Accepting Yourself - A byproduct of accepting change

[kimdl93]

Lots of good advice. Self acceptance certainly is the essential prerequisite for acceptance by others, as is the maturity to realize that not everyone can or will accept. The first point you made about control struck a particular chord with me. I. Psychotherapy, controlling behavior is behavior directed at trying to control the uncontrollable. A familiar example to many of us might be acting in a hyper macho manner in an attempt to make ones feminine go away. Some people, like myself for many years, carried a not so deeply submerged anger and could tilt into a pointless tantrum in moments of frustration. It's fascinating, and humbling, to look back at ones former self to see unproductive, often destructive behaviors manifest I that futile effort to control the uncontrollable.

[RobynT]

Isha; What a tremendous post.... Great thoughts and great tips... Thank you for sharing

[Marcelle]

. . . The first point you made about control struck a particular chord with me . . . controlling behavior is behavior directed at trying to control the uncontrollable. A familiar example to many of us might be acting in a hyper macho manner in an attempt to make ones feminine go away. Some people, like myself for many years, carried a not so deeply submerged anger and could tilt into a pointless tantrum in moments of frustration. It's fascinating, and humbling, to look back at ones former self to see unproductive, often destructive behaviors manifest I that futile effort to control the uncontrollable.

Hi Kim,

Very true. While exploring this part of me through therapy I learned I suppressed this on such a deep level that my need for control manifested outwardly in a very negative manner . . . frustration, anger, resentment and more anger. All of which was inflicted on those I could influence . . . my lovely wife, my work colleague, subordinates. In essence I became a huge jerky D-Bag and when I think back on it . . . I feel very bad and very humbled. Since letting go of this and being as open as I can be things are a lot better . . . my wife and I laugh again, our relationship is stronger, my friends want to be around me vice avoiding the "moody jerk" and work is on an even keel.

Hugs

Isha

[kimdl93]

obviously, I meant "in that" rather than "I that". Darn auto correct.

[SandraV]

Hello
Such a thoughtful post. This is one I'll have to come back to read over and over as I push to find self acceptance and all that implies for me.... Thank you Isha.

Hugs....

[SaraSmile]

Just adding another resource, from a favorite blog, addressing the same topic in a current article ... http://zenhabits.net

Self-acceptance is a struggle for me, in any context (not just CD). I rarely satisfied with my own efforts, performance, behavior, etc. I use to think this was a good thing, that I was driving myself to success and self-improvement through a near-constant inner monologue, critical of everything that I do. Until a few weeks ago, I viewed crossdressing as weird/deviant homoerotic behavior, and every time I gave into the urge/desire, I felt terrible shame and guilt, and vowed to try harder and change.

After 40-odd years of fighting this aspect of myself, it is time to reconcile and heal. This does not mean that I will crossdress when I feel like it. On the contrary, I feel like I need to step back and rebalance and understand before I move forward in any direction. Rather, I am hoping that, through self-acceptance process, I will find the right path to reconcile this part of me, with the rest of me, in a positive manner.

Thanks again for the advice.

[Jaymees22]

Dear Isha, Very good post, I feel too that self acceptance is the most important part of this journey and living in general. Will you be writing a book soon you are a good writer and seem to think things through really well. Thanks for all your input and I also enjoy some of your funny experiences too. Hugs Jaymee