Another Personality?

[Amy Fakley]

Anna and I had similar conversations after I came out to her. As Reine mentioned, purposefully not referring to Amy in the third person, using personal pronouns like "me" and "I" and "you" ... that small change, made communicating about my gender issues about a thousand times easier.

My emotions are slightly different in my girl mode, and I think that's because I subconsciously "give my self permission" to experiences and feelings I wouldn't normally feel free to have when I'm in that mode. I've been slowly learning to integrate both sides of my personality, and that's been a positive thing so far. It definitely wasn't helpful to think of myself as two personalities. Your mileage may vary of course :-)

[carhill2mn]

When I am presenting as a woman I try my best to act as how I think a woman would act in the same situation. I think that, as a result I am a softer, more tolerant, more patient person. I also try to listen more and talk less. My good friend says that he prefers my company when I am en femme.

Does this mean that I have a different personality? Perhaps, it does.

[Brandy Mathews]

Carole,
I am like that too. To me, that is just the "normal" way to be en femme. An I agree with the softer, more tolerant, patient person thing. Too bad that I can't dress 24/7, but I can't.

[Candice Mae]

My personality has never changed, I still listen to the same music, work on engines, play hockey, and have an interest in technology. I still talk the same way, only thing that really changed is my mannerisms. Nothing major mostly I don't sit with my legs spread anymore and walk alittle different.

Family and friends have told me that I look happier, confident, and relaxed compared to when I was a guy.

[MissTee]

Not sure this will make sense, but here goes: naming the femme part of my behavioral continuum helps me to personify its existence and to acknowledge its presence in my life. Even my wife commented that it is hard to wrap one's head around without giving that part of me a name. Thus, by having a name independent of my birth name -- in which the things that I do that do not fit neatly within the classical genetic male behavior can be separately scrutinized -- to categorize my femme proclivities into facilitates the linear processing of facts and nuances in a way that may contribute to a higher understanding. One day.

[Lynn Marie]

Good story Nikki. Glad to hear you and your wife are communicating better. I'd die if I didn't have CD girlfriends to share life with. I'll probably pass on another wife, had one, thanks.

[Jessie James]

My personality when en femme was and always has been my true personality, my 'male' side is just an act, one brought about by years of conditioning and repression. In time, I hope to break down the mental and social barriers and express myself the way I want regardless of what I'm wearing.

Jessie~☆

[sometimes_miss]

I think that clinging to the idea that we have two separate personalities is simply a result of all the guilt and shame that society instills upon us for simply wanting to behave or feel anything feminine. The worst thing about it is, that by assigning those feelings to some other non existant personality, we simply continue to refuse to accept that we have those feelings and that it's part of who we are. By doing so, we not only are demonstrating a lack of respect for ourselves and our true feelings, but for women in general as well, by assigning femininity as less worthy of us than being the traditional macho male.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nikki, That's awesome you are so lucky to have such a wonderful wife.

The ball is in her court now go slow and don't overwhelm her with this.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Everybody is a bit different, and so are our reasons for doing whatever it is we do. But I have said before, that I think one very common source of our crossdressing behaviour, is the feeling that a lot of men have, where they are not allowed, to behave in any way that could be considered feminine. So, you get the reaction "Hell, if I'm not allowed to be like that as a guy, I'll be a woman then!"

This thread is to me, a very strong validation of this theory.

Consider these comments.

My emotions are slightly different in my girl mode, and I think that's because I subconsciously "give my self permission" to experiences and feelings I wouldn't normally feel free to have when I'm in that mode.

My personality when en femme was and always has been my true personality, my 'male' side is just an act, one brought about by years of conditioning and repression.

I think that clinging to the idea that we have two separate personalities is simply a result of all the guilt and shame that society instills upon us for simply wanting to behave or feel anything feminine.

I'm just me, it's just like I'm letting out a bit of me that rarely expressed before, if ever.
In a sense our femme persona is an alter-ego for us, but then so is a ventriloquist's dummy, it gets to say and do things we can't. I feel the same with Pamela, she can do things, hug or cuddle, give empathy in a non-male way, and I like it.

