My wife is away this evening at a book club sleepover party with her girlfriends. I started the evening a bit sad, since I was left home with childcare duties. It also reminds me how much I long for group of close girlfriends for friendship and support. After my son went to sleep, rather than sulk to myself, I painted my toes, put on a pair of leggings and decided to share a bit of Danielle's adventures with this wonderful group.
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Last month I took at trip to Dallas for work. It provided a rare opportunity to fully dress as Danielle. As I move thorough my journey of life, I am slowly letting this part of me out of the closet. It is difficult, since my wife is not especially supportive. At home, I mostly content myself with smaller expressions of my gender diversity.
Earlier in 2014, I finally mustered enough courage to go out to a drag show at a Dallas club. So for this trip, I decided to go again. Since winter has arrived in Texas, I thought it would be a great chance to actually wear the tights and boots I have owned for a couple of years. I first tried on an oversized sweater and tights, which are very comfortable and casual, but ultimately decided to wear my knit dress with the tights. I was a night club, after all! The second time out in public is easier than the first. I even got to use my $20 burgundy purse for the first time...Definitely, no pockets in the dress. I enjoyed the show. More importantly, I really enjoyed the fact that my heart was not pounding the whole time.
The next night, I decided to attend a Meetup for a local Dallas group called Dallas Feminine Expressions. They had a meetup at a local lesbian bar. For this outing, I chose my winter white dress and suede boots that had also been languishing at the top of my closet. Since it was a Monday night, the place was empty. I arrived around 7.30pm and there was another member of the meetup group already there. I introduced myself and stared to chat. Over the next couple of hours, I met another dozen or so people like myself. It was just a simple gathering at a nearly empty bar, but it was also a profoundly emotional moment to actually talk, face to face, to somebody else who understands my world in a way that it seems so few people do.
Before it got too late, I decided I needed to get back to my hotel. Two other ladies in the group were even so polite to escort me back to my car. I told then that I was fine, but they insisted. Yet another first, and a reminder that the world of a transgender person is a bit more dangerous that my usual, more masculine world. That evening, I didn't even take any pictures at the hotel. Instead, I just went to bed and slept better than I had in years. Thankfully one of the other ladies took some pictures at the bar, so I do have a memento of the evening. I've cropped the picture for their privacy. The other photos are from the previous evening.
My 2015 goal is to find more opportunities to live my life with the more of the smiles that Danielle always seems to have. I don't think my wife will ever be super supportive, but I am hopeful that I can reach a point where I can better articulate how fundamental this is all to my full persona. Someday soon, maybe I'll find a way to reach out to other people here in Austin.
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Originally Posted by Danielle Austin
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