Need some advice (might be going out saturday night dressed up)

[Cassie.]

I need some advice from all you lovey people on here. I will try and explain how I feel the best I can never been too good at that kind of thing. I think I will just start at the beginning of the story and try not to keep it too long (sorry if I do) So to begin then.

First off I'm getting married on valentines day this year to a very special girl to me. She knows about my cross dressing ( I was honest with her as soon as I figured out it was a permanent part of me) and says we can work it out as long as its not 24/7 and it makes me happy she can learn to deal with it somehow. Can't say she is keen on the idea though even now she seems a bit off put by it. But she does try her best and I respect her greatly for at least being open minded about it all. Now here is where the problem comes in. I've got my stag party on Saturday night (didn't really even want one but my other half says I need to be more social. But I am not a fan of drinking or going on lads nights out) Now my best man says to me today. "I've got a plan for you make sure you shave your legs before you go out Saturday as your going to be dressing up as a women for your stag party." (he does no know I cross dress only my other half does)

I didn't say to much on the subject to him after that. And now here I am in a big panic. I'm not sure how my soon to be wife will think about all this. As it might make her think I'm moving to fast with the whole thing and its escalating too fast. I'm going to talk to her about it all after she gets home from work. But that's not the only thing that's bothering me. I've not been cross dressing for too long a time and I am really nervous about going outside in heels and a dress. I want to but feel as if I would chicken out right away before even getting out of the door. The other problem is I do not want to not look my best but if I do go out nobody will be expecting all the make up and I don't think I could go out without it on but if I overdo it will people start to suspect things. I'm very sorry if this is not all that clear as I stated earlier I'm not too good at expressing my own feelings. And it gets even worse when I'm nervous and I have been since my best man tolled me about the idea.

Any help would be great. And thank you all so much for taking the time to read this.

Cassie xx

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Hi Cassie, don't worry, you explained it very well.

Sounds like you have stress from too many different directions. Getting married is a huge deal for anyone. Dealing with a stag night you don't really want is, in my opinion, something you can get out of- and I think perhaps you should.

Don't do this because your fiance thinks you need to be more sociable! There are other, less stressful ways to be with people. A stag night is one thing (bad enough, but ok it's a tradition), but a stag night where you're made to crossdress is quite another thing. You're lucky you got a heads up.

It's YOUR life, and if you don't like this idea, don't let yourself be pressured into it.

I married late, 45. The thought always terrified me, till I met an amazing woman- then I felt differently. But I still couldn't handle a trad ceremony, speeches, all the BS. Marriage to me is about two people making a commitment, full stop. I refused to have a single guest at our wedding, no best man, nobody but the 'priest' (it was Las Vegas) and a paid witness. My wife had had a huge white wedding long before- and that marriage lasted a year, so I didn't feel I was being too unfair to her. She agreed that if that was the only way I could do it, then it was fine by her.

My mum, and her dad, were furious- really offended. No present, nothing. 6 months later they were over it, and we're all good friends now. I do not regret my decision- I was being true to myself, and frankly if I'd had to go through the full monty, I would not have married her.

What I'm saying is that you are pretty clear about your feelings, so heed them. Be true to yourself. There'll be some disappointment, sure, but your best man - if he respects you and cares about you - will come to understand, and I think he'll respect you more for being your own man and not being pushed into something that makes you uncomfortable.

Hugs, Nikki

[kimdl93]

I don't think the best man gets to decide that for you. If it worries you, don't do it. Just go have a couple beers with the boys and try to stay out of trouble.

[MichelleDevon]

Cassie, having heard stories of stag nights I would definitely have second and third thoughts about this. It may be traditional to have one but that is no reason to put yourself in a position where you are in such a dilemma. It would be a good excuse to go out "dressed" but as a CDer you really don't want to do that in a way that will make you a laughing-stock or put you into an embarrassing situation. I think that would be the worst of all possible outcomes.

As Nikki has said - I would just put my foot down and say no to the idea of a traditional stag night. I feel sure that it would end in tears and the psychological and emotional impact of that on you as a crossdresser is not somewhere you ought to be going... It's your call, no-one can force you to go out on a stag night...do what you want, not what someone else thinks you want.

Michelle
x

[NicoleScott]

I need to shave my legs. It's not my idea. It's for the stag party.
She will never believe this.

[Stephanie Julianna]

Always be honest even if you may not hear what you want. Tell her everything you told us here. Also tell her that in the future you would like to go out dressed. However, let her know you would never do it if you could not look passable or not expose yourself. That's a tough thing to promise but with work you could achieve the look and let her see it and give her stamp of approval when you feel you are ready. Asking for her help might also work. That will take the jitters out of going out for both of you if it finally happens. As I have stated here many times, if you achieve a passable look and get out and enjoy being accepted as a lady in the real world that genie will never go back into the bottle willingly. Going out en femme can be very addictive. Make sure she can live with that as well.

[sterusjon]

Cassie,

I think you need to do something like this on you and your intended's terms and timing. If you can present to your satisfaction and want to do it AND your intended is in the loop and on board then I say go for it. Otherwise, don't. Start your future off on the right foot. The music will be playing for a long time to come and I think you really would like to enjoy the dancing.

