Hi my lovelies this is my story my experience about my cross dressing
As many of you it all began at a very young age, I remember my 1st experience was around the age of puberty (13).
I’m not sure why I did it but I experimented with my mother’s panty hose it felt so erotic it was purely sexual gratification for me at that time, the overwhelming feelings of warmth, trembling, my heart racing with an instant erection, from there on I was hooked but felt so much shame and hiding a BIG secret whenever I finished to put them back in her drawer! If my parents found out I would be a shame to my parents and the rest of the family if they ever knew what I was up to.
Can’t hold back my desire.. It progressed over the years to come with finding myself rummaging through the attic for old clothes that belonged to my mother, basically if anything would fit me I would claim them for my own and by thinking she would never notice anyway.
I would only dress when the house was empty and I put them back in the attic hidden but in easy reach whenever I felt the urges again.
This was becoming a regular habit and what felt a growing addiction and I began to think I’m mentally unwell what was wrong with me? I’m not fit to be on this world!... I would carry this so called burden this weight on my shoulders the shame the lies, the SIN... Everything felt wrong with me. This is the son they wished they never had.
Fast forward a few years, left school and graduated from college where I learnt a trade & started an apprenticeship in a male dominant job. My family were so proud
By then the urges supressed I felt cured so to speak and felt I don’t carry that mental disorder any longer (how wrong was I). And felt I’m no longer a shame to my family.
I moved out from my parents house in my 20’s had a house of my own and settled down. From there I progressed even more I found myself buying clothes from catalogues, I had developed some sort of a wardrobe by now. I would dress up at home with makeup and shaved legs I was binge dressing like mad. It felt like heaven, the freedom of it, no stress and experimenting while learning to accept who I am because these feelings or urges are never going to go away.
I began to date and I fell in love with a woman, my dressing up privately at home somewhat reduced and not the usual weekends dressed full time. She stayed with me on weekends so before she came I would empty my wardrobe my collection of femme clothes and hid them in black bags.
After a month or so into the relationship, it was an evening while we were sat on the sofa had a few alcoholic drinks and quite tipsy she asked me what is my fetish. Well the 1st thing came to mind was dressing up but I couldn't tell her that? She might think I’m sick in the head? But I told her in a shy full embarrassed way that my fetish is wearing women’s clothes.
To my surprise after she began to filter she said oh that’s it? I said yes…. Well she says next weekend I come over you will have to dress up for me so I she could meet her. I was extremely nervous but with her reassurance that all was OK I obliged with a sense of excitement what may come of it.
The weekend came I greeted her at the door, the 1st thing she said well where is she? I said I’m very nervous showing her to you. But after some alcoholic beverages “some dutch courage” I was ready
I got dressed with makeup put on my attire including wig but didn’t own heels yet, I came down the stairs into the lounge legs like jelly, heart racing…WOW she said you look totally different and began to compliment me in every way and made me felt at ease. I stayed dressed up that evening only because she would persuade me not to change clothing just because I felt ashamed and thought “this is not the image my GF would want to see me as”. We went to bed at the end of that eve and had great sex with me dressed what a lovely experience that was.
From there on I was dressing up in her presence regularly she was understanding of my urges or needs to dress, she would help me buy new clothes help me with my makeup etc…She was the one for me.
We were in a relationship for 10 years and had 3 beautiful kids; she was still very much supportive of me and encouraging me. But our relationship went downhill after the 3rd child.
My cross dressing repulsed her so much she could barely look at me any longer, she would often complain that I dressed up too much and when I dressed up I would only find myself confined into one room and stayed there all night.
She would often pack her stuff and leave me taking the kids with her to her sister’s house saying she needed time to think, she wanted me to change my way or else it would be permanent. I was thinking what ever happened? Why all of a sudden she became from an understanding supportive to “can’t bear to look at me” She told me something changed with her after having the 3rd child
I made a promise that I would change I couldn't bear to lose them. And I did change. But we would often argue when she returned home and she would use my cross dressing as ammunition or threaten to show pictures of me dressed to my family. It really developed into a nasty hateful relationship by the end & we separated for good.
I was binge dressing again on my own in the house “bury head in the sand” thinking it’s my entire fault. My dressing up caused it and I came to terms with that, I was at a point in my life I knew what I was & I could never change who I was its stuck with me for life it’s a part of me that won’t just go away.
Now I’m in a new loving relationship, well not so new... Its 6 years or so anyway. I've come out recently to her and explained everything how I feel what I like to do & she is also understanding and also helps me to buy stuffs, but I’m worried to my teeth this shadow from my past experience would it ever happen again? I can’t bear losing her I love her so dearly
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I’ve recently cleared my drawer took all my male underwear etc out and they've been replaced by panties and bra’s witch I wear (stealth) everyday now under my male clothes. She’s told me its OK whatever makes me happy.
I have painted toenails everyday she’s also fine with that but not fingernails. I’m not allowed to shave my legs or arms or chest but I respect that, maybe it can develop someday?
I wear high heels every day in the house, sometimes dress up fully 4 times a week but not in her presence. But she knows about it and I’ve been showing her photos I’ve taken of myself she compliments me.
I asked her once if she would go out in public with me dressed up, just to see what her reaction would be. She said she would but I’d rather be a stay at home dresser for now.
Im 35 years old & every day since I came out to her I count my blessings how lucky I am no more lies, more open and honest relationship
Well that’s me that’s the story of my life, sorry it was long.
Thanks for reading
Hugs
Kat x
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Nikki
Originally Posted by mikell
