Attempting the middle road...

[LeaP]

It is so interesting how perspectives differ. Far from viewing hormones as some sort of goal, never mind Grail, I was fearful of them. The sources and types of emotions I experienced during this period are a separate topic in and of themselves. Getting to a decision on moving ahead with them was a matter of coming to terms with the necessity more than anything else. No doubt there will be some of that with procedures. I refuse to go there for now, as I find it … stabilizing … to keep a shorter-term view.

But let's cut to the chase on the suspicion.

First, the barest of facts. People experience gender issues out of a number of different root causes. Second, they manifest in a variety of different ways and in varying intensity. The formal medical diagnoses and terminology address only a narrow slice of this. That specifically includes "gender dysphoria." One issue is insufficient conclusive research in the physical sciences, although progress is being made. Another is that psychiatric/psychological theory is evolutionary and tends to perpetuate mixed concepts. (This last is a bit abstract. A good example is found in examining the roots of theories like AGP.)

It doesn't take more than a minute of rational thought to realize that comparing and ranking pain and treatment across different conditions is ridiculous. Take something like a relationship blowing up. It really doesn't matter whether it explodes because one party is transsexual, genderqueer, or something else, at least considering it from the perspective of the relationship destruction itself. it is destructive, excruciating, and often life-changing (good or bad.) A transsexual held back from transition might wind up destroying their life. It might be by suicide but as easily can be through substance abuse, from psychological fallout, or by other means. The same may be true of a gender variant person. Different triggers, different routes in getting there, but much the same endpoint. Anyone with gender dysphoria in its precise medical sense is at risk for this – by definition.

Part of the problem here is not just the concept of spectrum, but the conflation of spectrum concepts. Thus gender issues are perceived by many people as a single continuum of both gender problem and intensity. One result is non sequitur comparisons as it is then next to impossible to avoid the implications of a sliding scale. Therefore, the thinking goes, the transitioner suffers the same condition as the genderqueer at a greater intensity so minimally they are in a position of greater experience and knowledge, if not judged superior because of notions like gender purity and aspirational factors.

Consider another medical analogy. Patient A has a circulatory issue that has resulted in some bowel necrosis. For a variety of reasons, they are not a candidate for a resection. Treatment – colostomy. Patient B has a circulatory issue that has resulted in gangrene. Treatment – amputation of their right leg below the knee. Now give some thought as to how you would rank these two conditions. You might consider life impact, additional medical implications, impact on work or extracurricular activities, even personal views on different types of disability …. Your answers are going to say a lot more about you than the conditions themselves.

Back to the middle path. The so-called middle path is an appropriate avenue for several different types of gender issues. That is so BOTH because they are the best solution for some conditions AS WELL AS The fact that individuals vary, as do their ability and desire to self-sacrifice, bear pain, or even (considering another kind of possibility) their propensity to go overboard.

It is always fair to ask about the condition, its intensity, as well as about all those individual and complicating factors. The gist of my original response was to ask "where's the beef?" I still don't see much middle in this middle. Others reacted much the same way, but went on to ask about the detail. The only source of information are OP's posts. The primary context of this section is the transsexual condition. That, of necessity, often includes much discussion of various kinds of gender variation, and so the Q&A dug into that - not so much to challenge the OP's condition - but to come to terms with the proposed "middle path" solution, the tenuous and difficult nature of which is, after all, what the OP put out there! There should be no surprise that the perspective offered has a transsexual cast (but not necessarily bias) to it.

[becky77]

I do find the picture rather odd? What exactly is it's meaning?

Is this middle path you keeping your current name, hiding your female persona and not taking anything to progress or control the GD? Isn't that just like the closeted existence I lived most of my life?
So are we all treading the middle path unless we go fulltime? In a way most of us feel different from our earliest memories so we are always treading a different path from everyone else, in your case i'm just not sure how you have progressed to another level, in what way has your life changed from before?

If you are happy and in a loving relationship then the rest probably doesn't matter, being happy is the number one goal!

Best of luck.

