Thanks for the Christmas reading Reine... let's see if we can all fit that in between 'The Sound of Music' and 'The Great Escape' after Christmas dinner, yes...?Originally Posted by ReineD
Katey x
Thanks for the Christmas reading Reine... let's see if we can all fit that in between 'The Sound of Music' and 'The Great Escape' after Christmas dinner, yes...?
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
For myself first, but also for anyone I may be with, as I don't want to make anyone too uncomfortable --- just uncomfortable enough to help reset the standards, if possible.
T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"
I dress to look good for me all the time I dress, but when I go out dressed it depends where I am going. If I am just going for groceries any skirt or dress that makes me look good will do, but if I am going to buy from an upmarket shop - where I buy most of my clothes - or to the beautician or to stay in a nice hotel - I dress to impress, wearing very classy clothes and quality accessories. The grocery store and its customers may or may not realise I am a man- it does not matter and all of the others already know I am a man. Next to wearing the clothes, I like compliments on how I look in them - and I usually get these - but not always - and if an outfit is not praised at some point in a day (or more rarely criticised) then it will not be worn outdoors again. Hotels, beauticians and ladieswear shops are staffed almost entirely by women and I tend to avoid males whenever I can. I love female company at all times but especially so when I am dressed as one. Some of the women even flirt with me but without overtly referring to my gender.
So I dress for me and to get compliments for me I suppose. From previous threads I think I am in a minority here in not thinking of myself as a woman when I dress - I act as one - but am happy if a stranger realises I am male but says I look fantastic - and it is wonderful that this actually happens.
I guess is for me but dressing nice for someone else is a very fulfilling experience that validate your efforts
It’s easy to say it’s for me and it is. Here it comes, but I like to go got dressed and as I am not three years old I can’t quite pull off wearing any thing I want to at the time. So I may want to wear a short skirt and heels, but end up in leggings and boots.
Hi Kate, If that pretty lady in the mirror is smiling than that makes me very happy.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
To answer the thread title - for me.(being asexual I'm definitely not trying to attract anyone sexually)
Even sexual people sometimes just want to look good for themselves, don't they? Just to feel good about their own self, maybe for a little self-esteem boost. I mean, it isn't always about sex even for sexual people is it?
But, yeah, I do it because I like the way it feels and the way I feel when I do it (not in a sexual way). It's a way I can express a side of me I usually have to keep repressed (or don't feel like expressing). I dress to express, not repress (because that can be depressing).
^.^
My biggest target audience for my dressing up is me, much like a lot of others who have responded. Now, if I go on a date,
I try to look extra beautiful for him (or her, as I am bi).
Amy M. Jackson
Like a lot of other people I dress for me, but I also make the extra effort for my wife who loves the opportunity to help me get dressed and ready to go.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
― Marie Curie
Timelady
As usual, Reine has taken the thread to the next level. Yes, we dress for ourselves, and find some inner peace or satisfaction from doing so, even though our SOs may well prefer we didn't - and we shouldn't expect them to "get it." Those of us bold enough to go outside en femme do - or should - make a great effort to perfect our presentation...not so that someone will like our look as a woman, but rather so as not to attract attention to ourselves as the proverbial "guy in a dress" wandering around the mall. We owe it to this community to make that effort. Or don't leave the closet, please!And who is likely to like your look as a woman?
It is difficult for most wives (who do fall into the 90-95%) to understand a CDer's motive for wanting to be attractive as a woman, if she believes him to be heterosexual. You're right, we really don't get it because we have no other frame of reference than our own basic biological needs that are shared by the majority of people we grew up with and know.
I happened to have fallen in love with someone who belongs outside the 90-95%, but I cannot say that fundamentally I understand where he is coming from. I don't know that I can, ever, but I don't see "getting it" as a necessary factor for acceptance and support.
