Going to any lengths

[arbon]

So the year is winding down, and it's been quite a year. So much has gone on for me. Still discovering who I am. Still emerging.

This last year I went to Mexico and had a couple minor operations - trach shave and orchi. I had a good time there but find I regret that I did not save the money spent for travel and everything and put it towards SRS. But what's done is done.

SRS - I decided I need to do that. I can't be a woman with any boy parts. Its not me. Doing this has become like the primary focus of my life.

Lately, being desperate to make it happen, I am working extra jobs (I have 4 now) and begging all my friends for money. I still have the same day job. At nights I am delivering pizza and washing dishes for one of the big pizza chains . This really sucks!! Having 18 to 21 year olds who are my bosses, I could be their mother! I feel so pathetic!!! The only good thing about it is that in the two months I have been working there I have not once been misgendered by my coworkers. Last night one of the girls even showed where the stash of tampons were, for just in case. Its just funny cause I always feel like I don't pass well. Working there I wear pretty much the same uniform as the male drivers do and I don't get to wear jewelry or makeup really but guess I am still mostly passing which makes me feel a little better about myself. Still thinking thats going to fall apart eventually and my new coworkers will figure me out.

I considered getting into the sex trade as an alternative to the pizza job, I'm serious. Just don't know how I could do it where i live.

I'm also transcribing interviews for a woman that is writing a book. Long, boring, painfully tedious work. But she pays well thankfully.

Still working my church job on sundays too.

And I have even been able to make a couple hundred dollars doing photography recently. I am hoping I can do this more.

All the extra money is to go to Thailand for SRS, and with any luck BA too. I am 90% sure I want to go to Dr. Chettawut and am aiming for September. So far away!!

I should have been working extra and saving money a lot sooner.

[becky77]

You're doing amazing, don't be too hard on yourself.
The hard work and dedication should be an inspiration to others that it can be done if you want it enough, well done.

[kimdl93]

If the choice is a few months, or years delay, versus the many hazards and indignities of the sex trade, surely the delays are preferable. I can't say that I know how you feel...I do not, at least not to the degree you do. But I admire the effort you've put into attaining your goal..

[PretzelGirl]

You are doing great! You are goal oriented and that is carrying you through. I have probably said it before, but just be sure to have time for yourself. I don't think any of us can push hard for long periods of time without a mental breather. I will always be glad to come up and just go out somewhere to unwind. I would think you want to avoid any sex jobs. It just seems it is the type of thing that you may have second thoughts on after the fact and you can't undo it. You are beautiful and strong. You have a mission. You will make it even if it feels tomorrow is better than September. Everything we do takes some time and it is all well worth it in the end.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Stay strong! You are doing the right thing. (except for the sex trade part)

Try to be flexible about your timing. Don't set a date YET..think out 5 years...you can think about knowing FOR SURE that you will be whole, but you are just not sure when it will happen. Is it better to take less risk (and less dehumanization of yourself)and to accept that it will take as much time as it takes to get what you need

[arbon]

Five years?

No, I need it to be closer, more within sight than that. Anyway at my current rate of earnings I will have enough at least for SRS by September. If I can find a way to make more for the BA by then that would be nice but I can do that later on still. Another vacation to Mexico in a couple years would be alright.

And the sex work comment - it is very, very unlikely to ever happen, its just working this night job it does not seem like a bad alternative. Minimum wage fast food worker I have become. It depresses me. sigh....

Sue - the next time you come up I will take time off so we can do something I enjoy your visits.

[Nicole Erin]

Few things -
The reason they make a lot of younger people the "boss" is because younger people are naive. They get paid 50 cents more an hour but have twice as much responsibility, yet no real "say so" in how things are run. They think they are striding up the corporate ladder. I see it all the time where I work. Kind of like when you let a little kid "win". No one our age would put up with that.

Sex work - Though we hear stories about them making a fortune, I doubt that is often the case. The vast majority are not out there making $1,000 a night. Most of them are probably not making enough to off-set the hassles of dodging the law, dealing with some truly disgusting men, and dealing with internal drama from other sex workers. Plus, I don't think middle age escorts are too much in demand.

Also, do you really think it is gonna be practical to work every waking moment? At our age we just do not have the same energy levels.

[whowhatwhen]

I have to ask though, is all this stress you're putting yourself through worth getting SRS a little sooner?
I know it sucks to have the wrong parts, especially since you posted about how much trouble they're causing now but I'd also take a look at your health as a whole and not just focus entirely on SRS.