[LeaP]

My perspective is pretty much the same as yours, Becky. My therapist told me at one point, however, how incredibly important it is to be acknowledged and, that for some, it's enough, especially when it's one's partner.

[Rianna Humble]

There can be a bit of an underlying tendency within these forums with to regard individuals who choose either not to transition or not to "fully" transition with the holy grail of hormones and SRS, to be treated like their GD is lesser or not as real.

I cannot let you get away with repeating this lie. You have no evidence to back this up. I don't know why you seem to like to come here to attack those who are offering genuine support, but it is about time it stopped.

[MonicaJean]

For me, the middle path led no where but to the bowels of hell. I thought I could navigate its narrow and delicate path, but I couldnt.

The best thing I ever did for myself was to finally leave it behind.

I tried, I couldn't do it either. It was flatly miserable. In the 2nd week of December, I was up 3 out of 5 nights crying my eyes dry because I couldn't figure out what was plaguing me. A darkness that wouldn't go away, a deep sense of a dark chasm owning a good chunk of my emotional life. Hard to explain.

Then at 5am on the 3rd morning that week I barely slept, Friday morning, the revelation hit me: "Monica, you've been attempting a middle-of the road transition. This isn't for you, only a full transition will allow you to be yourself." Like that the heaviness, that awful weight lifted, finally. (Only to get up to a busy day of course)

I knew a full transition would be the most difficult path to take, but in the revelatory moment, I knew but I knew what path in life I needed to take.

Monica Jean (board name: michelle1)

[Michelle789]

My intent for transition was never to be a middle of the road transition but to eventually go full-time. However, I knew it would be a long time before I go full-time as a woman. Last year, I ventured outside the house for the first time as a woman in early February. I slowly worked my way up to living weekends and nights after work as a woman. I took off a week from work in late May, and I spent the whole time dressed as a woman. When I had to return to work on June 2, 2014, I was incredibly miserable the whole week, and my anxiety manifested itself in physical symptoms. I literally felt like I was extremely jittery and wanted to jump out of my body. Never in my life had I experienced anxiety so bad. Even when anxiety does result in physical jitters, which in my case will happen from time to time, especially right before the onset of a cold, no episode had been as bad as the early June, 2014 episode. By some divine intervention, I lost my job on June 10, 2014, and I was able to live almost full-time as a woman. I was full-time except for my AA home group, which I went to every other Friday. By mid-August I went full-time. I came out at AA and was re-hired at my old job as a woman.

I find that I feel much better, and much more comfortable with myself, when presenting as a woman. I feel much better being on estrogen. And I feel much better when I put my spiritual needs first. This means at least two AA meetings per week, church every Sunday, doing my gratitude list, being of service, and praying to God and meditating. Self-care is very important to me. Spirituality, program, exercise, diet, sleep, and transition, are all part of self-care. The more I take care of myself, the better I feel. And living authentically, as well as being on hormones, is a MAJOR part of self-care.

[LoriFlores]

Thanks for all the wonderful input, including the "tough love"

These past two weeks have been a time of tremendous growth both personally and in my wife and I's relationship. With the help of our therapist (specializing in transgender work) I have come to much better understand (and admit to myself) my position in life. Until these weeks I really did not know where I fell in the membership of this website. Now with both our therapists help, and followup reading on my own, I have a much better understanding. Gender Dysphoria DSM-5 302.85 (Not Transvestic fetishism, etc). It has also forced a more open discussion on myself with my wife. She has held a very ridged viewpoint on Gender Identification = Sexual Orientation. She seems to be coming to terms with un-linking the two. Earlier on this topic I had privately expressed my views to our therapist that I thought orientation could be changed by HRT. She had responded in part that or that I "could be a lesbian". Today, she again expressed to my wife that her experience has been that orientation does not usually shift during transition (others experience may differ). I dwell on the orientation point because this has been a major concern of my wife based on her ridged link between identification/orientation.

I don't know if this pausing in the middle road will ultimately work or not. I know that if I was alone in a vacuum I would rush towards full transition. But, I'm not... I'm willing to pause here to see if this is a workable place for my wife and I. Our relationship is worth the effort. Others have found this an impossible location and I understand that.

