Pink Fog Stories and Survival Tips

[Sarah Doepner]

Pink Fog may have a good side if we can look at it from the right perspective. You make your way through an episode of Pink Fog and continue on your way. It's the Pink Quicksand that sucks you in and ruins or completly changes your life that we need to avoid. I'd like to hear some examples of Pink Fog experiences that became close encounters with something worse, but didn't. By sharing stories and techniques it helps gain a little bit more ownership of our crossdressing. That should be something that helps both intellectually and emotionally as we chart these waters.

In my life I had my wife who had veto power over some decisions. Since she passed away almost two years ago I've been trying to discover what my new boundaries are and what I can use to keep things in my life stable. I've found that house slippers with covered toes help since the PF is somewhat insistent that I keep my toenails a very pretty red these days. It may be that ultimate disclosure to others in the family will be the best option, but until that happens I'm looking for other recommendations.

What happened where the Pink Fog put parts of your life at risk? What tips would you offer someone who finds themselves in the middle of a great cloud of pink and needs just a little bit more control to save important relationships? Is it a photo of loved ones taped to the corner of the mirror or maybe an extra step that must be taken before you do something ultimately selfish or in some other way risky?

[Nadine Spirit]

I don't know if I have ever really had a case of the dreaded pink fog. But... It used to be that at times the urge to cross dress would overwhelm me and I felt as though I had to do it or I would pop.

So if that is pink fog, then I did have it. I avoid it now by dressing regularly, like once every week or two. But ostly I avoid it by mixing my gender presentation on a daily basis by doing things like having my nails painted 24/7. I see my gender as a mix of the two ends of the spectrum and thus my daily presentation reflects that and I feel more normal.

[Jaymees22]

When I first started dressing a lot a few years ago, I was pretty deep into a pink fog. Buying things like crazy and taking risks by going out. After some therapy and some discussions with my wife on some boundaries I seemed to have settled down. I think a good bet is to really think hard how this affects other people in your life and try to see yourself as others do, this can be really difficult. Hugs Jaymee

[charlenesomeone]

How long does a Pink Fog last? What is Pink quicksand?
It would seem to be a question of are you in a fog or realizing a
suppressed GD. Professional help would seem the only way to know for sure.
One can go from fog to,fog if your ability or self control is strong enough. But where is the
"crossover " point? I'm with you looking for that answer.

[Janet161]

Hmm. I don't really like that term but i guess I have to live with it since I probably have been living a textbook case. I'll try and keep this short. So, about two and a half years ago, after having suppressed this (a common pattern for me over many many years) I started up again. At the beginning I did something stupid and careless and feared (unreasonably) I had revealed myself to someone who was going to out me. In dealing with the horrible anxiety I was experiencing I had to tell my wife something because she could see how strange I was acting. So I told her, not much, just that I had crossdressed and had put myself in this situation of thinking I was going to be outed. Her initial reaction was "You are so unattractive to me right now". That was pretty much the end of that conversation and we got on with our lives.

So, I kept at it for about six months, but very low key. I had enjoyed going out in the past but I kept this pretty private. After about 6 months came a big purge. Then I started, almost immediately, going on this online therapy site and talking to online "therapists/counselors". I would make things up and tell all these stories and created these personas and recently it hit me that I was spending way too much time etc. doing this and it wasn't healthy. So I knocked it off and almost immediately started dressing again. I actually spoke to a real life therapist and concluded that I was suppressing the dressing with these ridiculous online "chats".

So I went out one night and had an absolute blast. Then about a month later I did it again and it was incredible. And one morning after a night out I got up in my hotel room and dressed up again and it felt SO RIGHT. I had this urge to walk out the door and keep walking (its kind of hard to describe). Then back to real life. And I was feeling so low about that (real life) and so enthused about my dressing. And the Bruce Jenner story was hitting the news and the show "Transparent" was winning awards and I was thinking, gosh, I am not hurting anyone, I am a good person, why shouldn't I be happy too? I also got this feeling like if I did not tell someone, that I would explode. And it couldn't be just anyone, it had to be someone from my world, who knew me as I had been all my life. So, on an impulse at a very bad time (there could no good time for this) I told my wife.

