Almost Caught!

[Eryn]

As most of you know, I go out quite a bit, but I'm not out at my work or in my own town. Sometimes this leads to stressful situations.

Persephone and I, along with our spouses and my friends Christine and Ginger were at a christmas concert in the next valley. Persephone's Law states that the chances of being "made" goes up with the square of the number of us present! With four of us there, three over 6' tall before we put on our heels, we do stand out a bit!

Three of us went on ahead to get good seats while others took the less strenuous route up. After we were seated Persephone arrived and said quietly "there's a situation. Mimi spotted a co-worker of yours." Sure enough, another concert-goer was a colleague of both Mimi and I, but she hadn't spotted me. As we do in such situations, Mimi and I separated as she is the one who will be recognized. Sure enough, the colleague spotted her and they spent several minutes talking. She didn't recognize me.

I'm happy that I didn't get recognized, but there is always the chance that it will occur. If Mimi had not recognized this person we could have been surprised and even though my appearance is different my voice would probably give me away. Here in California I am legally protected, but that is not something I want to test!

In any case, the concert was excellent and we all had a great time. Before we left Mimi snapped a couple of shots of the Tall Girls:

with tree.JPG pipe room.JPG

[Sara Jessica]

Close call, good that you had a plan in place should something like this happen.

Along the same lines, the odds of running into someone you know deceases exponentially the further you are from home (not counting touristy spots like Vegas). Never zero odds though. This is why I'm currently sitting in a restaurant in SAN DIEGO!!!

[heatherdress]

Whew! Glad you had a good time. You all look quite happy.

[kimdl93]

Well, it's a good thing Mimi has sharp eyes. One can only speculate about what might have happened otherwise.

[Sometimes Steffi]

With four of us there, three over 6' tall before we put on our heels, we do stand out a bit!

Women's basketball team reunion?

[Jaylyn]

Y'all look like you had fun even though a close call. Your probably smart not wanting to try any law that protects you as it always makes the news and then they might as well just announce it to the world.

[Michelle789]

Along the same lines, the odds of running into someone you know deceases exponentially the further you are from home (not counting touristy spots like Vegas).

The probably decreases with distance from home, but not the possibility. I have a couple of stories that illustrate this.

1. 2 1/2 years ago, I went to Joshua Tree National Park a few days after my birthday. I ended up seeing that psychic, and her husband when I was there. I was pretty certain it was them, but I didn't say hi to them and they didn't say hi to me. A week later, I went to see the psychic in Venice Beach, and I told her about my trip to Palm Springs and Joshua Tree National Park. She told me that she was in Joshua Tree, on the same day that I was. I told her that I think I saw her and her husband, and told her where it happened. She said she remembered being at the same location at the same time on the same date, so I'm pretty certain it was her. So I saw her 120 miles away from home, in the desert, but she didn't recognize me even though I was still in guy mode at this time, in fact I had never left the house dressed as a woman at that time.

2. I had passed by my neighbor Jim, a 50-year-old male, numerous times this summer and fall. He didn't say anything to me, although I could tell he was checking me out. I didn't say anything to him. I bumped into him on the courtyard two weeks ago, and he starts asking me about my transition. We talked for over an hour. As it turns out, it took him about 3-4 months to figure out it was me. For several months, he thought I was that other guy's sister, and he didn't say anything to me because he didn't want to look like he was hitting on me. I didn't say anything to him because I was honestly scared of what he might think...yeah it took me long enough to get over it. Now I don't care what anyone thinks. But in my own apartment building, where he knew me as a male, and we were in a context where we would recognize each other, and yet he thought I was the sister for 3-4 months.

My neighbor Sabrina immediately recognized me the first time she saw me dressed back in late May.

Although the probably of being recognized does decrease with distance from home, because the odds are you won't see anyone you know too far away from home, you never know who you might bump into far away from home. Even in your own neighborhood or apartment complex, you most likely will be recognized but not necessarily. Thinking back, the former building manager didn't recognize me right away either. In fact, he didn't recognize me until he saw me get out of my own car, but he didn't recognize me when I just walked past him in the courtyard. I think we also need a context with which to recognize someone.

You might be recognized by a co-worker at work or on work property, but not necessarily at the mall. You might be recognized by a neighbor in your own apartment building, someone from AA at an AA meeting, someone from church at church, but not necessarily at the grocery store or movie theater. And apparently my neighbor didn't recognize me many times in spite of seeing me in my apartment building, where we had an established context.

I guess it's luck of the draw, isn't it?

Btw, you all look like you had a great time!!!

[Pumped]

"Along the same lines, the odds of running into someone you know deceases exponentially the further you are from home."

