I need your suport!

[Diane Lynn]

I am not completely full time, but every time I leave leave the house. While searching to become a woman, I found her. I am her. I am Diane. A woman. My daughter is 18 years old today. Happy birthday Amy.


Sorry, back on track. I go to physical therapy 3 days a week, due to neck injury from a car accident, and no other car available, I use public transportation, referred to as CATA. City of Lansing bus line. I have been using the bus, as Diane, a woman. No issues until last Friday. I was on my way home, while on the bus, my breast did not feel right. I thought one of my breast fell out. I could not feel it. I needed to check. I got parinoid about loosing a breast, and started to cry. When I got to the bus station, I went to a customer service rep, crying, and hunched over, told her, I think one of my breast's may have fallen out on the bus. After the laughing stopped, I asked if they had a private room I could use for a couple of minutes to check, reposition my breast, and be on my way. Here comesto ATA security. She asked me what my problem was, I told her, and again asked for a room to check my boobs. She started clearing out the men's room me, and I said you expect me to use the men's room? She said that's what you are isn't it? I can't let you use the woman's. I never asked to use any bathroom. After that I went outside, finished my cry, regrouped, and went. I went up to a Lansing City Police Officer, and the guard was already talking to this officer, I said, Gender Discrimination. The guaurd continued her speach, I asked the officer if he heard that. He said yes, and again, and I said good. Gender discription. I asked if I was banned, she said no, just can't use the bathroom.

I walked out and said I would rather walk than use the bus. I walked out in below zero temperatures, in the City of Lansing, with no idea where I was. I walked the streets looking for a place to sit. Unable to find a spot, I removed my gloves to call my wife. Tell me where you are. Looked up, I am at the Michigan Lottery Office. Where is that? I don't know. I stayed until she found me. I got frost bite on my hand from removing my glove in bellow zero tempature.

I am considerating complaints against the city of Lansing. This will be a high profile case, but I think it will make it easyer for future generations to go through the same thing.

[justmetoo]

I don't know what to say. Sorry, sounds like a lot of rough stuff going on in your life. I hope things get better.

[Nicole Erin]

Diane look, if you are going to live full time like this, you are going to have to toughen up for real.
This won't be the last awkward thing you ever go through.

Oh no, there will be locker room issues, bathroom, "bad days" for fashion, times a group of punk-ass teenagers will laugh like a bunch of hyenas, people toggling "he/she", stupid questions from nosy friends/coworkers...

Eventually you learn to hold your head high and at that point, people just do not mess with you. It gets to the point where you live a normal life.

EDIT - Ok put it this way -
One day you will hear almost daily compliments about your looks, something you wear, or get this - I have had men tell me how brave I am to live (and work a legit "grind" job) like this.
What happens then is you will LOVE yourself. I know it is narcissistic as hell but I pretty much fell IN LOVE with myself.
I don't "pass" that great but GD it, I am proud of who I am. One day you will be proud of who you are

[Barbara Ella]

Takes time to formulate a response to something like this that is so personal, and so dependent on the public. Not sure at all what the transgender laws are in Michigan (which you should make yourself very aware of), so cannot offer a response on that other than general support for what was unfair treatment.

I do wish you success and good fortune.

Barbara

[MsVal]

Diane, I am saddened to read of your misfortune. Jerks are everywhere, and Lansing even has jerks that are elected. (For those that don't know, Lansing is the Michigan state capitol.)

An old saying comes to mind:
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get muddy, but the pig will enjoy it.

It sounds like they had a good laugh at your expense. You were absolutely right to be upset, but unfortunately wrong to claim discrimination. Our elected representatives have been unable or unwilling to get a bill passed that includes the "T" in LGBT.

That does not excuse the guard's behavior, and a letter to the guard's supervisor may be a good idea.

You didn't say. Were you able to find the missing form?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hello Diane,
Sorry I normally don't visit this part of the forum and really just stumbled in here, but I am truly saddened by what you went through. It had to be a terrible experience and I can only hope things get better for you. I have no advice for you, but you have my thoughts and support girl. I wish my words could make things better.....but you take care I am so glad you have a supportive wife that came to your rescue and I really really wish I could give you more....

[Diane Lynn]

Tomorrow, I will get on the bus, 3 bus, 2 1\2 hour bus ride, to my appointment. I will have a dress, and heals, head high, and go. What I am not sure, is contact a high profile lawyer first, or go to the media and let the lawyer find me? I am going to fight this until laws are made, and future generations can be proud of what was accomplished. By this date and age, why is this a issue?

