Erf.. *management*

[mechamoose]

One thing I do know is that none of the current people want The Big Chair, so I have that in my favor.

These guys have been without a manager for 6 months (the old manager was out on medical leave) and they have worked out amongst themselves how to get the day to day stuff done. But they have no-one looking at the bigger picture, doing KPIs, coordinating with the field engineers, etc. I know I need to learn how they work now before I consider changing *anything*, and I need their buy-in and confidence that I am 'one of them'.

I'm sure it will work out fine, but I will miss my long hair.

<3

- MM

[Tina_gm]

So many people, just about everyone on some level leaves a lot of themselves home. We wear different clothes than we do at home. We speak differently. Granted you may be compromising in different ways, but most cders face what you are facing every day. And many non cders deal with having a work world which is far different than their personal world.

[Melissa_59]

Hello fellow IT worker!

If I'm reading this right, everyone *now* seems to be ok with how you dress and present. Will you retain the same manager that you currently have, or will you have a new manager? If your current manager is fine with you, I'm push ahead full steam. If someone who works FOR you has an issue with it, they're free to take it to HR who will probably tell them to blow it out of their ... um... ear. If you have a new manager though that you're uncertain of, and you really LIKE this job, it comes down to "stick to your principles or compromise".

I work from home, and I'm very happy to work from home because I can attend winter meetings in my favorite sweater dress and leggings and not worry about offending anyone. I was recently offered another job, making over $32K more a year than I do now and I turned it down. I love my current work conditions, my job, and everything, to chance a new position that might be something I'd hate myself for taking.

It's not always about the money. For me, it's about the happiness.

~Melissa

[~Joanne~]

You should think about it this way:

No job, no money, no shopping for new clothes.

Do what it takes to get and keep the job.

Painted toes - OK

Painted fingers - not OK

Low pony tail - OK

High pony tail - Not OK

Earrings - Studs, probably OK

Earrings - Dangly, not OK

I would have to go with everything said here. You said you have been without a job since august but you didn't mention whether you need to work or not. If you need to work then work. If you don't then stay home and enjoy your dressing. I don't know where you are on the TG spectrum but if your truly CD, then the beauty of it is the ability of going back and forth.

[Helen_Highwater]

tracii,
"Team Leader is just the companies title and it is their way of alienating you from the rest by rank.There will always be animosity between you and the "team".

I don't think this is always the case. I've worked for managers who were extremely supportive of the guys they managed such that, we the team members, would work all and any hours to achieve what was needed to keep the customer happy. We did this knowing that, a) we got paid overtime and always without a quibble, b) After any team meetings we ended up in the pub, beer and food paid for. We were treated fairly so we responded accordingly.

As for the core issue at the heart of this thread. I think it's a given that when you start you need to conform to the expected norm. Once there who knows, you may find the company is extremely open and accepting. I can remember turning up for what is normally considered to be the most important meeting with a new customer, the first one and this was a multi million pound project. Suit and tie, shoes polished on a hot summer's day. Customer's team, shorts and tee shirts. The looked at us like we were the odd ones out and said, gents we don't stand on formality here, casual dress for meetings is fine. So who knows what mindset you'll find.

[Promethea]

Well, I don´t know if everything is as black and white as most seem to be saying here, although that depends on the company, of course.

I started exploring my gender identity back when I was still part of the corporate world. No, I wasn´t fired for it, I quit years later when I decided that job was one more thing I didn´t want anymore. While I didn´t crossdress to work, I would express in some ways not too different from the ones you are saying, Moose. I got promoted three times despite things like long polished fingernails, pierced ears, long hair with a feminine haircut (which I would occasionally wear in a braid over one shoulder), indian patterned feminine shirts, women´s jeans (tight and with bling on the back) and sometimes even wearing foundation and a few times mascara.

Of course, YMMV, and in my case the company was one of the first ones to have an LGBT employee resource group and it was later acquired by (if I´m not mistaken) the first company to have one, and they both were leading in LGBT fiendly workplaces. And well, the people that I had to lead rarely had to see my face, since we were in different cities.

It´s ironic that in another thread you just said something about being true to oneself and now you feel you can´t take your own advise. If you have to do bait and switch, what is so bad about it? It´s a corporation, not a charity organization. No need to feel guilty.

