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Thread: WHat do you love about being a woman?

  1. #51
    Nondressing CDer ReluctantDebutant's Avatar
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    ReineD,

    When we cross-dressers say things like "feeling like a woman" it is probably due to a lack of a proper vocabulary to sum up how cross-dressing truly makes us feel. I would say for most of us any other experience doesn't compare. One gets a unique wonderful experience wearing women's clothing. The feeling is alien and is completely caused by feminine things ergo it is simple to believe this is how it feels to be a woman. Or at least describe it as such. After repeating it many time many of us probably do believe this must be what women feels like. But you are right there is no way for a cross-dresser to truly know what being a woman really feels like.

  2. #52
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    I imagine many or most pretty women feel pretty. That's how I desire to look and feel, like a pretty woman, if that is indeed how they often feel.
    OK, let's talk about this. You say "many or most pretty women feel pretty".

    First, how many women are actually pretty? One poster above thinks that 90% of women are not pretty from the neck down. lol.

    Here's what I think: most women, if you take an average of all ages, all body types, all backgrounds, do NOT walk around feeling pretty. They are hurrying along, busy with their lives and balancing school, work, carting kids to and from stuff, or when older helping their sick friends or the church bazaar (I use this as a contrast to going out clubbing when you're in your 20s). I'm sure that when some women sometimes take the trouble to put on makeup and a special outfit for a special event they feel satisfied with their looks, but to say they actually feel pretty (in the way you think they do) is not something that I would quantify with "most". I dress up every day to go to work, because I like to present a professional appearance. This means well fitting, stylish skirts, hose, tops, but with comfortable yet stylish shoes (no high heels). I wear a bit of makeup (foundation and a bit of blush) and my hair is always clean and shiny (it's long, past my shoulders, and medium brown). Do I feel pretty? The answer is no. I don't feel ugly either. I just feel quite ordinary. Being pretty or not pretty is not a factor.

    Another consideration: I was taught at a young age to not focus on my looks but instead on the things that I do. Not that I had to be ugly or anything, but it was considered vain or arrogant to walk around thinking that I was pretty. Like a tacit no-no. Have I dressed up to fit into some environments over the years and received appreciative glances from men? Yes, I have, but this is because men enjoy looking at women. A lot of different women. It is true that my "womanhood" is validated in a basic, biological sense, when my spidey senses tell me that a man is attracted. But this does not make me feel "pretty", just appreciated by a man for being a woman.

    Is this what you want, to feel appreciated by a man? This is different than actually being a woman, most women most times don't have men show visible signs they are attracted. If so, then I'd say that obviously your chances are much better when you dress in ways that attract men than if you present as a guy, so you should continue doing what you're doing and enjoy.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReluctantDebutant View Post
    When we cross-dressers say things like "feeling like a woman" it is probably due to a lack of a proper vocabulary to sum up how cross-dressing truly makes us feel.
    I know what you mean. Right after I posted my comment earlier, someone wrote me about this thread and I found myself typing that when I say, "I feel like a piece of pie", it means that I'm in the mood for some pie and not that I think I am a pie.
    Reine

  3. #53
    Nondressing CDer ReluctantDebutant's Avatar
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    ReineD

    to preface my later point:
    Some may say that their CDing lets them feel more sensitive feminine emotions, like loving, caring and empathy. They also may believe it gives them more feminine behaviors and traits. They may in fact have these but there are plenty of men out their who display such attribute as well who would never think of dressing en femme. But Cross-dressing itself can come on its own and does not have to be part of that combo meal. Cross-dressing on its own is all about adopting look and clothes of the opposite sex and nothing more.

    Cross-dressing is all about being or rather looking like some fantasy woman. It has no basis in reality. A woman's ordinary life is not what is desired. School, work, kids, and other responsibilities are apart of male lives because it is part of human lives. When you subtract these common denominators all you have left are the superficial things about being a woman; clothes, makeup, feminine body shape, etc... And at core we are men, heterosexual men for the most part, and I would say that the gay and bi CDers still have the basic male software running inside them aswell. I believe we want to look like attractive woman not to attract men but to attract ourselves. I don't know why this is. My guess it might be on some subconscious level to take the power female attractiveness has over us. Perhaps some crossed neurons reflects what we find attractive in women back into our self image. Who knows?