A major change that leads to my defining this as a "middle road" is full acceptance/understanding by both myself and wife of my gender identification and that this is not a part time (dress up time) position. Another is my wife's apparent now acceptance of my androgynous dress as not being synonymous with "he's gay and about to leave me for a man". Instead we are two women, all be it imperfect women, sharing our lives together. I can't emphasis how significant both of these shifts are. The stress level in our household has dropped markedly for the last couple days and including after today's therapy session.

I know these changes may be minimized by some but to us these changes are so dramatic that it seems like we are moving at the speed of light. Two weeks ago I was on the verge of tremendously destructive behavior, had a plan, had the means, and was moments away from a final act. This is a better place, even if ultimately transitory.

In the mean time we get to go for a french pedi together next week after our next therapy session

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Lori, thank you for the clarification. I admire your desire to bring your wife along at a pace that allows her to adjust to the situation. I would urge you, though, to keep up the conversation so that you can eventually make progress. I would hate to find you were a statistic on the next Transgender Day of Remembrance.

[gonegirl]

A major change that leads to my defining this as a "middle road" is full acceptance/understanding by both myself and wife of my gender identification......

A little more tough love, Lori:
Be prepared for that apparent acceptance and understanding by your wife to be revealed as being self-forced tolerance. She may want to accept and understand, but it's a very rare spouse who can fully bridge that chasm between your understanding of yourself and a non-TS's understanding of yourself. I sincerely wish you well in retaining your marriage.

[Frances]

Although I am post-op and super comfortable in a binary society, I believe there are many ways of being a human, and that falling between boxes is just fine, if you can handle the reaction of others.

Espousing a middle road to protect someone else's sensibilities or in the spirit of compromise will not work in the long run. This I believe firmly. I have seen too many examples over the years.

[Sara Jessica]

But who knows? Maybe you are one of the very, very few it *seems* to work for. Sara Jessica is the only one around here that seems to have a decent handle on it, but I have my doubts about that. Not that she doesn't *believe* it or *want* it to be so, but that she is also due to crash and burn as so many of us have before her.

Middle road, catches my attention. Anne calls me out, even more so!!!

Seriously, I co-opted the term middle path from another source. The true meaning is more along the lines of "crossdresser with a significant social presence", or something like that. Given that I do identify more towards the TS end of things, I adopted middle path to mean "non-transitioning transsexual".

There is an important caveat when discussing the distinction between one who transitions and one who chooses to stay on a middle path. I will profess that my choices are based upon the life I have built, marriage, children, career, etc., that I do not wish to risk these things by going down a road to transition. Yet the converse of this is not true. Those who choose transition do not hold those things in any less regard. Each of us makes our own decisions for our own reasons based on the unique variables that are in play. Sometimes survival is one of those variables. Sometimes it is just escaping the constant vice-grip that GID holds on one's heart. Gosh knows I feel that daily.

So I spent a period of time navigating this path. I made some significant body modifications that a typical male wouldn't necessarily do (growing my hair out to eliminate a need for a wig, electrolysis, brow waxing, removal of body fur, etc...jeez, seems it's all about the hair!). These serve to enhance my experience in the traditional middle path definition, helping my significant social presence and more importantly, something like electro became something that'd need to be done if I were to ever go down a transition path.

This all made sense and I managed to cope with my ups and downs. Everything was plugging along until I started feeling worn down in what seemed like an endless debate about what makes a woman, or even a TS, feeling as if I was having an impossible time convincing anyone that a middle path is a valid place to be, that one can find fulfillment on both sides of the gender fence. I then made a declaration, that I would no longer hold transition out there as a carrot. It would no longer be a crutch to fall back upon in my darkest days. I would let love win this battle and continue to cultivate my social presence as a means to my overall fulfillment.

So what has been the result? I'm sorry to report that Anne is wrong, at least for now (no one can predict what the future might hold). I have never been happier. My highs are frequent and more sustained. My lows however are much less frequent and more crushing but I am managing them.

