Searching for answers

[Kandi Robbins]

I have to say, this web site and these forums are addictive and unbelievably educational (and fun). So here goes....

I am a closeted CD, definitely not "presentable" or passable as a woman (more hair than anyone should have to deal with). To date, my interests have focused on dressing from the neck down and most recently underdressing. I am trying to either get comfortable with my crossdressing (having been doing so on and off for 48 years, purging each time until recently) or to find a way to stop (which I believe is virtually impossible based on my experience and research). I just recently told my wife of almost 30 years about my dressing and she was supportive (have to be thankful for that as I indicated in my introductory post), but I can see this moving in a DADT direction (always better than keeping that secret from the woman I love and dealing with that guilt). I know I am not a transgender person, simply a man/husband/father who enjoys wearing women's clothing. I frankly don't feel female at all while dressed, rather I feel "pretty". Don't get me wrong, feeling pretty feels great!

What do I do with all of this? For example tomorrow I have the house to myself and am planning on dressing. I'll do a few tasks around the house, which allow me to forget "being" dressed and just enjoy feeling pretty (while definitely not looking pretty). But this won't take long and then I'm stuck in the house with the curtains drawn, a continuous urge to dress and a conflicting urge to do something (I don't sit around idly very well).

I'm not sure what I am looking for, but am desperately searching for what to do with this all.

Your comments will be valued.

Kandi

[Maria 60]

It seems like the waiting is more fun then then the actual time dressed. I always say " all dressed and no where to go" I get all dressed to the nines and I am like a prisoner in my own house, and sometimes I feel sorry for my wife who loves the sun shinning threw the front door, and when I dress we are locked up. There were times when I would spend hours to get dressed and once dressed not knowing what to do besides sitting around, I would get undressed so I could do other things. All the waiting and getting ready for nothing. But here I am sitting on the couch waiting for tomorrow thinking about what dress I should wear. The chase is always better then the kill, thats what it seems like.

[Kacey Black.]

Kandi,

I went through this and that's a hard one depending on who you are... and what helps you along.

For me, I simply under-dressed with simple women's underwear, perhaps a snug tank top to remind me when I moved around. Some days, it was simply painting my fingernails that kept it flowing smoothly.

In the end, no matter how far it goes, (and no, it doesn't end... ever.) There needs to be something as a release valve.

Find yours.

[Rachelakld]

I tend to wear black leggings outside the house with t-shirts (male, uni or fem t-shirts) while working on projects.
The only access to my workshop is from the front of the house about 30 feet from my front door.
I've recently painted inside the house in this mode, mowed the lawns, re-tiled the kitchen floor.
Wife like me to also do laundry, vacuum, cook, clean dishes etc, Oh, and as we don't have window coverings in many areas of the house, I tend to wave to everyone walking past the front of the house just 20 feet away from the footpath.

Now summer is almost here, I've also worn shoe-string dresses on the back deck having a drink, sunning, while overlooking several neighbors and the city in the background.

Oh ya, I think the neighbors see me often when I'm nicely dressed walking outside to my car

[Natasha V]

I enjoy underdressing these days with lace panties and women's shape wear and red painted toenails as well that's to work daily then after work i change to a maxi dress with some lipgloss red to work at home indoors. I sometimes dress to the nines but mostly weed ends when there's more time.

[charlenesomeone]

Kandi, any project you do can be done dressed. This time of year most are inside anyway.
This site alone will consume a few hours sometimes. Dressing to the nines is not the only way to go. Dress like
a GG would for everyday, start a house project, underdress to the home store, and wear a big smile.
Hugs
Char

[Katey888]

Sounds like you've already found some things to do around the house, Kandi... perhaps some more home projects...?

I don't think that's where you're heading with this question, though...

You describe a lot of what I think many of us go through - below the neck dressing, dressing at home and in private, curtains drawn - all that will sound very familiar to many of us. If I can use an example from my own experience, I was that way until about two years ago when I got rather bored with the below the neck thing and decided it was time to experiment again with completing the 'pretty' look. I don't have a beard (Duh! State the obvious Katey... ) and I'm not very hairy, but it was something that I found gave me something more to do and add to the below the neck stuff..

Of course, that then can go a little further, depending on really what your motivations are - and you seem to be indicating you want to do or try more - so completing the look might be a start, and try not to be dismissive of how you might not be presentable - that doesn't stop everyone here, and you'd be surprised what some deftly (and sometimes heavily) applied makeup can achieve... and a wig too...

