How Many Are Married and Wife Knows?

[pedebra]

I have been married for 19 years; my wife does not know. Any time the topic comes up on TV or radio my wife comments that "those people are strange" or "that is disgusting". Needless to say, I would hate for my wife to find out. That said I often wonder at what she thinks of my shaved armpits
and chest, sometime shaved legs and pubic hair shaved in a female style.

Debra

[Jenny]

Hi Everyone,

Threads come and go so fast on the forum (bumped lower on the list by newer threads) that I think sometimes people might miss one that might have some interest for them. The comment by Jodi Artemis about a forum for the spouses and SO of dressers reminded me of this thread from a couple of months ago that had quite a bit of activity for a while. There hasn't been any activity on it for over a month. During that period of time we have had lots and lots of new members. So I thought I would revive this and see if anybody has anything to add to the discussion.

For those of you who might want to reply, it might be interesting if your spouse or so knows about your dressing, how they found out: by their own discovery, by accident, or by you telling them?

Of course, it may be that no one has anything to add to this thread and it should just die a natural death.

[Danielle1960]

Wife knows and is hostile to the idea. However, now that 6 months have past she is making ovatures but still instist she thinks is aweful.

[ChristineRenee]

I told my wife before we got engaged, while we were still dating. She is not crazy about it but seems to tolerate it. We have been married for 10 years now and her acceptance level...while not where I would hope to have it...is much higher than when we were first together.

I know that deep down she wishes this were something that I would just outgrow or stop doing altogether, but she understands that the reality is that it is not going to ever happen.

We are continuing to work through this issue on a day-to-day basis. We both are committed to making this marriage work, and through continued education and knowledge, along with a lot of understanding and love, I believe we will make this all work to our mutual benefit over time.


Christine

[kristi cd]

Still single here.

[Darby]

I'm married, 9 years, and my wife didn't know until recently when she found some videos and pictures of me on my computer. Girls was she a bit pissed and it shook us quite a bit but after a few weeks, she has slowly started joking about it. Years ago she found a few photos of me but didn't make a big deal about it... I took the advice of a valued person and it did help ALOT! Thanks Madilyn!!!

[softandsmooth]

I am not quite married - but am engaged. The wedding is in about a month.

My Fiancee knows, as I told her early in our relationship. We have been dating for very close to three years.

She approves - truth be told it did not even seem to surprise her that much. It is just one of the things that I love about her.

CHarlotte

[Teddie]

I told my wife shortly after we were married. And, she didn't have a problem with it from the start. We have become "sisters". We love to go shopping together, she enjoys doing my makeup, and has helped me to successfully go beyond the walls of the house.

[Miss Vicki]

My wife caught me a couple of times. Does not approve and she beleives that I no longer dress.
I wish that she did approve and would help. Life would be grand.

[Madilyn]

because the "knows" easily out number the "don't knows" two-to-one. I have been married for 14 years and living with the same woman for 19. She is a very heterosexual female (and even goes "eww" when she sees two women kiss on TV) and I have tried to persuade her to accept alternate lifestyles, but she's not having any of it. I wouldn't dream of telling her about Madilyn.

She's also not very PC for the times...kind of an old-soul I guess. For example: I am preparing to go out next weekend, so I'm growing my own nails for Friday night and then I'll do the press-on's for Saturday. I tested the nail growing awhile back and decided that two weeks would look decent and three would be just right (for a casual night). I got away with two weeks before, but I'm at the two week point right now and it's not going so well. I was helping her make the bed tonight and accidentally caught her with a nail and it smarted. She immediately said "When are you going to cut those nails, you're starting to look like a faggot". Internally I was boiling because I do not appreciate the derogatory comment towards the gay community, but I kept my cool and told her I hadn't gotten around to trimming them. She let it drop at that point.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do because I still have another week of growing them and she's not leaving town for her sister's place until Wednesday. Do I just be defiant and not cut them (and keep lying) or do I go ahead and cut them? Having my own nails one night is just a fun experiment and nothing crucial to me going out. I could use press-on's for Friday night if need be. I just don't want my nails to out me. She also asked why I haven't been wearing any underwear, when in reality I've been wearing nothing but g-strings. It serves me right for being silly and not realizing that the woman who graciously does my laundry every week might get suspicious when she doesn't see any underwear in the dirty clothes. I guess I'll have to throw clean underwear into the clothes hopper just to appease her curiousity.

