For the past couple of weeks I havent been able to dress for family reasons,birthdays ,people staying with us but what I hate I have been in the duldrums and my SO has tried to cheer me up but I havent been able to pull myself out of it. She finally told me to go for it today and now I feel so much better but I cant help to feel for my SO for what I put her through. GUILTY YOUR HONOUR' Do some others have the same problem of giving a great SO a hard time because you cant dress.
Love the fact that your SO is accepting and cares enuff to cheer you up when you can't dress. Do you know how lucky you are?
cherish your SO! And let her know how much you appreciate her support!
Hugs Trish
I'm afraid that I've done just that, though I didn't realise it was the reason for my behaviour towards my wife over the last couple of years- the irritability, frustration, criticalness, impatience; I think it all stemmed from repressing Nikki, from not being a whole person. My wife is still coming to terms with the news that I want CD to be a bigger part of my life, and I don't know how it's going to sit within our marriage in the long term, but right now I think I'm an easier person to be around and I see her trust in me growing stronger again, despite her having to deal with the news. Early days, very early days, but I feel hopeful for our future.
The same thing happens to me all of the time. She will even suggest that I spend some girl time to let me unwind, sometimes I'll have so much going on that I won't let myself relax. I'm going to try harder to give myself more time. BTW, take care of your wife too; which is what I try to do.
Dana Ryan
Hi Sandie,
I think this is most likely commonplace in a lot of CD/SO dyads especially when the SO knows and supports on some level. I do know when I supressed Isha I was not a fun person to be around (irritable, angry, hostile, apathetic) and it almost destroyed my marriage (not the TG part as I did not even understand it and my wife did not know) but my personality. Since I have embraced being TG and my wife has come to accept and understand I am much happier. Now there are times when I would like (need) to dress and can't and I can get sullen. I have discussed this with my wife and we agreed when I get this way she says one thing . . . Isha? If I nod yes, she backs away and leaves me to myself and I eventually overcome this on my own. If I don't nod "yes" then we discuss as it is not related to me being TG.
The key point for our relationship is that I just need to know she supports and she needs to know that when I get like this (which is rare these days) it is not her. So we had the conversation up front.
Hugs
Isha
I was that way before I told my wife about my cross dressing. Since then, despite times of no dressing, it has not been an issue. Just being able to talk to her abut it is enough.
One of the many frustrating aspects with mood disorders is the propensity to resist the attempts of loved ones to cheer you up. It's as though the mind is set on feeling miserable.
Of course dressing can help lift your mood, but remember that your mood is in fact your choice. Learn a few proven techniques for
counteracting the doldrums and practice the diligently. Then you can feel good even when you can't dress and dress because you feel good.
Sandie,
In this situation I think we are all tarred by the same brush.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
^This. Any crossdresser with an accepting SO should treat her like a princess. Bring her flowers at random occasions, take her out to dinner frequently, do the housework, give her back and foot rubs, treat that woman like a goddess. Because she's that rare. You're not going to find another one. Ever. You have won the crossdresser lottery. Never, never forget that. Because if you do, we'll be here, reminding you over and over that you're an idiot.Originally Posted by trisha kobichenko
Why? because lots of us have been there, and nothing we did was able to make up for the fact that we are crossdressers; NOTHING.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
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