Struggling within

[mishmam32]

So it's been a while since I've started a thread but I'm struggling with striking a balance right now. I came out to my wife in 2013, and went out in public shortly after that. Then I grew a beard and out Mishell on the shelf for over a year. Now she's crying to come out, and I'm not sure if I should let her. I feel like my beard keeps my wife from having to wonder if I'm dressing and I'm not sure she officially approves. What really scares me is when I went to a meeting I realized I was really advanced in my makeup, and attire which to me meant I'm deeper into this than I give myself credit for. I feel like my other side is in a bucket and I'm holding the lid closed.

[Lynn Marie]

Sure sounds like the classic CDers dilemma of trying to appease the wife and being obsessed with the desire to get dressed and look pretty. Also, your marriage sounds like a DADT arrangement which actually seems like the worst possible way of trying to cope with our common malady!

[Rachelakld]

As you age, that bucket will start to crack from the pressure within.
The fight while it is "the right fight", it is exhausting, eventually probably causing depression as you'll only be holding ground at best over the next decade.

When you find the fight causing depression - give in and join us on the dark side.
Because we care about you, while depression does not care about your marriage, your children or your life

[Jenniferathome]

You are out to your wife. Talk to her.

[ReineD]

More like pressure-cooker lid is about to explode. The only way to not have things build up and explode is to dress on a regular basis. You can decide how much time is required: once per month to a meeting, or maybe once per week for shopping, a meal, or just to stay at home, etc. If you incorporate outings in your regular schedule, it is likely that you will lose the 'feast or famine' experiences. You want to control it rather than have it control you. IMO. And it may take several years before it all falls into place.

I agree with Jennifer, you need to talk to your wife. I'm guessing that you want to 'keep the peace' by not alluding to the CDing or the fact that you need to do this. But this can be counter-productive in the long-run. Your wife may not like that you want to begin doing this on regular basis. But, dealing with you dressing at home or going out, although difficult at first if she does not approve, is a lot easier (IMO) than having you become so miserable that you might want to end your marriage five years down the road.

Your wife needs to understand that you do have a real need, it is not going away, and it needs expression. You need to try to explain this.

[TinaZ]

Reine and Jennifer are dead on. You have to sit down with your wife and let her know this is part of you. But assure her how your marriage is among your top priorities (I assume it is, based on the struggle you're having.) How did she react in 2013?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Is it possible for you to express your feminine side without shaving the beard, even if it means you don't go out in public?

You must let off that pressure.

Hugs, Nikki

[mishmam32]

Great advice from everyone, and it's really appreciated. In 2013 when I came out to my wife she was a little confused and worried I would tell her I was gay in 10 years. I asked her to do some more research on CD so she would understand that I wouldn't become gay all of the sudden. I guess springing that info on her made me feel like I needed to cool jets. Recently, I've started shaving my legs regularly, I leveraged it as a necessary evil because of foot surgery I had in summer which has lead to me wearing a compression sock (real reason, I LOVE IT). She hasn't said anything about that, I've dressed in privacy of home a few times, but I still want more, that's the issue :-(

[Barbara Black]

I'm not sure if this helps Struggling at all, but I came out to my wife, have dressed in the house, had discussions, and arguments, and she is still unsupportive. I know because she still asks if I'm gay during heated arguments. And she 'claims' to have looked into crossdressing.. I am not gay nor will it ever be a choice for me.

[charlenesomeone]

Sometimes things are not as clear as we think they are. Lots of great advice here. Talk and find a way
to make time to "get your girl on".
Hugs