Anyway, off topic again, but "No" my wife does not know, and I have no doubt in my mind that she would pack her bags if she ever does find out. No matter what you say, there is a protection factor of the life one leads that has to be guarded. I love my wife and we have our ups and downs like any couple, but to think that she is open minded enough to accept me dressing is a pipedream. I envy all of those here who are able to share this passion with your wife or SO, so enjoy it and be thankful. You are extremely lucky...

Kisses and an Invisible Cloak,

Maddy

p.s. Darby sweetheart, you just about gave me a heart attack with your new avatar...you are so hot . I'm glad my "counseling" was effective and helpful. One always cringes giving others advice that may backfire, but I did it out of a concern and love for you dear. It's great to see you posting again. I still want you to get with the program and find me on Yahoo sometime soon. I hope things continue to improve on the homefront.

[Jocee]

Very married..... with 2 kids..... all who know too. My S/O is supportive, but non-participatory, as in "Honey, no one would recognize you, but everyone would recognize me, then recognize you."

We talked about going on a girls vacation, but when it comes down to it, we get so little time off together, that we want to spend it together with out the other girl tagging along

[Jennifer in CO]

girlfriend and I were getting serious in college so I wrote her a long letter explaining my "desires". Her response was that as long as I didn't want to become a girl she was fine. Also included in her response letter were a new matching bra/panty set. That was almost 30 years ago. Lots of love shared around here....

Jen

[AmberDay]

I told my wife about my crossdressing about five months into our dating relationship (7 years ago). She was indifferent about it at first, until she saw me wearing certain items (silk panties, pantyhose). It made her really uncomfortable. So I stopped for a while. Out of the blue she wanted to see me wear some pantyhose. It was great! I got fully dressed with a wig, she did my makeup, and took some pictures of me. Not too long after she told me to stop again. Before we got married, my wife and I negotiated terms for my crossdressing. 1. No men or other women. 2. Not around her or the kids. 3. Discuss items being purchased so not to effect the family budget. 4. Don't go out in public. 5. Don't talk about it every other day. 6. I can shave my legs from September to March. I thought everything sounded okay at first and I agreed to it. I do regret number 4 because my wife says that I can not go to support group meetings. She says she is all the support I need, I do not need to find other CD's and associate with them.
I am dying for help! It is killing me just looking at websites on the internet. I need to actually see others CD's and associate with them. Wife says, "No, I am all the support you need." I see support as an active role in the crossdressing (doing it around her at home). I fully support her feelings about not seeing me dressed, and I will not force that on her.
I feel she does accept me. She rarely ever brings it up in a fight and doesn't degrade me for it. She accepts my personal hobby and gives me time at home alone to dress.

[kristi cd]

Too young to be married at my age, but when/if I do. I will be sure the supposed wife knows about my little habit in advanced.

Same for me. I couldn't imagine not having her at least know, and accepting would be the ultimate I suppose.

[AnnaMaria]

I am married and my wife knows to an extent. But she doesn't really know all that much.
She knows that i wear panties and not mens underwear. She knows that I sleep in nightgowns or tanks and panties or silky nighties. That is just about as far as it goes. She gave me the impression a few weeks ago, when I told her about the book "My Husband Betty", that she would not be very understanding if I decided to go any farther with this than she already knows about. I don't know if it is due to her fear that someone will find out or if maybe she thinks that she might lose me to a man or something.
I know that she wouldn't lose me at all in fact I now realize that if she did accept me for who I am we would have an even closer relationship than we do now. Though I am not sure how she would react to the idea of what would appear to be a lesbian relationship.
who knows, maybe in the future we can come to some sort of understanding about Anna and she can be more a part of our lives instead of just mine.

Anna

[myld57]

I have not been cross dressing very long (couple of years) but before that I would sneak wearing some of my wife's panties on occasions.

My wife does know about most of my cross dressing activities (can't remember how she found out), she does not encourage or discourage me at all, as long as I do it in private I don;t think she has a problem with it ....

