I'm trying to be a man. But I don't think I can do it.

[LexiNexi]

Ever since childhood people thought I was a girl with short hair.
So I have been trying to be manly my whole life. BUT I dont like sports, strip clubs, football, maxim magazine, manual labour, getting my hands dirty, trucks, etc.

I like to read cosmo, go shopping for shoes, fashion, being small when I sit, getting my nails done, having soft hands and feet, finding cute things at Claire's, buying things that are pink, even having my girl cuddle me. But I'm straight.



I'm also I bit ashamed that womens clothes fit me. I wish I could be a girl half the time and a man the other.

[ReineD]

You need to honor what you like to do, of course, and why should you be ashamed that women's clothes fit you. If you get the right size, why shouldn't they fit. But I just want to say that many men don't like the things in your first paragraph. Be careful to not stereotype.

Of all the guy things you mentioned, only one of my sons likes football (his girlfriend is an athletic trainer and she is the one who actually got him into it), and yes, I imagine that my sons do enjoy looking at sexy women, but other than that they're not into sports generally (the other two sons do watch an occasional game as I do, and I'm a girl), no one goes to strip clubs as far as I know (my oldest son's partner would be upset if he did), they certainly don't like manual labour and they all hate yard work, I never see them getting dirty (they are in college or working in an office), and no one owns or ever talks about trucks or any other car. I've never seen my son's work on a car, they take them to the garage when needed. My male friends aren't generally into these things and neither was my ex. Oh .. one of my sons loves the new car he just bought, but this is no different than the way I felt when I got my last new car.

This is a small spectrum of things that the males in my life are into (not all of them are into everything, this is just a sampling): good food, travel, hanging out with friends, staying in shape, discussing politics and current events, the Arts (music, theater, fine arts), electronic games, concerts, computers, good books, learning new things, museums, bike-riding, taking walks or running (depending on the age), individual sports (skiing, golf), their kids if they have them, their pets, collecting things (stamps, coins, antiques, memorabilia), and some are passionate about their work. The women that I know are into the same things.

I'm a girl and I don't read Cosmo-type magazines (I do read news, computing, and education magazines), I only shop for the clothes that I need (it's a non-event … I don't go shopping just for the fun of it), I don't get my nails done except for maybe a pedicure twice per year during the warm months because I'm too lazy to do it myself, I dislike pink, I can't remember the last time I bought a pair of earrings, but yes I do like to cuddle. And so do I imagine the men that I know.

[Zooey]

I recommend seeing a therapist experienced with gender identity issues.

I would also recommend trying to expand your idea of what it means to be a man or a woman by quite a bit. From your recent posts, you seem to have a very narrow idea of those two genders that's not representative of the huge variety in the world, trans or otherwise.

[Rachelakld]

Totally random thought.
How about being you, then without drugs or crazy diets, accept the body you have and make it work for what ever your hobbies / interests are?

For example,
I like swimming and like seeing girls in bikini, this has helped my body stay toned and helped me get a great girl.
I also liked ice (figure) skating, again good body tone and lots of attractive girls that I can relate to, through our interests
If you like getting your nails done, chat up the girl doing them, or the one sitting next to you, maybe invite them for a coffee in the mall?

[PaulaQ]

LexiNexi - have you ever considered that you might actually be a lesbian?

[LexiNexi]

LexiNexi - have you ever considered that you might actually be a lesbian?

Yes... but I'm not a lesbian, I'm a guy.

I tried to post on here that I'm a man in a dress. But thats not me. I have almost no many features besides a small butt. I don't even have an adams apple or strong jaw line. Why couldn't I just be born a girl?

[Zooey]

I'm confused as to how you identify, and what you're struggling with. Do you wish you were born a girl because you identify as one? Or, do you identify strongly as a man, and wish you were more "manly" while thinking that being a girl would be easier for you? Or something else, maybe somewhere in between?

There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, and your gender identity isn't defined by how you look or what's between your legs.

