there's a "why" for everything, except ...

[pamela7]

CD-ing.

I can find a "why" for pretty much anything in the world, however terrible or horrible the truth. But the exception to this rule seems to be cross-dressing. I just want to, there is no logic, no underlying cause I can find, there's an "is-ness" to this, it just is. I reckon this is where so many of you seem to arrive at, you're just being yourselves, and going with what feels right. Oh the whole world so needs this.

I thank you all for being here, for showing the world a way.

xxx Pamela

[Dianne S]

I think there are many things that won't ever be answered with a satisfactory "why" incliuding the biggest of all: Why are we here?

The problem is that our brains have evolved to look for causes for effects because that has helped us make sense of the universe and increased our odds of survival. So animals that see patterns are very quickly selected for by natural selection.

I agree with the point you're making that the world needs to move on from asking "why" and getting to "so what?"

[Beverley Sims]

Pamela,

I know it doesn't answer your question but for me....
Because I want to.
More like crossed wires at birth, similar to those that eventually transition.
I feel more cross dressers would transition given the right circumstances and opportunity.

[Jenniferathome]

...I feel more cross dressers would transition given the right circumstances and opportunity.

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

[pamela7]

I wasn't asking a question, I was expressing my joy at not needing to know, and gratitude for this group.

[CarlaWestin]

I'm many years past the "why" ponderance. I fluffed it off as an internal annoyance imbedded during societal nurturement while in the formative years. And all those other things that we're supposed to stick in a male wired brain. Hunting, fishing, car racing, the never satisfied procreation agenda, sports worship, all driven by testosterone and societal expectation, are appreciated but not glorified. I just enjoy being male and being female when I want to. Dual gender with no internal guilt trip demanding to know why.

Shoot! Why the hell not?

[cindyinsatin]

Pam, I applaud your ability to just accept it as it is!

After some time in counseling with my wife, we were discussing my cross dressing. So much of the conversation was around why's and what ifs. I finally just told them that I thought we were wasting time trying to get to why rather than just accept it as it is.

I truly have no idea why. I just enjoy it!

Cindy

[Dianne S]

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

I wouldn't be so emphatic. I would say: Most cross-dressers do not desire transition sufficiently to actually go ahead and do it. Look back at the "if there were a magic button that turned you into a woman, would you press it?" threads on the crossdressers forum. The vast majority of CDers said yes. However, the vast majority of CDers lack the intensity of gender dysphoria to accept the huge losses associated with actual transition as opposed to the fantasy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: I don't think it's black-and-white. I think there are many shades of gray.

[aprilgirl]

I used to wonder "why", going through the trouble of researching while in college at the library, via a card catalog...remember those?

Between now and then, (much closer to then) I concluded that as along as I accept myself and those who I've chosen to share it with do, that's all that matters. I'm happy for you that you came to the same conclusion, Pamela.

[Kate Simmons]

Personally I kind of like being part of an enigma.

[sabrinaedwards]

Many here think the "why" is unimportant, but it is difficult to ask others to accept us when we do not understand our own selves. This is especially true if we are trying to have our SO's come to our camp.
Love, Sabrina

[pamela7]

i'm wondering, Sabrina, if the human mania for knowing "why" is behind the stress. It's difficult to believe someone does not know why they do something cos of the cause-effect conditioning of society more generally. Acceptance is tough if one feels threatened in gender/relationship/finance/security/home/life plan.

Those who've "always know" seem to be different to those of us who've come very late to CD, but are we, did we in fact have to live in an unconscious denial, etc? We can go mad analysing, and really, it's about being happy. So simply explain to your SO it makes you happier, it changes nothing of your love for them, in fact it probably makes it easier for you to show and receive love. It's all above love.

[Jenniferathome]

I wouldn't be so emphatic. .... Look back at the "if there were a magic button that turned you into a woman, would you press it?" threads on the crossdressers forum. The vast majority of CDers said yes. However, the vast majority of CDers said yes....

You are using a fantasy thread as a proof point? Now, the responders represent such a small sample of the registered members (greater than 100,000 registered) that you simply can not use the words "vast majority." A better usage would be "infentesimally small sample wrote yes." It's not gray. There are cross dressers and transsexuals. Some transexuals cross dress.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Be thankful for who you are

[Amy Fakley]

The process of coming to terms with myself has in part, been a process of making peace with the fact that I'll never understand "why". While I'm sure, that in a scientific sense, there is an answer to that question, I'm not really qualified to contribute towards that kind of understanding.

At the same time, there's no amount of self-examination, no amount of meditation or soul searching or praying that will yield any kind of answer. Not a real answer, anyhow.

When you think about it, this has forever been part of the human experience. Before we understood about microbes, nearly every disease was an absolute mystery. Anyone who so much as caught a cold, agonized over "why" ... and frankly many of the explanations they came up with were as goofy-assed as some of the things we come up with, and they were as committed to those theories as we sometimes get.

