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Thread: Is getting caught by your SO really inevitable?

  1. #1
    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
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    Is getting caught by your SO really inevitable?

    I've been reading with interest all the close call stories that are being posted at the moment. There is a view by many that getting caught sooner or later is inevitable and this is just another reason to come clean.

    So this got me thinking. For those who have kept their dressing from their SO, have you been caught and how long did it remain a secret before you were busted? For those that haven't been caught, how long have you managed to keep it hidden?

    I've not been caught, however it's only been two months since discovering dressing again.

  2. #2
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    Sarah,
    Yes I've been caught twice by my wife the outcome was not good because she ran off to her sister and told her !
    That was some time ago, I've finally managed to get acceptance to dress openly but the situation still not as simple as that !

    I've plenty of near misses with other people, there's a thread running at the moment on near misses as you mention !

  3. #3
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    That depends. People are caught in a variety of circumstances. Eryn related being at an event that, as it turned out, was also attended by a coworker. People forget things...a stocking or even the packaging in e trash, or by a spouse coming home unexpectedly. Have some avoided these mishaps, sure. But look back and see how many times you read things like, "my wife found my stash". Not inevitable, but highly probable.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  4. #4
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Caught by wife, first time, 6 years after wedding; second time, 23 years later. A number of close calls in between.

    But now, since I'm out to her in a DADT situation, I'm noticing all these close calls. A pair of panties left out, my closet door nor closed, my computer screen visible, almost forgetting to take my "engagement" ring off, etc.

    The more often I do it, and the more comfortable I get doing it, the more mistakes I make.

    And in case it's not clear, getting caught is no fun at all.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member
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    Generally, I'd say it is inevitable. For it not to be then you'd have to be a master at deception and is that what anyone really wants in a good relationship?

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    So far been married over 20 years and have not been caught. I've been careful. My stash is small and I've purged a lot of great stuff. Some, like beautiful garter belts and stockings as well as some floral print Vanity Fair panties, I will never be able to replace. It's the price we pay for being very private and very in the closet.

  7. #7
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Mistress of Deception here then...

    Of course it isn't inevitable - just bloody hard work!

    Ever heard of Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski..? Whose wife and daughters never knew that he was a mafia contract killer..? (Probably not a good moral example - but never mind... ) Until he was arrested, anyway...

    There are doubtless those among us who will have gone longer than me... but... two full-time relationships, 35 cumulative years, one divorce, two children... and counting...

    Of course, it's probably better to 'fess up early - but many of us could not have pursued that option at a time when this was almost always thought of as a massive perversion... So you hide it... and keep hiding it... No plans to reveal yet... especially when there is a fair chance of non-acceptance and I don't need to be out...

    Klandestine Katey x

    (And did you see my sig line... )
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  8. #8
    chucktownchick KatieGG's Avatar
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    I would say it's bound to happen sooner or later. I have gotten off work early and didn't tell my husband so I could surprise him and if I didn't know already he would have been caught. If you keep the "stash" somewhere in the house the wife is going to stumble on it eventually. I can't think of a place in my house where I will never have to be at some point of another. Not to mention traces of make up being left or clothing left out the odds are not in your favor. To keep it hidden everything has to go smooth every time. All it takes to get caught is one little miss step. But I guess nothing in the this world is ever truly inevitable!
    11/15/12 ride or die

  9. #9
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    I wasn't caught. When we were first married we dabbled a little with bedroom play: nighties and hosiery. I suppose my wife and I considered it bedroom play. I would characterize it as having a fetish. We did shop together for long nylon gowns and peignoirs for me Later, I started to purchase slips and panties. When our first child was born, we lived in a one bedroom apartment. The crib was at the foot of the bed. Eventually she asked me not to wear the nighties to bed anymore. I was OK with that. I did not wear them every night anyway. Over time we relocated. One day our second child decided to open the bottom draw to my dresser. She yanked out a red Vanity Fair bra. THAT my wife could not understand. It was now more than a fetish for nylon dainties. We had the discussion/talk that everyone seems to have. After several years it we drifted into DADT. I had the realization and MY opinion which has been expressed by me many times in this forum is trying to force or coerce my wife into accepting something she did not approve of morally, sexually or otherwise was nothing short of mental spousal abuse. She said she was OK with me joining a support group. There were none in our area in the early 1980's. There was no Internet, etc.

    So, my wife knows I cross dress in her absence and in privacy. I do not intentionally leave any signs of cross dressing. My clothes are out of sight. Of course she does not know the extent of my wardrobe, but, that comes within the realm of DADT. I do not shave my body. I am totally masculine for her.

    I have no desire to hang around the house in a dress because she would not be accepting. That is NOT the image of the man she married. I would love it if I were able to wear a dress and have interaction with her. I see no point in wearing a dress in front of her, if it upsets her.

    "Coming clean" because a wife may ultimately discover cross dressing may blow up in your face. It may not. Only you are the judge of your wife's potential acceptance, tolerance, whatever. Just don't do it because you feel she'll be totally accepting and let you go "hog wild."

    I was fortunate my wife and I eased into DADT, rather than having a big blow out at some hidden secret being disclose.
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 12-14-2014 at 05:29 PM. Reason: Punctuation

  10. #10
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    The odds of your never being caught are quite long I think

  11. #11
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KatieGG View Post
    I would say it's bound to happen sooner or later. I have gotten off work early and didn't tell my husband so I could surprise him and if I didn't know already he would have been caught. If you keep the "stash" somewhere in the house the wife is going to stumble on it eventually. I can't think of a place in my house where I will never have to be at some point of another. Not to mention traces of make up being left or clothing left out the odds are not in your favor. To keep it hidden everything has to go smooth every time. All it takes to get caught is one little miss step. But I guess nothing in the this world is ever truly inevitable!
    Yes, all too true, Katie, and despite the fact that we often pride ourselves on our fundamentally "female" brains as compared to "real" men, there is that vestigial, reptilian, neuron-challenged part that is linked to our knuckle-dragging past that we have to contend with, and which we cannot seem to shake.

