Another take on the 'female vs male persona' debate

[Danitgirl1]

Hi everyone
I have always maintained that I am fundamentally the same person en femme as I am in male mode.
However when out dancing at a party this weekend I realised that I love dancing when in female mode, but it does NOTHING for me as a male.
Very strange.
I have blogged about it in more detail (see my signature if you want to read the whole story), I wonder if anyone else has this experience and what you feel about it.
Daniella

[ReineD]

I believe you, and I've read many other CDers say this, but it's difficult for me to understand the idea that preferences change based on how a person is dressed. But, I do think that how much we appreciate or don't appreciate things is based on the mood we're in. Maybe the act of dressing gives you a really good feeling and this might color your approach to things?

For example, if I've just gotten a raise, or a promotion, or have won the lottery, or other thing that puts me in an elevated mood, I would be in a great mood and I would feel like laughing or partying. I'd have a great time on the dance floor. If I had cares or pressures in my life they would be temporarily eclipsed. On the other hand, if I've just had a really bad day at work or my dog died, I don't think I'd enjoy dancing so much.

Does dressing make you feel good? Maybe this is why you behave in a more care-free manner when you are dressed? Also, maybe you like the feel of the clothes moving across your body when you are dancing? Does your style of dancing change when you are dressed up from when you're in guy mode? Maybe you enjoy moving like a girl?

[Lynn Marie]

So my question is, when dancing enfemme are you "leading" or "following "?

[alwayshave]

I like dancing in both male or femme mode. As to Lynn's question regarding leading or following, I lead. I have been dancing with my fiancee a number of times when dressed and she tried to lead once, but it was unnatural to me. At this point it is just a matter of muscle memory, I suppose I could learn to follow.

[deebra]

Reine hit on a lot of it, dressing to get ready to go out, the feel of the clothes when moving and dancing, displaying your femimine self and wearing high heels.

[Ceera]

I also find I like dancing a lot more en-femme than I do in male mode. "Ceera" wants to get out of the house every weekend to go dancing at her favorite nightclub. My male mode self virtually never goes to nightclubs, though I will attend a dance if one is held at a convention I am attending.

More often than not I just get out on the floor on my own and dance with whoever seems receptive. Girls, guys, it doesn't matter to me. Seems just about even odds at the gay club I go to whether a lesbian or bi girl or a gay guy ends up asking me to dance, or wants to buy me drinks. (There aren't too many straight guys there, so I don't know yet how likely it would be for a straight guy to want to dance with Ceera.

Lead or follow depends on my partner. If a guy asks Ceera to dance in a way that there is a lead or follow involved, I follow. When my partner is a girl, which is pretty common, we trade off. If she wants to lead I let her. Recently I learned how to dance the Foxtrot, while in male mode, and I made a point of learning both parts - how to lead and how to follow.

[Beverley Sims]

I have more fun dancing with other girls dressed as a girl than a a guy.

Being a girl is a great conversation piece when dancing.

[docrobbysherry]

There is a huge difference dancing in female mode for me. The girdles, forms, and high heels r quite restricting and challenging to move in. Compared to the total dorky freedom I have when dancing in drab.

Plus, I try hard to move sensually, using my legs, arms, hips, and chest. I'm getting pretty good at dancing in 4"+ heels. The rest of it is a work in progress. But, u know what they say; practice, practice, practice!

[Kate Simmons]

I enjoy dancing in both modes. I just seem to "get away" with more on the dance floor when en femme.

[sometimes_miss]

However when out dancing at a party this weekend I realised that I love dancing when in female mode, but it does NOTHING for me as a male.

If you enjoy something, you enjoy it. Period. Most likely when you're envisioning yourself in guy mode, you're blocking out a part of your feelings that you consider inappropriate, such as the concept that a guy might enjoy dancing. Lots of 'real men' consider dancing effeminate, and make fun of other guys who dance, often referring to it as an activity that only a gay man might enjoy. The reach of conditioned homophobia is huge. Nearly all of us have been brought up to believe that doing anything feminine is the worst possible thing we can do. Remember, it's not your fault. I got a lot of flak from my friends when I went to dancing school; that is, until I managed to start dating very attractive women on a regular basis, then the questions started coming from them for me to introduce them to some of their girlfriends. When I told them all they have to do is take the girls dancing, all of a sudden their tone changed, with remarks like 'nah, I don't do p*ssy stuff like that'. Lots of men will even forego dating a hot girl if it means doing anything that might put his masculinity into question. All because of the rampant homophobia in western society.