I spend little or no time these days justifying my personal choice to others and I am certainly not doing so right now. What I am doing is pointing out the validity of the middle path as a choice. It isn't the choice for most. It isn't for the faint of heart but neither is transition. If you are 100% honest with yourself about the narrative of your life to this point and what you want for your future, and if you are willing to work at it, then this MIGHT be a good choice you are making.

I'll close with these words about a friend of mine who took her life just over five years ago. She knew nothing of a middle path option before diving down a transition rabbit hole. I believe she was enabled by others and not challenged by professionals. She torched what she described as a perfect marriage and never recovered from that loss. One of the last things she said to me the last time I ever spoke with her was "I wish I had what you have", speaking of the middle path. How I wish I had met her when she was still exploring her options. By the time I met her, she was in way to deep to step back onto a middle path.

But it is rare that there is a day I don't think of those words of hers. She is an angel to me who I rely upon for strength to stay on my current course.

...There can be a bit of an underlying tendency within these forums with to regard individuals who choose either not to transition or not to "fully" transition with the holy grail of hormones and SRS, to be treated like their GD is lesser or not as real. I don't think that members deliberately set out to give that impression however based on Ashley's post it would seem I am not the only one who sometimes get's this feeling.

I cannot let you get away with repeating this lie. You have no evidence to back this up. I don't know why you seem to like to come here to attack those who are offering genuine support, but it is about time it stopped.

Rianna, please understand that perception is often reality and yes, there are some of us here who perceive at times an air about this place which is along the lines of "fish or cut bait". I have felt it (see comments above), though not in quite some time but when I did, it was very real and hurt a lot. I spent time defending myself but have long since let it go. There is no way I can quantify my GID any more than someone else can. It all comes down to how one chooses to deal with these issues which doesn't speak to the depth of the underlying condition.

[KellyJameson]

For certain women and I would think this would be particularly true for post-op women, the suggestion of a middle path not only could threaten them but also leaves them feeling invalidated, like a slap across the face.

As a by product of live long and intense GD I cannot tolerate ambiquity concerning gender so I am very much a black and white thinker of what makes a woman or not.

This thinking goes right to the body because for me the body is the reflection of gender. It starts with the body and goes outward.

My mind thinks of gender in terms of "body sex" and "brain sex" first and foremost. If my mind is a female sex as "my brain" and this is causing me pain because my body "is not" than something needs to change. Either I change my brain through shear will power (does not work)or the defensive mechanisms available to all in the face of traumatic experiences (and being born misaligned is extremely traumatic) so risking mental illness (mental illness is almost guaranteed as to anxiety and CPTSD or others) or "I change my body and all that this implies"

In my opinion the need to transition can be measure by the degree of suffering being born misaligned has caused you. Only transitioning to the degree you "need to" (which I support) is a measurement of the suffering you are "in" and the suffering "you can take" and this goes right back to the physical body "you must live inside OF and WITH"

My transition does not make me a superior woman to those who "do not" but simply comes out of what I have experienced.(pain born out of identity drove my transitioning) My concept of what a woman "is and is not" does affect whether I can relate to those who do not fully transition.

A woman with a penis does not make sense to me "for me" so the body and gender are tightly wrapped up together in my mind.

For me the genitals were a very important part of transitioning. I could not resolve the dissonance of living with the genitials I was born with contrasted against the brain I have.

My brain and genitals (body) were not aligned as much as my role in society was not.

This of course included secondary sexual characteristics (body hair/face, bone structure) but it went much deeper than that.

If you do not have a problem living with your genitals and the 'sex" that "has and does come out of that" than this in my opinion will strongly affect your attitudes toward how you live and what type of transition you need to do.

For me it was never about living in society but living in my own body.

All my problems started with that body and than by extension how that body was "gendered" which added a second layer of pain on top of the first one.

Those who can walk the middle path should consider themselves fortunate because for them life is not black and white, all or nothing.

I support those who can do this but I don't relate to them as being "like me' because they are different in their "identity" what "created this identity" and the pain that "comes out of it"

I do not like to support the middle road for those who "are like me" but I certainly do for those who are not and this is simply because I do not want anyone to go through what I have.