    In short, women (and especially wives, mothers, and SA's ) have a sixth sense that we genetic males cannot fathom and whereby - despite all the subterfuge in the world - invariably, they just know....

  12. #12
    Silver Member kristinacd55's Avatar
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    I got "caught" after 32 years.....but it was because I wanted to get caught I believe. 7 years later, I'm divorced and living with a gg who accepts Kristina and knew about me coming out of the gate.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Sarah,
    Being caught is not inevitable, but keeping it secret for a lifetime is a task few wish to experience.

    Yep! Someday........
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  14. #14
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    I was caught....after about 3 years into our relationship. It was embarrassing too! She found a corset I had stashed away and during moving to another apartment, she found it in a box. I had to fess up, as she thought it was someone else's corset. A few arguments later, she figured out I was notnlying to her.

    Eventually she came to a understanding that this was a part of me. She gave me her old panties, but I never felt very comfortable dressing in front of her.....Hell, she even did my makeup.

    Well....6 or so years passed and I moved a box....she noticed it and I was caught once again. (I had purged all of my gear...she did not want me to. Even had sissy dresses she knew about and an wedding dress...HATE I purged that!)

    Long story short...If you are lazy at all, you will likely get caught.

  15. #15
    New Member FemmeMonique's Avatar
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    Oops! My male self is lazy. Monique not so.

  16. #16
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katey888 View Post
    There are doubtless those among us who will have gone longer than me... but... two full-time relationships, 35 cumulative years, one divorce, two children... and counting...
    Oh, and you don't look a day over 30.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  17. #17
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    The cheque's in the post Steffi - and you're right at the top of my Xmas card list...



    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  18. #18
    New Member Evelyn S's Avatar
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    My wife busted me 16 years into our marriage, and it happened just as KatieGG described, with my wife coming home early from work to surprise me. It was a perfect storm of events: my wife had to come home mid-morning from work to pick something up she forgot, she didn't call first (as she almost always does) so she could surprise me, and I didn't hear the garage door open.

    Prior to being busted, I felt confident in my hiding and knew I would never get caught. Since being busted, I think it's more inevitable than not.

    My story has a happy ending, though, as my wife is now supportive and enjoys my dressing.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Jackie7's Avatar
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    what Kristinacd55 said.

    Nailed after 30 years of marriage, no doubt I wanted to get caught because I was just sick and tired of hiding out, and after I shaved my chest how could she not notice? Followed by marriage counseling, several years of trying to make it work, then divorce, then being out as a lonely but determined CD, made new friends, met a lovely and understanding lady who thought it was all a lot of fun, remarried and couldn't be happier.

    But the road to my current happy, and out, life began with being caught and manning up in my big-girl panties to accept the consequences and deal with the fallout.

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member Joni T's Avatar
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    If you're up front with your so from the very beginning you'll never have to worry about getting "caught".
    Jon

  21. #21
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    If you play the law of averages, everyone will eventually get caught. Why, the reasons are many, but one of the most obvious is getting lazy or complacent. Just plain old bad luck factors into it also. I supposed that Sheldon on the "Big Bang Theory" could do the math on it for us, but if some one is in denial they wouldn't believe it either!
    I came to the conclusion that it was better for me to tell in my timing rather than with a rude surprice, so I had more control over the whole situation. Being prepared is at least half the battle, and there is no preparation with surprises.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  22. #22
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    It's inevitable. If you have your own things, you'll forget that one special suitcase or box and she'll find it. If you borrow her things, they'll be misplaced, hung up in the wrong order, stretched out, whatever. Women tend to have an eye for detail that we miss. Have you ever looked in the junk drawer for something and not find it but she does? Mistakes aside, I think the real inevitability is that you will subconsciously out yourself.

  23. #23
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    It does depend on the frequency you crossdress, extent of your crossdressing, environment in which you both live, honesty and openness of your relationship, and personality of your SO.

    But I do believe that most of us who own female clothes and makeup and wear them with some regularity will definitely be discovered at some point by their SOs.

  24. #24
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    I truly believe it depends on the person. There are going to be naïve dressers or those who throw caution to the wind by dressing without planning (e.g., SO steps out of the house and you start pulling out forms, make-up and whatnot the minute she leaves), or you are just plain careless when hiding things, borrowing items (not a good idea) . . . these folks will almost inevitably get caught. Then there are those as Jennifer stated who want to get caught on a subconscious level and will take chances to achieve that end . . . they will get caught because they want to. Then there are the sophisticated dressers (not in the style sense of the word) who are detailed oriented, plan every dressing in the exacting steps of some TG Jason Bourne without ever getting caught. We only assume everyone gets caught because we hear the stories . . . those who don't get caught I guarantee don't post here because that would leave a cyber trail for an SO to find and they are definitely not going to have a personal "dress-up picture folder" sharing pics of their latest purchase.

    So does everyone get caught? Not likely but, I would say a good percentage do.

    Hugs

    Isha

  25. #25
    Sweetheart MissAmy's Avatar
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    You may or may not get caught but coming out can at least eliminate the fear of it

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