Question about presnting effectively as a woman

[Paula_56]

When did you start to present effectively and what one thing was most important in making your presentation effective?

[flatlander_48]

2 things actually: Makeup and a Wig.

I've never had difficulty with fashion and color coordination, including in male mode. I was never afraid to wear strong colors and there was a time when I would get many compliments on the suits and ties that I wore. At this point in my career, and just how things are in general, I dress much more casually now but strong colors are still part of the plan.

Getting back to your question, I didn't have a sense of what was possible until I had a makeover by a retired makeup artist. That was a quantum leap for me. My thought was "Yes, I CAN do this!". Everything else sort of fell together. I know how to walk appropriately in heels. I know how to sit in an acceptable manner. My makeup skills are coming together. My wardrobe is coming together and is simple, but easy to reshuffle in different ways. The only major thing that I have not worked on is speech. At this point, I'm not sure if I will do that or not.

[Shelly Preston]

The biggest thing is Confidence especially if you intend going out.

[Kate Simmons]

About 12 years ago. It was mostly my attitude, mindset and body language. If you carry yourself as a female, you will most likely be perceived as one. When you are asked to dance and out on dates , etc. that more or less confirms it.

[CarlaWestin]

I don't believe I'm really there, yet. For me it's being not noticed too much and outsmarting the camera.

[bridget thronton]

Letting my hair grow (short bob) and getting my foundation right

[BillieAnneJean]

I had a makeover and photoshoot by TGMiss.com in Racine Wisconsin. That showed me what was possible. It took me a number of months to figure out how to replicate the look, well as much as an amateur can duplicate a pro anyway. So I would have to say it was about July of 2013 that it all started coming together. That was very quick because I had just started CDing in October 2012. But the things I learned from four days of transformations and photo sessions were definitely worth years of self experimentation. Then it took an additional maybe year to get it to be consistent.

And the confidence level from the photos made a huge difference!

Isn't this FUN!?!?!!!!!
Billie

[Dianne S]

I don't think there's any one thing. I think it's a combination of many things, some obvious and some subtle. The most obvious ones are: Age- and body-appropriate clothes, an appropriate hairstyle (mine's natural, but if you're getting a wig, don't get a spiky blonde one if your natural hair color is dark, etc.), enough makeup without overdoing it and appropriate jewelry and accessories.

The more subtle things: Softening my voice, learning to walk and sit like a woman and learning to speak like a woman in terms of sentence structure, facial expressions and gestures.

The biggest thing, though, as others have mentioned, is confidence. If you go out with confidence and feel that you're acting completely naturally, that will go a long way to avoiding attracting unwanted attention. For me, this was the key.

[I Am Paula]

My own hair. I've bought numerous wigs in my life, and I think I only got a real passable look a few times. I will never wear another.

[SherriePall]

I started present effectively maybe a dozen years or so ago. What made the difference? A proper wig (hair replacement system is how the solon owner sold it) and proper foundation (only by going to a beauty store where it could be tried on).
With that and years of trying this and that before, the confidence level climbed.

[Leslie Langford]

Paula, I think that for me, the defining moment came when I reached out a few years ago to a local make up artist named Kelly who worked out of her own home studio. Having known nothing but disapproval and resistance from my wife regarding my crossdressing, it took a great deal of courage for me to take that first step and open up to another human being not knowing exactly what kind of reception I would get, despite her having been fully briefed on my situation beforehand. Kelly proved to be everything that my wife wasn't - non-judgmental, supportive, welcoming, enthusiastic...you name it, not to mention a ton of fun with a great sense of humor. She immediately put me at ease and began to work her magic, transforming me into a vision of femininity that never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be able to achieve.

It was clear from the start that this was not just a "job" for Kelly - she saw this as a mixture of a labor of love as well as a professional challenge, and just like myself, she was as determined to make me the best "Leslie" that I could be. With my first session having been such an awe-inspiring revelation, I went back to Kelly a number of times over the next 3 years, experimenting with various looks including daytime and evening makeup as well as false eyelashes on occasion. So determined was Kelly to bring out the best in me that she even put me in contact with nail techs whom she knew and who were equally supportive, even offering me some of her own nail polish and perfume to try out at times. Sadly, Kelly decided to leave the make up business about 2 years ago in favor of more regular employment, but I will always cherish that relationship especially since over time, it developed into one bordering on genuine friendship as opposed to her just being a service provider to a paying customer.

Having learned some excellent make up techniques from Kelly that I was largely able to emulate on my own by then, I began to focus on accumulating the necessary accessories to complement my growing - and decidedly stylish and age-appropriate - female wardrobe to complete the full package.

That really provided the tipping point for me, and gave me the confidence to go anywhere, anytime in "Leslie" mode and feel 100% good about myself. And as others here have already noted, having confidence in oneself and being able to strongly project that outwardly is the key to acceptance by others along with the ability to blend in seamlessly, even if the Holy Grail of "passing" often eludes us.

[Cheryl T]

For me I began to effectively present this side of me about 8 years ago.
What made the difference for me was the moment I accepted myself and the confidence that gave me to be me no matter what others said, felt or did.
The second thing that did it was the complete acceptance by my wife.