[Rachelakld]

Sometimes Missed, "if you enjoy something, you enjoy it". It really depends on WHO your are at that moment.
This is what we mean by OWNING IT, when we dress.

I like motor racing, but I don't like paying for petrol (about $10 per gallon here), so I need to check which sub-personality is putting fuel in the car, otherwise I'd end up at home doing something a lot cheaper instead of motor racing.

Dancing comes more natural to the feminine state of mind (it is a female mating ritual) where the male it's all about a show of muscles (fighting, body building, keeping tight etc) so to dance freely, we need to "switch over" to the fem mode personality where dance is more natural, otherwise we look like stiff boards doing the shuffle while trying to look tough.

[Candice Mae]

In my opinion if you personality does not change when your dressed the meaning of your dressing goes deeper than sexual or fetish reasons.

[LilSissyStevie]

I grew up with a kind of ultra macho crowd where boys didn't dance except maybe slow dances. (Did Fonzie dance? No!) When we had dances at school the girls danced with each other. I don't even know where that came from because my parents, when they were together, had a whole shelf of trophies they won in jitterbug contests. So I never learned to dance until after my divorce. A co-worker talked me in to taking dance lessons in country/western dance. I wasn't into modern country music but I wasn't doing anything else but sitting around feeling sorry for myself so I said "what the heck." I did that for a few years and got pretty good and it was a lot of fun with a good partner but eventually I lost interest. Then I went back to my roots. I used to watch my grandmother dance in the kitchen while she was humming an old tune and slugging down a fifth of Seagrams 7. It turns out that the style of dance she did is called flatfoot or buckdancing. It's similar to clogging but closer to the ground and freeform rather than choreographed. I've been doing that for a number of years and it's good exercise if nothing else. There is no gender in flatfooting but I do like to put on a square dance skirt with my fluffiest petticoats and let them fly.

Here's an example of flatfoot dancing nice and slow. When it's done fast is can look like a marionette.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyqcHMPa1O8

[Katey888]

Goodness! Do we have to bring sex, fetish, personas and cripes-only-knows-what into dancing...???

Can't it just be fun to do however you're dressed, and if a little bit of sensuous, sinuous, shimmying goes better when you look like a girl, just go for it! I've said before, my wife thinks I dance like a girl... I guess I can't really modify what the music makes me want to do - it's definitely more deep rooted...

Nice video Stevie - good to see traditional stuff still going strong although clogging at home in the kitchen probably isn't the best of ideas if you're in a 2nd floor bedsit and you value your neighbours' friendships... Now I'm off to boogie up an omelette for my wife...

Katey x

[Rachelakld]

Well it did open as "another take on female vs male persona debate" so why not.

So Katey, maybe if you have always danced like a girl, reguardless of how you dress, then I would suspect you are who you are.

As for me, in male mode I could never lift my arms up high in a venerable position and wiggle my behind at the same time, actually my arms never went higher than a punch. Probably because guys are meant to be tough (like the Fonz), not submissive or sensual

[CountessVF]

I think it's simple. You don't put whipped cream on everything you eat, but when it's hot chocolate time, break out the Ready Whip. So ya, I'm comparing whipped cream to dancing. I can make that leap. Don't judge. :-P

[audreyinalbany]

I'll weigh in on this. First, I'm 90% closeted. I've gone out on rare occasions, but then only for shopping, never clubbing or socializing. Now I'm not much of a dance in male mode, but a week or two ago i was fooling around while dressed with internet radio and when i tuned in to so some of the dance-ey stations, I decided I'd give the ole girly dance a try. And, to my surprise, I really enjoyed it. i dunno, goes it releases your inhibitions ( a guy dressing up like a girl probably doesn't release my inhibitions enough), but it was SUPER FUN. Now, again, never tried it in any kind of public venue, but imagine it would be pretty sweet.