[LexiNexi]

I'm supposed to man because I was born one, but I only like girly things. I hate wearing men's clothes. But I also like women, I know what I look like and it makes it very easy to meet women. Some women are attracted to the feminine features I guess. If I'm in drag i sacrifice 99% of my opportunities to meet women. But i I was gay I wouldn't have that problem. I go to gay bars and guys buy me drinks and hit on me all night long, to where it gets obnoxious..

[Zooey]

I'm supposed to man because I was born one, but I only like girly things.

Just because you were born with a penis doesn't necessarily mean that you're supposed to be a man. I've met men (gay, straight, and bi) who were born with vaginas, some of which still have them. I've met lots of women (lesbian, straight, and bi) who were born with penises, some of which still have them.

Liking girly things also doesn't make you a woman, nor does wearing women's clothing. The good news is that you can be whoever you're supposed to be, regardless of your birth sex. The "bad" news is that you're going to have to do the self-exploration to figure out what you are, and then do the work to live it.

[LexiNexi]

hmmmmm...

[lynda]

hi lexi, i really dont understand this post ,your all over the place, in one part you say say you only like women, ok then you are bacsicly a streat man , then you say you go to gay bars and all these guys are falling all over you buying you drinks, and you seem to like that. i dont something in this post just does not jive with me . i really think if your having all these issues you need to talk to a pro gender therapest. hugs lynda

[Kate Simmons]

Don't be too concerned with being "this" or "that", just be yourself. It works out better in the long run my friend.

[Zylia]

hi lexi, i really dont understand this post ,your all over the place, in one part you say say you only like women, ok then you are bacsicly a streat man , then you say you go to gay bars and all these guys are falling all over you buying you drinks, and you seem to like that. i dont something in this post just does not jive with me . i really think if your having all these issues you need to talk to a pro gender therapest. hugs lynda

Well, I guess she's really conflicted, or she's making it up as she goes along.

[Adriana Moretti]

where is the like button on zylias post......

[Zooey]

+1000 on what Zylia just said.

[Katey888]

Lexi - we have many young folk here who are conflicted about the way they are and the way society wants them to be... sounds like you're feeling a lot of gender pressure externally and internally you're feeling something different.

The things that you like doing are just that: Things you like doing. Forget the gender binary - perhaps you just need to be non-conformist in your male world, if it's possible to do that safely...? You also talk about liking girls - being hetero... Nothing wrong or unusual about that... there are lots of us here who would like to have your physical advantages but not lose our male sexuality... the fact that you like to mix girl and boy mode but still have only one sexual mode is not unusual amongst us... it just means that's the way your wired... And I get how you feel about being ashamed - I've had those thoughts in the past and I'm still here, still wanting to be girly at times, but still loving the way women look and the way I feel about them... That's all OK...

Take your time with this - what you're describing is not unusual among us but I realise it must be difficult particularly if you want to meet and date girls... you're not alone...

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Lexi,

Firstly, being a man is a lot more than liking stereotypical "guy" things. I used to frequent strip clubs back in the day when I was young and silly but not anymore (guess I kind of grew up). I don't like fashion to the extent of some here but I do like to dress in women's clothing, wear make-up and present as a woman . . . however . . . I am still a man. I can be kind, compassionate, helpful but can also be selfish, mean and spiteful. Does that make me a man or a woman? Neither . . . it makes me human. Don't get too wrapped up on what is for one gender and what is for the other . . . what is important is what makes you happy.

From what I read in your post you seem very conflicted. You want to be a man but wish you were a girl? In a way I understand that POV as I spend about 40% of my time "en femme" and the remainder "en boy" so, it is possible that you are simply TG/CD (like to dress/present as a girl) and could do so part-time. However, you could be TG/TS and truly want to be a woman. The only way to resolve this is to seek some counselling with a gender identity therapist to help bring order to chaos. These are very confusing moments and we all go through them to some extent as we wrestle with trying to define ourselves . . . however, never feel ashamed.

