Does suppression of cross dressing desires lead to anger

[CONSUELO]

I came across an interesting article in and online news site called Wales Today. Katie says she began to cross dress at the age of 10. Later in life she became an extremely violent "football hooligan" and was involved in some remarkably violent affrays at football matches in the UK. Katie has now formed a social group to reach out to other cross dressers in the region. I wonder how much of that violence came about because of hiding her cross dressing and the fear of being found out. Its a little like some stories I have read of gay men who through fear of admitting they were indeed gay, became overly macho and very anti homosexual. There was an example a few years ago of a preacher in Colorado who preached that homosexuality was evil while carrying on a secret affair with a man.

I know the suppression of one's cross dressing leads to much mental anguish including depression and I believe for some there is also suppressed anger. Over the years I have suffered episodes of depression, a lot of frustration that may have expressed itself in angry outbursts and significant tension. I am much more open about my cross dressing now and I am more relaxed but I have long wondered about the bad things that can happen when you suppress a natural part of oneself.

Any opinions on this complex subject.

[MsVal]

Early on in my therapy I told my therapist that I wanted to push this all back to the dim, dark recesses of my mind where it stayed for many years prior to its discovery. I am Superman, I said, with super powers of self control. I quit smoking, quit drinking, and recently lost 1/3 of my weight. She said that I may successfully do that, but it will then come out in some other fashion. It may be anger, depression, resentment, substance abuse ... it won't go away.

Best wishes
MsVal

[kimdl93]

Not directly, no. But to the extent that one chooses to respond to any source of frustration with anger, then it is a contributing factor. Note the intermediate step....choice. I speak from personal experience. When confronted with frustrating circumstances I all too often responded with anger. Then, gradually with the help of a therapist, I learned that such responses are always...ALWAYS... a matter of choice.

Frustration, deferred gratification, difficult choices, disappointments and defeats are part of life. Anger may be a commonly chosen response, but it's the least effective choice.

[msniki48]

Consuelo,

Much of what you said about the football player is an overcompensation to keep those around you from finding out....lord knows I did [plenty of that in my younger days. Suppression seems to cause me anger , depression etc. my therapist always said you can put her away for a time, but when you need her she will be there... and most times, I can't go too long without taking some Me time.

Hugs

msniki48

[Rachelakld]

It comes out in many ways,
Christmas saw a boy kill himself (as he couldn't come to terms with his gayness), last week his boyfriend killed himself as he couldn't live without the other. They were 17 and very popular at my kids school.

We have imposed (inherited / religious / TV role models etc) "views" of what male should be, and an conflict of that "view" causes destructive tendencies.

This is why we have Therapists, to help us change out "views" to line up with our realities.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

There is no question that cd suppression, for whatever the circumstances , will result in pent up anger that can reach a boiling point. Learning that anger & it's outward expression is a choice takes years of thought, practice & self discipline. I would venture to say that the majority of us that live in relationships where cding has to remain in the closet, is a Tabu topic or simply cannot be discussed are prone to the suppression / anger syndrome. Why can't we just find happiness at home with our cd personna?

[Alice Torn]

I believe this is true. I wish it were not. There are inner pressures a cd/tg face, especially if in a religion that says it is wrong, an repent of it, or family system, or other pressures against it. I face three weeks of not doing it, or very little, because my brother is gone three weeks, and i must help my very difficult sister help my difficult father. This has gone on five years! If they found out, it would be more hell for me. I do feel angry much of the time, even without not cding, but more so, then. In todays' world, there is so much anger! I really have to work not to let it control me.

[Beverley Sims]

Lack of dressing does help accentuate anger and frustration.
Deal with it by finding time to dress more often.
There are always ways to combat it.

[pamela7]

there are many paths to anger. I presently feel being dressed has not led me on any of those paths. I can see how suppressing anything might lead to anger, CD or otherwise. I would not blame anger on being unable to CD though, I'd choose to blame myself for failing to express my needs and leading by example.

[petrahughes]

No not 4 me

[Gillian Gigs]

Suppression leads to frustration, then frustration leads to anger. We all need to learn how to deal with our frustrations in life. When it comes to those who are so "anti" something, I think, "they protesteth too much", which leads to my thinking what are they covering up?

[Isabella Ross]

Yes..absolutely. I'm not an angry or violent person...I really think of myself as gentle. But three decades of shame, guilt and repression did bubble to the surface in the form of frustration and anger periodically. Seven years out of the closet, and I am a better, more complacent person by far. My wife would agree wholeheartedly and says this often.