Edit: The first time I read through the thread I missed what you said about cutting your hair. Just wear it in a ponytail, unless the dress code has anything against it cutting it is too much!

[Dianne S]

Moose,

Have you met the recruiter in person? Maybe your appearance is a total non-issue. I know that at most of the places I've worked, plenty of guys had pony tails. Painted nails would've been a bit unusual, but I've seen that before too. And it seems to me that a remote support position shouldn't require any particular dress code!

If there's any way you could put out feelers without jeopardizing your chances, maybe that's the solution.

[PaulaQ]

MsVal: Thank you. I already determined that I have to 'wear the uniform', as they will yield the best results.

How do you know this? Have you talked to anyone at the company about it? If this is a technical / IT company, you may find that they are pretty accepting. A lot of tech companies are. Some aren't. You are in Massachusetts - I'm not even sure if they can legally fire you for something like this. LGBT rights are a reasonably big deal in that state, I believe.

If these people are smart, they'll respect you for what you know, and how you stand up for them. How you present may not be that big of a deal.

I wouldn't let people here talk you out of this before you've even explored it. Yeah, it's scary. Be yourself unless they absolutely will not allow you to do it. But you owe it to yourself to find out first. Be proud of who you are, hon.

Look - it's a little different for someone like me. Basically, at this point, there is no more guy more for me. (And I wouldn't do it anyway, regardless of the personal cost.) But staying closeted is what keeps y'all powerless and terrified. Is that how you really want to live? Really?

[flatlander_48]

Prime Directive: Care, Feeding and Protection of The Mechanism against untoward forces, within and without.

[Michelle789]

Sure, I can go the TG route which can't be discriminated against, but my professional side is questioning if that is what I should do.

I'm confused about going the TG route versus not going the TG route. Do you just want to wear painted nails and long hair to work, but still go by a male name, or are you going to fully transition to female?

In the end of the day, anything that is not living fully as your gender assigned at birth is TG. So whether you just decide to wear painted nails to work, or fully transition, either way you're considered to be TG, both by the TG umbrella and by TG protection laws.

Massachusetts has some of the best TG protection laws in the USA. However, no TG law is fool proof. No company can legally fire you or refuse to hire you because you are TG in Massachusetts. However, they can indirectly discriminate against you and either find some other reason to get rid of you or not hire you, so you should always be on your guard. I wouldn't live my life worrying about it and just do my best job every day.

I agree with Paula, as a tech worker myself, tech is one of the most acceptable fields to be TG in. Most tech companies are pretty accepting of TG people. Some aren't, but many are. In the end of the day in the tech field they care about if you get the job done. If a transgender worker does the job better than her/his/their cisgendered counterparts, then the transgender person is a valuable employee and they won't want to get rid of you. Afterall, they want someone who is talented and can get the job done efficiently, correctly, and using the best technique possible.

Be yourself no matter what. If they absolutely won't let you, then you can always look for other work. The 128 corridor outside of Boston is one of the hottest tech markets, along with the L.A., SF Bay area, and Seattle. So you will be able to find another job if you had to. And these four tech markets oddly enough are the four most trans friendly places in the USA, if not the entire world. And all three states have some of the best TG protection laws.

[Bambi87]

Personally i've spent the last few years hiding away and being someone i'm not, until recently when i decided who cares what other people think, if i'm happy and my family are happy then its all good .
However i've had a bit of banter at work having painted finger nails etc but they're now used to it and its not even mentioned anymore. so once you get past the initial shock and banter phase it soons becomes the norm.

Hugs Bambi. x

[mechamoose]

I'm not looking to transition, I more genderqueer. I go by a male name, I'm genetically male, but I wear women's stuff day to day. Skirts at home almost every day. Modest earrings, painted nails, mascara, bracelets.. that kind of thing.

If I can get away without cutting my hair, the rest I can camouflage until I get a batter understanding for the culture. While it IS and IT company in Massachusetts, it is an outsource services company which can have client-facing parts to it.

- MM

[Michelle789]

Genderqueer is still considered to be transgender, and is covered by TG protection laws. If you have any concerns about your job I feel Massachusetts is a great place to find tech work.

[MissTee]

Whatever path you choose, wishing you the best of luck MM!

[Beverley Sims]

I would take the opportunity as a male and then grow into it.
It seems a bit of a setback to you but really you need to take advantage of the situation to get ahead.
Ilike my hobby, but I do not let it interfere with work.
Yep, I am an IT specialist that is "not up himself".