Hugs

Isha

[LilSissyStevie]

Please understand that femininity and masculinity are not descriptions of the essential features of women and men. They are expectations placed on the respective sexes. It is not that women are feminine or that men are masculine but that our culture thinks they should be. Women should be nurturing, caring, community oriented, sexy, blah, blah, blah and men should be tough, brave, individualistic, into sports, blah, blah, blah. Here's a list for you that describes the typical expectations of gender. But in reality the bell curves for any characteristic of men and women overlap much more than they don't. For men, we live under the tyranny of this. It's no wonder we do crazy stuff like CDing to find some sense of balance.

[Mollyanne]

If I had your problem(s), the simple answer (for me) would be to become the woman.

Molly

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lexi, It really sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[kimdl93]

Just be yourself. It sounds as though you're quite young. It may take you a while to figure out who that is and to allow yourself the freedom to be yourself.

[PaulaQ]

I'm supposed to man because I was born one, but I only like girly things. I hate wearing men's clothes. But I also like women, I know what I look like and it makes it very easy to meet women. Some women are attracted to the feminine features I guess. If I'm in drag i sacrifice 99% of my opportunities to meet women.

1. Your brain, not what's between your legs, determines your gender. So do you, internally, feel more like a man or a woman?
2. Your opportunities with straight women may be limited by this, but their are bisexual women, and some lesbians who'll have no problem with your gender issues.

I still assert that based on what you write, strange as it may seem, that you may be a lesbian woman, in fact, and just confused about it because the five second glance between your legs that the doctor gave you when you were born is simply not a sufficient test for gender.

I mean, they told me the same thing, and were just flat wrong in my case.

[sometimes_miss]

From one Lexi to another, what I did was just pretend that every day in public, I would act the part of what I believed was a 'standard issue american male'. I just watched men and emulated them. What helped a great deal for that, was I was growing into a rather large male. A muscular six foot four, with a slight grimace whenever anyone crossed me, it has gotten me through life with few altercations. People are afraid of me. Which is good, because when I was growing up, I was the one who was afraid until I learned that pretty much everyone else would back down when confronted with someone who appeared bigger, meaner and stronger. So..... become the best actress you can. It's fun. Just be your female self, but 'act' the part of a normal guy. You'll be surprised at how many people will believe what they see. And you get to be the girl you are whenever you escape from the public eye. Bonus is that your girlfriends will believe what they see as well, only it will be the reverse; They'll think the real you is the guy, when you know the truth is the reverse.
Live and let live. Let the rest of the world believe what it really wants to. And if you're a really good actress, they'll never know you're really a girl.
JMHO. Good luck. It's really too bad there aren't any academy awards for those of us who have the whole world fooled so well.

[CONSUELO]

Dear Lexi,
Your feelings are shared by many of us on this site. I don't particularly like sports except individual sports like running or swimming. I dislike the chest thumping atmosphere of team sports and I dislike strip clubs and like venues.

You seem to not be comfortable with yourself and so I echo the advice given by one respondent to find a good counsellor and talk it out. Don't be alone in a lather of over analysis. You are OK and need to relax. Also having women's clothes fit you is not cause for shame at all. Think of all of the women who regularly wear men's style clothing or actual male clothing. It is not a cause for worry, shame or embarrassment.

[LexiNexi]

These posts help alot, but I still dont know what to do. I'm a great actor, I had to be growing up. I will try a gender therapist soon, but I dont want to jeopardize a career path Im starting to network. I guess its weird having a woman's physique. I do have a girl friend she shaved off all my body hair (down to the razor, but wasn;t hard and its blonde, I dont think most people will even notice) tonight and didnt object to me painting my toes pink after I painted hers, but she wants a real man, I can tell. I know this is TMI but my package is really small and fits into almost all girls panties.

I tried being gay twice I just couldn't do it. The free drinks are nice but they don't give me that feeling.


Maybe I should just realize I'm a bitch, put on a skirt, pull up my panties, and stop feeling ashamed or out of place... I have lost 60 lbs in the last year and look the part. I'm down to 145 at 5' 6.5". My legs are thick but just look like they have some good shape to them. Why cant we just be born gay or a girl?