I'm not sure how to approach this now.
The rate at which I'm being read female is going up seemingly by the week yet it's not all the way there yet.
So basically I'm going to be read as trans and I'm willing to bet that's going to make things a metric s*tonne harder.
How am I supposed to work things if the pass rate is maybe 50/50?
There's way more complications than that but I'm not gonna post them here.
:P
TL; DR: I'm scared and have no idea how to work things.
Last edited by whowhatwhen; 02-12-2015 at 11:49 PM.
Hi How well i dont know to b honest but keep your head up and put one foot in front of the outher each day u will get there. And on the hard days we r here for u to talk to. Love cindy
The more you focus on not passing the more you will not pass. The reason you haven't been raising eyebrows is because you believe in yourself. Now, you have to start trusting yourself. This will take some time because trusting yourself and believing in yourself are separate and cannot be learned at the same time. Once the trust in ones self and belief in ones self coincide you will never be questioned and only applauded You are beautiful honey and the moment you start trusting it and believing it will be the day your life changes.
It's not easy. That's why some "gatekeeping" programs will not help individuals who are not already working or going to school. Then again, if you leave your job with the pre-existing condition of "having transitioned," finding new work can be really hard too. I gave up and now work for myself.
You are young and have to start somewhere. You have had no FFS work and it is doubtful that many can pass close inspection without it,and even with it for some. Be confident and move forward toward building a new life. Many people here wish that they had time on their side like you do!
One of the problems you may encounter is your documentation. Who cares whether you pass or not - as soon as you fill out the employment application and show your legal ID, they know.
I'm not sure about where you live, but here in Dallas, I'm watching my roommate go through this, and she's being told over and over again they won't hire her until her ID matches her appearance. I personally fear this is just an excuse on their part - it is Texas after all - but either way, this is one of the awkward barriers to getting employment mid transition.
Even after you change everything, there are background checks. It's either lose your experience and start over, or settle for lesser work. My field is very "incestuous." It took a long time before I could find any work. No company would hire me. I had to find freelance opportunities, and even that took a long time to happen. It's almost like I had to be forgotten. For what it's worth, passing has never been an issue for me.
whowhatwhen's location is indicated below her avatar.
Last edited by Frances; 02-13-2015 at 08:32 AM.
That's a real downer :/Originally Posted by Frances
I still stand by my decision to transition when I did but given all the replies it looks like it's gonna suuuuuck.
I wonder if it's a better idea to go back to school first.
IMHO, you are in the best place in the world to transition. You have plenty of rights, and protections, easy to change documentation, and the general attitude of 'So, you're transitioning, cool'.
I can't say it will be easy, but at least your location gives you a good head start.
I understand that but this is a time where even cis people are having a hard time getting work.
I have limited experience to begin with, all the interviewer needs to do is not call back and he/she is legally in the clear.
@Frances - I realize all of those things. I know many women who had long, highly successful careers who will never work in them again. Because you really can't erase your past easily, an employer who checks will indeed discover your past.
What I meant about her location is that I know she's in Canada, and attitudes and law are generally more supportive than in the States, especially in a hell-hole like Texas, but I don't know what prevailing attitudes are really like. There are plenty of "progressive" people here who will stand up for my right to be trans, but who wouldn't hire me if I was the last person on earth left who could do the job they were hiring for. I have no idea if attitudes like that are common in Canada - I have no real experience there.
I have noticed that jobs that aren't customer facing, and especially ones that require special skills or education, are much more likely to hire us. If you want to be in sales, marketing, or management, on the other hand, your odds aren't good. High tech, at least if you are an engineer, production person, etc. - a worker bee - tends to be very accepting of us.
Getting a job is often hard for the best of us
The keys to getting a job are education, persistence, good references and a skill the employer needs, plus some luck often helps.
Even in lower level jobs where its basically persistence those are the keys.
Your gender and appearance will matter, but you have only one choice. Go do it.
Get comfortable in your own skin as it relates to work.. If you are not confident and give the impression of having your S&*T together, then you won't work.
Keep it simple. It is not ABOUT being trans, but being trans will have an impact. It's not more complicated than that. There is no legal issue, they can NOT hire you at will...Unless they laugh in your face and and call you names of course(they wont)..
JOb seekers look at getting a job as a full time job. If you don't then they are gonna get the job. If you can convey that you are dependable, hard working, honest and working to find a good job, that's a big start, trans or not.
There is the legal issue of your name so that's going to be a personal matter for you to deal with. Right now your only option is go in as trans so you are going to have to deal with the name as you see fit, however, whatever you do, do it with confidence and create the impression of everything being under control. Who knows, you may interview with a person that is hugely supportive, but in that case you better have your act together.
Your status is the most important thing here. Are you a part time CD or a full time TS (by full time I mean living 24/7 as a woman). If you are a part time CD trying to get a job as a female, forget it. Most employers, except for specialty situations ect... will not hire you.
If you are TS living 24/7 with legal name change ect... Put in an application just like any other applicant for the job. Ensure you have the proper qualification for the position. Now days you have just as much chance of getting the job as the next person.
Remember, the job market is very competive right now. If you don't get the job, apply for another and keep trying. Sell yourself! You have the qualifications! You have to tell the employer why he can't live without you. Then make so.
Last edited by Jorja; 02-13-2015 at 10:55 AM. Reason: additional thought
I'm easing into things like sweatpants on Christmas morning.
I'm full time as in I'm not presenting as a man on purpose, but not in that I haven't started legal changes.
To be totally honest I don't see how people are reading me as female but they are and it might be a sign that I have to go into this as a woman rather than do the awkward guy thing.
