A few weeks ago I told someone here that non trans CDers didn´t necessarily have to be supportive of trans people. Well, I am living proof that you can be trans and prejudiced.

For the last four months I have been staying in Olinda, a city in northeastern Brazil. It´s a very nice little town where you run into the same people all of the time. In the last couple of months I started running into another trans woman, quite different from me and the way I present. I didn´t feel I had to strike a conversation with her just because we´re both trans, it would be like "Oh, we´re both wearing red, lest be BFFs!". Yet, it is what we do here, isn´t it? But I guess the people that come here are capable of a certain level of discussion of feelings and ideas, and she didn´t look like she could, probably because of the context she grew up in and possibly lack of education (common here, specially if you´re trans, a bit less if you´re gay, homeless teens don´t usually go to school...).

So, last Friday night, like every Friday night I attended the Serenata de Olinda, where a group of musicians sing popular brazilian songs while walking through the historical centre. Before it started I was greeted by one of the singers who I had talked to a few times before. He was sitting in a bench with this other trans woman. They had just met and he wanted to introduce us. It felt forced (and I do suspect he is an "admirer", as he has been kind of creepy towards me, kissing my hand is fine, he´s old fashioned, he does it towards most women, but blowing me kisses as he walks by me is not ok), we said "hi" and nothing else, it didn´t seem we had anything in common. Then someone came in to talk to the singer and the little group split up.

The thing is that I realized I was feeling superior to her. Probably because of her upbringing, she couldn´t get past "Ms. Male Character" type of female presentation (video which quite reflects what I feel about some things said on the "not feminine enough" thread), and ended up looking like Terence Hill in drag (while I, on the other hand, look more like Bud Spencer in drag), and I somehow felt she was being trans "wrong" because she looked like a prostitute.

I have said before I don´t care to hide that I am trans, but I do care for my presentation, I do pick my clothes and accessories carefully, according to the sense of style that I developed over a life with certain privileges and that was influenced by intelligent women. The look on her face when she said hi to me read full of despise, as if my presentation was making her feel superior and if I was the one being trans "wrong" because I didn´t look sexy or something.

I´m sorry, I do feel a bit like crap for being unfair to her, and rereading what I wrote I see that I still haven´t completely gotten past that feeling of superiority, so I had to share this to get it out of my system.