    But I do know this it is all about fantasy. And fantasies all about the fun, happy, pretty, sexy aspects of something not the dreary, normal, obligatory, parts.

  4. #54
    Aspiring Member krissy's Avatar
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    i love it all. It just feels like me complete at peace with myself and thats all i need

  5. #55
    Perceptionaut! BouncyBouncy's Avatar
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    What do I love about being a woman?

    It's the art of it. The expression of pure aesthetic and the dance of being.

    Women are the single most intriguing and magnificent creation of this universe. Women are soft yet strong, poised yet chaotic, graceful yet complete dorks.
    They are passion incarnate, whether or not they exude said passion, they are the emotion and love of the world, set to a beat. A rhythm of life itself.

    As a woman, my entire existence is about the sensation of existence itself. My skin feels electric, by body a kinetic beam of controlled light, my mind alive with the sheer thrill of feeling
    absolutely everything within and without me.

    As a woman I stand at the bow of an immense ship forging through the rough seas. I feel the wind in my face, blasting my body. I am the closest to flying that I shall ever be.

    A woman is free to delve into the sensation of aesthetics and empowered to seek any and all manner of sensual, psychological and spiritual stimuli. Women, while told to stay in their place
    and know it, are applauded when surging ahead into the fray. A woman can dress to feel beautiful for herself and for others, to feel the subtle textures of her attire, to perform her own existence
    in her walk, in her talk, in her being itself.

    Yet she not NEED do any of this.

    But if she wants to,

    She can.


    As a woman, I am free.


    I am on fire.


    I am the transcendently searing flame of life and love and joy and beautiful fear and terrifying exhilaration.


    I am completely outside of myself, yet deeper inside myself than ever before.



    I am all things at once.



    This is what I love about being a woman.

  6. #56
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    My turn.

    I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately - coincidentally enough, I am leading a discussion group on a very similar topic in a couple of days.

    This issue matters to me - because in my transition, I found that I very badly needed to be a woman, but I didn't have the advantage of being socialized as one. For one thing - what does it mean to be a woman, much less what I might love about it. I had a sort of a naïve idea of what I wanted it to be - but I had no idea whether or not my ideas even made sense.

    So I did the obvious and logical thing - I asked cisgender women what they loved about being a woman, and what it meant to them to be a woman. I was quite surprised by the answers I received - very few of them were either useful or informative. You can see some of that in this thread - women saying that they are simply themselves, that they don't love anything in particular about being women - certainly not the clothes! I can understand some of this - I know women get a pretty bad deal in our world. There's plenty of stuff not to be happy about in terms of the roles society gives women.

    Speaking of societal roles, maybe the radical feminists have it right, and *all* of the differences between men and women are social constructs. This didn't seem right to me either. For one thing - it was fairly difficult for me to believe that I nearly punched my own ticket last year because I was vaguely dissatisfied with my role as a man, and would've been fine in a more gender neutral society. Let's just say the magnitude of my discomfort suggested that such remedies were going to be insufficient. On top of that, I know many men and women who now take hormones to help bring congruence to their minds. And many of us report that HRT brings about sometimes profound differences in the way we feel. I know for a fact, because I have a basis for comparison, that I'm much more emotional since I started HRT. Sure, I'm still a fairly logical person - it's how I'm built seemingly. But I have a lot deeper feelings, and I express them more openly. Hey, before HRT, I never cried for a day and a half over something that was, in retrospect, fairly stupid to be upset about. After HRT - Oh yeah. (A lot of the men I've spoken with report different, but similarly notable differences after starting T.)

    The differences I felt seemed real enough - I am taking powerful mind and body altering hormones, and the ratios of these hormones differs between men and women. There's just got to be something real there.

    And it turns out that there are quite a few things about being a woman that I really love. They stand out because of their absence in my male life.