In the end, I had to ask myself this question "if I knew why, how would I change my life?". If science figured it all out and my doctor could prescribe me some "trannymyacin" to make it all go away, would I want to take it?

I honestly don't think I would. It might have taken me 40 years to get here, but I finally love myself! Cross-gender expression is part of who I am, and without it, I'd be a different person. I'm not sure I'd like being that person!

[Barbara Jo]

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

True but, there are many perceived shades of "grey" between the two and this is where much confusion can exist.

[Beverley Sims]

I feel more cross dressers would transition given the right circumstances and opportunity.

Gee, this quote is getting a beating.
Oh well I suppose I can quote myself for clarity

To clarify my statement I feel that there are a lot of people who dressed were in fact transexuals and the circumstances at the time made it difficult for them to transition.
They continue today dressing as an outlet and all the rest is dreams.

I agree cross dressers generally do not wish to transition.
Some, again because of circumstances tend to lean toward that path later in life.
I wonder how many have changed their view over the years, now wishing to transition.

[PaulaQ]

No Beverley, cross dressers have no desire to transition. Transsexuals do. We are not the same.

Q: What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?
A: About 3 years!

*rim-shot*

I think it is extremely likely that fundamentally, the biology of what made me a transsexual, and you a crossdresser, is essentially the same. My bet would be that you went through similar hormonal variations in utero that I did, but less of your brain was wired up in the manner that usually happens for female identified people than mine was.

There are a number of symptoms that are commonly reported here that are strikingly similar to the gender dysphoria I experienced - just milder:
- need for feminine expression that started at a very young age
- an absolute need to sometimes present as a woman, these feelings are unshakable.
- depression, irritability when you don't get to CD
- sexual feelings while dressed, feelings that for many eventually go away
- little feminine behaviors you just unconsciously pick up, and have to suppress and hide.

I think we are very likely highly related - and indeed, many I know here who've told me "I'm just a crossdresser, I WILL NEVER TRANSITION!!!" are in fact now in transition.

Of course not all of you will do that, and for most of you, it would be a horrible idea.

However, I agree with the idea that if the social conditions were more accepting, a lot more CDs would transition than do.

[Missy]

even in this area there is a why for some they are able to see and understand the why and for others they may be blind to the why.

[Cheryl T]

I searched for the Why for decades.
At last I gave up the idea that I could find the definitive answer and decided that for me this is just about being who I am. The Why is no longer important to me.

[Dianne S]

Jennifer,

I think you are being defensive. It's absolutely possible that you are on the extreme end of the spectrum and enjoy crossdressing but would never, ever consider even for a millisecond transitioning. Good for you.

That's not the impression I get talking to other CDers. In my experience, many of them are occasionally wistful but quickly snap themselves back into "reality" as they see it.

A better usage would be "infentesimally small sample wrote yes.

Well, maybe the people who answered were a self-selecting non-representative sample of the membership. But I have no particular reason to believe that's the case; do you?

[pamela7]

I searched for the Why for decades.
At last I gave up the idea that I could find the definitive answer and decided that for me this is just about being who I am. The Why is no longer important to me.

At least I've given up looking for my Y-fronts. :-))))

[Jaymees22]

I used to ask why, and found my answer "Why not". Hugs Jaymee

[LilSissyStevie]

As long as you are just enjoying yourself there is no compelling reason to fret about why you do it. But I suspect that many don't quite enjoy it or its consequences as much as they put on. Then you start to wonder what it's all about. I know I've been one of those "don't care why I do it" types in the past but I was just "whistling past the graveyard to keep up my spirits" as the saying goes.

[PaulaQ]

\ A better usage would be "infentesimally small sample wrote yes." It's not gray. There are cross dressers and transsexuals. Some transexuals cross dress.

1. "infinitesimally" - you misspelled it - and I think such an assumption is way off base that it is a tiny minority. Trust me, it isn't.

2. It is absolutely a gray area. There are other trans identities than "transsexual." There are plenty of people who don't need medical transition. They may socially transition though. Most places they can't legally transition without medical treatments - often involving sterilization - but they may live their life according to their innate gender identity, rather than their assigned at birth sex. There are many other types of gender non-conforming identities. It isn't an either/or - not even close.

3. I'd only be cross dressing now if I wore men's clothes again. If you mean some who eventually transition in some form also dress in a way not consistent with their assigned at birth sex, then yes, that's true. Some of us do. Quite a lot of us do, as a matter of fact. Some don't though.

A lot more of the people on this forum will transition than most of you would like to believe, or definitely than your wives would want to believe.

I sympathize with your point of view though. I know that thought that such an awful fate might loom out there is pretty terrifying. It's easier to be in denial. And luckily enough, it probably won't happen to you.