hun
Dear
m'Duck

Katey x

I can't help but laugh at "m'Duck"... that is so... quack!

<giggles uncontrollably>

~Melissa

[Stephanie Julianna]

When I use these terms it's to show respect for the effort that some here put into achieving a certain look. Since I have aspired to look passable over the years I tend to gravitate toward the "girls" that do the same. Some how it doesn't sound right to write. "Hey buddy, that dress looks great on you."

[Rosaliy Lynne]

I haven't a clue. Like you, I don't use terms of endearment except top special people in my life.

[daphne g]

i think we crossdressers do a lot of things in a way we believe women do
but so over the top ,quite silly and wrong
you know when you see a film with a crossdresser in it that poses this way or that
women don't do it ,where does this come from?

[Sandra]

I use love, hun, darling and sweetheart not only to females but males as well and other people I know use the terms as well.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Where I live every man, woman, child and dog uses every endearment mentioned here. I use a couple and many annoy me but I don't really notice this part of the forum as it's just part of my everyday life.

The over feminization is obvious though, and my H is one who does this - but he doesn't go out and it's mostly a sexual thing. I personally noticed that the male identified dressers do this the most as I think that's the point - it's a contrast. I mean, realistically most GGs gave up on the emcumbrance of stockings, heels, suspenders and what not many moons ago. Unless it's a special occasion, I rarely see women wearing these uncomfortable items. Yet, many here would tell you they feel MORE comfortable and relaxed in what is eessentially very restrictive clothing. Again that contrast of male body wearing very feminine items is the point. If they wore everyday items I'm guessing the illusion, and possibly the thrill, is much less. The female identified members here who over feminize everything are likely just overcompensating, or they're in denial as to their true motivation. Most of the female identified group though, in my opinion, dress and behave like everyday GGs.

Just my observations.

[Paula_Femme]

When I use these terms it's to show respect for the effort that some here put into achieving a certain look. Since I have aspired to look passable over the years I tend to gravitate toward the "girls" that do the same. Some how it doesn't sound right to write. "Hey buddy, that dress looks great on you."

You make a VERY good point Stephanie about "respect," which is why I do use "She" and "Her" for instance, and I agree with your example, but in my case I would say, "Hey Steph, that dress looks great on you!"

[stephanie71]

I would agree that this is a cultural thing, depending on where you are from. I travel all over and find that many women in the south call me "hun" "love" or even "darling" and that is addressing me as a average male, dressed in guy street clothing and I do not even know them. I understand how easy it would be for someone from those areas to call a gurl by those terms.

I myself, in fem mode, do not really have a persona. Dressing to me is a bit of a different thrill, so my mannerisms do not really change. Perhaps someday they will but as of right now, I go into a bit of a more fem stance and motions, but my speech remains in male mode.

[Cheryl T]

Personally I don't use those terms.
It's not that I don't like them, I just don't see the need.
I am bothered though by the corruption of some terms like "gurls". Just seems unnecessary to me.
Don't hate me...it's just my opinion.

[Mikhaela]

I've never really understood that either, but I've always chalked it up to the kind of hyper-feminization that a lot of CDs seem to aim for. I imagine that it feels like a very femme affectation to put on, since I think it implies a sense of closeness - that "magical bond women seem to have" that gets talked about fairly often here.

Edit: I lived in the south for quite a while (Texas, Louisiana) and it's definitely more prevalent there. There are a few places up north where it's common as well. Still, even when I was in the south it was rarely to the degree I see it here, so I do stand by my statement.

Just to be clear, I'm not judging CDs (a group which to most people presently includes me). Thinking about these types of differences a lot is part of the long, painful process that's led to me coming to the conclusion that I don't identify as a crossdresser. I'm not precisely sure what I AM yet, but it's definitely a good ways further down the transgender spectrum. To a degree, I honestly envy real CDs at this point.

I agree with Zooey - think she hit the nail right on the head here.
I live in the North East USA and it is less common for GGs to use those terms. But, when I do hear them it's usually a waitress.

[Alice Torn]

Earlier in life, I was such a repressed, shy loner, with no female friends, that, when i first was called hun, or sweetie, or similar things, by a waitress, immediately, i thought she was hitting on me!!!!!!!! No doubt, they know a better tip will be left, by a man, hearing such adorable names! That is how maladjusted, and naiive and isolated i was, just like my father, was when he was younger. During my 30's in a certain church organization, i finally got to befriend women, and date quite a bit. Never married. The past four years, no dates, lots of isolation, and lots of dressing up,mainly in the closet, but it still feels good, to this loner, when a waitress calls me hun, or darling, or sweetie! I have even called a few of them sweetie! On this forum, with such a melting pot, of different personalities, and dressing types, we need to just accept the different ways everyone writes, or addresses.

[Promethea]

Well, I´m not a CD, I´m trans, but I´m probably one of those you saw "overusing" some of those terms. In my case I can´t say it´s hyperfeminization, as I´m anything but hyperfeminine.

For me it has more to do with my lines of work. I´m a massage therapist and sacred circle dance facilitator, and the people I hang out with as well as me can mostly be described as hippy hoppy. In my social circles we are very open about out emotions (way more than average people) and expressing them verbally and non verbally, so I am used to terms of endearment, hugging, and occasional hand holding.

Closing posts or letters with "hugs", on the other hand, is pretty normal where I grew (notice we speak Spanish there), while "yours" would be considered quite inappropriate, and despite all the years since I started learning English I still can´t get used to signing like that, unless I was writing to a lover.

[flatlander_48]

I've always lived in the northern part of the US (Ohio > Illinois > New York State) and those terms don't predominate. However, work travels have taken me to many parts of the country and I agree with hearing the terms a lot in the Southeast. However, I frequently hear the terms in mom & pop restaurants all over the country. Must be part of the skill set...

However, it would be very rare for me to use the terms. It just isn't part of me.

[Melissa_59]

I think y'all need to stop trying to quantify this as "all this way" or "all that way." Say it's regional or "hyperfeminization" (really?) all you want, but I'll wager you can find ONE person in Saskatchewan who says "y'all" and has at least tried grits, and I'll also wager you'll find someone in the Southern US who hasn't ever heard these endearments.

Pick a side and be wrong - we're not all the same. It just all depends on the individual, so stop trying to shove people into the same boot, ok?

~Melissa, who is tired of the pointless arguments...

[flatlander_48]

It's not really worth getting excited about. The extreme amount of variance among us surely must suggest that there are many ways in which people desire to express their feminine side.

That said, it is clear that the southeastern part of the US is culturally different from the northeast which is culturally different from the midwest which is... Those differences have no right or wrong to them. They are just differences, but those differences do not apply to EVERYBODY. By the same token, there are majorities.