Am I crazy?

,

[pamela7]

if the guards were not "up to date" on TG statutes then they were doing their best to ensure the correct rules and way, and I believe they did not intentionally discriminate - difficult case to prove. I suggest only lawyers will win from taking this further. Just write a letter offering to give a FREE 1/2-day training on CD/TG awareness to the staff of the bus company, and see how that improves your future travelling experience with them.

Just an alternative thought.

[Jennaristow]

I to am sorry you had to go through this, but I am having a issue with the fact that when you asked customer service for a private room to check if your " boob" had fallen out.
That would catch most people off guard.
Claiming that your looking for a high profile attorney, that screams sensationalism.
I agree with others, get yourself together and educate others with a letter about acceptance and common courtesy.
Unfortunately, we will never get everyone to accept tg individuals, but we can educate people and get more acceptance from the public at large.
I am not saying what you did is wrong, just not the way I would have approached it, or how I would move forward with it.

[arbon]

I'm sorry for the situation you went through.
Just my opinion I really think you should let it go. Considering the circumstances I don't see complaining or trying to make a legal case of it is going to do you you any good. You really don't need more attention on you over this.

[becky77]

I'm not really sure how to answer this.

Can I ask when you noticed your form was missing (was it missing??), why didn't you take yourself to a restroom or descreet corner and check in private? Why did you tell people your boob had fallen out and create a situation of ridicule? To take this further will only turn it into a farce rather than promote trans right.
I think the staff handled this totally inappropriatley, but I also think you didn't handle this situation very well either.

Are you currently or have been seeing a Therapist? As I would recommend that was the best place to discuss this, rather than with a Lawyer.

[charlenesomeone]

Diane, so sorry that you went through this. Lots of good advice here, might also
want to contact a local or state LGBT group for their opinion.
Hugs

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Yesterday i was at dunkin donuts...and older woman came in and kind of butted in the line and said she was really really sick and needed to go into the locked restroom...the clerk replied the restroom is open so there must be somebody in there and suggested she use the men's room...she just went straight into the men's room.

I am sorry you had a bad experience and i certainly would have preferred the ladies room in your situation but there is no reason to totally freak out over this..
I realize they would not clear out the ladies room and that is difficult to take, but the more appropriate response would have been to go about your business and then if you were upset file a complaint with the city or bus terminal operator...

This is a small thing in the scheme of your life. this is not a high profile case and you are very unlikely to be satisfied with the outcome...

what you deserve is an apology and a confirmation of your gender, not a civil case...
Are you knowledgeable in the laws of the city and state? Is your legal gender female??

I cannot imagine you would be happy with how you would be portrayed in this situation ....your boob fell out for crying out loud...that happened to me more than once, and i used to wear these home made hips pads and they caused me trouble too..
I've also been shoo'd out of the ladies room at a bar and i asked to talk to the manager...she apologized but stood on policy and i just said ok, last time for that place.. life is too short to fight over that for me.

[Diane Lynn]

Becky, There was no place to check that did not have camera's. The womans bathroom was closed for cleaning, and i did not have much time, as the bus i needed runs every 1/2 hour, and did not want to miss it. My breast moved toward my arm, so it did not feel correctly. The reason this is a issue, is she never looked at my ID, and does not know what it states on my license, and I never asked to use any bathroom.

[Eringirl]

Hi Diane:

First, let me say I am sorry that you had this experience.

As for your plan, while laudable, this would not be line of response that I would personally adopt. I would, at most, write a letter stating my displeasure. As for searching out a high profile lawyer, being in the profession I would honestly say that you would be better off spending all the money you would pay them to buy a car and remove the need need of having to take the bus. The payout from any settlement would probably not be sufficient enough to attract a high profile lawyer. And, it will be a long haul. A really long haul to get this through the system. Sad to say, it just won't be seen as a priority. Given it would be a civil suit, it would be up to the bus company that they didn't do anything wrong. But depending on the legislation in your area, they may not have, but that I don't know for sure. You would have to prove damage, which you can stipulate as mental anguish, but then they will look for mitigation on your part. Such as why you didn't simply go into the ladies room, on your own and check to see if you actually lost your form. They will also want to know if you did loose your form. They will also put you under a microscope. Are you ready for that?