Shame on those who think ill of us -- Translated and paraphrased from the motto of the United Kingdom's Most Noble Order of the Garter
^.^
"As usual, Reine has taken the thread to the next level. Yes, we dress for ourselves, and find some inner peace or satisfaction from doing so, even though our SOs may well prefer we didn't - and we shouldn't expect them to "get it." Those of us bold enough to go outside en femme do - or should - make a great effort to perfect our presentation...not so that someone will like our look as a woman, but rather so as not to attract attention to ourselves as the proverbial "guy in a dress" wandering around the mall. We owe it to this community to make that effort. Or don't leave the closet, please!"
I totally agree. I have been completely cross-dressing for a little over a year, and there are certain rules (and subsets of rules) that I go by, that apply here ...
1): Continuously look to perfect the presentation. This is done by planning out how to attain the next step. I have been lucky to find another cross-dresser who lives here in town, and she is very supportive, so I am hoping to be able to move faster to get to where I look even more like the woman I am on the inside.
2): If I can not do the maintenance necessary to be presentable as a woman, go out as a male. Today is an example. I had to run some errands, and I was unable to return home before going to work. So, rather than go out without shaving and such, I simply spent the day as John. There is nothing wrong with one day being spent as a man, and as Reine and Jen just mentioned, the idea is to look like a woman, not a man in a dress.
Amy M. Jackson
I dress purely for my own pleasure. I am fortunate to belong to a social group http://www.crossdressersmichigan.com to spend some time with. If I was not fortunate to have these real face to face friends, then I would be perfectly happy to be enfemme, OUT, and the only person within a mile. So the group members provide a nice camaraderie of aware and like minded people without which my CDing would be entirely by myself. And when OUT they cover my back.
When I am OUT the best day is when no one notices me, I am completely ignored.
To that end I put a lot of effort in to the illusion I am projecting as I attempt to "fool" those passing by.
Kate last time a similar question to this was posted I had to sit and think it all through ! The answer I came up with then was all for yourself !
Most partners don't want to know, I'm not gay so it's not to attract men !
It's still hard to explain when you look at like this and if you go to sites to analyze your feelings and why you do it you find you're ticking boxes and trying to find the niche you fit into !
I guess at sixty three I'm beginning to see where your comments are coming from ! It just makes me feel good and if others don't like it sort your problems out because I don't have one !!
Teresa that is a great way to sum it up. I dress for me, it's who I am. If out, I don't "pass" so it's
only acceptance or tolerance, but I am me, dressed how I want to be.
Love looking nice, but everyday girl is ok too.
I dress for me as well,
I look in the mirror in guy mode and REALLY do not like what I see at all
I look in the mirror when dressed pretty and think that is better, this is more how I feel right
doesn't make much sense in my head, but looking in the mirror when dressed in womens clothes
just seems right.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
Mainly for me. I get intense pleasure when my clothes and appearance truly reflect my inner self.
I'm always a woman!
What seems to be missing to this point is that the answer for a lot of us might mirror how some natal females might answer the question. Speaking from a sample size of one (my wife) and anecdotal evidence obtained by observing her with a dozen or so of her close mostly-married friends, I can say they dress for one another when they all get together. Many in their group truly enjoy being stylish and cutting-edge with their fashion choices. Even those whose daily "mom" routines that can seem rather mundane when it comes to fashion choices (ie - my wife...although she can make mommy-chic look super cute!) really enjoy dressing it up in their own way when these outings come up. They appreciate the compliments from one another which is validating in that "they still have it".
So to put this into context, I will present myself in such a way that I am happy with, that the Muggles will see that I'm at least trying even though they'll more than likely read me as trans-whatever, and finally, in such a way that hopefully my friends will see that "I still have it". Even if I don't, at least I don't want to dumb-down the group I'm in!!!
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
Like most of the replies here I dress mainly for me, but I want and hope to look nice for my TG sisters too and if a gg thinks I look nice that is very flattering. Can't deny that I want to look attractive to men also.
...and that'll be a "Hear! Hear!" from here, here
Ashley
Although it would be fun to run around and freak out the neighbors, the above comments pretty much sum up my position on this.
My girly play is just for me no matter who sees it.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
Reine, I cut off the first sentence because I think this is true as well. Who doesn't want to be attractive? Being attractive doesn't necessarily mean one is trying to attract the opposite sex. I dress and put effort into the look. I am a "anything worth doing is worth doing well," kind of guy. Part of the cost of that is the remote possibility that men will find my look "attractive."