Somehow I think that if you work so many jobs then you're going to burn out very fast.

[Angela Campbell]

yeah, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Funny thing I have noticed. The closer you get the more you want it. I am at the by hook or by crook stage myself.

[arbon]

F

Also, do you really think it is gonna be practical to work every waking moment?

Well, pretty much.


It was not such a big deal to me before a few months ago, but then that changed and I want to be as physically complete as I can be. I need it.

Maybe in year or two after the fact I'll look back and think it really was not worth all the stress, I don't know. But right now in my life it feels worth it to myself to do whatever I have to do.

[Michelle789]

Also, do you really think it is gonna be practical to work every waking moment? At our age we just do not have the same energy levels.

I think under most circumstances, it's not worth it to work that much. But sometimes, out of desperation, we will be willing to work longer and harder to achieve something we really want. Whether it's working extra jobs to earn money for SRS, or spending time working on your female voice. Sure, I see how "work work", where you're working for a boss and going somewhere, seems like more work and is often more stress than when we work for ourselves, like working on our female voice. And as much as it probably sucks to work those long hours, it's only temporary. I don't think the OP is planning on doing this for the rest of her life, just for a few months to a year to save up that extra money, and then it's back to normal. It sounds like OP is doing short term pain for long term gain. I'm sure she'll be glad when it's all over.

I agree that the sex trade is just not worth it. At least what OP is doing is legal, honest, and you don't risk getting an STD for the rest of your life.

Hang in there Theresa, I'm really proud of you!!

[whowhatwhen]

yeah, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Funny thing I have noticed. The closer you get the more you want it. I am at the by hook or by crook stage myself.

Solution: Move to Canada
One of the good provinces though.

[arbon]

There are several states in the US that are now requiring insurance to cover TS surgeries. I don't know how many people are really being helped with it yet though.

[Michelle.M]

I have to ask though, is all this stress you're putting yourself through worth getting SRS a little sooner?

I respectfully submit that this may not be a valid question. It's a value-based course of action, and what works for one does not work for another.

It seems obvious to me that this IS worth it for getting GRS a bit sooner. Stress is offset by the assurance that she is well on her way towards achieving her goal.

Stay strong! You are doing the right thing.

I couldn’t agree more. I see so many girls moan and whine about the unfairness of life and how difficult it is to get GRS, and then there are those who will take any job and every job they can to achieve their dream. Keep at it. This will all be worth it, and you have my total respect for pressing on so diligently to make it happen.

Don't set a date YET..think out 5 years.

Five years?

Yeah, that was my reaction as well.

[whowhatwhen]

Why isn't it valid?
Stress is rough as hell on your body and mind and I think it's important to take your health as a whole.

I can see really wanting SRS and working hard toward it but at expense to your physical health?

[Michelle789]

There are several states in the US that are now requiring insurance to cover TS surgeries.

On paper. In real life, there are a number of obstacles preventing people from getting SRS, or any kind of MTF or FTM TS medical care paid for by insurance.

1. Even with Obamacare, not everyone can afford insurance. At last I checked, the cost of the cheapest insurance plans, at least in California, are over $200 per month per person. The cheapest plans don't give you that great of coverage. A plan that would give you full health coverage would probably cost more like $300 or $400 per month. I don't call this affordable health care.

2. Not all companies provide health care insurance. Your employer only must provide you health insurance if you work full-time, and work for a company with 50 or more full-time employees. Lots of us are underemployed or work for smaller companies which do not have to provide us with medical insurance. A lot of us.

3. My company doesn't provide us medical, so I'm not sure if this still is true under Obamacare. The last time I had a job with medical insurance, I, the employee, still had to pay $140 per month, just for myself, out of my own pocket. This is a far cry from previous jobs, one where we paid $50 per month per person, and the other where insurance was free.

4. Even if your company does manage to provide you medical insurance, even if your monthly premium is low or $0, there is no guarantee your insurance has to cover you. There are loop holes in which insurance provided by private companies do not need to cover you.

5. Even if you have an employer provided medical insurance benefit or you are able to afford your own, God only knows how much coverage the insurance companies will pay. I think even if a PPO pays 90%, which is pretty damn good coverage, you still need to come up with the remaining 10%. For SRS, that is $2000 to $3000 alone.

