I've experienced both the sexual and comfort aspects of crossdressing within very short time frames (albeit separately). While I am still turned on by wearing overtly and overly feminine fabrics and garments, part of the appeal of women's clothes on my part is the form fitting comfort I get from body-hugging lingerie and jeans that fit my waist exceedingly well, like no men's jeans ever could. Guess I subvert the notion that the sexual aspect is naturally outgrown...
Your sexuality is not a choice. I tried being gay. Even having sex with a man dressed as a girl. Never achieved an erection at all, but I always do with a girl.Originally Posted by ReineD
As you said its not one gene but a few, possibly with an environmental factor. So definitely genetic *maybe* also ...
Well said. And to add, some of it is not genetic either. After all, we are the sum of our experiences as well, and traumatic psychological things shape our personalities as well.
In the end, what it comes down to, is that there are many varied reason why a man might crossdress, and that reason might change over time as well.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Hi Lexi, I don't know what you want to call it, But it's just who I am and it's just what I do.
I've been in this program for over 68yrs. now.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
For me it's a fetish connected to a passion to form a lifestyle.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
Pretty vague question. I assume "it" means crossdressing and "fetish" means sexual fetish, but not everyone sees it that way. In a way, everyone is right: if it's not a fetish for you, it isn't, but if it is a fetish for you, it is.
I have long thought that if you have a sexual fetish, you know it. It is much more than liking something a lot, or thinking that dresses or shoes are aesthetically pleasing. It is that objects (even just by themselves) can evoke a sexual response. For many of us with such fetishes, crossdressing props up the excitement brought forth by the object (not that it needs propping up).
Is it (crossdressing) a [sexual] fetish or something else? Nobody can answer that for you.
Last edited by NicoleScott; 01-16-2015 at 10:35 AM.
In my quest to figure out why I do this, I've gone through a couple of theories that seemed at first to have some explanatory power. Autogynephilia says that I have an "Erotic Target Location Error" meaning that instead of finding my erotic target outside myself in a real woman, I find her inside me and I'm essentially attracted to myself as a woman. The other theory is that my fetish is the result of repressing my "inner woman" and if I just let her out and become the woman I truly am, the "fetish" will turn out to be normal female sexuality. Neither of these two theories, despite their initial appeal, was ever completely satisfactory. The one that makes the most sense in my case is the idea that this is the result of the sexualization of childhood emasculation trauma. Heck, those three words, Childhood Emasculation Trauma, pretty much sum up my childhood experience. So in the same way that a spanking fetishist sexualizes spanking, I have sexualized emasculation. And it's not just sexualization, it's more that that, too. This would have been easier for me to see if I was just into something like small penis humiliation or cuckoldry. Those are obviously emasculation fetishes. But once you get transgender psychologies involved, it mucks up the picture. As always, YMMV.
Thanks to ReineD for pointing out the article on fetishism. I have also seen cross dressing described as "fetishistic transvestism". I know many on this site will reject the use of the word transvestite because of past negative associations, but it is a legitimate descriptor of what we do. I have always had a very strong fetish for lingerie. Just the sight of pretty slips or even a lace hem of a slip would be a sexual aphrodisiac for me. Even seeing the word on the page has an affect. I am strongly attracted to and aroused by the sight of pretty lingerie, especially slips, by the sheen of material such as satin or silk, by its texture and feel and by the sight of pretty lace trim. When young my cross dressing was exclusively with lingerie and would be associated with sexual gratification. Later in life I just dressed that way and the "comfort" factor became more important as I began to dress completely in feminine clothing. However it always feels sexual to a greater or lesser degree.
As the article highlighted by Reine states, your fetish never goes away. It came about because of circumstances beyond your control and the point of therapy should be to learn how to live with it and dump the guilt.
After many years of agony and shame I have decided to embrace my fetish. I am an Fetishistic Transvestite and I'm proud of it.
I was born male but live and dress as a woman. I don't see this a fetish, it's just who I am. I couldn't be anything else.
May it ever be so. I dress for sexual gratification as well. Given the ultimate prudishness of most of the women I've been with, a kick-ass red lipstick with great gloss can always be relied on to get off and about my business.
I still am with women, but most of them would not regularly wear such beautiful clothes a I do and have often rebuffed my gifts of more sensual clothing, especially as they become older, relegating them to the back of their closets.
Maybe I should date women more my size 12?
Last edited by ophelia; 01-16-2015 at 11:41 AM.
I know that sexual preference is not a choice (for most people, although some people are bi). I was just saying they do not know that it is necessarily genetic, and if there is some chromosomal similarity among some homosexuals (they do say there may be some genes at play), they have not found it in all homosexuals and there is not yet any firm evidence. Other factors contribute to who we are; they discuss environmental and social factors too.
The point is for people to accept themselves as they are no matter the causes, given that medical science still has not found solid genetic links. If people keep looking for some sort of physical "proof" they are genetically coded to be gay or transsexual, doesn't it mean that deep down they feel that anything less than that somehow invalidates who they are?