Something else for you to think on as well (and please accept I am not pushing this as an idea for you if it doesn't fit) - I came here just under a year ago feeling much the same about myself and being in a similar (but secret) closeted situation: a CD and man/ husband/ father who like wearing female clothing. After a lot of reading, discussion, soul-searching and self-analysis (because I am one of those who has to relentlessly ask why?) I have accepted that what makes me want to be pretty, elegant, feminine and yes - on a good day - somewhat presentable and dare I say it, feeling 'sexy'... - is an aspect of me that is more feminine, that crosses the gender binary and gives me the drive that I have to present in this way, and that I believe myself now to be TG, just quite mildly, needing only occasional dressing and rare, safe outings to satisfy that need. Coming to that acceptance for me, lifted part of that question that I was also asking of myself - like you - what do I do with this? I now know there isn't anything really to 'do' - it just 'is'...

It probably won't mean the same for everyone, but realising that my nature is not 'just a guy that does dresses' but more 'a TG male who 95% of the time is fine with being male but has to have an outlet for that other 5%' - that realisation really helped my self-acceptance - maybe it would for others too?

That's my - just keep reading and discussing here and see where it takes you - and don't be in a hurry (not that you are, after so long... )

Katey x

[Kandi Robbins]

Katey

Great advice and hit on some things floating around in my head. BTW, I love the new Avitar!

This forum is the best! What a great group of human beings we have here and some of the sweetest girls around. I have more probing questions, but I'll save those for a later date.

[Mikhaela]

I agree Kandi ... Katey's post really struck a cord with me as well.

LOVE your avatar!

[Kandi Robbins]

I agree Kandi ... Katey's post really struck a cord with me as well.

LOVE your avatar!

I'd like to take credit for it, but it was just one of the default choices I got when I joined. I have no understanding of posting pictures, uploading avatars. I'm an old school girl, I guess.

[NicoleScott]

DADT isn't a bad thing for those that make it work for them. While a wife may, even reluctantly, accept a husband's need to crossdress, many don't want to see it, find evidence of it, talk about it, or participate in it, preferring instead to keep the image of their husbands as the men they are. DADT isn't hiding (you told her about your crossdressing) but rather it is respecting her wish not to see it.
As for what to do while crossdressed, I don't look for activities. Getting and being transformed IS my activity.

[Mikhaela]

Is the a place I can find the definitions to all the nomenclatures used? Like DADT. I have no idea what that means.

[Kandi Robbins]

Don't ask, don't tell

[Mikhaela]

Ooooooooooooooh! Thanks Kandi!

[Tonya Rose]

Kandi, I understand not passable. henc. the reason my avatar is from the back. and those sexy stockings lol. but I agree with nicolescott that getting and being transformed is my activity for the day. My wife asked me once why I could spend sooo much time getting ready to go nowhere and changing outfits 3 or 4 times a day. I told her I was going somewhere. IN MY MIND!!! As for underdressing goes. gotta love winter for that one reason. lol. like Natasha I love the tight shape wear also. I underdress daily and save my full dress for the weekends. I have a small 10acre farm so I never run out of things to do. and some days I choose to do nothing. But feel pretty.

[firsttimedresser]

Kandi,

i completely understand the more hair than anyone should have to deal with problem its one of the things that holds me back from becoming more involved with dressing...I dress around the house and just go about my routine doing what i need to do...even tho i may change up the outfits a few times its what keeps it exciting for me

[CharlotteP]

Kandi, completely with you on the not presentable part, funny enough in my experience, I find that when dressed I am far more productive. It may be that I don't want to sit around dressed and do nothing, but when dressed, I get a LOT done around the house. Will be an empty nest here soon and will be able to be dressed every day if I wish to. I plan on being dressed most days.

My wife is looking forward to that as I will be taking over pretty much all of the housework which will help give her time for her schoolwork. I'm looking forward to it for the love of being dressed and getting to put my lovely forms to use on a much more frequent basis.

Charlotte

[Beverley Sims]

Kandy,
Take up model realroading.

In all fairness you have to start somewhere and also find an outlet for those times you waste dressed and no where to go.
It all comes to us eventually, so don't pine about it.
All my little spare time cracks got filled in many times over.
It just takes time.