Therapy

[sometimes_miss]

You really have to weigh out the options involved. Supposedly ECT (electro convulsive therapy, AKA shock treatment, what you saw in 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest) can diminish the desire to crossdress, but does so perhaps by destroying the links in the brain that hold memories or knowledge that makes you want to dress up in the first place, along with all kinds of other knowledge and abilities that you may have accumulated in your lifetime, leaving you as sort of a simpleton. I've met numerous people who have had this 'therapy' and none of them ever seemed quite right ever again; they were also on permanent disability because they were no longer able to work. Also, some of the memories and feelings return, necessitating repeat visits to the electricity lab. I thought this as too high a price to pay to flush the 'girl' out of my brain. Discussions with several psychiatrists and psychologists, well they all say that it's not what it once was, not as destructive as it once was, but observing their patients, well I'm not convinced.

[CONSUELO]

Everyone here should read Paula's post. I think it is marvelously wise and should be read a pondered upon by all who visit this site regularly.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'd like to add my thanks to Paula for her astonishing and very moving post.

Sabrina, I have indeed had successful therapy- I'm a firm believer in the value of therapy, though much depends on chemistry between patient and professional.

I don't think the symptom you describe can be relieved by therapy however, since therapy is only likely to encourage you to embrace your whole self, rather than obliterate one part that you find undesirable.

For many here, embracing the feminine side, allowing her to find expression, has been healing- it's a theme I wrote a post on earlier today, and I'm a case in point. But I understand completely how hard this feminine instinct is making your life, I certainly don't judge or blame you for wishing it would go away, and I only wish I could say something to really help.

The only response that makes sense to me, since I believe driving the femme back underground might do more long term harm than good, is to shake up your life so that the pieces land in such a way that Sabrina is allowed space to breathe. The pain you're feeling is from her high heels drumming on the inside of your head.

Perhaps you should give your loved ones the benefit of the doubt and allow them to meet the whole person you are, instead of the half-a-person they know now. Some might be horrified, some might embrace you, but right now it sounds like you're living life on much less than your own terms and that is simply a waste of your precious time.

Heartfelt best wishes, Nikki

[Melissa_59]

Have any of you had successful therapy? By that I mean have you overcome your desire to crossdress? I would pay anything and do whatever is necessary to rid myself of this affliction. I have read things on this site where one cannot alleviate the desire, yet it seems that there should be some that could overcome this desire. I would not want to waste my time and money to just sit and talk about this without reaching a successful conclusion. Please do not judge me; I am tired of hiding this from the people that I love. I feel so despirate at times because only you here understand.
Love, Sabrina

Sabrina, I hate to say this but there is no more "cure" for this than you can cure someone of only having two arms and give them six instead. You're born this way.

What you need is to come to terms with yourself. Many of us have gone through this and have come out the other side - happy. A good counselor can help you come to terms with yourself. The thing to remember is that not all counselors are the same, and many out there can help you, but also many out there cannot help you - counseling is different for everyone. If a counselor is increasing the conflict inside of you after a few sessions, fire them and find a new one. Remember that you're in charge of your counseling.

I honestly recommend that you STAY AWAY from religious based counselors - they come with a full load of prejudices and probably cannot help you with this.

I tell you honestly that I hid this away for a long time and I absolutely hated myself because for many many years, I believed that I was defective - something HAD to be wrong with me, because I was different. And at the time, I thought I was The Only One in the World. And it took me a long time to finally come to realize that this is who I am, and that I'm not defective - and there was a lot of self-medication in between those times and I almost destroyed myself... a few times.

You're not defective, Sabrina. There's nothing wrong with you. You're a good person, you're just a little different. And that difference is wonderful.

~Melissa

[raleighbelle]

Just to agree with most of what has been said: You can definitely find ways of stopping the cross-dressing, but not the urges and feelings inside which are a part of you. Trying to repress the urge to dress will result in great frustration, guilt, and other problems. I would not trust any therapist who says they can "cure" you of wanting to cross-dress. There is no known cure and those making these promises usually have their own motives, often as part of an extremist religion that feels the need to control all aspects of other peoples' personal lives.

I have to say that over the years I have quit dressing successfully many times, but was very uncomfortable until I could resume again. Part of that was being in the military and the potential problems with being caught. I am no longer in the military, but still have a job where I cannot go out in public with my dressing. I have, however, accepted it as a very normal part of me, and now I find it not only very enjoyable, but it feels very natural and I am not wracked with guilt like I once for some reason was. Not only could I not stop it, but now I really have no desire to stop it. I would just like to be able to be more open with it.

I hope you can learn to accept and enjoy it as well. If your job or other situations in life require you to hide it, it is possible to do that, like I think most of us do, and if you can be public with it, all the better. Counseling may help you to accept it better and help with skills in coping with uncomfortable situations, but I don't think it will make it go away.

Good Luck!

[Jaymees22]

I don't think successful therapy would be overcoming this desire. Successful therapy would be accepting yourself and being happy with it and working it into you life without causing conflict for yourself or the people you love. Hugs Jaymee

[kristinacd55]

I had a few therapy sessions last year but they were more directed to the reason for my cross dressing. I stopped going when I realized that this is a part of me, and always will be and I've accepted and embraced it. I used to have that huge cloud of guilt hanging over me about all the hiding, but when my ex-wife found out it was a huge relief. My current SO accepts and loves Kristina and that is huge also. I hope you can find acceptance or a resolution to this Sabrina.

[ShelbyDawn]

Sabrina,

I agree with Jaymees22, success with a therapist is about understanding and accepting with who you are.

I have been seeing my therapist for a little over three years and we have discussed everything, including my dressing, at great length. She has helped me to understand that this is just a part of who I am and that I am ultimately in control; not necessarily of "if" I am transgender but how often I dress and the parameters I set for myself. It has been a long hard struggle to get back to where I like myself again and am comfortable with who I am; all of me. There is nothing wrong with crossdressing. It is as much a part of me as my gorgeous hazel eyes or my male pattern baldness.

I still go from being able to put dressing aside for a while to absolutely HAVING to dress or I'll go nuts to actually considering transition and all the way back again to putting my dressing on the shelf. The key is I have someone that I can talk with about it without ramifications or judgement and that is priceless.

The key is to find a therapist that you have a rapport with and that you know you can trust. Faith-based or not, a good therapist will listen and help you figure things out for yourself. They will guide you through the self discovery necessary to understand who you really are.

Hang in there and have faith. It does sound to me that you could really use someone completely unbiased to chat with. A good therapist is just that.

[Tamara Segunda]

Have any of you had successful therapy? By that I mean have you overcome your desire to crossdress?

Dear Sabrina, I understand and sympathize with your feelings, but if anyone had achieved the situation you desire, I'm afraid they wouldn't be reading this board. Still, I wish you the best.
. . . . . Tamara Segunda