Her reaction was awful. She was horrified, disgusted, angry, accusatory, demeaning, dismissive. At first I was trying to answer some of her questions but I quickly saw there was no good answer. She wasn't looking for answers. She was on the attack. Now, I understand what was going on, a couple of things: (1) what on earth is going on with the man I married; (2) I fear I am going to lose my husband and the life I thought I had. I could understand why she was upset. But still, the onslaught was hard to take. I'll spare you the terrible play-by-play, except to say that I reacted with my survival instinct and totally backed down and minimized the whole thing. Ok, so I got past that. After that was the lowest point I have ever been in. It also hit me that her reaction was likely what I would face from the outside world as well. Not a happy thought.

So, now I am back in secret. I am putting the pieces back together for myself. Trying to keep everyone happy. I hate having to sneak around but I don't feel bad or guilty about it at all.

Janet

[Teresa]

Sarah,
Its an interesting question ! I'm struggling with wanting a more open acceptance with my CDing, I don't thing the pink fog will take over but if a separation does happen I may have to take care the mist doesn't creep in and cause me extra problems with the rest of the family ! Perhaps photos taped in strategic places could help ! I'm not convinced it is being selfish, more a way of really coming to terms with what's in your head matching up with reality , we can't go on living a lie for ever we have to discover ourselves at some point !!

Janet,
I know you don't give your age but your comment about going back to sneaking about is what I'm totally mentally tired of ! To me it's got to end when you've done it all your life ! I've explained this to my wife with mixed results but to start to function again I know it's got to happen !!

[RachelsMantra]

(1) what on earth is going on with the man I married; (2) I fear I am going to lose my husband and the life I thought I had.

It also hit me that her reaction was likely what I would face from the outside world as well.
Janet

Janet, if you think about it, it's unlikely that people in the outside world would react as badly as your wife did because they wouldn't have the two fears you mentioned - fear of not knowing who you married and fear of losing your husband. No one else would have those fears as they are specific to the relationship you have with your wife. Most people will probably just shrug and be like "Meh what a weirdo" but I doubt many people would be "horrified, disgusted, angry, accusatory,deaming and dismissive".

[kimdl93]

To me there is no fog....only foggy (impulsive) thinking. In my life's experience without exception, any impulsive decision proved regrettable. Those preceded by thoughtful consideration usually proved up.

[Kandi Robbins]

I find the fog is the strongest when my mind is unoccupied. With the nest empty and me working a completely mindless job (dedicated route as a truck driver, good gig, no stress, but the same exact thing day after day), it's rolled in pea soup thick! The good thing about that, I self-accepted, told my wife and immeasurably improved my life. The bad thing, an ever growing wardrobe, way too much clothing than I can possibly wear. Hopefully with spring coming the yard will require my attention, cars will need to be washed and waxed, 5Ks will be run, food will be grilled and many home repair projects will help dissipate the fog! I can only hope so......

[docrobbysherry]

Funny u should mention Pink Quicksand, Sarah. When I first came out of the closet online here about 7 years ago, I was quickly in over my head!

All I could think about was dressing or something dressing related. I couldn't concentrate at work or fall asleep at nite. I simply couldn't wait for my next opportunity to dress!

I solved the issue by caving. When I thot about dressing, I did it ASAP. After everyone left at work. In the middle of the nite. Even underdressed for awhile. Finally, after 3 months of dressing nearly every day, I got sick of it!

Didn't want to dress for the next 3 months. Of course, it came back. But, not like before.

Since then, I've struck a happy medium with myself. Dress 4 or 5 times a month and I am no longer consumed by it every waking hour as before!

[Sarah-RT]

I had told my mom about myself when I was 18 I think and while she wasn't hurtful about it she kind of ignored it perhaps is the best word and it's never been mentioned again 6 years later.

A month or two ago when I had finally began to become comfortable with it I had the pink fog to talk to her about it In a mature mindset, I also had the desire to blow my weeks wages/salary on clothes and make up etc etc and tell a few friends. I felt like I was going stir crazy but now that it has passed I feel glad I did none of those things.

I would plan to talk to my mom again but not when your in a cabin fever mindset, in my case I'm between dressing urges so im not dressing every free chance and I'm also fairly busy with college and work so it's at the back of mind, in this circumstance would be the best time to rationalise any wants or desires I believe

[charlenesomeone]

Lots of great comments here, thanks for the thread Sarah.
Just a question on the latest responses. If you were dressed, doing the things
that you say distract you, could you not still do them? I mean GG's do everything dressed
all the time, if we could (cd,tg,etc) would we fog or no fog?