I just want to point out it isn't fetish for everyone. We are constantly changing, that's how we evolve as individuals and also sexual expression does diminish (for some? many? most?) as people age. Many TGs in this forum say that it started out that way for them, but over time they changed and the focus strayed from the physical sexual aspect of feminine expression.
I would love to see the word "fetish" replaced with "alternate sexual preference". People tend to want to distance themselves from what used to be considered deviant behavior, but I think they are more likely to accept the fact they are a part of the normal sexual spectrum (the bell curve), albeit at either end.
Last edited by ReineD; 01-16-2015 at 12:00 PM.
Reine
ReineD raises a good point. Does it make us feel any better if we can point to a genetic explanation for being a cross dresser? We may be the way we are for several reasons including something "genetic" as well as how we were conditioned to take an interest in cross dressing, usually at a young age when our sexuality was very plastic and open to being impressed by something like dressing up.
We are what we are for some complex and as yet little understood reason. Remember Gay Pride. Perhaps we should have Cross Dresser Pride and stop overanalyzing ourselves so much. I don't see the same degree of defensiveness and analysis in the gay community.
The problem with that is calling something "alternate" privileges the "normal" kind from the "other" kind. For example, in my lifetime oral and anal sex have moved from being hideous perversions and crimes in most states even between consenting adults to tools in the sexual toolbox. You either like it or you don't but nobody has to go to jail anymore. Few people today would consider them "fetishes" in the pathological sense of the word. There is no need for an alternative identity for sodomites. Calling something a "alternate sexual preference" would just be a euphemism for fetish which is just a euphemism for perversion. So rather than making them part of the normal spectrum, they would be forever exiled to "other" land.
I meant "alternate" in a statistical sense only, as compared to what most people do. If we accept the concept of a bell curve then this absolves everyone of self-judgment, doesn't it?
And I agree I think it will take a long time, in our somewhat puritanical age, for people to stop believing that there is something somehow "wrong" with being different sexually.
Reine
As ReineD says, we are spread along a spectrum. Actually we are spread over many spectra as the varieties of sexuality are huge. Amazon has a huge range of books on an astounding range of sexual preferences and interests. Psychologists try to classify all of these in a search for relationships and causes but without too much success. The trouble with classification is that it begins to suggest that some sexual preferences are better than others. I would hope that the members of this site do not join the rush to judgement.
I get what you're saying but there is a sense that considering something as an alternate stigmatizes it. After all, any sexual practice is a alternate of the others but we don't call penis-in-vagina sex an "alternate sex preference."
A good example of this kind of thinking happened when my mother (RIP) was in a convalescent hospital down in Orange County (CA) last year. While I was visiting her she commented in passing that almost the entire staff was Asian with a few Hispanics thrown in and that there were not many "regular" people there. LOL! By "regular" she meant white and English speaking like herself. Now she was no hater and she didn't mean anything by it. It was just an observation. But it disclosed a very subtle and mostly benign racism that even she was unaware of. In her world there were "regular" people and the "others." "Alternate sexual preferences" are the kind that "regular" people don't have.
Not just sexual preferences, but gender identities too and I agree, if you use the term "regular" statistically. Most people are hetero and their gender identities do conform to their bodies assigned at birth.
Had your mother been Chinese in a nursing home in Beijing, and the majority of staff was Korean (or German, or Sudanese, etc,) she would have said the same thing. The staff members' ethnicities would not have reflected the majority population in the area.
It's just human nature, Stevie, to classify and organize. We do this from the time we are little, sorting all the M&Ms in the box into piles of similar color, or separating the peas from the carrots on the plate. We just need to remove the stigma from the one yellow (or green or purple) M&M that might be in the box.
Reine
One hundred years from now, I suspect that this word "fetish" will be an obsolete remnant of a narrow-minded past.
Gender norms create labels to describe behavior which does not conform to said norms.
Now, if something was an "obsession" for someone...say, having to wear panties in order to perform sexually....than yes, there is an obsessive component.
But after spending a year on this site I am pretty sure most gals do not require very specific articles of clothing or specific role-play situations in order to have a healthy sexual life.
For some reason, the above comments made me think of something. Is crossdressing illegal in the US, or in some states?
It would be weird to have to go to jail for this, as mentioned in a previous post about how certain sexual practices were "regulated" in days gone by.
There's some good reading in the links - thank you ladies, it helps!
I reckon for me its both. I enjoy my lingerie and makeup and high heels and my favorite perfume. I enjoy my wrangler cowboy cut jeans and boots...I like to look good and feel good both ways. Maybe CD is just a hobby??...I am better off not trying to figure it out...I just do it...
More! It's an expression of my personality in many ways. Sexy, playful, interested in things feminine, emotional and yes at times there is some sexual pleasure as well. All in all it's a great release valve that I would not have if I was some macho kind of person.
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