Is it strange that....

[Erika Lyne]

Hey Lena,

Let me try to answer each "strange" question that you have posted the best that I can. But first let's change the wording just a little. For the instances when "strange" seems less judgemental I'll use "atypical" and for those times when it seems more judgmental I'll use "socially unacceptable."

So, is it strange that I go through cycles of dressing and not dressing (cycles last only 1-2 months, this isn't a years thing.)?

No, your indulgent and avoidance tendencies are far from atypical. In fact, there are a few recent threads that touch upon this very question.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...decision/page2
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...few-days/page2

Is it strange that I usually hate pictures, but when I dress, i love taking selfies?

No. This is also far from atypical. There are two things going on here:
1) self image. As a male you are not content with how you look and don't find yourself attractive. Therefore, why take a picture of yourself? (Rhetorical question)
2) when presenting as female you are exercising a feminine trait (privilege?). Vanity and self reflection are more common and accepted of women.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...western-world)

Is it strange that I get up in the morning and put on a slip, sit on the sink and shave my ugly mug?

Hardly atypical. We all dress to our environment. I travel a whole lot. When packing just before leaving home I'll frequently throw on a denim skirt and top, a simple outfit. This usually lasts only 20-30 min before the rest of my hygiene regiment begins but it is usually enough to keep me going. (PS: "shave my ugly mug" is reinforcing the body image remarks I made earlier and will make later.)

Is it strange that I can look at myself while dressed, but not while in drab? (yeah, I have a minor self esteem issue.)

Same as before, not atypical. Your male self image isn't what you like to look at and our male upbringing isn't allowed to be vane. My guess is that you identify yourself as a heterosexual male (in male mode, of course).

Is it strange that I don't try at all to present? I'm perfectly happy wearing a cami, short shorts while sporting a full beard and chest hair.

No. Your only taking CDing as far as you need to in order to find your "happy place." Finding a level of dressing that makes you comfortable and feel like it is right for you is a tough thing to do. If you dress too much and go too far you may end up "over dosing" on the CD drug. This frequently leads to putting it all away for long periods of time or worse, guilt and depression ending in a purge. It almost always comes back and the "rebirth of Lena" will be with a vengeance, costing you more money and a possible high/low repeat. Just remeber, "If the urge comes to purge, don't throw it all away, she will be back some day."

Is it strange that I like my breasts? (due to side effects of prescription drugs, I've grown from a 36aaa to a small 36B)

Atypical and socially unacceptable for a male to have breasts? Yes but you'll find few will say much about it. As far as medically, you and your doctor are the only two that need to worry about it. Besides, a positive self image is always a good thing. Therapy for this? Maybe but it sure wouldn't take many sessions for someone to say that you being happy in the body you are in is a good thing. I do have to add that I am a bit envious. I would rather have boobs that I have to explain away as a medical condition than be as flat chested as I am.

Is it strange that sometimes I go for weeks without taking my anti-estrogen meds because I like my nipples growing (I realize this will leave permanent changes)

See above a positive self image is very important and if larger nipples and breasts help with that, where the harm?

Is it strange that I shave my chest during these periods, want to shave legs and want to do my toenails?

It may be more physiological than anything. Could it be that when you are off the estrogen supressor meds you are experiencing female vanity? (Still envious)

Is it strange that these feelings come and go like a switch? I go from thinking I should see a counselor about this, to dirty nails, shaggy hair and lack of desire?

I have to be bluntly truthful about this one. I am not much of a fan of therapists. I've talked to many people who have come from years of therapy worse off than when they started with just a burning question in their mind about themselves. However, the opposite has been true too. (Bill Murry and Richard Drefuss inWhat About Bob? is a comedy that makes this point.)

Is it strange that I am even asking these questions? I don't expect an answer - the therapy for me was being able to say what I feel outloud in public without retribution. Administrator could delete this thread if so desired.

Not strange, not atypical, not socially unacceptable for anyone looking for guidance towards self acceptance. I wouldn't expect the moderators to delete it. You've found the courage to pose a whole list of questions that many of us have asked ourselves over the years. The topic specifics are out of the normal conversation of the general public but I wouldn't consider the underlying issues as strange.

Next time I'll ask, Is it all in my mind that.....

I can't speak for everyone but I look forward to the sequel.

One of the few things I find as "strange" is the 5 species of egg laying mammals, like the platypus. Now TAHT is strange.
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platypus

Just my thoughts...

-E

[Claire Cook]

Lena,

I guess my take on your post is that yes, we are all strange, but by "strange " I mean that we are all individuals and no two of us are alike. As a saleslady said to me when I told her a sundress was for me, "Whatever floats your boat!" I expect many if not all of us have gone through periods of non-CD (denial?) and we come back. For me, it was that final self-discovery and acceptance that THIS IS ME! that ended these cycles.

So I echo other who say "Embrace what works for you".

[CountessVF]

I think what's strange is how many people are in a perpetual state of waking sleep. Just sheep to the sheers that society demands. Look this way, wear these clothes, work, date, procreate, rinse and repeat.

Maybe that's an element of it for me. A chance to rebel from arbitrary social convention, and look great whilst doing it.

So strange vs normal, I'd rather be strange, unique and thinking for myself than a mindless homogenization of sports watching macho zombies.

[sometimes_miss]

You're probably just suppressing the desire to dress; and when some other thoughts get your mind busy, the mechanism that holds back the crossdressing desires is well, 'set free' to make you feel the desire. The longer you hold back the desire, the stronger it may become, although this does not happen for everyone; it may just feel that way because you hadn't felt t for such a long time. I base this on the idea of multitasking, and how a computer can only do so many things at once before one or more processes grinds to a halt, waiting for the cpu to be able to take care of waiting jobs. I may be right, I may be wrong, but it makes sense to me. Our minds are complex things.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I don't find any of your points strange as such, but some of them are a cause for wonder.

How is it that dressing up as a woman boosts your self esteem? How can self esteem be so easily fooled? If it's that easy, why can't shrinks and counsellors prescribe such simple remedies to patients with low self esteem?

Cycles are part of most if not all creatures' lives, so it seems natural that our desires and compulsions should swing from plus to minus. I see nothing odd in your wish to dress coming and going.

All your points really can be answered with one equation: you're composed of maleness and femaleness, and at this point in your life they seem about 50:50. I can see that you would find this confusing.

Have fun sorting yourself out, you sound like you're on the right track. Or possibly the left track.