I have Always enjoyed the company of women more than guys. Probably because I really like women.. :-) But I do find myself these days looking more at their make-up, shape of their lips and clothes. I would Love to hang out with a group of CD's..
I have Always enjoyed the company of women more than guys. Probably because I really like women.. :-) But I do find myself these days looking more at their make-up, shape of their lips and clothes. I would Love to hang out with a group of CD's..
I'e always been drawn to women. But I've also been repelled when they begin talking about each other and being petty. Nowadays I guess i know why I'm more at ease with them and can hold conversations much better with women.
I was cut off from being around girls much of my youth, hung around other misfit boys, and later , guys. Was scared of girls or women i had crushes on, too afraid to befriend them. Later, was in an unusual church, but did learn to be more at ease, and actually dated quite a few women, mostly ones a lot older than me. But, always struggled within, with a number of issues. My dad always said he was a loner, and implied that i should be one. Dating was many years ago , now. Still a single. My 66 yo sister with severe speech impediment, and emotional illness, seems to act like i should want to hang with her. People think we are married, and it really bothers me. She blows up at me when i can't understand her speech. It is ugly! It even bothers me, to the point, that i am not wanting to be close to any woman! Like Sometimes Miss has said, women have their pretty side, and we love them, but they can be very mean, too. Men can too, of course. CD isolate me? Yes, but, in spite of my progress at times at being social, I tend to like being alone, am afraid of being outed as this six foot six guy in a dress. I would like to make a few rare appearance out side the apartment, but with no lady voice, will be read if forced to interact much. A reluctant loner. I must say, though, that in the 1980's and until 1994, I was in a twice monthly church all men's speech club, and did fairly well. I could never give a speech on the fun of CDing, though. I would have been told to leave.
Last edited by Alice Torn; 03-14-2015 at 07:08 PM.
Hi Consuelo,
For me I grew up in a predominately female environment (only male child in my extended family) so I was socialized in the world of girls and women from an early age but still kept my hand in the boy side of things via childhood friends and two uncles who schooled me in the way of "guys". I left home early and joined the military and from that point socialized very alpha male. However, I have always kept both feet in the social spectrum in that I can easily socialize with women and men. I will admit that when I am presenting "female" my social interaction with women is easier than it is with my male friends but I think that is more a comfort level on their part which I pick up on.
I could posit that those who feel more comfortable around women vice men may come from what some have already alluded to . . . nothing truly in common with men and more common likes with women (more to talk about). However, there could be an innate fear that men pose a threat to our kind while women are seen as more accepting. This could be something you are picking up on as well. Just my two cents.
Hugs
Isha
I find it easy to converse with women. Now, if the group of women are engaged in what bra to wear or cutting down friend and foe, I just ignore the group. It's the same with guys. If the men or women are really shallow, I don't feel any desire to be amongst ether group. I can and do have conversations with particular women for hours at a time. The same with men. There are many times when I think whether I should have taken up my wife's suggestion that I join a cross dressers support group. That was back in the early 1980's when I was too chicken to even consider it. Now? Well, I see really no reason to join a group of cross dressers, if all we have in common is the desire to appear en femme. I'm into building military plastic models. The act of collecting and building models is the driving force to get together, not the clothes. I guess it goes back to what's the reason for conversing with a person or group.
I have progressed past looking at gender as a qualification for interaction.
I can allude to what Isha said, about feeling men pose a threat to our kind. There is a fear in me, about macho men who know male me, finding out, or reading me. So, i am a little cautious in making friends with men.
Dressed or drab, I often gravitate towards women.
The closest I came to men was when I was eleven or twelve, I would pull the beer at parties and be the barman.
I never drank but I did eat all the food and enjoyed myself.
It was not much later that I discovered girls, they were more interesting than pulling beer, so I pulled the girls in instead.
I found if I made myself interesting they would clamour around and ask questions.
The secret was to ask them about themselves and they would do likewise.
I rarely let any of my secrets or details get out and they would have to question me if they wanted to know anything.
This worked for me just fine.
So I was never isolated from anyone because of my dressing.
That was another private side of me that was dragged out of me about the age of eighteen.
That's another story.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I'm in sales and naturally outgoing. I feel comfortable with both males and females except for the obnoxious alpha males. I do however seem to get into deeper conversations with women and it seems that women open up to me more than other men. I've walked into female coworkers talking, they see it's me and they continue on like I'm one of the girls. Boy, do some of those conversations get raunchy lol.