    For starters, I'm quite vain. I love the clothes, I love the makeup, the hair. I really love makeup. It's a creative outlet for me, and one of the few such things that I'm even remotely good at. I love wearing pretty dresses. I feel really good about myself. I love that I have hair now. As I guy, I mostly viewed my face as a grinning deaths head staring back at me in the mirror. Now? I look in the mirror, and I feel pretty.

    I love my body. Yes, it still has issues - I'm working on fixing these as best they can be fixed. It's a work in progress. It's far from the ideal of feminine beauty. But it's mine - and it's soft, it's curvy, it's feminine.

    This is all pretty traditionally feminine stuff - no surprise, lots, but not all, of us trans women are like this. I make no assertions that any of this stuff is "right" for anyone but me. But I love how I look and dress.

    My voice has improved - but I don't exactly love it yet. It's a whole lot better though. And it's taken a whole lot of work to get it where it is. This is really true of all of the physical attributes I possess that seem feminine - it's all been quite a bit of effort on my part to get here, and I'm not through yet - not even close.

    I love how I interact with people now. I'm flirty, I'm funny, and I'm really sweet, particularly in person. I use more hand gestures and body language than I ever did before. My communication feels so much more nuanced than it was before. At least when I'm not dropping F-bombs. (Some old habits die hard - although in fairness to me, my sister swears nearly as much as I do.) When you tell me a happy story, I'm overjoyed. When you tell me a sad one, I'll tear up. Sometimes I'll do that for a happy story, for that matter!

    Compared to the flat, monotone sounding, emotionless automaton I felt like as a man, this is a profound difference, and I really love it.

    I'm deeply motivated to help others - this is a big difference between my life as a woman, and my life as a man. I love this. I love people for that matter. I'm passionate in a way that I've never been before. Before, my "passions" involved ways to deaden my feelings, because I was so miserable. Now? I care about things in a way that I couldn't possibly have imagined before.

    I have no fear in my life - I feel love instead. I don't quite understand how this is possible - but it's the truth. I feel that some of the women in my life that I grew up with were like this. It's a kind of a strength I'd never imagined.

    But I guess the main thing I love about being a woman is that whether you like me or hate me, think I'm a goddess or a hag - I love who I am now. I love that I had to deliberately become the woman I am now. Am I perfect? No way - far from it. But you know what? This life of mine - I made it. It's real, it's authentic, and if I don't like something about it - the one to blame for it looks back at me in the mirror, and I'll fix it. I don't care what others think of it, or of me. I don't. I'm making myself the best I can be, given the means I have. And that's enough for me.

    I've lost a great many things - this life of mine has come at quite a cost. But I've earned this, and I'm proud of it, such as it is.

    I love being a woman.

  7. #57
    Aspiring Member TinaZ's Avatar
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    I've had this similar conversation with a few GG friends and here's how I frame it: I ask them to think about a time they were getting ready for a special night out and their hair was perfect, and their make-up was immaculate, and you had amazing shoes to wear and a dress that fit and flattered perfectly, and everything comes together and you look in the mirror and beam ...

    I KNOW this feeling. This is a major reason why I am a crossdresser.

    Every GG friend I've explained myself to in this way, I believe, truly gets it. Because they know how wonderful that moment is.
    Ms. Tina Zee - Your favorite gender nonconforming ukulelist and vocalist. Well, one of your favorites, I hope.

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  8. #58
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    So much

    None of it really has to do with clothing though, its what goes on inside that I love since transition

    I don't know what it is like to be entirely a woman, to be complete, as I feel in between physically. And socially my life is all mucked up with transness. Sometimes I feel like I am in some sort of gender / sexual purgatory.

    What really comes to mind when I think of this question though is the intimacy I have been able experience with another person as a woman. It was a world beyond what I could ever experience when I was living as a man and it had nothing to do with intercourse or genitals. I am still pre-op, what will it be like when I am post op?