[Marcie Rose]

I think it varies by person, but I know when I can't dress (like when my kids are home) I'm more prone to being sad and angry, especially if I'm already having a bad day. When I can't stress-dress, I tend to stress-eat, which is worse for my health. Underdressing helps some, but if we have to suppress our dressing urges for some reason, we should have some other outlet to deal with the stress and frustration.

[marilyn m]

meditation can help with anger, its so poisonous, but natural to feel angry with everyone traveling at light speeds
yes i have felt anger in the past when not being able to crossdress, it is frustrating when you have partners /family, that do not understand and you have to walk on eggshells, always adjusting to what they want
now iam on my own its very liberating, being able to find my true self,i now feel iam a woman inside, dont always want to dress as i feel the same dressed or not, still love to dress but has to be the full on glamour, i have no desire to transition, iam happy and at peace with the way iam x

[Eryn]

Suppression leads to frustration, then frustration leads to anger....

Precisely! You're describing me before I finally admitted to myself that I was TG. Having desires and not being able to act upon them will do that.

That said, dressing is not the path to a serene existence. I still get angry, but it is a lot less often and for somewhat better reasons.

Think about how many TG people join the military, police, and other "manly" fields while either consciously or unconsciously getting as far as we can from own natures. When that doesn't work, and the nature of the profession involves violence, bad things can happen. I think of Kristen Beck taking deployment after deployment, trying to put herself in the places where her anger was useful and acceptable.

[ReineD]

There's no doubt that repressing a desire to dress leads to frustration, which can lead to anger. But, many other life situations cause intense frustration too, we cannot limit this to the crossdressing.

People, no matter the source or level of frustration or stress, have different tolerances for it. The following is from the American Psychological Association (APA):

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, or not skilled at emotional communications.

[JocelynJames]

When I don't have time to "play" -meaning dress, ride bike, motorcycle, play guitar etc ( things I enjoy that are not stressful) I can get angry. I can push it aside for a while, but when I get stressed from lack of extra curricular activities , I'm no fun -Joss

[JessicaMann]

I get the same way! what kind of bike you have???? ever ride the Mohawk Trail??

[Jackie7]

When I was younger I was prone to outbursts and upheavals. These past 15 years of coming out and being out, not so much. In fact not at all. So yes, suppressing this aspect of myself made me nasty and I am much nicer now that I am out and comfortable with dressing pretty whenever I want.

As Reine says, it's never one thing and there's lots going on in a life. But the rage and pain of the unexpressed girl was always there underneath the various other stuff.

[DorothyElizabeth]

Dressing does not do that for me, but music does. If I go too long without playing with another group of musicians, I become irritable. Practicing by myself does nothing for that feeling. I don't need to perform publicly but I need the feedback and synergy that comes from playing with a group. We don't even have to interact, other than all be playing the same piece of music for me to "get my fix". I have mentioned this to other musicians, and apparently it is a common phenomenon.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Well I don't think it always leads to anger, but my wife's first husband was in the closet gay and took it out on her. It's apparently one of the reasons she is having trouble accepting my dressing even thought it is entirely different, I'm not gay or sneaking out on her and I've always encouraged her in what ever she's wanted to do, no instead of talking about it or asking questions she just wants to sit there and watch the samE FREEKEN MOVIE SHE HAS SEEN 500 TIMES AND....... um sorry yes I haven't been able to dress or let Victoria out for a while now and it is frustrating, and I'm getting depressed so yes, I would say there is a correlation. of course anytime you deny the heart it comes out some way.

[Tina_gm]

Absolutely suppression can lead to anger. supressing any part of us TG or otherwise can do this. I also think that there is another component to this... that the violence aspect is an attempt by many to flush out our feminine side. Or to hide it.

[Tracii G]

I think it boils down to how stable a person is to begin with.

[Kate Simmons]

Without direct research, I doubt this can be proven.

[Kimonogirl]

Phobia culture and atmosphere of Korea has made me misanthropic, inactive, just aspiring wannabe crossdresser. Dudes must wear hideous dudes uniforms. Gals and dudes use separate classes so dudes MUST embrace barbaric dudes cultures. Each class contains more than 30 students so having to blending in those hideous people has devastated me......
And Korean Internet is full of phobia, wretched Naver....

@OverTheStarlight -> Indeed I do have extreme annoyance about me.......I could have crusaded against Korean Education system which is crude imitation of Japanese Education system full of brainwash, taming, phobia, totalitarianism...