On the flip side I'm not confident in my appearance, my pics don't show it 100% but there is still a small amount of facial hair left to go.
It depends on where in Ontario you live. I think in GTA or Ottawa you won't really be at much more disadvantage than a GG would. In the smaller centres, it'll probably be much tougher.
If you can work for the Ontario or Federal Governments, you should be in good shape. They have really progressive policies and they tend to enforce them.
I'm in the GTA but I'm not massively skilled. (long ass story, tiniest violin/ect..)
I think OSAP gives a living stipend but I'd still need a job in the long run if I were to go back to school.
I will give you my best honest answer. Look at the job market in your area. Do you qualify for any of the jobs available? Apply for those that you do qualify for. Most areas have a jobs analyst available. They can tell you what jobs are going to be in demand in the near future. Find something you can train for and get the education. Then go apply.
I'm going to be honest now.
You need to be certain in who you are. Right now you come across as indecisive and erratic. All this 50/50 easing in stuff, basically dipping your toe in just won't cut it with an employer. You need to be sure in who you are and confident that what you have to offer is good for them, no company wants uncertainty.
Best way to find employment is to have something people want, a skill basically. Jorja's advise is sound at 28 I went back to college and retrained for a career, it's hard work and hurt me money wise but was worth it now.
My H&R asked if I was to go fulltime as a woman or do it gradually. My Director cut in that it should be all or nothing and create the right impression. That's a business man speaking, most people are uncomfortable with grey areas (just how it is). That's in a situation of changing within the same job, I have been there 7 years. You are looking at going into a new job, think of yourself as an employer and you walk into the interview.
What would you say to yourself?
If you go to school and study something that's in demand, I don't think most employers would care one way or another about your TG status. Despite what many people think, business owners (good ones, anyway) tend to make business decisions without dragging in personal feelings or prejudices. If you're good at your job, then that's all that should matter.
The most important thing for you is to get a skill that's in demand, I think. I also agree with Becky that being decisive about your status is a good idea.
Good luck!!
I don't think I'm being indecisive, I've been cautious of what I can expect from the cis community at large.
That's worked up until now where those final steps are all converging at once.
I'm totally sure in who I am but I've eased into it only for the sake of my own stress levels and physical health, I do not regret that decision even if it has meant a slower transition.
The hormones have done a wonderful job so far and I'm glad I let those changes take place before rushing out the door.
I'm just being honest about how scary the whole prospect is, I realize that it has to happen anyway and that they are necessary steps.
A lot of it is probably a lack of confidence and self-esteem.
I just hired one transgendered woman, one cis-male, and one cis-female. Why? Confidence in themselves, qualifications, and references. Who were the applicants? There were well over 100 applicants from every walk of life. You see, to me it doesn't matter whether they are male, female, or trans. It matters whether I feel they can do the job or not. They are on a 90 day probationary period. Prove to me that you can do the job, period!
Last edited by Jorja; 02-13-2015 at 04:58 PM.
I haven't seen you say if you have a particular skill or if you are looking for a particular field. The best thing you can do is figure out your path. Are you full time or not? Then own who you are. Put on your best presentation and your best resume. Will you be discriminated against? Maybe. But the thing to do is keep your chin up, smile because you are you, bowl them over with your attitude, and keep pounding the pavement. Don't sit around after trying for a few and wait or feel bad for yourself. Corrinne, you are going to get a job because you want one. So show them that.
Everybody here is trying to encourage you, because we all know how it feels to be uncertain and insecure in facing risks. There are all kinds of people who have reason to be afraid of being treated unfairly in the workplace: gays, old people, disabled people, women, Muslims, transsexuals ... you name it. Unfairness is there, no doubt about it. You might suffer because of who you are. But you just have to pull on your big-girl panties and go out there and try anyway, don't you? You've got a big cheering section here, and plenty of shoulders to cry on if you need them. You'll find something that's right for you, even if it's a hard road to travel sometimes.
^this. I've gotten most jobs I've applied for. And have hired lots of people. What is important, is drive. You have to make someone believe that hiring you will NOT be a mistake, but on the other hand, will benefit both him and the company. Tell him you'll do whatever you have to, to get to work every day. EVERY DAY. Attendence is important. Very important. Accidents happen, but promise you'll come in even if you're sick, and will let it be up to him to send you home if he thinks you're too sick to work. Once you get the job, come in early, and stay late. Never complain. Offer suggestions, and don't be insulted if he doesn't take them, make him know that you feel part of your job is to give him ideas and it's up to him to decide if he wants to use them.
Believe in yourself. I once told a prospective employer that I knew had to choose between me and another applicant, that for the first three months I would sign my paychecks and give them to him, and if after the probation period he didn't think I was worth keeping, he could keep my paychecks. Not only did he keep me, but gave me a raise when he kept me on.
Once you have a job, make yourself better. Become the person that a company looks for.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
WHY would you say something like that??
Thats just like a really horrible thing to say!
You make it sound like all of us better get it or just give up and go hide under a rock and even girls that get better go rocking shopping to cause well ur prob never gonna be seen as a girl either even after getting it. Seriously like WTAF?!?!?
Maybe Im young and stupid and I cant think of that other word that means like a kid ro something that doesnt know better but I did NOT get it I NEVER will get it! and there are ALOT of other girls who are beautiful and NEVER got it either!!!!
Like I said maybe it cause Im young or cause Im really really lucky or whatever but I had people mistaking me for a girl for like most of my life and way WAY before I ever even came out to and I cant be the only girl this ever happen to!
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