Asking Questions for GG's and CD/TS

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Greenie

Have you been faced with a question you cannot answer?
Yes. My wife wants to know "where it will end" or "how far will I go"? I honestly don't know. I've told her about some fantasies which center around us getting ready for a romantic dinner and dancing together, both dressed as women. I've told her I intend to go to one of those transformation services and learn to do makeup, and eventually buy wigs and makeup. I've explained that my efforts to lose weight are in order to fit better into women's clothes. All of that involves improving my feminine appearance, but I truly don't know the end game. I never thought I would have a complete woman's wardrobe and a sizeable collection of high heels, but now I do. I guess only time will tell what the future holds. My wife doesn't appreciate this uncertainty, and I can't blame her.

If so, what do you do?
I try to reassure her that I love her and will never do anything to embarrass her or the kids, and that I will always be there for her, but the question remains unanswered for us both.

Does you wife or SO seem to be frustrated if you cannot answer a question?
Yes. Some days more than others. The reality is that CD is a living, evolving thing as much for me as for her. It's not static. Its pull on me varies--some days the attraction to women's attire and appearance is so strong that I wonder myself what it would be like to go all in and transition. Other days I really feel no desire at all. She tends to look at it as black and white. She has obvious visual evidence of "progression" in my expanding wardrobe and shoe collection, so her assumption is that I will continue to progress. I try to separate the possessions from more permanent physical changes, but then she points out the weight loss. So she is frustrated at my inability to articulate what's really going on, and because I don't know, I can't tell her.

"If she is; how does that make you feel?"

I feel terrible about what I am putting her through--the future uncertainty. But I also think I would be dishonest if I kept it bottled up inside. I wish I would have told her years ago, when she could have made an easier decision, before the kids and all the other things that bind us together. Sometimes I think she feels trapped, and I feel guilty because I caused it. Other days she seems to really enjoy aspects of CD, so I get mixed messages too. When she buys me a pair of satin women's pajamas for Valentine's Day, it's a fairly clear signal of acceptance. Or if she's shopping for a dress or skirt online, she'll say, "look, they have it in your size, do you want one too?". Other days she will shake her head at me in kind of exasperated way. I find that ambiguity in her acceptance confusing. So I suppose we are both kind of feeling our way forward.

I don't know where all this will end, but I hope it's with my wife and I together.

Thanks for the chance to offer my 2 cents

Shibumi

[Greenie]

Thank you all for your answers! I didn't forget about you, I was away from a computer with limited Internet access all weekend.

It is good to know that when other members struggle they can still have fulfilling relationships. I don't want you to struggle of course, but it shows the human aspect of this and how it can sometimes be frustrating for wives who feel like they were left out of something.

[Dana44]

As one who is in the thick of it now, I told my SO that I do have an answer. I am quite feminine with a tough male exterior. My SO told me that she saw some feminine sides to me before I came out and told her. I do know that I will die a male with my boots on, LOL. I even have a male code of dress as i'm an old cowboy/girl. Although I have both sides of my brain working, that's why when somebody who looks closely will note that I do have feminine qualities although I can push back to another male. I'm like a leader in the pecking line. I like being with women, I always find myself in the midst of them and the men all gathered somewhere else. I've had to force myself to go to the men only to find myself back with the women after a while. I, for my own sanity view my feminine side and the fact that I can dress as a fun exotic side of me. I communicate with my SO and feel that we are closer. I do love her and it is my duty to please her and be a man for her. Yet I am dressing three days out of the week. I guess that I am a part time girl.