Erf.. *management*

[mechamoose]

So, I'm working with a recruiter who is placing me in a 'Team Lead' role for a crew of ~7 IT guys who do remote support. Not quite 'Helpdesk', but 'remote support'... it is what that company wanted and it pays for.

I have 25 years in this field. I have worked as a consultant for most of that. I have seen and heard pretty much everything, from companies that have money to burn to those who can't spend $100 they didn't plan for. I'm *good* at what I do.

I have been unemployed since August. My hair is now long and can be put up in a 'girl' pony-tail (up high rather than down at the nape). I have been walking around with all 20 nails painted every day. I have been *loving* it. I have been getting compliments on my nails (from GGs), I have not gotten a single word of criticism. Like I said, I have been *loving* it.

I'm now faced with the decision of how I can get 'buy-in' and acceptance from this crew who don't know me from a hole in the wall.. Further, as one who will be their manager. Sure, I can go the TG route which can't be discriminated against, but my professional side is questioning if that is what I should do.

Grr... I know what I WANT. I'm just trying to work out what I should DO.

Feedback is appreciated, sisters!

- MM

[kimdl93]

I face a similar dilemma. I worked from home as a consultant for four years before being drawn back into a 8-5 position as a CEO of a non profit. It was a great opportunity and I enjoy both the challenge and the autonomy....but...I had to work with the board of the organization as well as lead a team of strangers. I felt I had to present as male to both the board and staff. I feared I would not command the respect needed to perform effectively.. Without a doubt, I've compromised a very key part of myself. Life, though, is full of compromises.

[ReineD]

It depends on how much you want the job.

I think you should stop painting your fingernails to get in (toenails are OK), and then once you have proved yourself indispensable, start painting your fingernails again.

Ponytails are acceptable, aren't they? My SO and half the men who work with him have their hair tied at the nape. It's an academic environment though. I don't know what it's like in the corporate world.

[mechamoose]

Reine: I get that, but isn't that a 'bait and switch'?

It *feels* dishonest. I get the idea of Corp presentation, but part of me feels like it is opening the closet door and going back in. It rankles.

(Bitch, moan, complain. The world SHOULD be different, but it isn't.. yet.)

- MM

[Sometimes Steffi]

You should think about it this way:

No job, no money, no shopping for new clothes.

Do what it takes to get and keep the job.

Painted toes - OK

Painted fingers - not OK

Low pony tail - OK

High pony tail - Not OK

Earrings - Studs, probably OK

Earrings - Dangly, not OK

[mechamoose]

Thank you Steffi.

I *hate* hiding, but I get what you are saying. It just p!$$es me off when I have to compensate for closed minds. :/

(BTW, I think you should swap your forum title from 'Senior Member' to 'Damaged Goods')

- MM

[MissTee]

MM, I've always worn a suit and tie for interviews. Rarely have i worn them after I got the job. Just a part of the experience and it shows respect for the persons(s) looking to hire.

[mechamoose]

Oh, I did the wool suit and power tie for the interview. This is more how I'm looking to image myself to lead a team of people, and how that squares with my identity.

If I was just a 'member', then I'd feel free to be a little loose (My friends would say YOU? A LITTLE loose?) But I'm supposed to bring changes to this group. I need buy in, respect, and 'kinship'. They need to understand that I have sat where they sit, and that I *get* it. That I am one of them with several notches on the stick.

I'm seeing where this is ending up. I don't like it, but I see it. :/

- MM

[donnalee]

What I did when I had to go to work for others was do a few drive-bys when work started and work ended and see how the others dressed and how they related to each other before I interviewed. That way I wouldn't seem too needy from overdressing or too uncaring if too casual. seemed to work well. Then you can adjust for circumstances.

[Andy66]

Its not fair, but people treat you based on the way you dress. You know this. Do what you want, though. You will have to live with the results, whether they are good or bad.

[claire_hollinger]

depending on the state, they can fire you for absolutely no reason, so its not like you can successfully "bait and switch"

[kimgirl]

MM, you are in the unenviable position we all find ourselves in from time to time, some permanently. You need to get the respect of the team, recognition and for them feel your leadership. This means that first impressions and what goes on in the early days are vital. You will be under the microscope by them and any chink in your armour will be scrutinised and magnified. So you should present as an alpha male. You can always underdress, toe nails, etc. Once you have set the high standard you need to show leadership, you can let you femme side show through later. Dress to reflect your peers, to beign.

The field I work I work in is conservative to the extreme, pony tails would be frowned upon and could even effect ones future career. However, I always wear something femme, even if its just a pair of panties, clear nail varnish, although I have worn light make-up and nobody seemed to notice.

Kim

[Maria 60]

Well you know what they say, "keep your work at work and your pleasure at home". Just a suggestion.

