Now that I have started the process of coming out to friends, I am excited for the future where I don't have to censor every word I say or hide every potential feminine gesture I do as I speak, lest I reveal myself as effeminite or worse yet, a transsexual woman (oh the horrors!).
But I just realized tonight that I am still doing this, but now it's even more complicated. I need to maintain an inventory list of friends to whom I have come out and can be freely expressive and others who, well, not quite yet. (I know, I know, what's the point iof doing this f I am no longer hiding my true nature, but I stil have this need to control the message, if at least to ensure some people are told ahead of others (as that is seen as a sign of respect and trust).
Tonight I had a friend email me to ask how I was feeling (I have been down and nearly out with a severe cold for 13 days now). I nearly wrote to him that it was sweet of him to ask, but I realized he was not yet in my inventory of friends who know. Slip up averted -- for now.
Sheesh, this all is stupidly complicated, isn't it? Is anyone plagued by stupid stuff like this?
Karen