Setting your own path or drifting?

[Sarah Doepner]

I know it's good to steer your own ship and set your own course. It's a worthy goal to be a self-made person following a path you want rather than being pushed along or around by people and things you don't control. I used to think I've spent a long time mostly drifting, fitting my crossdressing in where I could while the rest of life went on around it. But looking honestly at my life there have been conscious efforts to push beyond the very basic. Those probably resulted in me crossing thresholds that wouldn't have been crossed without genuine effort. Things like speciality purchases; i.e., wig, forms, and padding; stepping out the door the first time; meeting others face to face; being in public; admitting to a stranger that I'm a crossdresser; and joining a support group all fit into that "setting my own path".

The difficult part of this setting your own path is having a recognizable and achievable goal in mind. If my goal is dressing when I can, getting out with friends occasionally and sitting at home in something cute surfing through CD.com, I guess I'm there. But there may be something else out there. I'm still searching to see where I'm headed and I don't know right now.

Much of what I do is dependent on outside factors and other peoples decisions. I'm thinking I'm probably 40% setting my path and 60% drifting. I don't know if that's normal or not. And it may be the way of the rest of my life as well, I'll have to check.

Where are you?

Do you have goals or are they a distraction?

Are you satisfied with the balance or imbalance you have now?

[mariehart]

Where are you?

Lost

Do you have goals or are they a distraction?

Goals and dreams? Not anymore.

Are you satisfied with the balance or imbalance you have now?

No

Just drifting.

[Lorileah]

So I think Sarah is saying "what do you plan to do about it?"

[Kate Simmons]

Nothing mysterious or ominous about my CDing goal. It's to have fun with it and enjoying it.Pretty simple really.

[docrobbysherry]

I have one main goal left in life. I mean, besides watching my kids, (hopefully), become successful and happy in their lives.

My goal? To HAVE FUN! At my age many folks really don't have fun anymore. Because they've either done everything they've ever wanted to do or can't do the things they would like to do anymore. As a closet CD, I've far surpassed any goals I mite have day dreamed of just 7 years ago.

Happiness may be sound like an odd goal. Because everyone wants to find it. Unfortunately, setting that as a goal isn't realistic. Instead, u have to find out and do the things that make u happy. And, for me rite now? Sherry is making me very happy.

And, u have been a part of that. I'll never forget Sherry's first trips out at her first DLV or our hike last year.

Setting goals in life has been very important in my life. Accomplishing them has made me feel successful! Which makes me feel good about myself. Feeling good about yourself makes u happy. So, set realistic goals for yourself. I hope accomplishing them will make u happy!

Dressing goals don't have to be huge. Just going out for a drive dressed or losing 8 pounds so u can fit into that hot dress r worthy goals. Even accomplishing tiny goals can make u happy!

I certainly wish happiness for u, Sarah. For all that you've provided for me and others, u deserve it!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

There's a happy way that lies somewhere between setting your own path and being open to unplanned opportunities.

The tricky part is deciding what you want- once you've done that...it's simple (riiiiight.)

[Marcelle]

Hi Sarah,

I like to think I am charting my own path in that I am out to everyone including work, my wife is completely supportive, I dress when I need to, go out and do most things "en femme" that would "en boy" but have struck and accord between boy and girl me. However we never truly chart our path complete as too many outside variables get in our way. It is what we choose to do with those variables that determine if our path continues or deviates. For example, I am out to everyone at work (military . . . Canadian so not an issue being TG and remaining in service). So on those occasions when civilian attire is permitted at work I asked for accommodation to express my "femme" side during those periods where Isha kind of drives the ship. I was told no as the current policy only allows those identified as TG/TS to dress as the target gender for real life experience reasons.