6. I think in California, those who are lucky enough to be on SSI, or Medi-Cal, due to low income or being on welfare, they are the ones who get any serious insurance coverage to pay for your surgeries. I personally know of an FTM who was able to get his top surgery, because he was not working and on government assistance. Cody, who actually has a job, can't get top surgery because his insurance refuses to pay for it. I have a job, but my employer does not provide me medical insurance, nor am I able to afford any at this time. I have an MTF friend who is on Kaiser and currently is on SSI and is getting full surgery and hormone coverage by Kaiser. So maybe Cody and I should quit our jobs and go on government assistance for a year and get our surgeries. I am only half joking here.

Or maybe I should leave the GDV and get a job in the South Bay, where I might actually get my surgeries paid for. I am once again only half joking here.

[Michelle.M]

Why isn't it valid?

As I said, it's a value judgment. What seems to be an unnecessary hardship to one is a worthwhile sacrifice to another.

I can see really wanting SRS and working hard toward it but at expense to your physical health?

Consider the alternatives. A life of mental anguish, higher risk of suicide (for many), a life unfulfilled. I'd gladly trade a few years of stress to set all that right.

[Rianna Humble]

As I said, it's a value judgment.

As is your condemnation of www so if her point isn't valid then neither is yours.

Now everyone, please return to the original topic if you want this thread to remain open.

[AllieSF]

Arbon,

I agree with the others here that say you are doing the right thing. You are an intelligent adult and will know when the stress is too much, and you then can decide to back off a little. Since each person is different, a little stress for one is can be way too much for another. It is interesting to read here where many say that where there is a will for transition there is a way, and it will take a lot of work and determination to make that "way" happen. So, here you are with the will and dedicating the necessary effort to get your way and then you get the naysayers. Being on hormones you get checked periodically. Just make sure in your next visit to mention what you are going through and ask the doctor what they think. Take care of yourself and good luck.

[PretzelGirl]

Sue - the next time you come up I will take time off so we can do something I enjoy your visits.

When I get back in town in a couple of weeks, we can see what will work. I look forward to it....

[Michelle.M]

As is your condemnation of www so if her point isn't valid then neither is yours.

Not a condemnation, just an observation. Lighten up, Sweetie.

[Nicole Erin]

Hmm...
I can see where working hard even at mundane jobs would be motivating if one had a solid and specific goal in mind. But yeah at least try to give yourself a full day off a few times a month or even once a week if feasible.

The easier thing to do is what i do -
I have no real goals or dreams so I work as little as I can get away with. Though if I had to buy a pair of sexy legs, I would work however hard I had to. But I already own a pair so no need to get off my lazy butt.

Another way to "Earn" money is to really look for ways to cut back on other expenses. Just little things that may not be immediately evident but will save a few bucks. Things like rolling your own cigarettes is a huge money saver (though messy and time consuming, use a tobacco injector for ease). Maybe try to grab your meals from freebies at work when you can. Take most of your dumps at work so you buy less toilet paper and use less of your own water (make sure you are on the clock while doing so). Buy clothing at thrift (a lot of rummaging through crap but worth the hassle). turn off the heater at night and bundle under a warm comforter.

I mean yeah still put in hours if you like but don;t forget to cut other costs.

[Jorja]

In my opinion, you are doing what you need to do to reach a goal you have set for yourself. It may sound silly at the moment but you will appreciate SRS that much more when it finally happens. You will have worked hard for it and were able to pay for it yourself. There is nothing wrong with hard work. If the stress level gets too much, take a couple of days off for yourself. As others have said, Stay strong and keep your eye on the prize.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Five years?

No, I need it to be closer, more within sight than that. Anyway at my current rate of earnings I will have enough at least for SRS by September. If I can find a way to make more for the BA by then that would be nice but I can do that later on still. Another vacation to Mexico in a couple years would be alright.

And the sex work comment - it is very, very unlikely to ever happen, its just working this night job it does not seem like a bad alternative. Minimum wage fast food worker I have become. It depresses me. sigh....

Sue - the next time you come up I will take time off so we can do something I enjoy your visits.

LOL...I didn't say wait five years!!!!!! I said that you can put yourself in a headspace where you know for certain that in the future you will have this surgery!!!!
It is hard to get this amount of money together..

Based on your OP it didn't seem like you had the money by September and you don't need some arbitrary date and feel horrible if you don't make it!!

So I was just saying take comfort in knowing this is going to happen, there is no comfort in setting an unrealistic date
..Do not set yourself for feeling like you failed if you don't meet some arbitrary deadline.

Anyway, i'm really happy for you if you can get this done!!! ASAP!!!

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Wow- talk about single-minded determination! Good luck with everything Arbon, you're certainly motivated.