My wife asked me years ago why I have a lot of friends but why I don't have a really close friend or a group of close friends. She believes that I enjoy my privacy and any spare time I would rather be dressed then have a close friend. That's here theory and I believe it sounds about right.
If you have been like this since birth your brain may not have experienced the masculinizing effects of androgens in the womb to the same degree as other males, so your brain works in a more feminine manner.
This is not about sex but natural abilities and behavior. It also could effect your hearing and vision so it is not restricted to just the brain. Women have a different relationship to sound and language than men, due to evolutionary pressures.
You would naturally feel more comfortable with women because they are familiar to you as being "like you"
Because of this you may also identify "with women" more than men. This could lead you to than identifying as female if the "with" is intense enough.
That identifying "with and as" is a dance that builds gender identity in early childhood and continues through-out life. Hormonal biology combined with genetics strongly effects socialized gender identity just as it effects sexuality.
You talk like someone who may be transgendered and if it is intense enough you than tip over into transsexual territory and gender dysphoria but this always leaves evidence through identity instability (tension between identity,body and gender roles that equals conflict and confusion) so you would see the consequences somewhere and somehow in your past.
Men are created out of a female template that is changed by hormones so all men have a feminine component and are not nearly as different from women as many of them need to believe.
In the beginning gender identity is made chemically as much as it is made socially
Your style of writing is very similar to how women write. You use language like women do. Hope that is not bad news for you to hear.
Last edited by KellyJameson; 03-14-2015 at 08:19 PM.
The Psychology of Conformity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARGczzoPASo
Mars brain, Venus brain: John Gray at TEDxBend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuM7ZS7nodk
I've come to value male company more as I've grown older, but it's taken decades. I now see people as more equal than I once did- I don't think the differences are so great in terms of good company- for one thing self-obsession is common in women, every bit as much as in men, and many women love to hog the spotlight. But a conversation about sport - any sport - leaves me cold, and I loathe bragging matches.
It's all down to individuals.
I used to have a short attention spa
Consume lo I would wholly identify with your observation, what I am less sure about is whether it is cause or effect. When you are young it is a time of great confusion, uncertainty, change, emotion. I certainly recall the struggles to identify with specific same gender groups, feeling that I did not fit in and believing perhaps naively that girls had it so much better. At the same time I was drawn to dressing in Mum's clothes and having to. Deal with the confusion of feeling huge pleasure but also uncertainty about whether this was a good thing to be doing. I am not sure whether these are totally separate strands, one caused the other or the ther they are part of the same big picture. As an adult I feel far less socially isolated and I attribute this to accepting the complexity of who I am and knowing that the openness I have now been able to show to my wife about it could be replicated to others if it became an issue. I do not see myself as a bad person as I did for many years.
I have always been a bit of a loner. I never really got along with guys growing up due to lack of interest in sports and other so called prove your yourself as a man type actions. Most of my life has been filled with friends that were female. I have had and still have close male friends that I have found a common interest in, such as comics, cartoons, videogames..etc, etc..basically being a geek/ nerd in the 80's when it was not considered cool is what mostly caused my isolation.
Crossdressers are different we are isolated bacause people see that we bursting with different life energy and that energy isnt his or hers we are special and of course we are isolated.
The reference to the gym was only because while there I began to observe and think about this issue.
I grew up in a very feminine environment with a Father who worked long hours. I always have had a passing interest in team sports but I participated in individual sports such as swimming where, while we had both a men's and a woman's team we always swam together and competed together. As a child I played with boys but I always found myself attracted by women and enjoyed socializing with them. Same at parties where I preferred to be talking to women rather than with a group of men. I am also repelled by any coarse and loud male behaviour.
I was struck by KellyJameson's comment about my writing style being 'feminine'. I find that interesting but not at all bothersome.
Anyway, perhaps I did not explain myself well in the original post. I really posed two questions.
Does being a cross dresser mean that you are more attracted to the company and conversation of women?
Second, does the inability to related well to men plus the preference for women'c company tend to socially isolate you?
Last edited by CONSUELO; 03-15-2015 at 12:08 PM. Reason: grammar
I thought about this thread more since I posted in it earlier. I went out for my sister in-law’s birthday party to several bars with friends. Part of me wanted to just show a stranger, only after engaging in a conversation, the pictures of me dressed up playing bass and mentioning the band.