[Katey888]

MM - you know, you know the answer to this...

It depends...

It depends on whether you are prepared to compromise your feelings and values to be an employee - Kim said it right: life is full of compromises...

Some folk would not be prepared to compromise their ethical values and work for any company that had any military affiliations - they have to compromise who would be a viable employer. Some will only want to work for those that have completely ethical policies with respect to the environment, or the third world and child labour, or the use of animals or animal testing in products... We all make compromises to live in a society that provides security, structure, law and common values... bit hefty for a Monday morning, but just not exhibiting some of these external cues doesn't change who we are - surely your behaviour, your relationships and what you do and say is more important than your 'work uniform'...??

If you worked for UPS, the military or Starbucks, or a thousand other companies, the uniform wouldn't be up for any discussion...

Perhaps you can work on your flair surreptitiously....



Katey x

[Adriana Moretti]

awwwww SSSSSHHH----NIKE'S .................she said flair

[Kate Simmons]

When someone is made "team leader", at least one person on the "team" will harbor resentment. This is something you have to consider. Usually those people will pick on anything that makes you potentially look bad to others. This is why I usually shied away from "leadership' positions and instead concentrated on my technical expertise. Pushing the femininity aspect on the "team" may be going too far but only you know that for sure and if you are ready for an ongoing potentially up hill battle to retain your leadership.

[mechamoose]

Thanks all! I appreciate the feedback!

<3

- MM

(Macho Moose *bleh*)

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I feel for you. It's hard. You feel you have a choice, present as male & have a job or present as female and no job. I don't have a good answer for you. I just want to let you know I sympathise with you. I would love to go into work in full girl mode and be accepted, but I know that would not go well.

On the other hand, several years ago, I met a CD girl who had retired from her permanent job as an engineer and then switched to girl mode and came back as a consultant/contract employee. She said everyone accepted her (in the engineering field). The only person she worked with who knew she was a CD was her former boss. I say this to show you there is hope for you.

[Andy66]

- MM

(Macho Moose *bleh*)

In that case, would it help if you think of yourself as one of those macho lesbians?

...What? Im trying to help, here, but I really got nothing.

[mechamoose]

Hee Hee!

Thanks Andy

[sometimes_miss]

Madame moose, you can simply do what I do; consider what you have to wear as the uniform of the job. Millions of people wear specific types of clothes or uniforms for their work; models, nurses, military, police, waitresses, flight attendants, etc., all wear specific types of clothes, hairstyles, shoes, everything to look the part of their position. My uniform is 'standard issue guy', and I wear it to work every workday and I look good in it, I take pride in my appearance and those I work with seem to think I'm a good role model for the new hires. To me, boy clothes are just a uniform I wear to get the job done.

[MsVal]

I can't tell you what to do MM, but I can tell you what worked for me.

I am able to maintain separation between my personal life and my professional life. My personal and professional lives did not mix. (I am now retired)

My leadership recognized, appreciated, and generously rewarded my dedication. My family didn't have to hear about or share my attention with work issues.

There were many times at work that I compromised my own feelings to do what I was required to do. Sometimes it was difficult or made me uncomfortable. Those times of selfless attention to my employers needs led to many promotions.

I started as an entry level technician at a major auto manufacturer's R&D lab. By focusing on my employers needs rather than my own wants, I retired from there as manager of all their domestic test and laboratory IT resources.

Those promotions gave me the ability to do more for my family.

I wanted to rise in a corporate setting. I was willing to adopt the corporate ways and forego those things that ran counter to them.

Which is more important to YOU, advancement or personal expression?

Best wishes
MsVal

[mechamoose]

MsVal: Thank you. I already determined that I have to 'wear the uniform', as they will yield the best results.

As I may have mentioned, I have been unemployed since August. I guess I have just gotten spoiled by 3+ months to presenting however I want 24/7.

<3

- MM

[Lacy PJs]

You just have to decide what is more important to you. Once you do, then everything else falls into place. But having been on the unemployment line myself, I can tell you that I did what I had to do to get a job. This may mean working for a company that you don't totally agree with (or doesn't totally agree with you) or a host of other compromises. But you do what you need to do to survive. Some religious people work on Sundays so I guess they have to make choices too.

Good luck!

Lacy PJs

[Tracii G]

Team Leader is just the companies title and it is their way of alienating you from the rest by rank.There will always be animosity between you and the "team".
I'm assuming this will be at a salary for you and hourly for the rest of the team?
If so get ready for you to work long hours basically at straight time pay.
I have been offered positions in the past to move into the office ranks and I always declined the offer.
Not that I couldn't do the job they wanted me to do but to lose the respect of the people I worked with wasn't something I felt good doing.