[Richelle]

What made the difference for me was the moment I accepted myself and the confidence that gave me to be me no matter what others said, felt or did.

The same for me. Self acceptance and confidence

Richelle

[flatlander_48]

Fascinating! As always, there are many roads to town.

Self acceptance never was a hurdle for me in terms of crossdressing. But, it certainly was when I accepted myself as a bisexual. When I started dressing 8-10 years later, self acceptance in that context was not much more than a speed bump...

DeeAnn

[Marcelle]

Hi Paula,

You see that is the odd thing . . . I don't think I present effectively as a woman. I may blend for a short time, probably long enough for people to not give me a second thought . . . longish hair, girl clothes . . . girl. However when I think presenting effectively as a woman that would be close up scrutiny during interaction with others and I never survive first contact. So, I just assume I am read and allow myself to enjoy just being me.

Hugs

Isha

[prene]

I don't think there's any one thing. I think it's a combination of many things, some obvious and some subtle. The most obvious ones are: Age- and body-appropriate clothes, an appropriate hairstyle (mine's natural, but if you're getting a wig, don't get a spiky blonde one if your natural hair color is dark, etc.), enough makeup without overdoing it and appropriate jewelry and accessories.

The more subtle things: Softening my voice, learning to walk and sit like a woman and learning to speak like a woman in terms of sentence structure, facial expressions and gestures.

The biggest thing, though, as others have mentioned, is confidence. If you go out with confidence and feel that you're acting completely naturally, that will go a long way to avoiding attracting unwanted attention. For me, this was the key.

Dianne,

I could not have said it better.

For me, not caring how short my skirt was, or big my breasts were or sexy curvy my figure.

When I go out confident that I am naturally feminine and not caring how short my skirt is, or big my breasts were or sexy curvy my figure is.
I feel like I do not get unwanted attention and can blend in.

For me.

[docrobbysherry]

"Present effectively", Paula? Is that encrypted code for "passing"? That's what it means to me. I haven't and won't be able to pass. I hear all u need is, "confidence"?
I have confidence because I'm used to going out, for a closet dresser. But, people tend to treat me like what I am, a man in a dress. In any case, it's like a, "not a female".

I only pass occasionally while wearing my masks around Halloween! And, to me there's a big difference when they believe u r female..

[justmetoo]

I think maybe it depends on what "effectively presenting as a woman" means?

I don't think of it as presenting as a woman so much. I'm just being myself, or at least the femme side of me. I'm sure I don't pass, certainly not in any kind of close interaction or scrutiny. But maybe I do "pass" just enough for "plausible deniability" - I mean, if people aren't really paying attention I don't stand out enough to change that, and if they are paying attention they mostly just treat me as I present. I do get out, with a fair degree of confidence. I think self-acceptance was the main key, that lead to the confidence I have to go out in public. Feeling like I'm not a total goof at makeup also helped with my confidence, in that my makeup isn't so bad it draws attention to me. And then, each experience of going out and being treated well or passing unnoticed increases my confidence. The much rarer awkward or unpleasant moment erodes the confidence a little, but that's just a case of maybe a small step back against many steps forward.

[Jodi]

About 15 years ago. Big difference in confidence was a professional make-over at Merle Norman and a professionally fitted and styled wig.

Jodi

[Dianne S]

So, I just assume I am read and allow myself to enjoy just being me.

That's pretty much my attitude... except... except... it drives me crazy trying to figure out if people are just being polite or if I really haven't been read. And it's not exactly something I can ask a stranger!

[Eryn]

I think that I started "presenting effectively" when I stopped being overly worried about passing and just enjoyed the experience.

[Candice Mae]

Attitude and movement, acting like a crazy person and walking like a linebacker will not help you at all not matter what you look like. Then once you can "present effectively" make sure you are aware of your surroundings and have an exit strategy, especially if your under 35 lots of creeps out there.

[Daisy41]

I think I started back in May of last yer (2014). Pretty much the key for me has been to just relax and be myself and pretty much operate in my own little world (don't look at people directly).

[Rachel Morley]

I assume when you say "present effectively" you mean passing (or what feels like you're passing as IMO we never really know).

... it drives me crazy trying to figure out if people are just being polite or if I really haven't been read. And it's not exactly something I can ask a stranger!

I know exactly what you mean! ... but to give my 2 cents on the OP's question, I suppose it was when I started to relax and not worry about whether people had figured me out or not. On the practical side, I do think its important to have a high quality wig and and no beard shadow, along with non-masculine body movements. That's for just being out and about in a general sense. IMO very few pass a close up inspection and conversation.

[kimdl93]

I'll take presenting effectively to mean ones self assessment of ones appearance, comportment, etc. I reached a level of confidence in my presentation of self with the acquisition of a wig that complimented my coloring and facial structure, in combination with clothes that both fit and expressed how I saw myself. Pass or blend or simply being under the radar, overtime I judged that I got far fewer stares and was accepted at face value more consistently.