Jennie's personality is very different from my male personality. The latter is a standard uptight, reserved New Englander who has to know a person for about a year before he'll say hello to them. Jennie will talk to strangers, touch them (in a socially acceptable way,) is willing to take social risks that male me won't/can't. Male me can summon Jennie when he needs to but usually doesn't and vice versa. And to your topic, my girlfriend loves to be out with Jennie...

Anyhow, allowing our femme sides to see the light and breathe the air isn't about changing personality, it's about expressing the personalities we already are, the parts of ourselves we've repressed and suppressed for a very long time.

i have and easy answer but i'm young to say that :/ the femme side of me is the real me , the other side is just a mask of me, tha't what i think

I don't quite agree with naming this side of our personalities with "femme" or "feminine" but it's more of a shorthand way of describing it. I do feel that GGs have more of this that GMs, but there is a huge overlap. Part of our problem with bringing this into the open, and being able to discuss this publicly, is coming from the women's side of things. Quite a lot of them are just as vehemently against anything less that fully macho males as the worst redneck mouth breathing men.

In time, I hope to break down the mental and social barriers and express myself the way I want regardless of what I'm wearing.

I see this as wholesome development, forward movement; not a perversion or distortion of who we've appeared to be for so long.

Amen Brother!, Err Sister, err whatever!

[MsVal]

The stereotypical male persona is much less effusive than the stereotypical female. Those of us with a feminine nature have strong incentive to repress that part in order to blend with other males. I believe that in our cases, the male self vs female self is simply an instance of whether we are repressing or not.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Amy Fakley]

... So, you get the reaction "Hell, if I'm not allowed to be like that as a guy, I'll be a woman then!"

This thread is to me, a very strong validation of this theory.

Well, I don't know if its really as simple as all that, at least for me. I don't remember ever approaching it from the perspective of "well if I'm not a boy, I must be a girl".

For me it was more like "I want to do/experience/have/be these things, and they are typically "girly", and that's probably gonna result in some form of ass - kicking or another, so perhaps it's best just to keep that quiet" ... and I picked up on that pretty darn early, I'd say by 7 or 8 I had a real clear idea that this was a part of myself to be hidden at all costs.

In hindsight, I can trace the entire arc of my life back to that realization. From that moment on, I started becoming a very complicated person, and that only snowballed as the decades marched on.

[Kandi Robbins]

Nice story, love seeing stories like that. I'm not sure I have two separate personalities. However, I do know that once I self-accepted and embraced my crossdressing, I changed completely. Maybe Kandi took some control, but I love it! Everyone I know, family, friends, co-workers have noticed the difference (while my wife is the only one who really knows why). I am physically, emotionally and outwardly different. Shaved everything, talk to everyone I come in contact with and am just plain happy all the time, regardless of what frustrations the day might bring. I think I am that way no matter how I'm dressed. But I have definitely changed, softening up a bit I guess. I have made friends with people I never would have befriended in the past (at my great loss) and have engaged in lengthy conversations with some women as if I was a girlfriend of theirs (dressed as myself).

[UNDERDRESSER]

Well, I don't know if its really as simple as all that, at least for me. I don't remember ever approaching it from the perspective of "well if I'm not a boy, I must be a girl".

For me it was more like "I want to do/experience/have/be these things, and they are typically "girly", and that's probably gonna result in some form of ass - kicking or another, so perhaps it's best just to keep that quiet" ... and I picked up on that pretty darn early, I'd say by 7 or 8 I had a real clear idea that this was a part of myself to be hidden at all costs.

In hindsight, I can trace the entire arc of my life back to that realization. From that moment on, I started becoming a very complicated person, and that only snowballed as the decades marched on.

I think you are agreeing with me. I should have said, "Well, I'll pretend, to be a woman then." While putting on this female persona, you can let out this side of yourself that would "get you a kicking" as you put it.