[Alvie]

Great term, I am new to this but have had the "pink fog" since early in my life. Why oh why would a 12 yr old boy wear a bra to 7th grade?? LOL It is interesting how being potentially outed backed me away from it for over 40 years. I have 2 great sons that would not understand and the ridicule they would face in my community would be unbearable so I keep my feelings and CD'ing under wraps for now. :-)

[Beverley Sims]

Sarah,
I really think that sharing with others is frought with danger, unless they are a different circle of friends.

I would never dress and go out locally, the risk of being seen is too great for me.

[Sarah Doepner]

The more we can find ways to cope with that beast of a desire to jump into our feminine world with both feet before testing the waters or figuring out an exit strategy, the better our lives will be. The Pink Fog tends to make everything seem so much simpler because it hides important parts of our world, like the clock or how many different signs of our crossdressing we are creating for others to see. When we get in over our heads, like Sherry mentions, it is the quicksand that continues to drag us down, eliminating our control. Not a good thing. But ignoring our needs can make some of us cranky or bring the fog on with little or no warning.

Staying occupied with your non-crossdressing life is an important tool. Family and friends and co-workers depend on us to be focused and stable, so being focused on Every part of our life is worth practicing. The question might be, "how to do that?" I think knowing when you will have your next chance to dress without worrying can be valuable as well. As the Fog begins to creep in around the edges of your vision, knowing that in a few hours or days you won't be rushed helps. Accepting and taking ownership of your gender identity is powerful and helps put you in control. But even that can be tinged with a bit of fog as you begin to think that since you have accepted your true nature, that everyone else will be on board as well.

Having examples of other peoples close calls and disasters can help as we learn from their experience rather than our own. Here are a couple of mine.

One summer when I was a teen, still living at home when both parents were working I had a pink fog episode that had me raiding my mother's things. I was fully dressed and sitting in the front room with the TV on when my Dad came home for lunch. I barely managed to hide and avoid being seen, but it was very close. The thing is I knew he was going to do that but had lost my sense of time to the Pink Fog. Most of us have phones now with alarms that we can set to give us the time needed to avoid this kind of potential disaster. Practice setting your alarms and paying attention to it if you are in this kind of situation.

As an adult I was somewhat sick and stayed home from work one day. As the day progressed I got feeling better and decided to dress in the privacy of our master bedroom/bathroom. Not a problem, except we had house guests but the pink fog convinced me they wouldn't come into my private space unless it was an emergency. And it's true, they didn't, but my late wife who didn't know about my crossdressing at the time, came home from work for something she needed and did come into the space. She had so many different questions and so little time, it could have gone the wrong way very easily. She ended up accepting and supporting me, I was very lucky.

These are examples of how the fog had me ignore potential problems that I probably could have handled if I had the tools and maybe other stories to incorporate into my crossdressing. One reason I started this thread is I felt I've been leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for current family members to follow if they want. When I come out to them, I'd prefer to have it under my control, so this gives me a chance to think about what I'm doing and how to better control those things that expose me to potential problems.

Thanks to those of you adding to the thread. I appreciate your insights and willingness to share your stories and perspectives.

[Tina_gm]

Great term, I am new to this but have had the "pink fog" since early in my life. Why oh why would a 12 yr old boy wear a bra to 7th grade?? LOL It is interesting how being potentially outed backed me away from it for over 40 years. I have 2 great sons that would not understand and the ridicule they would face in my community would be unbearable so I keep my feelings and CD'ing under wraps for now. :-)

I think part of the pink fog is when you stop thinking about consequences...

[HelenR2]

I read all the posts here, and agreed with many of them, but only Janet said something that actually touched me.......
'I am not hurting anyone, I am a good person, why shouldn't I be happy too?'

[Sarah Doepner]

Yes indeed, staying occupied and engaged with other things seems to help put a damper on the pink fog. Some have mentioned that putting off dressing sometimes allows for that pressure to build making the desire to get your girl on a little more difficult to resist.

Having someone to talk to helps a lot. It seems that if we have an escape valve to let off some of the steam, we can control things without getting those pink blinders on.

I whole-heartedly agree that we are not hurting anyone and need to be able to live our lives without fear. There are things that work against that happening, one is some of the misconceptions about crossdressers in society and the other is a result of "pink fog" decisions. I don't know about anyone else but I see the "pink fog" is like alcohol and can lead to false courage and corrupt logic. It sometimes leads to poor decisions that all too often allows us to do things that damage our credibility or take resources from those we love. When that happens, we as individuals or a community have new hurdles to overcome before we can move forward. I'm not sure how we are going to accomplish that without a lot of education and brave crossdressers, not making "pink fog" decisions, out in the world.