Only one friend of mine, aside from my wife and several CD friends know. Well, she showed some pics to her wife, so she knows too, but I don’t know her wife that well, I just know that she is pretty chill and opened minded about such things.
So basically I kind of wish I could just tell people about it like anything else openly about my life.
Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."
-Home Movies
(cartoon series)
Shoe size: 9 US women's.
Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
Height: 5' 6".
Yes Alice, holding a secret from others for years and years and being 'fearful' of being found out, can be a great strain and does make you feel isolated.
I don't have many friends, of the few guys that I associate with, I have little in common. I seem to get along and relate better to women. but I have fewer female friends, as my wife gets jealous thinking I'm sleeping with them! SOO NOT THE CASE!!! I just don't like the "typical" guy mentality..... it seems like it's all sex, sex, sex, football!!! and maybe, sex while watching football!?!? they cheapen and dirty it!!!! I feel it should be more sensual and caring!!! so, I guess, that's why I'm withdrawn..gif "Big Roll Eyes")
"Life is Always a Bed of Roses........ Sometimes it's All Flowers, and Other Times, It's All Thorns!!!!"
Luv, Jessica XOXO
Consuelo: I don't want to speculate long distance on why you feel isolated, but I recognize something of the same sort in myself. My take on it is that it has nothing to do with either my gender ambiguity or my sexual ambiguity.
It seems to me the issue is whether that feeling, whether we call it isolation or just being not attracted to the behavior in question, is something you can accept, or whether it is something which you dislike about yourself. I think that whether a person is drawn to a group of people originally begins with whether or not it is part of one's personality to desire to bond with a group. I'm not sure whether that is a "Nature" or "Nurture" impulse, and don't really care for purposes of this thread. I do, however, think that if one who is a loner listens to too much American pop culture, that it can engender feelings of guilt because it isn't behavior which the Consumer Society encourages. I refer, just as an example, to the BW3 commercials about the "gang" praying for overtime so they can stay around the saloon and guzzle more beer and burgers and hanging-out together. Even if the last damn thing you might choose to do on planet Earth is drink beer and watch sports in a bar, a person tends to get a feeling of false nostalgia for the experience (feeling a sense of loss for a place or activity which one has never actually experienced).
I tend to be a loner, and enjoy doing things which can be done alone: e.g. hiking, road bicycling, downhill skiing, reading, playing video games, listening to music, and working out at the gym. I mostly avoid things where there is an element of Good-Old_Boy'ism, such as regular weekend Golf foursomes, poker clubs, and such. I'm not anti-social, I can be a regular Chatty Kathy in conversations with both women and men, but I really don't seem to need social intercourse with other people to survive happily. To be simplistic, I've been part of groups, but have never felt that any group was part of my identity. And, as best I an tell, this personality type is applicable to both my feminine and masculine parts. I've been with groups when there have been 3-4-5 women and I'm the only male, and I've had fun, but the feminine side of me has never felt the need to be part of that type of bonded group.
I know that there are people who just feel better about themselves when they are part of a convivial group, but it's not me. Most importantly, I don't feel guilty about not wanting that.
Starr, I see things very much like you, in this. A loner, who in the right situation is not too much of one. But, i am not comfortable much with anyone now, except my cats.
it is very sad to say that yes it really does. I have been hurt before, badly and i tend to hide myself away a lot as i have serious trust issues with everyone in person. I do try often to bring myself out of my shell but as i try more and more to make my crossdressing into my transitioning i find i am being myself more and more and doing that means i am on my own more and more. It makes me so sad too though as i am really a very passionate and friendly person, i adore hugs and cuddles and i have so much love to give so i really should be so out there it hurts! <3
Dressing doesn't isolate me in of itself. I am an introvert, and that is what isolates me more than anything... but having something in my life, even a small one, that I can't openly express probably doesn't help.
What comes first the chicken or the egg. Is the feeling of isolation, which I too have felt all my grown life, the result of not fitting cleanly in the male camp. And because of secondary sexual characteristics not fitting cleanly in the female camp no matter how much we might like to fit. And the cross dressing is a wonderful by-product or compensation for being neither in either camp fully.
And since cross dressing has such a social stigma it further isolates a person in what is many ways a solitary activity. (except for the lucky few with encouraging spouses).
One person's view.
Alice
ALice K. Well said, for us who are isolated loners for the most part. From another Alice.
i have the same expierience
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