I have this question and I haven''t found a reasonable answer. Why is it thought that we might be considered "Gay" if we dress in women's styles?
In my understanding of homosexuality, it is the desire to have a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex. If this is so, Why would a homosexual man want to present as a woman and why would a lesbian want to present as a man?
Rhanda
If this post is in the wrong place I have no objection to it being moved.
Actually this is an excellent question and is often asked by people when they first find out that a man likes to wear women's clothes. I think that a great many people think that a person would present as a woman for the sole purpose of attracting a man. After all, this is what women supposedly did for centuries! Unfortunately, this just highlights how little the person asking the question knows.
My experience has been that there are very few homosexuals who present as women. As you stated, they are attracted to a male image, not a female one. Now, it appears that many are attracted to a certain type of male image.
It is quite well accepted that one's sexual preference is not based upon how one dresses. However, there are some CDs who do feel an attraction to men when they are presenting as women. I tend to think of these people as bi-sexual rather than homosexual.
As to lesbians presenting as a man, that is an issue that I would not feel qualified to address.
Hugs, Carole
Oh goodness EXACTLY! I detest the mindset that you must be gay if you wear women's clothes!!
There is such a broad spectrum of CDers from man in a dress to about to transition. I think that I would imagine the sexuality percentage is closer to that of the 'normal' population. Yes some are gay, some are bi, it doesn't matter what you wear.
I often wear jeans and a tshirt on weekends, this does not make me a lesbian! I wonder why the world can't see this? Clothing is just clothing, some things fit or feel better than others, shut up and don't be concerned with attire and focus more on the person within!!
I get asked this nearly every time I am OUT enfemme and a member of the general population comes in to close contact with me. I also provide information about CDing to anyone interested. I attempt to educate and inform for the benefit of the CDing community. They are usually surprised to hear that most CDers are hetero. That we are not automatically gay. That I have been married to my favorite person in the whole wide world for XX years.
I do not consider it an insult or invasion of my privacy if the questions are seeking information or are delivered respectfully. The vast majority of time that is the case.
I am having SUCH FUN with this!
Billie
The stereotypical homosexual is seen as 'camp', ie effeminate. If he isn't effeminate, he won't be viewed as gay, unless he tells people he is. I'm bi, and I've been caught in the trap of saying, "Oh really, I'd never have known", when some masculine person mentions he's gay.
If a man is flapping his hand, speaking in a girly voice, and getting really excited about some woman's dress, it isn't wholly unreasonable to assume he might be gay...is it?
I used to have a short attention spa
I'd say it mostly depends on the individual person and their tastes.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I think sexuality and gender are two very different things. A therapist I was seeing asked me if dressing in male mode but slightly effeminate would work for me rather than dressing fully as a woman. I said no "I don't want to appear Gay". She almost broke her pencil writing that down. Hugs Jaymee
I enjoy being a boy, being a GIRL like me!!!
Yes the question is reasonable although its assumptions are not always correct and the reasoning is too simple it is still reasoning. The line of reasoning goes like this; A man like to dress like a pretty lady, what do pretty ladies do? they attract men, ergo the man wants to attract other men hence he must be gay. Again too simple of a reasoning but not many think deeply.
If it were only that easy. Every person and every situation is different. What works for one, may not work for another. One cannot assume a statement made by a single individual represents the thoughts of everyone in that group, or demographic, etc. What works for one TG or Cd or GG may not apply or work for any other TG or CD of GG. As is my case. My wife sees herself as the female in the relationship. Has no tolerance for having another appear to be that. She has also categorically stated that she is not a lesbian and not interested in a lesbian relationship. I am. So my relationship will end when I transition. And yes, that is my situation. Does not necessarily apply to any other Trans woman. Relationships are like fingerprints. No two are a like. She is very tolerant and liberal, but NIMBY is her credo.Originally Posted by Sierra_juliette
So, I wish it were as easy as wishing it so, but it is not. And for those in different and difficult situations, there is a different path to different solutions. It takes a long time to change a societal norm such as thoughts around being gay and cross dressing etc. but I think there is progress being made. We need more Sierras out there !
Just my. Do with it want you will.
Erin
Last edited by Eringirl; 01-28-2015 at 03:57 PM.
Seize the day. Life is short, and you're dead a long time...just sayin' ...
Because people use simple-minded classifications to identify other people. For example:
"Person wearing a dress" ==> must be a woman.
"Person is a woman" ==> likes men as sexual partners.