  9. #59
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReluctantDebutant View Post
    … A woman's ordinary life is not what is desired. (when crossdressing)
    *my own parenthesis added for brevity*

    I know, and this is why I scratch my head when CDers (not TSs) say they are women when they describe their excitement over the clothing items mentioned in the OP! An ordinary woman's life (which is what most of us live most of the time), is not the way that many people in this thread are waxing poetic about.

    Quote Originally Posted by TinaZ View Post
    I ask them to think about a time they were getting ready for a special night out and their hair was perfect, and their make-up was immaculate, and you had amazing shoes to wear and a dress that fit and flattered perfectly, and everything comes together and you look in the mirror and beam ...

    I KNOW this feeling. This is a major reason why I am a crossdresser.
    Exactly. You are describing a very small portion of a woman's life. The rest of the time she doesn't feel this way and it seems to me that if a CDer is to describe himself as a woman, then he should spend the bulk of his time dressed in utilitarian work clothing, or jeans, Tshirts, and sneakers doing their errands with no makeup on, like women do 90% of their time too!

    Quote Originally Posted by BouncyBouncy View Post
    As a woman, I am free.


    I am on fire.


    I am the transcendently searing flame of life and love and joy and beautiful fear and terrifying exhilaration.
    Your entire post is among one of the best examples of writing I've ever seen in this forum. You write beautifully!

    I just wish that my emotional baseline was the way you describe.
    Reine

  10. #60
    Aspiring Member TinaZ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post

    Exactly. You are describing a very small portion of a woman's life. The rest of the time she doesn't feel this way and it seems to me that if a CDer is to describe himself as a woman, then he should spend the bulk of his time dressed in utilitarian work clothing, or jeans, Tshirts, and sneakers doing their errands with no makeup on, like women do 90% of their time too!
    Just to be clear Reine, I'm agreeing with you. I don't describe myself as a woman. I think that's silly. However, because I can connect to how a woman feels - even if for "a very small portion of a woman's life," - I'm confident to describe those moments as womanly, or feminine. And those moments are extremely special to me. We can pick nits over the phrasing, but for me, for a few amazing moments (sometimes, when I'm lucky, a few hours) I get to revel in a place most men wouldn't go, wouldn't care to be, but where I thrive, feel happiest and most alive. It's where I feel fully me.

    And apparently, the full me, is ... me - a gender nonconforming, fun, silly, kind and happy person.
    Last edited by TinaZ; 12-17-2014 at 01:21 AM.
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  11. #61
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Tina, I know my comments were immediately under your quote, but they were addressed to the people in this thread who say they are women solely on the basis of enjoying the feeling of the clothes described in the OP. I was trying to explain that this is not what being a woman is all about.

    I also understand how special those moments must feel. I've witnessed the same in my own SO.
    Reine

  12. #62
    Aspiring Member TinaZ's Avatar
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    I was almost positive we were on the same page, but I wanted to make sure! Now I'm sure. Thanks!
    Ms. Tina Zee - Your favorite gender nonconforming ukulelist and vocalist. Well, one of your favorites, I hope.

    See me sing right here! https://www.youtube.com/user/MsTinaZee

  13. #63
    Member Karen kc's Avatar
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    Could I be a woman? I remember what my mother was to me and anyone else who was influenced by her. I look at my wife, what she is, what she does, how she treats people, etc etc. then compare myself!!!!!! Could I ever be a woman? NO!!! The nice female clothes I enjoy wearing is as close as I'll ever come to being a women.

  14. #64
    Silver Member Majella St Gerard's Avatar
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    The thread should be called, What do you love about dressing as a woman. We are NOT women. I like to dress in clothes that are usually worn by women as do all of you I assume. Some of us also PRETEND to be women, I am not one of those.

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    I am totally made up tonight, my nails are polished in a color named siren, I am dressed in a silky top and skirt, and am wearing a new wig. I feel that I could transition into a woman. I do have constraints, but I feel sooo feminine tonight. I can only fantasize about being being a woman, but tonight I would trade my penis for a vagina. Did I really say that! Do I really mean that?
    Love, Sabrina

  16. #66
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard View Post
    The thread should be called, What do you love about dressing as a woman. We are NOT women. I like to dress in clothes that are usually worn by women as do all of you I assume. Some of us also PRETEND to be women, I am not one of those.
    While I don't disagree with you as to what this thread could have been called, I appreciate the divergent pathways this thing has taken.