One weekend, my wife and I were 300 miles from home, walking around some industrial docks on the Mississippi river. We walked around the corner of a building and ran into a good friend and his family. All of us were surprised as there was no logical reason for any of us to be there. We both had just wandered through some side streets and thought the docks looked like something to check out. How all of us ended up there at the same time was freaky!

On the other hand I can spend the day shopping in the city where I have lived for 40 years and never run into any one I know.

[Beverley Sims]

3 over six feet tall..
That's one eighteen foot girl.
I bet the other one looked like a midget.

As a collective group there is a likelihood of you all being read but who is going to take on over twenty four collective feet of dressers any way?
If I was intimidated I would have been happy to say good evening m'aam four times.

I will take in my version of culture and see what Prague has to offer today.

[Krististeph]

That's one eighteen foot girl.

I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole. Or an eight foot norwegian.

"Are you a pole vaulter?" "No- actually I'm on da Svedeish team, but how did you know my name vas Valter?"

[Sara Jessica]

The probably decreases with distance from home, but not the possibility.

This is why I said "never zero odds though". I have a couple examples of my own.

1) Circa 2005-ish, going up a mall escalator in Montclair, right on the edge of my no-fly zone but not a place I'd really expect to see anyone I know. On the parallel down escalator would be the sister of my childhood best friend. Had known her for nearly 30 years at this point. She looked me in the eye and didn't show any sign of recognition.

2) Las Vegas, during Diva a few years ago. Was in the Planet Hollywood mall and my friend had to take a detour to the restroom so I continued on to the next shop on our list. I walked in and noticed a man & woman having a conversation to my left. Turns out this guy, clearly an employee of this store (likely in a corporate capacity knowing his background) was an ex-client of mine with whom I had worked for several years. He didn't see me, I did a u-turn and got myself out of there, not even seen by him from what I could tell.

Moral of the story, distance will never make the odds zero. There is a lot of camouflage in how many of us present. Mine these days is gone since growing my hair out has allowed me to go without a wig (both of the incidents above were in my wig days). Wigs are a key ingredient in maintaining anonymity if that is an important consideration for any individual.

[Taylor186]

Yes, the "never zero odds" is why I won't go out crossdressed with my wife even when the event--say a trans themed movie, play, music or art opening--would make it perfectly acceptable for me to be dressed. I just don't want to put my wife into that kind of stressful (for her) situation. I had a friend that did it all the time, and his wife somehow was fine with it.

[Persephone]

Just for the record, I'm the short one!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Eryn]

Yes, the "never zero odds" is why I won't go out crossdressed with my wife even when the event--say a trans themed movie, play, music or art opening--would make it perfectly acceptable for me to be dressed. I just don't want to put my wife into that kind of stressful (for her) situation. I had a friend that did it all the time, and his wife somehow was fine with it.

Mimi and I discussed this over breakfast today. She said that at first she was very nervous at the prospect of someone recognizing her and therefore me. However, after a few months, and the experience of running into acquaintances a couple of times, it became apparent that our fears were misplaced. We simply separated and I was never spotted. Even if I had been recognized, the only result is that someone would have an interesting story to tell.

Just for the record, I'm the short one!

And loving every minute of it!

[Diane Smith]

Distance helps, but doesn't guarantee anything.

I was once shopping in a mall in the Chicago area, 125 miles from home, sitting just inside the door of a women's shoe store being fitted for a pair of heels (but otherwise in drab). A client of mine with whom I worked daily, his business partner and both their wives walked right past the entrance to the store, and one of the women stopped for a while to window shop about ten feet in front of me. Apparently I wasn't seen or recognized, because none of them mentioned it later.

- Diane

[Krisi]

The chances of seeing someone you know go down with distance but they never go away. Many, many years ago, when I was a child, my family was vacationing over two thousand miles away and while driving on the highway we recognized a family from church and they recognized us (at 55 MPH). We stopped and talked and then went on our way.

Now I figure once I get out of the house and neighborhood and dressed, nobody is going to recognize me but I would like to go out with my wife. People will recognize her and me by association or when I'm forced to talk.

[Persephone]

You and Mimi handled it very well, possibly even better than I would have.

But this is one reason that one part of Persephone's Advice has always been that those going out for the first few times pick places where you stand and move, malls, museums, and the like, rather than places where you sit, like theaters and fancy restaurants. That way they are not trapped in places where they could find themselves sitting near someone they know for a couple of hours or end up rushing out in a panic.

It takes seasoned confidence to handle these situations the way that you and Mimi did.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Judith96a]

Persephone,
You should codify your advice like Gibbs' rules!
Good advice!

[mykell]

some solid advise, tips, and procedures Eryn & Persephone,
thanks for sharing and glad that things worked out for the beast for everyone.