So a roadblock was presented. I suppose I could have accepted that as it would have been of little consequence (I can dress on my own time). However, it got me thinking that this was not equitable in that the military is going to have a TG policy but strategically apply it because some people believe that men (TG/CD) should dress as men and not women . . . antiquated thinking in my opinion. So I decided to challenge the policy and am now responsible for providing advice to the policy makers on an all inclusive TG policy. So while I am still charting my own path, it is still going to be fraught with variables I cannot truly control.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

I guess I have a pretty good idea where I am, where I hope to be in one, three or five years. Today, I'm out comfortably to members of my family, several of my neighbors, several friends and a few business associates. I don't belong to any support group, but I do go out routinely as part of my everyday life and have traveled quite a bit as well. As I move towards retirement, I plan on coming farther out to those who know me and hope to spend the majority of my life as a woman by the time I retire. My wife has been quite accepting, despite some misgivings, and we are working together again to make the necessary adjustments.

[Adriana Moretti]

sometimes life gets in the way. Or something beyond our control stops us..... I would like to think I take the path less traveled...even though sometimes that does not always work out ..all you can do is push it along........

[Kacey Black.]

I'm on my own path... a nice happy balanced one. Enjoying who I am, both of me.

[Sarah Doepner]

Change in our lives generally, but not always, happens slowly. We do something once and it's memorable. We do something a second time with a slight change or addition and it's less memorable because it's basically the same as the first time, right? Slowly we evolve into a person very different from where we started and some of those small changes, like wearing your nails longer than you used to or after getting your ears pierced graduating from studs to hoops. By themselves, they are minor things but tend to accumulate. We can drift into a greater and more expansive world of being trans* without making big steps and rocking the world around us. Do we do this "because we can" or "because we want to" or maybe both? There is a slight but important difference between the two and it has to do with actively making decisions rather than following the course of least resistance or the one that's most pleasurable. I won't suggest that one is better or more appropriate than the other, that determination is yours and based on the outcome.

Occasionally I have to go and read what I've written before so I can get a measurement of change. This time it's my signature line. "Being Transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is." Looking back at the recent past I've been doing things because I could. I know I still need to get a handle on what path I'm actually on before I see what I can do about those things I actually want.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
You make it all sound like driving dodgem cars ! You think you're on track and someone gives you a bump in another direction ! It sounds like life ! I'm sure not many get to follow their own path 100% anyway probably be too boring, a few nudges off course is usually where the fun starts !!

[Natasha V]

The reality for me is I have found myself drifting but making the best of it by spending free time walking department stores or thrift shops getting comfortable talking to strangers that I feel secure letting them know about my dressing by way of showing my pictures. This seems to be becoming a trend outing myself one person at a time every so often. Then I feel secure shopping for my femmwear at that location. Hope this this becomes the norm someday so we can enjoy our time shopping without the insecurity.

[Beverley Sims]

At the moment I am drifting....
All around Europe.
Circumstances and availability dictate where I will go and be next...
A bit like dressing really.
Bought 2 pounds of smoked salmon here for twelve US dollars, as oily as and stinks like crazy, but oh! the taste.
How much does four ounces of salmon cost in the states?
About the same price as a Kilo of it here.
Oh well back to drifting and dreaming.
Hamburg tomorrow.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah, I like to think that I have the best of both worlds, I dress at home my wife knows
all about my dressing but just don't want to see me while I'm dressed.

[flatlander_48]

At the present, I would say that I'm on a path of self-directed learning.

The vast majority of us crossdressers don't have the advantage of having a mother or older sister share their knowledge and experiences with us. As a result, women get the better part of 2 decades of coaching and support. Conversely, for us, the learning curve is very steep. It's like 0 to 60 in a couple of eye blinks.

So far, I've been working on the visible stuff. I think I'm doing pretty well with clothes and undergarments. Makeup is maybe 80%-90%. I can walk fairly decently in heels. Next steps would be perfecting the makeup and nails and being able to work on a wig. While I do like some contemporary styles, I really like things from the 50's through the 80's, so my personal style is pretty set.

Anyway, I think all of these things are doable with some time and effort, but nothing major. I think the major deal for me is the knowledge required to fit in as female from a behavorial perspective. Obviously, after 66 years I understand how males function in social settings and just out in the world. However, at this point, similar female knowledge is just a void.

All of this is aimed at being comfortable out in the world. That is the goal. Right now, there are a few situations where I feel semi-comfortable when out dressed, but that range is quite narrow. And, it's easier to work up on the physical stuff. The mental stuff is much more difficult.