[Tamara Segunda]

I've just retired after many years working in the technical world. I never had your dilemma, but I do know of one transwoman who was a senior editor of one of our trade magazines. She was nice looking and professional, but her features pretty much gave her away to most people who met her. Nevertheless, she was GOOD at what she did and had an engaging personality. Some people were initially flummoxed when they met her, but she always had the respect of her colleagues; and her staff (both male and female) were loyal and protective of her. I think you should go with what feels right to you. In the technical community, my experience has been that competence is more valued than 1950s-era cultural norms. Best wishes!
. . . . . Tamara Segunda

[reb.femme]

Hi MM,

You can always move to Britain, where the general work attitude and law is much better, especially if you work for government services. No 'At Will' clauses here! In fact after one year, you're pretty much fire proof. I don't dress as often as you do, under dress yes, but I would love to wear what I want to work, so I feel your pain. Just not coming out at work by agreement with my wife. I too am IT, seems so many of us are, so I'll blame computers for my CDing from now on . It must be something in the ether.

You clearly accept the balance required for life and work, but it doesn't help does it? Just wondering if your state allows for dress-code change shall we say, having not declared this possibility at interview? In the UK this wouldn't be a problem, as many HR departments would bend over backwards to assist you in your change.

I agree with many here using my own generalisation, 'hide a little of yourself for your future well-being'. Good luck in that position.

Rebecca

[mechamoose]

http://www.mass.gov/courts/case-lega...ansgender.html

https://malegislature.gov/Laws/Gener...r151B/Section4

Section 4. It shall be an unlawful practice:

1. For an employer, by himself or his agent, because of the race, color, religious creed, national origin, sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, which shall not include persons whose sexual orientation involves minor children as the sex object, genetic information, or ancestry of any individual to refuse to hire or employ or to bar or to discharge from employment such individual or to discriminate against such individual in compensation or in terms, conditions or privileges of employment, unless based upon a bona fide occupational qualification.

Just because I *can*, doesn't mean I *should*. THAT is really the question I'm rolling over in my head.

If I'm going to be invested in a company, I want to make it WORK. My personal goals are less important, but that doesn't mean they are UNimportant.

I'm trying to work out where the line is.

<3

- MM

[mechamoose]

Well, I got the position. I start on Friday.

As I said earlier, if I can keep my hair, the rest I can tone down. I need to speak with the HR department about dress code.

Here we go!

- MM

[MsVal]

Wow! You were interviewed and hired on the same day - you must have exactly what they're looking for. They want you to start just two days later - they must need you disparately.

All this sounds good - very, very good. I'm really happy for you and wish you the best.

Welcome to management MM.

(obligatory CD content)
In therapy today we talked a bit about the time I was hired to fill a position vacated by a woman in a six member all-woman management team, and how good it felt to be accepted as one of the gals in "chick central". I wasn't even out to myself at the time, and the bonds I formed in that group strongly influenced my desire to explore and understand my feelings.

Best wishes
MsVal

[flatlander_48]

Congratulations! Employed Is Good!

Disclaimer:
No Casting Couch was harmed in the prduction of this employment offer...

[Promethea]

Well, I got the position. I start on Friday.

Yay! So happy for you!

[Lynn Marie]

Being employed is pretty much the same as being a hooker. They're paying you to perform a service. They "own" you for the time you're on the clock. Even when self employed, you are always "selling" yourself and your services. You accept payment for your services, you do what you have to do. Don't allow the "fog" to cloud your judgment. Hell, you can't fish on the job either!

[Brynna M]

MsVal: Thank you. I already determined that I have to 'wear the uniform', as they will yield the best results.

As I may have mentioned, I have been unemployed since August. I guess I have just gotten spoiled by 3+ months to presenting however I want 24/7.

<3
- MM

Here is hoping you find your team to be very relaxed and you can put back a few touches as time goes.

[sometimes_miss]

I guess I have just gotten spoiled by 3+ months to presenting however I want 24/7.

Same thing happened to me when I was on sick leave for a couple of months. I got to live 24/7 in girl clothes, never felt better. It was a sad day I had to drag out the old 'man work uniform', put it on and go to work. Not so much the go to work part, I like my job, I just wish I didn't have to dress as a guy to do it.