I'm very sensitive to the suffering this has caused me and the realization that it can only be escaped through transitioning "FOR ME". Other have to fiqure that out for themselves.

It has nothing to do with who is and is not a woman because I could care less and I certainly don't care about who is "more a woman than someone else" because I simply see this as lunacy,ego,self loathing and insecurity. None of which as anything to do with living your life authentically.

Being in-between or walking the middle path is intolerable for someone like me because that was what my birth did to me. It took me right into mental illness and kept me there, but for others it takes then out of their suffering and has a healing effect.

What harms some people, heals others and each has to figure it out for themselves.

[LeaP]

Sarah, in a sense, there IS no middle - there is only the best solution to one's individual situation. You convey much the same when you speak of the friend that transitioned who should not have. As it's being used here "middle" minimally suggest multiple acceptable solutions. I think it also implies choices that are, on some sort of balance basis, equivalent. It may be true for some. But just as it appears that transition wasn't healthy for your friend, neither is the so-called middle path for some others.

Transsexualism has *always* been quantified, most famously by Benjamin, whose classification framework for same included transition urgency. That's not the same as quantifying dysphoria which, as you imply, can be quite serious indeed regardless of gender identity. But then, GD is also quantified - as clinically significant impairment.

I have no difficulty accepting that there are transexed individuals who are best served by not transitioning just as there are some non-transsexed individuals who might be. Individual drivers are very complex. Whatever the transition urgency might be, however, identity itself really requires no measurement at all ... if one can say definitively man or woman, male or female. The problem of definition as well as balanced choices seems to belong in the end, to the genderqueer. Genderqueer or cross-sex identified ... either still begs the solution. But to the transsexed, the middle path is relatively more damaging. Some choose it anyway. But you ought to recognize differences among those who do stay in the "middle" and not advocate for it, just as others shouldn't advocate for transition.

One last thing: There is *definitely* a "fish or cut bait" undercurrent here. It mostly concerns moving AT ALL, and not in a particular direction. People do get exasperated delivering the same answers against the same issues for the same individuals who continue to wring their hands and agonize. Even though they understand it and experienced it themselves! Why? Because you have to LIVE to LIVE. You need to do SOMETHiNG! An occasional kick in the ass is ofttimes a good thing. I've had a few. I still remember Frances'. Very, very simple, but was timely for me and cut to the heart. It was "Transition will take care of that." Wow. What a cheerleader.


As usual, Kelly, so well said.

I did not know that it was about my body until after starting hormones, however. At that point, as the the psychological issues receded, the fact that it had always been about my body was starkly obvious. And that leads me to why I agree with your comments about womanhood. The lead-up to that point was strong episodes, increasing in frequency, of feeling cross-sexed - female. (I've written about it often, and the first such episode was the occasion of my first post here.) It became my normal state, then faded into a new normality. One that I can still identify as female, but doesn't "feel" as it did when it was foreign. It is just me, I'm unsettled in my body, and that is that. How do I know I'm female? I have no F****** idea. I just do, and I inhabit the changes to my body thus far so easily and naturally that it sometimes surprises me in its lack of remarkability. It just feels like me in a way that I never felt before. So is that more or less female or woman than someone else? Who knows? Who cares?

[Sara Jessica]

The comment that the existence of a middle road (and those like me, I suppose) is threatening, invalidating and a slap in the face pretty much proves the perception many of us feel, thank you.

It is impossible to measure the depth of one's GID so that is a moot point. All that can be seen is what comes out the other end and that is where the divide becomes evident. The narrative of one's torment fuels this and creates further division. The word "authentic" in particular and the context in which it is often used chafes me in that it suggests that I am less than authentic.

I am not an advocate for a middle path, only an advocate as it being a valid choice for some to consider. I have the same birth defect as y'all, I just deal with mine differently. Not better, just different.

[steftoday]

I wish this forum had a "like" button. Thank you Sara, for what you have written.

[becky77]

I don't really agree with the invalidating part? Post-op women are now women, why would they be invalidated by a Transgendered middle path person?

