gas station experience

[arbon]

There is a guy that works at a gas station I go to a lot that I have known for a long time, though we have never really been good friends or anything, just acquaintances . A really long time ago, in my early 20's, I had been seeing his sister for a while. Like so many around here he watched me transition, but he remained friendly to me and never acted weird about what I did. He had switched really easy to using my new name without me ever saying a word to him or explaining (I assume someone else told him my new name at some point). Still, I often wondered what he thought of me since he always seemed like a bit of a redneck and because at one time was seeing his sister I figured he must judge me somewhat.

The other night he really surprises me though when I go to the store. There was no one else there and in a very nervous mumbly kind of way he says to me that he likes to wear women's cloths sometimes, that he is more comfortable that way, and would like to get together sometime to talk more. I was very shocked! What goes through my mind is you poor guy....I wonder how long he has been wanting to say something to me but has been afraid to? I wonder how tormented he has been by his secret? I wonder if he is a he or really a she inside? I wonder what will happen next with him if he is starting to open that closet door a bit and whether he is a crossdresser or if it runs deeper than just cloths?

It just seemed like a strange thing to happen. It made me feel like there are others on the fringes watching me, seeing how I do out there and maybe finding some hope in that. I don't know. How many TG people can there be around here in their closets still and what do they think of me? I don't like being as out and visible as I am, but it is what it is and maybe there is some good to that. It also made me reflect on what it was like for me not to many years ago living with those secrets, to afraid to be me, and how lucky I am today to be where I am in my life. I am still a nut case half the time at least and have some down days, I have gone through my hardships with all of the transition and stuff, but I have still managed to come out okay for the most part and can live my life as I want. I never imagined that would happen.

Just thought I would share about this here. It has been on my mind.

Oh, on a side note I did end up getting outed at my new job so I don't have to worry about that anymore.

[JustWendy]

It sounds like your acquaintance is ready to open up to someone and he sees you as someone who will be sympathetic to the difficult and delicate discussion he wants to have. You may soon have the answers to your questions while you help him with his. Even with the internet, many of us can feel isolated and alone and not counted among the statistics cited. I hope he reaches out to you again and that you're able to help.

Wendy

[Andy66]

Thats awesome, Arbon. Sometimes people are called on to help others, rather than volunteering for it. It may be difficult, but hopefully it will be rewarding.

[KellyJameson]

Thank you for sharing this.

We are all ambassadors representing are own internal government that we show to the world by how we live.

For better or worse we are always teaching, communicating and influencing and usually this goes on beyond are own awareness.

You earned his trust to share a secret he probably has never shared before.

It comes with great responsibility because in that trust he has given you the power to influence his destiny.

[LeaP]

Well, well, will wonders never cease? The mind boggles imagining scenarios through which this poor soul must have sat silently. … and so close to home, Theresa.

I hope the outing went well. I know you were concerned.

[arbon]

I hope the outing went well. I know you were concerned.

I had the most horrible nightmare about it last night. All the girls (young women I work with late teens early twenties) were laughing at me and teasing me, and I was trying to get my 19 year old supervisor to make them stop but she was to in shock about it to do anything. I probably need to go see a shrink about it.

[Karen62]

We are all ambassadors representing are own internal government that we show to the world by how we live.

For better or worse we are always teaching, communicating and influencing and usually this goes on beyond are own awareness.

Kelly's nailed it once again. While I only officially joined this forum little more than a month ago, I spent a considerable amount of time here before that lurking, reading, and learning about how I really am not so alone in this world. I have really come alive since registering and participating as a member here (I feel like I have been here forever!), and I have several times reached out to individual members in private to tell them that I regard them as leaders and heroes of mine because of exactly what Kelly said. We perceive we live this life of ours in isolation, and all external judgment of us is negative (typically reflecting our own self-judgment). But Arbon's story is a sweet reminder that we are all actually pioneers of the alternate path, leaders in seeking to live our lives expressing the truth of who we are, and setting examples for other countless other kindred spirits, most of whom we will never meet and know.

Arbon, my old cynical side has just one small red flag to raise, and please feel free to discount it as meaningless. You wrote "he always seemed like a bit of a redneck". That's not usually a complimentary term, and you have these feelings for a reason, and this was possibly an inherent warning to you. I would suggest you refer this fellow to this forum (or other, similar ones if you want to maintain more privacy) first. I would hate for you to be set up to be assaulted or hurt in any way. I only say this because of your own initial assessment of this person. Helping others is great and noble, but protect your self first and foremost.

All the best to you, Arbon,

Karen

[Rachel Smith]

Karen many times people put up the biggest scariest facade they can muster for fear of being known for what is really inside.

[AllieSF]

Great story Arbon. I would be interested to hear how you responded and the results, what you can share, of future meetings. It is funny how life gives, takes away, presents us with opportunities to overcome hardships, bask in good times, and in this case have the chance to really meet someone new and old in terms of what we previously knew about them and what we may know now. I agree that you should take the opportunity to maybe give back, if you can. Thanks for sharing.