NOTE that neither implication is always true! However, both implications are a safe bet in most cases. Then people falsely assume transitivity and come up with:
"Person wearing a dress" ==> likes men as sexual partners.
Dianne got it. Most people do not separate gender identity from sexual preference. To them, if you dress like a woman you want to attract men. If you dress like a man, you want to attract women. Simple logic for simple minds.
casting aside the just because mindset and how we who are different know the difference, those who are not so familiar with the transgender spectrum are not really at fault for their ignorance. I would not even classify ignorance, as to me, ignorance is not learning or knowing something when there is obvious knowledge or evidence out there.
Go ahead, and type in crossdresser, transvestite, transgender and see what pops up 1st.... How often have crossdressers been portrayed in movies or TV as heterosexual??? How many who are drag queens in the entertainment industry straight? Why is it most likely you will find a drag show in a gay bar??
On the surface, those who are not familiar with trasgenderism or crossdressers, why would they ever think we are straight? And lastly... LGBT, the last one is us, the T, all the rest have to do with sexuality that is with the same sex. People assume until told otherwise that anyone who crossdresses is likely gay or bi sexual. All the evidence on the surface shows we are gay....
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
How much would it help for a heterosexual crossdresser to think of themselves as a male lesbian?
Stephi Spring
Well just so they know (i'm not)
Nicely put Carole.
joank
Southern California
I think it's mostly a matter of ignorance of the variety of sexual experience and expression. Most people think of sexuality in terms of two simple categories: gay and straight. If a male enjoys wearing women's clothing, which we all have to agree is an out-of-the ordinary phenomenon, he is likely to be perceived as sexually out-of-the-ordinary, which to the unenlightened mind means gay.
It's because most people have little or no understanding of why we do this and it's an easy label to apply. Lets face it, how often have there been threads were WE discuss why we do this. In time more and more people will come to, if not accept our calling in the same way as they've come to accept that some are gay, become more ambivalent to what we do. Perhaps not fully understood but become one of those things that just is.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
well think of it this way...
would you just assume a drag queen is a gay guy with no desire to be a woman?
that's what we're often told... but for all you know maybe 1 out of 10 aren't gay or maybe are just bi and then some actually want to transition!
you just never know!
or the other side...
a butch woman wearing a lumberjack plaid shirt with short haircut... wants to be a man?
probably not!
but maybe!
though you'd probably assume she's a lesbian (and like many stereotypes you'd probably be right!)
My slant on this question is the modern media. TV, movies, songs, etc. portray most guys in dresses as limp wristed and effeminate, or as drag queens, or over the top buffoons. I haven't seen a tv show or movie yet that shows a normal family person, i.e. dad, brother, uncle, in a heterosexual family setting. Perhaps if that were to become a reality, there could be a change in the mind of society, that all crossdressers are gay.
Luv andJill
Straight, into Fantasy Land
Yes, on the face of it, it is VERY reasonable.
The vast majority of women are attracted to men. The vast majority of men are attracted to women. A man dressing as woman must want to attract men. Now, to your point, the vast majority of gay men are attracted to men, not cross dressers. That is how little is understood about cross dressing.
Rhanda, your question is quite reasonable and is often the very first question a SO will ask just after the big reveal. There are lots of variations in the gay community, and there are variations in the transgender community. Add to that various obsessions, fears, doubts, and worries, and you have the incredible variety of life on this planet.
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
When I began dressing? I assumed I had become gay. And, I had a couple years to think about it!
So, why wouldn't someone who considered it for 10 second on seeing a CD?
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
This is not the first thread that I have started and I am happy that it has stirred up more interest than any of the others. However the question has not been answered. If you are a gay cross dresser you may be able to tell us something about why you cross dress. Your reason might be simillar to mine and have nothing to do with sex but just wanting to look and feel your best. I have nothing against your reasoning but would like to clear the air if possible.
My reason for doing it can probably be called gelousey (sp). I just think that certain styles are vary attractive and I want to be as attractive as I can. This may be hard for some to sepperate from sexuality.
Rhanda
Patriarchy is suspicious if feminine sexuality. It is mysterious, untrustworthy and dangerous. By assuming a feminine role the male subverts patriarchy and becomes suspicious, dangerous and untrustworthy.
Patriarchy uses sex to dominate and control women ergo the fear is that the CD will use sex to dominate and control other men, especially in a dishonest and deceptive way.
Either that or they are too afraid to say how hawt they find us!
xx
And here I thought women used sex to control MEN!
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