[Rachelakld]

Wow UNDERDRESSER, I so totally disagree about Strongly Validating your theory.

Your argument that it's one personality, when you quote their differences (except for the lovely Candice, who is still her wonderful self)

Now if they had all stated they are still the same old pain in the behind, regardless of how they dress, then I would go with 1 personality.

But since they have acknowledge differences, I would theories a split personality, sub personality, whatever your want to call it, maybe they only change 1% and therefore a micro or nano-personality, BUT definitely not the same grumpy old Btard controlling the skin bag.

A test might be, if dad had found out his little girl slipped out the window at 2am to meet a boy - what's your reaction.
If it's not EXACTLY the same when your enfemme, then you exhibit a DIFFERENT personality, your no longer the hallway pacing grumpy old man, your the woman sitting down patently waiting for your daughter to get home SAFELY (men think to discipline for breaking trust, women think safety).
If you only worried about your girls safety in this test, then you are probably 24/7 female, in the wrong skin.

[Marcie]

I definitely believe "Marcie" is a totally different personality from my male self. It is the feminine personality that will taunt the male personality into transforming into a personification of a female. Each personality is completely different, right down to the food we eat, television programs we watch, and even the way we keep and clean the house. Yes, I really believe "Marcie" is a different person from my male self

[Cheryl James]

When relating what I have done dressed as Cheryl, I have noticed that I often write or speak of Cheryl in the third person. Because of this I have wondered about a split personality. My conclusion is that I do not have a split personality. Rather, when in male clothes, I behave in the socially accepted ways that men (in general) are allowed to behave. When dressed as Cheryl, I am relieved of that obligation and can behave as I truly feel. Having thought about this a lot, I believe that there is more Cheryl in my male side than there is my male self in Cheryl (if that makes sense). It's just that my feminine side is handcuffed by societal norms when I am dressed in male mode. I will say that my values don't change, but I am much more comfortable when presenting as Cheryl. This was a very thought provoking thread. Thank you, Nikki and all who have contributed, for stimulating my thinking.

[Taylor Ray]

Reminds me of Jung and anima/animus.

There are many 'unconscious' aspects to our personalities. Bringing these out and expressing them can indicate a movement towards integration.

When I am fully decked out for a weekend or something I can play up "Taylor", but in the spirit of fun. (Maybe similar to drag culture?)

During the week when I am wearing a cami and pink sweats, I find a more integrated medium.

[Rachelakld]

Most people think of split personalities as in CI crime programs / Jekyll & Hyde etc, but most of us split as a coping / defence mechanism, and other split for no known reason, often with the split only being noticeable under extreme stress.

One therapist expressed the split to me this way

"a man in game on the football field, is not the same personality who is holding his new born daughter, or the same personality holding a beer at a mates BBQ, even if it's the same person"........and the conversation grew.......
"generally most humans have 5-7 sub-personalities" and went on to explain "hunter/breadwinner personality" "parent personality" "husband personality""co-worker personality" etc as examples

I know my "dad mode personality" is a lot more fun and childish than my "husband personality"

SO I must ask, if you are the EXACT same personality,
HOW can you be calmer than you?
HOW can you be more emotional than you?
HOW can you be DIFFERENT if your NOT DIFFERENT?

[scarletcd]

I used to think both Male and Female me were different and I would act different. Since both sides have essentially merged into one (More Female I guess) my personality etc have become one and the same.

[marilyn m]

sometimes i think iam going mad trying to balance the two, the macho facade, for society and the feminine taboo internal ,
in the past i would beat myself up , it was like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, the devil questioning ,why are you doing this? and the angel answering because this is me, acceptance is everything i think

[Rachelakld]

Wish mine would merge, actually, no, I have uses for both modes

My kids often tell me to girl up, and stop being the grumpy tight fisted old man, but I find being hard about money, setting budgets, keeps us out of debt. I'm an old school hard ar-- type dad.
I also like my girl side as she can communicate with my girls better (male side has an "Off Switch/don't care button" to listening to gossip)