Why is it assumed that a gay bar is cross dresser freindly?

[justmetoo]

Not being a drinker or a person into the bar scene I haven't been to any bars myself. I've wondered about similar things to the OP. Why do people who are reluctant to go to areas frequented by the general public feel safer going to gay bars. I always figured whatever works for each individual is fine and to each their own. I prefer to go out during the day to places like malls, museums, restaurants (if I have someone to share a meal with), and the like. That's what works for me.
I wouldn't expect gay bars to be automatically or categorically friendlier than straight bars. I would think it would depend a lot on the individual bar and their usual clientele.

[Ceera]

Oh wait - I know! Perhaps the confusion at hand is caused by a misunderstanding of the word "friendly?"

The phrase "gay bars are cross dresser friendly" really means you are significantly less likely to be beaten up, ridiculed, or tossed out on your ear for showing up CDed at the gay bar than in most straight bars. So in this context "friendly" really means "significantly less likely to be beaten up, ridiculed, or tossed out."

It does not mean that you'll get a reaction like "Dayum girl! You look fabulous in those heels!", although that can happen. That would be another type of friendly.

Actually, at the gay club that I prefer to frequent, I get exactly that reaction, on a regular basis, from both the male and female patrons at the club!

[alwayshave]

I have been to one particular lesbian bar in London on several occasions and have always felt comfortable there. The door policy is effectively "No men, unless accompanying and vouched for by a woman" (they don't quite insist on men being on a lead and muzzled!) However, their attitude to cross dressing males appears to be "OK, we know that you're really a fella but you're doing your best to look like a woman. So...we'll play along so long as you behave appropriately - no escort required". I can live with that!

I am originally from Massachusetts where lesbians hate men more than any hate group hates their victim group. A crossdressing mft will be victimized in a lesbian bar because they are not naturally a woman. I had one lesbian tell me that crossdressers are making fun of women and should be punished for such behavoir. My experience with this group has not been positive.

[Ressie]

And they felt that crossdressing is a completely optional activity, so why do crossdressers choose to cause embarrassment and trouble for themselves and for gay people?

I guess it's optional whether or not we come out of the closet, same for gays. I don't know any CDs that chose this. We were either born with it, or it's the result of something that happened in early childhood.

crossdressers are making fun of women and should be punished for such behavoir

Unbelievably ignorant - both quotes above. Our intersex sisters physically manifest that there is something to being born in a gray area, concerning gender.

[Rogina B]

Alwayshave,There are hard core penis hating lesbians out there for sure,but there are also the softer ones.Same goes for the guys...A slap em beat em leather bar crowd is the opposite of the "patron of the arts" male gay crowd. On a side note,"Bears" are the most closeted group of gays possible!! They "just never seem to find the right girl to date" according to their parents! [who haven't a clue!]

[missVS]

I have frequented a few clubs here lately and in Dallas. I have had great times met nice people and have had no issues in gay friendly places. Here the club I frequent always has a few crossdressers there beside me and it seems nobody cares there your just another face in the crowd. I even met a very nice gay man I talked to for a while and always do when I go so from my personal experiences it is a much better place to hang out have fun dance drink watch music videos etc than a straight nightclub. It is wrong in my opinion and from experience to say that this is just an illusion or a false perception that its safer in these places. In this town it is definitely better safer more interesting and definitely a mixture of interesting characters.
I am serious crossdresser and I do not feel I was born with it and did not have something happen to me in childhood. I do it because I like it and it feels wonderful to me. It is somewhat of a choice for me and I choose to do it.

[Eleonore]

I've always wanted to be able to enter a bar fully dressed. Actually, since I've been DJ for many many years my secret dream is to work in a bar as Drag Dj or something like that.....shall I keep dreaming?

[funtimesinheels]

I've always wanted to be able to enter a bar fully dressed. Actually, since I've been DJ for many many years my secret dream is to work in a bar as Drag Dj or something like that.....shall I keep dreaming?

That is too funny! I was a dj for 16 years and always dreamt of djing in full dress! Still do! For years I thought i was the only one! Good to know I'm not alone! Lol

Jenna

[MelanieAnne]

That is too funny! I was a dj for 16 years and always dreamt of djing in full dress! Still do! For years I thought i was the only one! Good to know I'm not alone! Lol

A DJ for 32 years here. Made a nice living at it. Never had any desire to DJ en fem. Always kept it separate from my work. Saw a few CDs at our singles dances over the years. Nobody bothered them. Some of the men would dare each other to ask the CD to dance. One guy didn't know the "lady" he asked to dance was a CD, until the other guys told him. His face got red and he left. One "lady" looked really hot, I have to say.

[AmyGaleRT]

It really depends on the venue. In Denver, most "gay bars" are trans-friendly. I saw a list online of the top gay bars in Denver, and I realized I'd been to the first four on the list! (Tracks, the Black Crown, Charlie's, and the Aqua Lounge)

However, there is one gay bar in Denver that is noted for its unfriendliness to transwomen...probably because it caters to "bears," or the really hyper-masculine kind of gay men. It's been so bad that there have actually been complaints to the Colorado Civil Rights Commission. Of course, given its clientele, it's unlikely I'd be interested in going there anyway...

Really, Denver is a very "open city" for trans people; we can go pretty much anywhere.

- Amy

[SusanaO]

Probably been said already, but:

Because it is assumed gay people are open-minded. However, gender identity and sexual orientation need not be related (almost always isn't). I've personally witnessed gay men talking down on transgendered people. Likewise, I've read comments from CD's that seem a bit homophobic (e.g. "I love dressing as a woman because I love women, but two guys together is just gross.").

