FEAR and a Novel Way of Dealing With It...

[flatlander_48]

The was an interesting segment on NPR this morning. There was an interview with a guy who really withdrew after his wife divorced him. What he realized was that he was avoiding contact with the outside world because he was afraid of being rejected. In a flash of insight, he developed a way to begin to come to grips with the idea of rejection.

It struck me that many of us, regardless of where we fall on the transgender spectrum, carry a lot of fear. We are fearful about the possibility that our partners will leave us, our family will want nothing to do with us, our employers and co-workers wil make life difficult for us, and on and on. These are all various ways of saying the same thing: Rejection.

While I'm not sure if I would employ his particular methods, I do applaud his willingness to face what was weighing him down and his efforts to deal with it. Nothing Ventued, Nothing Gained.

The story can be found here:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2015...-conquers-fear

[docrobbysherry]

I have seen quite a few dressers use this approach. Practically daring folks to "reject" them. They have the experience and/or confidence to throw it off like water off a duck.

I have been learning from them. However, I doubt I will ever be that blase about others reactions to me. Because I reject myself in my mirror before I even go out!

[LexiNexi]

I wouldnt if the mirror looks like your avatar!

[LilSissyStevie]

I had a friend in my high school years that would spend the day at the mall going up to girls with a lame line like " Wow, you're really beautiful. I'd like to have sex with you." Ninety nine out of 100 would tell him to F__ off, but every now and then one would be intrigued. I envied his fearlessness in a way but thought he was a sociopath. He wasn't trying to overcome fear, he just didn't have any. But it made me realize that rejection wasn't the end of the world. Nevertheless, I still don't like it.

[flatlander_48]

For us, I don't think it would mean working on dressing directly. Comely's method seemed to be much more generalized. I think only after you worked on Rejection in the broader sense, and had a good grip on that, would you more on to more specific and personalized issues.

[kimdl93]

The approach is really about learning to accept disappointing results...whatever they might be. A mature person eventually realizes that our team can't win every time, that every person we find attractive will not find us similarly so, and we can make every sale. In dating as in life, get used to rejection...take it as one step closer towards someone who will say yes!

I think this does apply to transgendered people rather well. I know that when I go out in public, for example, the odds are that most people will read me. A few may not, but I treat those as pleasant surprises. The important thing isn't that I've evaded identification, but rather, how people respond to me once they know who I am. As the years have passed, my encounters with friends, neighbors and strangers have helped me leave behind those early fears of rejection...for the most part.

[flatlander_48]

I have to admit that my personal approach is entirely different, for better or worse. If it is a fear that I can't readily manage, I tend to sit on it until it gets to Critical Mass. Then it's "To Hell with it..." and something happens. It's not the best approach and it is somewhat unpredictable, but it is what I seem to do.

[docrobbysherry]

I wouldnt if the mirror looks like your avatar!

Were referring to ME, Lexi? I only post photos of Sherry here. And, you're correct. I go out more confidently as her. And, I don't worry much about "rejection". What I usually experience from folks when out is they r either fans or scared to death!

It's going out dressed as myself where I have rejection issues.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

God I love Americans.