If your a post-op woman in theory you should be out there living as a woman. No longer part of the trans scene and therefore no way to be invalidated. If you are post-op and choose to remain in the trans scene, perhaps you will invalidate yourself, but how can someone else be to blame?
I am also guilty of seeing the world as black and white sometimes. A woman doesn't have male genitals, a transgendered person does. However, in a world where most people have to pay for that surgery, It's hardly fair to make them feel lesser because they can't afford it, or can't have it for health reasons.
For those that could afford it but choose not to, I'm fine with that also, but I personally don't see how they can say they are a woman. This is probably because I'm again guilty of falling into society's stereotype.

I don't think we can agree on this middle path thing. When you transition you push past the fear and risk all to be your true self, so It's hard to feel sympathy for those that claim to be the same and yet they only dip there toes in and play it safe. I can't see how you are the same as those of us that have gone the transition route, if you was you wouldn't be able to cope with being in the middle. That's not to say in anyway you are lesser, just different and one can't understand the other.

[Rianna Humble]

Rianna, please understand that perception is often reality and yes, there are some of us here who perceive at times an air about this place which is along the lines of "fish or cut bait".

As others have said, this kind of response tends to be towards members who just spend time having said what they feel they should do and then spend all of their posts explaining why they will not do what they said they should be doing. Even then, it is most often to people who raise objections to their chosen path then totally ignore any suggestions of how to overcome their objection.

We also sometimes have to ask questions to tease out of a member what support we can usefully offer, but whenever we do there always seems to be a post from an adina or equivalent falsely accusing us of elitism. It is interesting that those accusers never seem to offer any positive support to the person being questioned by members.

I have felt it (see comments above), though not in quite some time but when I did, it was very real and hurt a lot. I spent time defending myself but have long since let it go.

Unfortunately some members (and I am not accusing you personally) spend so much time defending their own attitude that they never get around to either allowing TS members to support them or to making any progress with their own chosen path.

There is no way I can quantify my GID any more than someone else can. It all comes down to how one chooses to deal with these issues which doesn't speak to the depth of the underlying condition.

I don't see TS members asking anyone to quantify GD, but I often see cis members accusing us of doing so (again not accusing you) - or worse accusing us of pressuring people to transition whether they need to or not. However, we do need to try to understand how the GD is affecting a member before we can offer any practical support.

It would be equally insane for me to say to someone who has found relief short of transition that the only solution is full MtF transition as it would for me to tell someone who needs to transition to just "man up" (something that has been said to most of us by cis colleagues or family).

Until Lori told us more of her situation the only possible non-questioning responses were either "you go girl" or "go away" neither of which would have been in the least helpful.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Lori, kudos for stepping up to the plate and bringing more thoughts and details into it.
You have alot of thinking in front of you. It does seem things have changed and you've joined a very unfortunate club!!!LOL...
I would urge you to stop thinking in big terms, and think little... What can you do today and tomorrow... the bigger the terms "middle path" , "transition", "invalidation", the more pressure you will feel..
because of how you've got to this point, you are gonna have to work to separate out the expectations of presenting and feeling female vs the more fetishy stuff you were into before... you get to decide what all that means and whether any of it can help you against GID...
if you are doing ok right now, you can work to mitigate your GID through expressing yourself as Lori... or executing body changes to feel more like Lori... whatever can work for you is going to be worthwhile.. You want to do everything you can to avoid transition HOWEVER!!!!!!!!! Do not make promises or pronouncements, no matter what anybody tells you the promises work against you...the promises make it worse.. even to yourself... if you can successfully follow a lifestyle that gives you happiness and a feeling of being alive, then you are not going to have to transition..

Here's what i say about middle path..
It's hugely ironic to me...

No transsexual espouses transition. No one cheerleads it..in fact, we say the opposite.... however we share our experience and what it did for us... we can comfort people that it really does solve the gd problem...
It's not complicated. Don't transition. If you must, i can assure you it will solve the GD problem. End of story.

however, people do espouse the middle path... then project their insecurity about it onto transsexuals that have transitioned..
they have never felt the way i felt... i guarantee it... if they did they would not be talking about happiness and middle path in the same sentence...
it creates a conflict because we have experienced the non choice of transition..and they havent

I don't care whether Sara or me or you is "transsexual"...i do care that we all do the best thing for quality of life... that's why i speak up here...