That is my two cents worth. For free!

Stephanie

[Amy Fakley]

Hmm ... yeah, I'm getting several bad vibes from your description.

First, whatever your best man has in mind, sounds like a supreemely bad idea, if it involves shaving your legs (I presume you don't already do this regularly), and your fiance just found out about your CD tendancies. Your best man probably isn't in the loop.

"SURPRISE! I shaved my legs, do you like it?" On your honeymoon???

That is literally one of the worst scenarios I can imagine. Avoid it.

[Jenniferathome]

I have never in my life heard of stag party where the groom is dress as a woman. It doesn't make any sense. Have you asked the best man as to why? Since this can only be a "joke" outing, you'll look more Monty Pythonesque rather than woman. You could tell your best man that this will not be happening or live with the joke. What you can not do is put on make up and a wig and wear heels that fit you. Yes, EVERYONE would suspect something.

[jamielynn_ca]

Hi Cassie,

This is a horrible idea, I absolutely recommend against going dressed. This won't be cross dressing it's going to be a mockery of femininity, surrounded by macho guys laughing all night, and you'll be the subject of their jokes. While on the surface you might think it's a safe way to get out without being "out", there's nothing good that can come of it.

Hugs,
Jamie

[DonnaT]

The Bachelor(ette)Party

[AllieSF]

I do not think that it is a horrible idea. Bachelor and bachelorette parties are meant to be fun and sometimes extremely on the far side. The main thing is they let you know part of it before hand. I think that one question that you need to ask yourself is, would you be OK with this if you were not a CD? I also agree to letting your future wife know what the "guys" may have in store for you. If she would be totally against it, then you should talk more to her about it and then if you deem it is necessary then think about letting your friends know and changing that part of the evening for her and you. Otherwise, go and have a blast, because that is the whole idea of it. I have seen that done before here in the USA, though rare, it does happen. I have seen it a lot in Argentina where I lived for many years. They would actually take the couple out, dress them up, take them to restaurants and bars and drive them around the city with them sitting in the open trunk and their feet hanging over the back. I have seen bachelorette parties here where the to be bride goes around with condoms, some inflated, hung all over her as she has to go up and interact with strangers like in a scavenger hunt. Now that is a true mockery of femininity by women!

As to being a mockery of femininity, I don't buy that at all. If that is true, then no more kids nor adult males dressing up as women at Halloween and costume parties, nor MtF crossdressing, even a bigger mockery as in, "how could a man do that to women?", nor any of these television sitcoms and movies where some women attributes are stereotyped and exaggerated for laughs. It is fun and there is no wrong in enjoying it. My only concern would be of really making your fiancé mad. Though even in that case, it is your truly last single moment to get wild with your friends and I would argue to still go for it if you want to.

Now, another question to think about is ..... do you really think that your friends have no idea of your well kept secret????? Good luck and have a great time.

[emma30]

Cassie my advice would be don't do it because there will be issues in the back of your mind and enjoying the night is the main thing and also what it stands for, the crossdressing will always be there, you can enjoy both lives and let your friends enjoy the moment as it should be. We all think that opportunity is the right moment but sometimes the right moment is saying I can wait and do this in my time.
Emma x

[Katey888]

Cassie - you've described what would be my worst nightmare... bar none...

I'm afraid any sort of stag party just rings all the wrong bells for me, but this would be horrific... If you really don't want to do this (and I think there are many good reasons already why this is a BAD idea...) just say no. You're a grown up - you have a choice... exercise it.

As a cautionary view, I would suspect that anyone who thinks this is a bit of a laff has a less than complimentary view of our shared secret passion... it's probably too late to reconsider your choice of best man, but he may not want to be top of your list if you ever decide to come out to a friend...

You just have to choose and take ownership of the decision. Easy...

Katey x

[docrobbysherry]

Cassie, I've been to many stag parties in my 70 years. And, there were lots of shaved legs and hi heels involved. But, NEVER on the groom or his guy friends!

Something is dreadfully wrong with your batchlor party. U need to get the details immediately or just say, "NO"!

[Cassie.]

Thank you all very much for the advice you have all given me I really appreciate it from you all. I spoke to my other half about this as well as we want to be honest with each and I wont lie to her. but I had read quite a few reply's on here before I did so. After reading everything on here I did a lot of thinking myself and I think I need to go out dressed up when I'm ready and under my own terms. How and when that is who knows. But I think you guys are really sweet and I find it ever so lovey all the advice I got given even though I've only just started on here. I spoke to my best man about it and just tolled him its not something I want to do and as I don't go out much anyways I would just like to have a few drinks and a little fun nothing to major. So in the end of it all Saturday night will just be a few drinks with me as my usual self. And after lots of thinking I think that's what would make me the happiest.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and help me out. I will try my best to do the same whenever I can give advice. Even in my short time here I have a feeling that its going to be a great place to talk and give advice as time goes on. As the people on here are so sweet and kind hearted.

Cassie xx