[Dana44]

Yes indeed, One thing in my relationship. I had some clothes packed away and the pressure finally came to me very strong that I had to dress. In this case I sat down with my mate and talked to her. I brought out all of my clothes and heels. LOL anyway I let her get her head wrapped around it before I dressed. I have since then bought a lot of skirts tops and a few dresses. I guess you could call that the pink fog. We go out to a movie and a nice dinner at a restaurant that we target. Now to be a girl, one has to try hard to get the makeup right and dress properly. The first few times I would say that I may have stuck out a little yet they were great times. Last weekend I started to drive off. Forgot my purse. Had to go back for that. I pass for 100 percents on the last few times out and have used the lady restrooms in a restaurant. We talked on why I was forgetful. I reflected that normally the full switch over took a lot of concentration and I forgot nothing. Now when we go out. I'm more excited to go and the switch over is far easier and the makeup goes on better. MY hair is far longer and looks great. So I forgot my purse last time. LOL I think the Pink Fog is gone.

[Lexi_83]

Great term, I am new to this but have had the "pink fog" since early in my life. Why oh why would a 12 yr old boy wear a bra to 7th grade?? LOL //

How did that work out for you?

Realized recently the pink haze always comes over me most strongly in the Spring. A lot of my clothing expenditures, outings, social events and liaisons have been in springtime, then seems to subside in summer. My first entire weekend en femme was Memorial Day weekend 2010, etc.

[CynthiaD]

I have the perfect cure for the pink fog. It consists of several steps:

1. Put on bra and panties.
2. Insert breastforms.
3. Paint fingernails and toenails.
4. Put on pantyhose.
5. Apply makeup to face.
6. Put on dress.
7. Put on wig and brush hair.
8. Slip on high heels.
9. Load up purse with necessities.
10. Go shopping.
11. Repeat as necessary.

After a few weeks or so, no more pink fog. At least you won't notice it any more.

Seriously though, some people fear the pink fog, and try to avoid it. Others embrace it. Perhaps that collection of feelings that we call "the pink fog" are actually our true moments of clarity. Perhaps the down times between bouts of the pink fog are the moments when we have lost our perspective.

At the moment I'm deep in the pink fog, and loving it. It is these moments that allow me to focus on what's important, and ignore the things that don't matter.

Just a thought.

Cynthia.

[Ally 2112]

I have had the pink fog many times over the years and it drove me crazy .It always came and went at it's own leisure leaving me behind to face what i had done .Now i try to think as one person and to take care of the girl side and the boy side as one

[LaurenS]

Great topic, Sarah.

My legs are bare in the summer for the first time, and I haven't worked up the nerve to wear shorts in public, but when I shaved them, I thought, f- it, thinking the Dr. Sues line about minding and who matters. Now, I'm thinking a bit more cautiously.

This, at the same time I am consciously thinning my eyebrows ever so slightly and slowly, using a day and night beauty routine on my face, and toning up my butt with exercises, among other things.

These days, my fog has been encouraging me to be more practical, so makeup is usually much more restrained. When I was younger, it was all about sexy clothes and sexy makeup and hair.

I guess that when the fog rolls in, it affects you differently over time and situations. Maybe the fog adapts and helps you to find just what you need? How spiritual!

[abby054]

I find the fog is the strongest when my mind is unoccupied...
...Hopefully with spring coming the yard will require my attention, cars will need to be washed and waxed, 5Ks will be run, food will be grilled and many home repair projects will help dissipate the fog! I can only hope so......

Me, too! I keep the fog under control by engaging competition for my time and attention. I have worked 12-14 hour a day jobs continuously since I was a teenager. That alone keeps the pink fog at bay most of the time.

After my first pink fog episode back in 1981 during my first and only real break during grad school, I took up gardening. With no mentor, that took a lot of time, a lot of reading, and disciplined persistence to become competent. Pink fog could not fit in edgewise. The busy time in my jobs is winter...Nov through April so gardening works to fill the time here in N. America.

There was little pink fog until I had to move to an apartment without a garden in 1997. The pink fog returned and I saved up my nickels and moved to a house with a garden the next year. The garden keeps the pink fog under control most of the time. I put a thousand pounds of produce into the local food bank last year. While I type this, I can look out my window at two thousand daffodils and 23 kinds of fruit trees and bushes. Instead of the pink fog, I spread 15 cubic meters of compost on my garden by hand this week. The pink fog cannot compete with tired and sweaty.

Most of you all are probably thinking by now, "Very well! She may have reduced the pink fog but the green fog got her!"