But, I'd say choosing a gay bar over a "regular" bar has a better probability of being accepting.

[Judith96a]

I am originally from Massachusetts where lesbians hate men more than any hate group hates their victim group. A crossdressing mft will be victimized in a lesbian bar because they are not naturally a woman. I had one lesbian tell me that crossdressers are making fun of women and should be punished for such behavoir. My experience with this group has not been positive.

Just goes to show that for any 'label' what happens in one bar tells you absolutely nothing about what might happen in any other bar with the same label!

The moral, especially for those who may be visiting an unfamiliar area? Assume nothing, ask the local TG community!

[sabrinaedwards]

I have been to a good number of gay bars, but one thing that I always do is to contact the place prior to going there dressed. I telephone and ask if they are friendly to patrons who are crossdressed. Usually they are and I have not had a negative experience while using this mode of operation. Recently I went to a place that was new to me. I contacted the place and they said that there was no issue. When I arrived there were a lot of people there. I identified my self to one of the staff and she sat with me for a time. I had a positive experience there. Planning and preparation helps to alleviate issues.

[Lexi Moralas]

I ve been to a couple regular gay bars that don't advertise "T -friendly " and got a luke warm reception. Better than if I walked into a sports bar. But nothing special. But I would prefer an openly T friendly place like brass rail , triangles or ( rip ) cedar brook.
On the flip side I recently read an article
About people In the T community insulted by a trend of none CD gay men taking to dressing solely for the opportunity to hook up with young attractive men that would otherwise be out of there league.
It was an interesting point of view.

[Ressie]

I am serious crossdresser and I do not feel I was born with it and did not have something happen to me in childhood. I do it because I like it and it feels wonderful to me. It is somewhat of a choice for me and I choose to do it.

Could be, but do you remember everything that happened to you between ages 0 and 3? Some moms like to see what their baby looks like in an article of their sister's clothing.

[Eleonore]

That is too funny! I was a dj for 16 years and always dreamt of djing in full dress! Still do! For years I thought i was the only one! Good to know I'm not alone! Lol

Jenna

Do we really think it's just coincidence that CD + DJ become CDJ the most used word in DJ world nowadays?

[MelanieAnne]

Whether you are tolerated or accepted, I do believe you are less likely to be bothered, harassed, or beat up in a gay bar. Personally, I don't care if they accept me or not, as long as they don't bother me.

[sometimes_miss]

From personal experience, there are plenty of gay guys who are every bit as transphobic, but they don't tend to lash out violently. I would still recommend to anyone going out dressed for the first time that a gay bar is a good, safe place to spread your wings.

Just don't forget, that if you're going to a gay bar, dressed as a female, there will be a natural assumption by those who are there, that YOU are also gay, and don't be surprised when you get not so kind comments when guys there hit on you and you then try to explain to them that you're straight.

[NicoleScott]

I have been to a good number of gay bars, but one thing that I always do is to contact the place prior to going there dressed. I telephone and ask if they are friendly to patrons who are crossdressed.

Since the experiences of those that responded are varied, Sabrina's advice is best. If you aren't sure, call first. I went (in guy mode) in the afternoon to a club I had never been to, and asked all the pertinent questions (crossdressers welcome: yes; restroom: either; etc.). So I went. no problems. And no need to make assumptions.
One big clue that the club was cd-friendly is that they had drag queen and drag king shows on certain days. But I still made no assumptions and inquired.

[Joni Beauman]

I have tried both gay and straightish bars. Always alone, so without any honest feedback, I always think I pass - for about a minute. Then the bartender gives that involuntary smirk. That's about it. If you can endure that...sigh. Joni

[Krisi]

"Why is it assumed that a gay bar is cross dresser freindly? "

I don't assume that. I can only guess that most people think crossdressers are gay so that's where we would fit in best.

[Pat]

There are gay bars and gay bars, if you know what I mean... there are some hard-core, men-only gay bars I wouldn't step into and there are LGBT bars that are wonderful, welcoming places. You gotta know your crowd; you gotta sense the room. Bars being businesses, most gay bars are open to all the LGBT spectrum because we all buy drinks and that's probably why there's a perception of "gay bars" being a safe haven. But even in friendly bars there are often corners where there's a "territory" staked out. Know your crowd; sense the room.

[kkaye]

I could have told you about the lesbian crowd. These women are in a class by themselves and do not meld with no other crowd. Then there are the draq queens that are vocal, in your face, judgmental, in your face, I avoid. It's been said in this thread. Check it out first please. I found that on line searches will find places in some towns that are specific about being CD friendly, and offer event calendars like here in Houston.

[ReineD]

I find that gay bars in general are more click-ish than regular bars but this depends on the area too. It most always seems as if everyone knows each other, or there are large groups of friends who hang out there. This is likely because the community in general is small and there aren't that many gay bars in any given area?

[mechamoose]

CD is NOT the same as DQ.

DQs are usually a character. CDs are usually being themselves, and are terrified.

Gay males are males who like other males. Our community are folks who are not comfortable in their natural-born flesh, and feel like aliens in their own skin.

Gays & Lesbians have *all*kinds* of my respect. They want to be themselves. I would suggest that while many question their roles, nobody questions their gender. Our members are on the other end of that... gender is at issue, but roles are pretty bare and open.

Where is Geordi?!?!? "Captain, we need to reverse polarity!!!"

- MM