    You describe the act of dressing versus a state of being that many of us experience, something we do versus who we are. What I know to be true in my heart is not something to be described as pretending, it is all I know and my initial reply to this thread reflected this. That to me being out & about, being myself among the crowd is a state of being that is where the closest physical approximation of being a woman that I can pull off aligns with the reality in my soul.

    And I cannot take offense when those who are simply in it for the act of dressing to attempt to transcend their male self in an attempt to discover what it means to be a woman, provided this is not over-simplified by defining femininity along the lines of "ooh, I can wear the clothes and this is what it is to be female". At the same time, I appreciate the sentiment that many have that their dressing thing in no way, shape or form gives them any insight whatsoever into what it is to be a woman. We all manifest this thing of ours in different ways.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  17. #67
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Sara, beautifully said.
    Reine

  18. #68
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    Well. This question is worded controversially. Although I am beginning transition, I could not honestly say that I am a woman even when I present as one. I suspect that even when I have fully transitioned and am 24x7, my experience of "being" will be very different from the experience of a genetic woman. Nearly five decades of living as a male cannot be erased.

    So with that out of the way...

    What I love about presenting as a woman is: I feel right. I feel like I'm not hiding behind a mask. I also find people are more friendly to me and in a way more trusting.

    I do also love the "shallow" things like the clothes, the makeup and the jewelry. I suspect I love those things more than most genetic woman because they're an external affirmation of the way I feel inside, they're relatively new to me, and they are far more important to me in creating my identity than they would be for a genetic woman. Perhaps a few years after transition I'll get over that... we'll see.

  19. #69
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Magella, Sara, and Reine,
    Nicely said. Clothes, makeup, underdressing, "make believe", etc. does not make a "woman".

  20. #70
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    The question's inherently loaded. On my own part, I have a Y chromosome and do not identify as female. Clothes do not make the woman.

  21. #71
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I love the soft skin and hair. I love the natural hourglass figure, wide hips & soft breasts. I love… wait a minute… I'm a dude!
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  22. #72
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    Rhonda,

    Thank you, you have come very close to expressing what I feel. I am me. and the female part of my soul is part of me that I embrace. It's not just the clothes, and it's certainly not the way I feel at any particular moment. Isha dear, as much as I agree with most everything you write, this time I lean toward Rhonda.
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  23. #73
    Junior Member Glorialovesheels's Avatar
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    I just think dressing like a women is just so sensual .. sort of empowering...I feel so alive .. so sexual..my crossdressing has led to other things and feelings about my sexuality ... which I would like to discuss eventually.. just need to find the right time and thread

  24. #74
    T-Girl and here to stay!! Rosaliy Lynne's Avatar
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    Everyone has made great comments in addressing the question as stated. Given that presenting as a woman does not make you a woman, and cannot, still, I relate more closely as the woman I present. I am whole and complete. Then I also love the clothes, the freedom in skirts and dresses, the changes hair and makeup can make on my appearance. It all comes down to being me,myself and a whole person.
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  25. #75
    Aspiring Member Leona's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I've been involved in this forum for a long time. I came here all these years ago to try to understand my SO. I support my SO 110% as I do everyone else here, but I've got to say that after all these years I still don't understand.

    Why do you (and many other members) think that wearing these things makes you a woman? I know you're having a lot of fun, but this isn't what being a woman is all about, surely you must know that.
    For me, presenting as a woman is a way to relieve the stresses involved in feeling that my body is completely wrong. It doesn't come up often, but there are days when I look down at my body and just KNOW that it's wrong. On those days. On other days, it's acceptable, and on still other days, it's RIGHT.

    If you see me wearing forms, just understand that at that time I hate my penis, and the forms.

    All the other days?

    Let's just say that what I love about being a woman is that I feel relief when I present, and that's the primary reason I do it on those days. The other days, it's fun, it's a hobby, I enjoy breaking the binary.

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