[STACY B]

What I wouldn't have done to meet someone like you back in the day !! If I were you I would be honored to help someone ,,

Just imagine the information you can provide ! Moat trans people before were real spooky or secretive an don't want to be bothered ,,

WOW ,, I guess times are a changing ?

[Leah Lynn]

My brother in law always came off as a homophobe/transphobe, but when I came out to him and my sister, they were totally accepting. He said he thought it was great, as long as we could still ride motorcycles together.

Ya never know, sometimes, they may act like they think they're expected to, not like they want to...

Leah

[kimdl93]

that's fascinating. I suppose although the redneck part, I might have been like that guy. i can certainly imagine a time when having an acquaintance who was in transition would have been a revelation and terribly conflicting. Ive been that poor tormented individual, afraid to acknowledge, heck not even sure how to characterize what I was feeling. He must have summoned up all the courage he had to finally utter those words.

[PretzelGirl]

I think if you don't go stealth, this is something that can easily happen. Think about it from the other side. It is a scary world out there and you are hiding yourself and then you are able to observe someone who is living what you just want a taste of. I firmly believe I will have others come up to me in private to just make a connection and not feel so alone. I think it is a great way to pay it back if you are comfortable with it. The fact that you have a past with him makes it interesting.

I hope work is well and the outing was just a comment that flew on by. Then it can just go back to being you.

[phylis anne]

A really good read , I like what rachael said ,"Karen many times people put up the biggest scariest facade they can muster for fear of being known for what is really inside" hmm rachael have we met lol this has been me my whole life this is so true for many of us .
hugs phylis anne

[Rachelakld]

I was once a bit of a redneck (well straight as a plank anyway), had military mind, everything had to be "THIS WAY" or you were faulty.
and I still enjoyed wearing womens clothes at the same time.

I now also try to be an ambassador for "blending" and would happily have coffee at a public café if someone reasonable wanted a chat about it.

[PaulaQ]

What you've done, Theresa, is shown someone who was fearful that it is possible to live an authentic life. He's very likely never shared this secret with another human being. But he felt he could trust you - probably because you have been honest, as all of us who transition must be, in a way that few other people manage. You have to be honest in the face of a world that demands you lie. And yet, you survived it somehow.

This is one of the good things about being out - you share your experience, strength, and hope with others.

The trouble with the visibility of many well known trans* individuals is that they can be hard to relate to. You are, I'm sure, eminently relatable to this person. He's known you, he's watched you change. You live in the same place. He understands your life in many ways - or at least the environment in which it's been lived.

That has to be a great source of comfort to someone who's secretly somewhere on the trans spectrum.

[Dawn cd]

I'm thinking that the young man in the service station did a courageous thing in telling you, however haltingly. You can be an important person to him as he tries to understand his own self.

[Jennifer8]

Thats cool. You know just cause hes all "redneck" on the outside doesnt mean hes a bad person. like the others said maybe thats his way of hiding. I never was really good at hiding but I guess some people are. Deff talk more to him.

[donnalee]

Arbon, I think you have been handed a wonderful opportunity to help someone and should take advantage of it. Pay it forward for all those who have helped you be what you have become.

[flatlander_48]

While we are all Works In Progress, sometimes what we are working on and with is revealed as well as where we are on the scale of progression.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

What a moving story. My guess is he has been in total awe and admiration of you for a long time, that he really looks up to you. Your confidence must be incredible to him. You're in a unique and privileged position to be able to help him open up. Poor guy sounds terrified.

The job dream- is that how they reacted? If not, and I'm guessing not, you're just putting your ordinary existential anxieties into that background- don't read too much into it. Just because I sometimes dream I can fly doesn't mean I'm going to throw myself off a cliff.

xxNikki

[TIFFANY B]

He probably new there was something different about you the first time he met you when you was seeing his sister. And after he saw you out dress, he probably saw a sense
of relief because he was probably thinking I'm not the only one like that.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I would have been that guy for many years..

My transphobia would have kept me away from saying anything though...i never ever spoke about this to one person except two therapists that both made me feel worse

====

I had a similar experience at my local dunkin donuts but it was the guy at the counter who served me coffee 200 times a year first as a guy in a business suit and through the whole transition...at one point he gave me a big smile and grabbed my hand and said "you look like a model honey"....now i could have taken offense but his comment was a sincere attempt at acknowledgement and support for me

... i should pull out a picture of my "middle phase"...longish stringly gray hair...constant beard growth, severe weight loss, giant man nose, boobs poking through my shirt...lol...i can only imagine...

[arbon]

Still see him about every other day but the subject has not come up again. I have not been in a hurry to discuss it more with him really, I've had so much on my plate lately have not had much time for simple things like talking to people.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

gosh so many similarities...i avoided that dunkin donuts for weeks after the guy said that to me.... i thought he'd end up blabbing about it to me...