She would not be happy with me meeting other cd'ers so if that happens it will be just our little secret.!!!!

She does sometimes dress me in knickers during sex, and the sex is always great when she does, but she has to have a glass of wine or 2 for that to happen lol

So I stay mainly in the closet and dress when wife is at work and child is at school, thats the way I like it and I would never do anything to hurt either of them.

Kiki

[Danielle1960]

My wife as I posted a couple of pages ago was very hostile but I've seen some ovatures toward acceptance. She has been taking me for manicures, pedicures and eye brow waxings. She still insists that she doesn't want anything to do with it but I think her curiosity will change that. My only problem (being so new at it all ) is not scaring her when she lets me dress. Oh well life is great!!
Danielle

[Ava Mouse]

I told my wife a few years ago. She was shocked at first, probably because I had such a hard time forming the words... "I'm.... I'm.... Batman." er...

She's OK with it, but we both agree on no permanant changes, hormones, plastic surgery, etc. So, I fully respect that, and the family/relationship comes first. (Which significantly limits my dressing sessions, but appreciate the times I do get more.)

About 2x a year we both dressup to the 9's, have some wine and just chat.

I joined Tri-Ess last week and she's OK with that. I'm hoping to 'drag' her to a meeting so she's comfortable with what goes on there. I know she'd appreciate having new wife friends to discuss this with.

[cdgirl]

my wife knows married 21 years i think she is coming around no way.threw alot of stuff away and tried to give it up several times.i love her.this is my desire to crossdress and i love it and i dont want to give it up either. and im not. cdgirl. and quoted from a good friend of mine i hope she wont mind.( my fem clock is ticking ) and im not getting any younger.

[JayinNYC]

And Ill throw on a pair of her panties during our intimate times every now and again, but she has no idea to what extent I dressup, nor that I look to meet / dress with others.

[Natasha Anne]

My wife has known since shortly after we met. That was 15 years ago, and I've been married to her for 9 years nows. It remains extremely hard.

I find that opinion must always override who I am and lately I feel a bit repressed by it all. There's always the same blackmail and passive aggression many of those in the GG world send our way.

It's obvious that in the coming years men will be able to cross gender boundaries as simply as women do to today, but being a trail blazer is not at all easy. I often wish they (those GG's who don't seek to be enlightened) could travel back in time about 50 years and witness the appalling behaviour that was present toward those in the female population wearing trousers and see just how similar their behaviour is towards us. I can accept that many men are backwards, because they've never had to fight for their rights, but for a women to allow history to repeat itself is unforgivable. They often express an attitude that in practice says I can be who I am and that can be anything I want but as a male you must fulfill the stereotype I desire.

I was honest with my wife from the outset, and she made choices in our relationship that she needs to stick with. It might sound like I'm selfish, but I live by my decisions and I now at a juncture where I can't be anything other than what I am no matter what pain I feel. I don't dress often (sometimes months can go by), but I feel I need to dress more not less. I love her deeply and hope she never leaves, but as much as I love her I can't accept bigotry or intolerance ever.

[Donna Louise]

My wife has known for several years. I came out to her after being married a long time. When we met I thought I was sort of over it so I never told her before we married. Soon, very soon after, I started dressing a little at a time again. Now I have a closet full, drawers full and boxes full of shoes. Along with 6 wigs.

She has grown to the point that she doesn't mind as long as I am in the house with no company. But I am not allowed to touch her in any sexual manner when dressed.

Donna Louise

[jessicam]

my wife knows and is not sure what to make of it

jessicam

[Nina]

I would love to have a wife in the first place. I;m 32(33 soon so don't forget) and no one has wanted to marry me but if i did ever get married they would have to be told about my dressing. My ex G/F found my stuff in the atic after about 4 years and things were never tne same after, She always looks at me different. Like she didn't really know what was going on in my head.
Anyway don't forget the birthday. I have a wish list if anyone is intrested

[flicka]

This thread certainly illustrates the compulsivness of cross-dressing. My G**, so many of you are teetering through minefields or playing Russian roulette. I got goosepimples reading some of your experiences .... like the Missus finding you with the constricting marks of suspender belts etc! I'm glad I'm excluded from such happenings