You are either going to feel much worse and end up seriously in transition mode, or not.
It doesn't really matter whether you say today "im doing this or that"...it doesn't matter what you call it..
its coming for you or its not..
It's self selective... The middle path finds you, not the other way around.. it works for people because they find out who they are, and they get to a place where they can be ok..

++++++
Sara called transition a "carrot"...and once she stopped chasing the carrot things got better.... this is hugely telling to me
.... transition is actually a juggernaut that is 10 billion feet high and in slow motion runs you over as if you are an ant... it chases you..and one of the most terrifying things about it is the inevitability of it..its suffocating

i like her words because its a terrific analogy about how it felt to her ..that's WHO SHE IS... she can feel she exists without reaching the goal of transition...
if to me there was no goal...just survive....if it was just a carrot i would not have lost my wife, my six figure salary or sunk to the lows i did in fighting the juggernaut that squeezed the life out of me inch by inch..
... if it was just a carrot, i would have never taken a bite..

I do not believe Sara or I did anything really different...we both tried to not transition.. i did everything to avoid the feeling getting worse, nothing worked... sara did everything and this middle
path worked...luck of the draw? intensity? Actual different gender identities?? who knows..

Sara tries to imply that there is no judgement, but the judgement is clear...no matter how you slice it, the message is perhaps if you try harder, perhaps if you just rely on the power of love you can make it!!! if that's not the message there is no message at all...

my message is the harder you try the worse it gets UNTIL you are on the proper path for YOUR identity. That's the only way. There is no right or wrong unless you aim away from your actual identity.
That's what you have to figure out Lori...
How do you figure that out??? Great question!!!

Maybe ask yourself this.
Is transition looking like a carrot to you?
Or do you see freight train heading straight for you??

[LeaP]

Maybe ask yourself this.
Is transition looking like a carrot to you?
Or do you see freight train heading straight for you??

Transition Train routes present many options, many twists and turns. Choose carefully because..

image.jpg

... crossing points between Transition Trains and Middle Paths are dangerous places. They are normally guarded by barriers or bypassed via bridges. Mix the two and you get:

image.jpg

It seems that both trying to jump off the train or to beat it to the crossing are bad ideas. About the stupidest thing you can possibly do, though, is to stand in the middle of the intersection.

[Rogina B]

I made my post in this thread because I believe that a person can live a life[maybe not forever] that allows them to satisfy their GD.Being out,socially included,standing firm in your own skin are all part of this. Socially transitioning and all that goes with it,including charm school. After all,social transition IS the greater part of transition. And for those that say that people are afraid of losing something,so it can't be as bad as they had it,or there would be "no middle path"..That's fine! Just remember how many threads and discussions on this forum have to do with "retaining the position" that people achieved as male prior to their new path. I don't see so many here that "just blow up their work world" so that isn't far from what Sara Jessica said about keeping the world that she has..Transitioners tend to want to keep hold of somethings as well..There has been lots of job related discussions here and few truly wish to reinvent themselves from scratch hence they are afraid of social transition and what could happen to them as well. My opinion,of course.

[Marleena]

Lori I wish you luck with whatever you choose as a path. This really is about personal choice and what will work for you and your wife since both of you are willing to work together on it. If you can keep your GD under control without HRT you will be one of the lucky ones.

[LoriFlores]

Had another visit with our therapist today. Unfortunately, today feels like the train wreck pictured in LeaP's reply...

[Rogina B]

There is no fast track to working out complicated issues for the better.

[flatlander_48]

We must remember that we can only make the best decision we can. It's not to say that faced with the same choices next month or next decade that we would come to the same conclusions. Also, we cannot undo the past with a different decision in the future. The only thing to do is make the best of what we have to work with at that point in time...

DeeAnn

[LeaP]

... today feels like the train wreck pictured ...

How so? What happened?