I know this is not what you want to hear, but in my area of the world, that is how it would work. YMMV. But I would think long and hard if this is the hill you want to die on, so to speak. If you loose, are you willing to pay out a whole wack of $$$$$ to a lawyer? 'Cause I strongly suspect that this ain't going to be any pro bono situation.

Just my . I would love to wrong about all of this.

I wish you well in whatever your pursuits are regarding this issue.

[Diane Lynn]

Erin,
I agree. Thank you. I went to my appointment today, cross dressed as a man. Today, I did some research today, I found the City Charter. I found were it does state any division of the city government will not discriminate against age, race, sex, religion, etc.... The bus line is owned and operated by the city. Tomorrow, I am going to go to "CATA", Capital Area Transit Athority, and I will educate them on Gender Dysphoria. Like you said, I will speak to anyone that wants to listen. Thank you for the advise.

[LeaP]

Diane, everything in your OP and responses screams overreaction. I'm not judging you for that. Everyone has their moments, me included. But when the upset is over, at least, you might bring a calmer perspective.

As to the incident itself, I understand the emotions driving the reaction. You are out for the day. You think you are suddenly in the position of looking horribly wrong without ready recourse, being on public transportation. And when you appeal for help, you are misgendered, laughed at, and feel marginalized. Being laughed at, in particular, is humiliating. So I get it. I think everyone else does, too.

So why the responses? Because your expectations were unrealistic. The appeal for help itself seems a little odd. Some have focused on the language used. I wonder why you would ask at all. Why not simply go to a restroom, for example, or perhaps find someplace reasonably discreet and feel for the form. Those stupid things do slip. And you unfortunately – and inadvertently – compounded two problems, which is what elicited their overreaction. That is, you did not pass, and your language and approach, despite your distress, came off as comical. Blame popular depictions of trans people if you like. It is the sort of situation that is used in countless exploitation scenes.

And the discrimination claims? As it happens, Lansing does have a city gender identity protection ordinance. Unfortunately, as far as I have been able to tell, it only covers housing and employment. That's pretty typical because the point of contention in debating these sorts of ordinances is almost always about public accommodation. That is, there is insufficient public support for regulating what is seen as private behavior and opinion (like the reactions you got), and no one, anywhere, wants trans people in "their" restrooms. By all means, educate all you want. But don't expect to get any relief on any claim.

[KellyJameson]

A transsexual woman who is "out" carries a burden that natal women do not. This burden is made up of all the stigmas associated with being a transsexual woman that are unfortunately stigmas largely created by men from many, possibly most, still thinking of her as a man regardless of the status or state of her transition.

A transsexual woman pays dearly through association with that which she is not actually associated with. And because of this..............

She is thought of as mentally ill.
She is thought of as having practiced self mutilation through SRS.
She is thought of as a gay male who transitioned to have sex with straight men.
She is thought of as being in desperate need of attention brought about by Borderline Personality Disorder and or Narcissism
She is associated with infantile histrionics in the desperate search for a mothers love by becoming that mother.
She is associated with fetishistic crossdressers getting their sexual highs by sexualizing themselves for consumption.
She is associated with sex workers who perform partial transitions yet identify as male
She is grouped in with those that are clearly misandrist, leaving the impression with those that encounter them that the utter loathing of the male sex clearly drove the transitioning out of the self hate of being a part of that sex and not actual gender identity.
She is used by those who want to become martyrs in her name so that in their martydom they may finally feel important and significant.
She is grouped in with "Nullos" who are men who have their testicles and penis removed.
She is grouped in with men who don rubber suits to look like females "Living Dolls"

Every transsexual woman I have ever known is very aware of the stigmas and prejudice that endangers her life and safety and is also aware of the extreme scrutiny of her behavior and how this reflects on the "Trans community" which for her are those women still in pain (untransitioned) and in need of her assistance and protection just as she needed it once.

We are a hated minority and this hate is born out of fear and ignorance. How we present ourselves in public will go a long way toward fighting this fear, hate and ignorance.

It is interesting how the victim has been so elevated by society that there is status to be gained by being a victim.

I wonder where this will lead us as a civilization. I suspect into depravity forcing transsexual women to once again go into hiding from the backlash blamed and directed against her even though she is innocent

She will be the one burned at the stake because of the behavior of others.

Always the innocent are the ones that are hated and destroyed.

[Rianna Humble]

Thread closed at OP request