I'm not really sure which forum is appropriate for this...
I've seen quite a few posters refer to their wives as "the wife". Am I the only one who finds that phrase slightly derogatory? Hardly anyone would say "the father" or "the daughter". It sounds like "the cat" or "the dog".
Opinions?
I'm sure that most guys don't mean any disrespect by that usage, and don't have the attitude that their spouses are "less than." But I have to agree, it sounds demeaning, in sort of a careless, old-fashioned way.
The wife doesn't seem to mind. She calls me the husband or the DH. In any event, if I felt/heard/saw she was offended by it I would stop.
Dianne,
I prefer to use the label , " Wife " rather than SO ! I could not call my wife SO it sounds more like an insult to me !
If I don't know the marital status I just use , " partner ", as this covers both sexes !
Reminds me of (the female) Starbuck referring to the baby as "it". Loved that, and definitely derogatory...
I wondered if I was the only one. Yes I find it more than derogatory. Its insulting and invalidating your beloved spouse into a non entity, an adjective functioning as a noun. It also scorches my hyney to refer to their girlfriend, wife or partner as 'significant other'. That's really misogynist. Is there an 'insignificant other?'It shows them as 'nonobjective' My wife is my wife, lover,partner and friend.
I hate it too. When I saw thread title was ready to mention it. Then saw this is the purpose of post. Is it so much harder to say "my wife"?
I guess it's in the interpretation of the reader, and poster. I'm pretty sure I've referred to my wife as "the Mrs, the wife, the boss, the owner, the ruler etc." My intent in using those terms is not to be demeaning, it's just what comes to mind. In regards to "the cat", I'm actually a step or two below "cat's"in my household or "the house hold".
Which come to think of it, "the wife" does not sound very good grammatically. Example " I have had conversations with "the wife" about the current rules in regards to dressing, does not sound as good as "I have had conversations with "my wife" about the current rules in regards to dressing. New years resolution try to no longer use "the wife" in post.
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You will probably find that most do not mean anything derogatory by the term "the wife" it is probably something they have used in the vernacular so long that they are not even aware they are using it in that manner. I would not read too much into it.
Megan I use the term "significant other" in the general sense when referring to people's partners as I am not sure what their sexual orientation is so I might say something along the lines of "How does your SO feel about that" . . . It is far easier than saying "How does your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/lover/partner/friend feel about that. I don't find the use in such reference as misogynistic just an easier way to ensure you don't arbitrarily cast someone as having a GF when they have a BF.
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Isha
It's been awhile since this subject has been brought up. The expression "the wife" makes her seem more like a thing than a person.I never liked it. Personally I prefer to refer to people by their name as that infers a recognizable personality.
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I know of a couple of guys that talk to, describe their partners with perfect manners. They are the most arrogant jerks in how they treat them. On the other hand, I know of several couples where the manner of talk is off the wall, and they are all wonderful, happy couples. One woman I know refers to him, as "the wife"
Talk is cheap, how you behave is what matters.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
Geez
My wife is now THE ex-wife.
It's better than "the Idiot" which they are calling you when your not around, I hear that a lot when it comes to an SO describing their husbands/SP/whatever when ever they are talking to their friends or such. I always use "My" but I guess that changes from person to person. I wouldn't read much into it and no, it's only derogatory if you make it that way. For a lot of us here, it's to bring our SO's into a conversation without naming them or outing ourselves.
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I don't think there's anything remotely derogatory in the use of this expression. Would you find it derogatory to refer to the judge, the policeman, the doctor or the astronaut? It certainly isn't a possessive term, like 'my' wife.
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It is only derogatory if it was meant to be derogatory by the speaker/writer. Please try to hear and understand what others are saying. Don't put meanings into their words they did not have in their heads. Political correctness running wild, I wonder?
Stephanie
In posts, I use the small "w" wife as a symbolic comment to the road block of DADT. She's my life partner and soulmate yet my CD'ing is still viewed as an abomination.
So, I can imagine from her point of view I'm the husband.
Oh, and the X is definately The X!
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Huh. I've always thought of "the wife" as slightly uncouth or low-class. I've never seen a GG refer to "the husband" on this forum, so maybe it is a guy culture thing.
*I'm* 'the wife'
roles, roles, (*^% roles.
Be yourself, hon. Even better if your partner understands that you are 'different'.
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Well, yeah. That phrase has always sort of rubbed me the wrong way. At the very least you could say "my wife" ... we all don't share the same one y'know (unless of course you're trying to communicate that youre in a hippy - type polyamorous relationship or something).
I doubt anyone uses it with malice, though. My guess is its generational ... in that way, it does sort of betray an old-school sensibility about gender roles, but I really think that's probably as far as it goes. No since in really getting upset about it, unless it's used in a context where someone is clearly trying to be uncool ...
Now significant other", has always seemed appropriate in the context where you need a non-gendered term, because you're not sure which gender the other person in the relationship identifies with (if any) ... which is why I suspect it get so much usage 'round here :-)
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Yes; I have no problems with "significant other" or "SO". However, I see very few references to "the SO"; it's always "my SO". For whatever reason, "wife" seems to be the noun most often prefixed with "the" and I have no idea why that is. As I said, probably just a guy culture thing that I don't get.Originally Posted by Amy Fakley
Poly living arrangements are HARD.
It is WAY to easy to fall into a two on one thing... the only way to avoid that is a 5+ person relationship. that is pretty damn rare unless you are living in a commune. A 3 person arrangement is just begging for failure.
Been there, done that. Have the (bloodied) T-shirt.
(My girl calls me her wife. It makes me feel SO GOOD)
-MM
Last edited by mechamoose; 01-04-2015 at 01:38 PM.
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
I don't call my wife "the wife" I call her my wife, I have heard from people when they are talking use the term "the wife" or the "the kids" or "the parents" I think it's more the tone of how it's said than it is anything else. I for one, although I have used the term on occasion, don't really like using SO when referring to my wife. To me she is much more than my significant other, she is the one I have shared the major part of my life with, which I think makes her much more than significant. The term SO just seems way to casual of a referrance for a my wife. I would use her name instead of using "my wife" but I'm not comfotable doing that in this forum withour her permission which she hasn't given.
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Just remember, if your wife is the significant other, that makes you the insignificant other.
Bingo hit the nail on the head, answers my words exactly in post#6
I would never refer to my wife as "the wife", but I certainly won't refer to her by name here (although it's unlikely any would put 2 and 2 together).
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