Now, doesn't this tie out to your second point above? I am not "trying" to be attractive to men, no ore so than my wife when she goes out. That is the cost of presenting well, however. But we both want to be attractive to anyone looking at us. It makes us feel better. Additionally, if a man could remotely find me attractive, that is a validation of my "passibility" which I am trying hard to do. I can absolutely appreciate why a wife doesn't get it. This cross dressing thing is odd in so many ways.
being this woman is all about me too, Carla. Love being accepted as I am. Great ego boost too.
Interesting post Kate... I feel a need to add a successive post to my original...
Many folk seem to say that they're doing this to be attractive (makes sense to me) and most admit that they're doing it for themselves... me too..
Now - I have actually read a couple of the articles that Reine graciously passed on for everyone's further enlightenment (skipped the first academic one for the gouging price of 35 bucks... no thanks!) and one of them points to research that indicates attractiveness can be governed by genetic similarity, as this affords some sort of benefit in the procreative process, but think about it... If you feminise your male appearance (as we do) - what do you end up with? Someone who looks like a genetically similar, female version of yourself... The ideal 'visual' mate...? And (I say this non-pejoratively) just a touch of plain old narcissism at play...???
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Jennifer, we don't live in the Stone Age anymore, but we still have the fight or flight instinct. I'm speaking of the very basic instincts that reside in our brain stem.
I know what you mean though, when I dress for work in a black skirt and hose (with flats), I don't have the slightest motive to attract the men in my office. I choose to wear skirts over pants likely because of my age; during my 20s in the 1970s, most women in my office wore skirts and dresses most of the time and to wear pants made the appearance more casual. The professional men were wearing suits and ties then, and I wanted to be seen at the same level of "dressing up" as them.
Back to my first paragraph, of course I'm not suggesting that unless a CDer wears a burlap bag it means that he wants men to fall all over for him. But, there is that little "extra" that goes into fashion choices for many CDers, that added "zing" to the presentation that moves the motive from neutral to "Hmm … this is a little sexy, isn't it". The height of a heel, the length of a skirt, how tight the top is or whether it hugs the curves, the type of neckline. These are all subconscious decisions, no doubt, but the motive there is a little more than to appear neutral on the sexiness scale. And what is the underlying motive for these types of decisions, the choices to show off a little more leg and neckline? It is to advertise the secondary sexual characteristics (a well-formed leg, nice boobs, or a mane of shiny hair vs. just a short, utilitarian feminine cut, etc). And if this holds true for the CDer who goes out with the idea to blend in, what about all the CDers who wear outfits with the goal of appearing much sexier than I've just described? Go have a look at the Gallery.
Now if you go out in blue jeans with a high-neck, boxy type sweater, flats, etc, then you are exempt from what I'm describing. But, this is not the type of look that I see in the majority of CD pics.
We have a woman in our office who is a (very) fundamentalist Christian. She is always dressed neatly in outfits that have some color, but she wears baggy clothes up to her neck (a turtleneck under a loose sweater), always long sleeves, skirts that hit her lower calf, dark tights, and black walking lace-up shoes. You cannot see a woman's form under there, no waist. She has long hair that she always wears in a tight bun at her nape. No makeup, ever. She makes an express decision to not feature any of her secondary sexual characteristics. What do you make of her decisions to dress the way she does?
Reine
You make a fine point on the two edge scenarios you describe. The funny thing about your office mate is that men don't need sexy clothes to make a woman attractive. It just makes it easier ;-) But you are right, she's choosing to hide her form. Basically hiding her sex. I honestly believe that for blending in, it is better to show the typical look of the typical woman. That means age appropriate skirt length, heel height, cleavage, etc. Both edge cases you describe are like a flashing light bringing unwanted attention for the blending CD.
in the end, I want to be perceived as a woman when I am out. That "woman" and s my male perception of what "normal" is.
Last edited by Jenniferathome; 12-20-2014 at 01:36 PM.
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